I Could Never Get Enough

Jane finished signing in at the front desk and then returned to her seat in the chair beside me. I had to admit that although I knew I should have felt extremely on edge and cautious about being around Jane, I couldn’t deny the happiness that being with her also brought me. Jane had this new outlook on life about her. I knew that she felt horrible for everything that had happened between us and the lies she told, but something changed and I couldn’t quite pinpoint why it had changed.

“Have you picked out any names yet?” I asked, looking at the book of baby names that was sitting on the coffee table in front of us.

Jane was a bit surprised by how calm and joyful my tone was, but she immediately smiled after my words set in. “Yeah, I have a few ideas.”

I was just about to ask her what they were, but then her name was called by the door on the side of the front desk. I followed Jane across the room of other women and some children until we went through the door and were escorted into a private room.

“Hello Ms. Jane Feeney,” the man greeted as he read her name off of the paperwork he had. “I’m Dr. Sosa.”

“Hello,” Jane greeted, shaking his hand.

“Who do we have here?” he asked, looking towards me.

“I’m Jane’s big sister, Addie.”

He extended his hand and we shared a firm shake. “Nice to meet you, both.” He smiled and looked over the paperwork before clicking around on the computer beside him. “Looks like you’re about 19 months pregnant, Jane.” His voice was cheery, as if he was hinting at something.

We stared at him with blank faces, neither of us knowing anything about the milestones of a pregnancy. All I knew was what I had learned in school and what I saw in movies and on television shows. Which really wasn’t much.

“Today we should be able to determine the sex of your baby,” he finally said, seeming a bit upset that we didn’t share the excitement he had.

“Oh wow,” Jane said through a breath. I could sense her nerves but I could also see the smile that was consuming her face. “I’m already that far along?”

“Yep,” he said, pulling the equipment over to get ready for the ultrasound. “Now, did you want to know the sex of the baby, or do you want it to be a surprise?”

“No more surprises,” Jane muttered. “I’d like to know,” she said a bit louder for him to hear.

After putting some hand sanitizer on and cleaning all of the equipment, Dr. Sosa put on some gloves and got to work on the ultrasound. The machine made a strange noise, filling the silent room with this wop-wop-wop kind of rhythmic noise. For a moment it seemed to match the beating of my heart, until a new heartbeat filled the room.

“There’s the little one,” the doctor muttered to himself as he navigated his hand across Jane’s pregnant belly. His eyes remained glued to the screen of the machine, and mine did too. Everything was mostly hazy and grayscale, but I could see this shadow moving on the screen. I didn’t know if it was just because of how much the doctor was moving his hand, or if it was the baby. Every time I saw movement, my heart fluttered.

“There’s your baby,” he pointed to the screen. “The little nose, this right here is an arm…” he traced his fingers over the screen, pointing out the features of my sister’s baby. It took me a moment to see what he was pointing out, and I felt kind of dumb for not seeing what they seemed to be seeing. I was almost starting to get frustrated and I wanted him to slow down and wait for me to catch up so I could see everything he was pointing out.

Jane’s eyes followed Dr. Sosa’s finger across the screen with wonder. They were so big and the brightest blue I had ever seen. I wanted to see the wonder, I wanted to see the baby, but for some reason I couldn’t make out the haze on the screen. I wanted to cry and leave the room, and I also wanted to punch myself for feeling so emotional about it all.

“Ready to know the gender, ladies?” he asked, turning to give a large smile to the both of us. Jane nodded enthusiastically, her eyes still staring at the screen.

“Congratulations, Jane, you’re four and a half months pregnant with a healthy baby boy,” Dr. Sosa announced. As soon as he said his words, the room muted over and my eyes dialed in on the screen.

And then I saw him. My little nephew turned his head and looked straight at me. Although his eyes weren’t open and he was still a curled up, tiny little thing, I saw the curve of his nose and his skinny arms wrapped around his torso. My sister’s baby boy. My nephew.

I never imagined that I could feel so much happiness and so much emotions from this child. This child was the one thing that had been standing in the way of my relationship with Alan. In a way, this baby still was in the way of us having a normal relationship. But I couldn’t blame it on this baby. It wasn’t his fault. He was just enjoying the ride, getting to know his mommy.

“Hey little guy,” Jane said, her voice cracking from tears.

“Oh, look at that,” Dr. Sosa said, pointing to the screen. “He responded to your voice. Say something again.”

“Hey baby boy, mommy loves you,” Jane said, her eyes hopeful. The doctor gave her an approving nod and pointed to the screen again. “He can hear me?” Jane asked, her face distorting as her tears flowed even heavier than before.

“He sure can.”

A wave of panic hit me. Could my nephew really hear things from outside the womb? If so, he’d probably heard all of the horrible things that had happened since I’d been back in Jane’s life. He probably already thinks I’m a terrible human being before even meeting me. But then again, Jane had done some horrible things too. So it’s not like I’d be the only person he would come out hating.

I shook my head at how ridiculous I was sounding. It’s just a baby, Addie. It’s not like he can even understand the things he hears, anyway.

The doctor and Jane were chatting happily, but I tuned them out. My eyes were glued to that screen where my tiny nephew was resting. I wanted to hold him in my arms already. But why was I growing so attached to this baby already? The baby could possibly be my boyfriend’s son; but it didn’t matter. None of the drama mattered anymore. And that’s when it all clicked.

I looked to Jane and the way her frosty eyes were still glistening from her tears. Her cheeks seemed to be permanently lifted, her mouth in a grin that was infectious. This little baby was not an accident – my nephew was not something that occurred from irresponsibility. He was a blessing to our lives, a peace keeper amongst friends and family. Everything had been so segregated from the beginning – Alan and I running around behind everyone’s backs, Jane hiding the father dilemma from everyone, and even my avoidance of my father. But ever since we found out about this baby, everything was forced to be dealt with – Alan and I finally confessed, Jane’s secret was uncovered, and I had mended my relationship with my father. There were no lose ends. Well, actually, there was still one thing that hadn’t quite been resolved.

On our way back to the car, I looped my arm through Jane’s and held her close to me. She looked at me with surprise at first, but I gave her a large smile and she returned it, resting her head on my shoulder as we walked to my car.

“You really need to get a more reliable car if you plan on spending time with my son,” Jane commented as she stared at the disgusting yellow car that once belonged to Nance, my father’s wife after he left my mom.

“It’s not that bad! She looks a lot worse than she drives, I promise,” I defended, pushing my key into the door to unlock it. I held the door open for her and stood by as she lowered herself into the car. “Plus, she has character.”

“Whatever you say,” Jane said with a laugh.

I got into the car and plugged my phone into the auxiliary port. “At least she has an updated stereo and sound system though, right?”

“Nance took a lot of pride in this thing, believe it or not. She always wanted to teach me to drive stick, but I always refused because I was too embarrassed to be seen in this thing,” Jane explained, her voice soft. “I regret that. She was such a kind woman. I wish I would have had more of a relationship with her.”

“Well, you had more of a relationship with her than I did, that’s for sure,” I said as I backed out of the parking spot. “When did she offer to teach you to drive stick?”

“It was back in high school. During the summer I spent at Dad’s.”

I nodded. I could remember that summer very clearly because I remembered yelling at my father over the phone when he asked me if I would come stay as well. I called him ridiculous and said that I didn’t want to stay in a stranger’s home, because that’s all he was to me. A stranger. After my mother died and Jane and I lived alone during her last two years of high school, my father really tried to reach out to us. And Nance did, too. But I turned them away. I turned my entire family away, Jane included.

“Greyson.”

“What?” I asked, furrowed my eyebrows.

Jane was silent for a moment as a smile spread across her face. Not that the smile had completely left since she found out she was having a boy. “I’m naming him Greyson.”

I couldn’t help but smile as well. “Jane, I love it,” I said. “Greyson…” I wanted to say a last name with it, but I didn’t even know what his last name was going to be.

“Greyson Thomas Feeney,” she responded.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s such a white name.”

Jane was silent for a moment before she, too, joined in on my laughter. “It is, isn’t it?”

I nodded as my laughter continued. “It’s perfect, though. I love it. There’s not very many Greysons out there.”

Jane smiled widely. “That’s exactly what I was thinking. I wanted to stick with something traditional and not too far out there, but still unique. I think it’s a strong, handsome name. It was a close second to Grant, though.”

I felt awkward for a moment as I remembered that Alan wanted to name the baby Grant if it was a boy. I wonder if she knew that and they had talked about it, or if it was just a coincidence. Either way, I was glad that she wasn’t going with Grant as the name. “I think you made the right choice. Greyson is much better.”

“Yeah, I think so, too,” Jane said with a sigh. She reached out and placed her hand over mine as it rested on the gear shift. She gently squeezed my hand while she watched the scenery pass by through the window. “I’m really glad you went with me today. I know we were never really close in our more adult years, but I wouldn’t want any other person to have been there to find out the gender. I’m just so sorry with how everything played out.”

“I know, me, too,” I said with a sigh. “Regardless of how it all happened, I’m glad to be where we’re at right now with our relationship. I haven’t been much of a big sister to you, and I’m hoping I can make up for that by being the best Auntie in the world.”

“You’re going to make me cry,” Jane chuckled. She released my hand and wiped away a tear that had fallen before resting her hand over the bump of her belly. She wasn’t enormous, but it was pretty obvious that she was pregnant. “Do you really mean that? No matter who the father is?”

“Yes, I do,” I replied. And I wanted to believe myself but I was still feeling a bit apprehensive about the idea.

“What if it is Alan’s? What will happen to your relationship?”

“It’s not your fault, Jane,” I said, knowing exactly what she was getting at. “Whatever happens to our relationship is because of us, and not because of you and my nephew. So don’t worry about us.”

“I want you both to be in Greyson’s life, though. Even if Alan isn’t the father, I want him to be around like an Uncle. And if he is the father, I still want you to be around as his Auntie. I don’t want to lose either of you, no matter how the situation plays out.”

She was right, and the feeling was mutual. No matter what happened – no matter who the father was, I wanted Alan and Jane to be important people in my life. People that never left my side. With everything that had happened between us, I couldn’t let them get away. Not after I had fought so hard to have them back. But would I be able to deal with Alan being the father to my sister’s baby while in a relationship with me? How confusing would that be to our families, friends, and Greyson, himself? How confusing would it be to Alan’s fans? The rumors that would fly around would be unbelievable, that’s for sure.

After bringing Jane back home, I offered to come inside and help with looking through magazines to order things for her nursery. It was strange how my old bedroom was soon going to be housing my nephew. Jane declined, saying that she was exhausted and her back was hurting her. After telling her to take a warm bath and then a small nap, we said our goodbyes and I drove straight over to Alan’s house.

“Hey baby,” I greeted, walking through the front door without knocking. “I hope it’s okay that I came to visit.”

“In the backyard!” he called out, his words somewhat muffled. I grabbed a beer before heading out to the backyard, taking a seat around the mosaic table that had the umbrella pulled open to block the sun. Summer was close to ending, and fall was starting to trickle its way in. But that wasn’t saying much for Southern California. It was hot year round.

Alan was working in the yard, wearing nothing but some short shorts, converse, and gloves. His hair was pushed back with what looked to be one of my elastic headbands and his sunglasses were covering his eyes. He was sweating and had dirt in random places – basically, he looked hot.

“What are you doing?” I asked, placing my feet up on the table so I could relax some more.

Alan looked up at me, tossing some weeds into the compost trashcan beside him. “Just taking care of the yard. I’m never home to actually pull weeds or plant shit.” He looked up at me, tilted his head to the side and asked, “What are you doing?”

“I’m just enjoying the view,” I replied with smirk as I gently swished the liquid in my beer. I pulled it up to my lips and took a long drink, letting out a content moan as I swallowed it down. It had been a long time since I had been able to enjoy a beer for the taste. With all of the stress that I had been under I was usually drinking to get drunk, but now I was drinking to enjoy the drink. It was nice to feel at peace.

“I’m pretty sure the roles are reversed here,” Alan said. “The man should be kicking back with a beer while his woman tends to the yard.”

“You know, I don’t really believe in gender roles.”

Alan rolled his eyes and continued working in the yard.

“She’s having a boy,” I said, my voice just barely loud enough for him to hear. “She’s name him Greyson Thomas Feeney.”

Alan paused, but kept his head down for a moment. “A boy, huh?” he finally said. He continued to pull at the straggly weeds in the yard.

“Yep,” I replied. “If he is yours, you know that I’m not going anywhere, right?”

“Where did that come from?” Alan stopped his weed pulling and slowly walked up to where I was sitting. He removed his gloves and set them down on the table.

I shrugged.

“Did Jane say something to you? Was she bothering you about-“

“No, actually, she was bothering me at all. It was really nice…talking to her and stuff. She just wanted to let me know that she wants each of us in her life no matter how everything plays out. And I want the same thing, too. For myself, I mean.”

Alan took the beer from my hands and took a long drink. “Well that’s good because you really don’t have much of a choice. You’re mine and I’d rather die than be without you ever again.”

“That’s a pretty extreme thing to say, Alan,” I replied with a chuckle. He wasn’t laughing though.

“I’m serious, Addie. I love you, a lot. And the pain of not having you by my side every day, even before you came back to Long Beach, was so horrible. I don’t ever want to feel like that again. I don’t care if Greyson turns out to be my son. I’ll do my best to be a great father and an amazing boyfriend to you. And if he’s not my son, then I’ll be an amazing boyfriend and a great Uncle.”

His little speech caught me off guard and although I wasn’t really in the mood for a huge heart-to-heart, it was nice to hear him say those things to me. After all of my doubts and all of the drama that we had been through, it was nice to know that he would always still choose me. It was always me. I was the one that he loved from the very beginning, and although he really fucked up throughout the ride, I know that he wanted me the most. None of it mattered anymore. The way he turned against me. The way he wouldn’t stand up for me. The way he left me in limbo and let me retreat back to England. None of it meant a thing to me anymore. All that mattered was that he was mine, and I was his.

“Yes,” I said, taking back my beer.

Alan tilted his head to the side and removed his sunglasses to unveil his confused expression.

“I have finally thought about it and I’ve made up my mind, and I’m saying yes, let’s do it.”

It still took him a moment to realize what I was saying. “Yes? To moving in?”

I nodded. “Let’s do it. I don’t care if we just started to be official. We’ve talked to Jane and had our closure or whatever. Let’s do what we want for once. Let’s be together for real. I’ll move in with you.”

Alan’s grin was so wide, I could see every single tooth in his mouth. He didn’t know what to do with himself for a moment. He clapped his hands together and fidgeted around before finally walking over to me. He bent down and connected his lips to mine in a strong, romantic kiss. His lips tasted of sweat and I’m pretty sure there was some dirt, too, but it didn’t matter. This was my man. This was my future. This was my life, and I finally decided to take control of it.

“God I love kissing you,” I commented as Alan pulled away lightly.

“Even with all my dirt and sweat?” he asked, playfully.

I gave him another peck on the lips before pulling away to give him a smile, biting my lip before I could respond.

“I could never get enough.”

Notes

Alright everyone, I know I said that there would be a couple more chapters buuuuttttt I lied. This is the last chapter of the story! I can't believe I actually finished this story! I'm shocked and actually quite proud of myself.

Don't freak out, though! There is going to be a sequel, don't worry. I'll give you guys the link after I post the epilogue to this story.

Please let me know what you guys think :)

Expect the epilogue and sequel to be posted by the end of this week!

xoxoxoxox muahhhh <3