“Well, apparently Jane already knows that we’re together,” Alan said with a sigh as he set his phone down on the coffee table in his living room. “I just got off the phone with Tino and Jennifer told him about her talk with Jane.”

“What was her talk with Jane?” I asked, watching Alan as he lifted my legs and draped them over his lap as he sat down on the couch. He rubbed his hand over my legs, a gesture that used to send me on edge with sexual desire, but now it was something that I was used to – a simple, intimate gesture that didn’t need to result in sex anymore.

Alan shrugged. “You know how us guys are,” he said with a laugh. “We just nod our heads and go ‘no way! She seriously said that?’ when we feel it’s right. It doesn’t mean we’re actually understanding or following what you say.”

I let out a laugh at Alan’s words, rolling my eyes. I could picture exactly what he was saying, and the sad thing was, I was fooled for my entire life. “I guess when we’re in the heat of the moment we don’t even notice that you’re not really listening to us.”

Alan shrugged. “It’s okay, though. It’s all a part of how a relationship works, right? You come home to me and I listen to everything that bothers you or that happened at work, and you do the same for me. I’m sure you don’t understand all of the stuff that I say to you.”

I nodded. “That’s very true. I just like to be the person that you come home to and want to tell all of those things to.”

“Exactly,” Alan agreed, leaning forward to kiss my forehead. “Anyway, apparently Jennifer and Jane had a really long talk the night that I took the ring back and Jane pretty much figured it out right away.”

I figured that much. Jane wasn’t dumb – I thought that it was a given that she would know the exact reason that Alan left her. I wonder why she hasn’t tried to call either of us to try and either start a fight or talk it out. Just a couple of weeks ago she was so calm and collected when she showed up at the restaurant with Alan. I wonder if she was there on purpose. Did she know that we had been sneaking behind her back?

Guilt washed over me for the millionth time since Alan was back in my life. I felt like a horrible sister. I was supposed to be there for my family when they are in need, not sneak around behind their back. I was that one family member that you see in the movies – the one that hurt everybody else and did horrible, adulterated things. I was the family whore. “Oh god,” I muttered. “I’m the family whore.”

“Every family has to have one,” Alan replied right away.

I smacked him on the arm, causing him to immediately recoil and let out a small cry. “You’re not helping!” I complained.

Alan chuckled. “I’m only joking,” he said.

“Nope, you’re already in too deep. No use in trying to save yourself now.”

“Damn,” he said, amusement in his voice. “Maybe you should punish me. Turn me over your knees and tell me I’m a naughty boy.”

“Oh god, shut up,” I said, standing up from the couch. “You’re making me sick.” I walked into his bedroom to grab some sandals and my purse to match my baby blue dress with black details. Alan followed me into his room, wrapping his arms around my waist as I touched up my makeup in the mirror.

“Every day could be like this, you know,” Alan said as he stared at us through the mirror. “I could pester you while you get ready, make sexual jokes, and just ogle at your beauty all day long… If you would just move in with me.”

That was the second time that Alan had brought this topic up since I had been at his house that day. He really wanted me to move in with him and although I wanted nothing more than to wake up next to him every single morning, I just knew that it wasn’t right. I was really hoping that after we talked with Jane, things would clear up and I could give Alan the answer that he and I both wanted to hear.

I didn’t respond, and Alan didn’t say anything more. I knew the game he was playing though – he was trying to put it in my head. He was trying to make hints so I could come to the conclusion on my own, instead of making me decide right then and there. Giving me the option to wait was what was going to ultimately sway me into agreeing, and he knew that all too well about me.

“Ready to go?” I asked, turning around in his grasp, snaking my arms up and around his neck.

Alan huffed. “I don’t want to go.”

“I know, me neither,” I admitted. I was dreading our conversation with Jane. I was dreading both the negative and positive outcomes. It was a complicated feeling to describe.

“Let’s just stay in bed all day,” Alan said.

I raised my eyebrows and gave him an incredulous look.

“Not even in a sexual way!” he pleaded. “We can just cuddle and watch movies and talk and sleep and maybe in a sexual way, too. A little bit of everything.”

It was so appealing, so tempting, because I wanted nothing more than to be by Alan all day long, but it just couldn’t happen. Not when I was already prepared to see Jane.

We arrived at her house after a short, ten minute drive, and parked right in front. Her car was in its usual spot and the windows to the house were open to let in the nice summer breeze. It was a beautiful day and I was really hoping that the conversation we were about to have wasn’t going to ruin it.

I lead the way since Alan was taking his time with shutting the door that he had opened for me. Alan had already broke up with her and I don’t know what we were expecting to happen next, but he was in this mindset that breaking up with her to be with me would solve everything. And although it solved a lot, there was still the main issue at hand: the baby.

After ringing the doorbell, Jane opened the door, her face unmoving as she stepped aside to let us in. Almost like she was expecting us. I turned around once standing in the entrance to her townhome – a home that I once lived in, too, but now felt so foreign. Jane was wearing a blue flowing top that fell off of her growing belly like a waterfall, leading into her black leggings that were looking a bit too small on her.

“I guess I kind of figured you guys would stop by at one point or another,” Jane said with a slightly chuckle. “No matter how much I don’t want to see you, I am pregnant with your baby, after all,” she said, directing her words to Alan.

“Um, actually, about that…” Alan trailed off, immediately turning to look at me for help. I was the one who knew all of the details after all.

Jane sighed and took a seat on the couch. Alan sat on the other side of the couch and I sat down in the loveseat beside it, facing Jane.

“Jane, I know about how you cheated on Alan,” I said. “Adam told me about a fight that you had with Alan and how you went to visit Adam afterwards. He said that you guys had sex and Adam hasn’t said it directly, but we do believe that it is possible that this…well…that maybe Alan isn’t…”

“I know,” Jane said with a sigh, bowing her head. “I know.”

“What?” Alan nearly screamed. “What do you mean you know? You know that I’m not actually the father? When were you planning on telling me this? You just wanted me to believe that this was my baby the whole time? You wanted me to father a child that actually belongs to your ex boyfriend, and one of my best friends for that matter? Was it the money? Was it-“

“Please stop yelling!” Jane screamed out, stopping Alan dead in his tracks. “Stop yelling! Stop!” Her tears were rapidly rolling down her chin, dampening her beautiful, deep blue shirt. “Just stop…yelling.”

She took in several deep breaths to calm herself down. “Let me finish talking,” she said, slowly. “I know that there is a possibility that the baby isn’t yours, but I don’t know for sure, okay? I had sex with you and Adam within the same week and I just don’t know who the father is. I know that it’s terrible. I know that this shouldn’t be happening, but I’m sorry, okay? I guess…I guess a part of me is still attached to Adam and always will be. My heart always goes back to him and as soon as we got in a fight, I ran straight to Adam because he was the only comfort and affection I wanted at the time. I’m sorry, okay?”

“But why didn’t you tell me? Maybe not right after it happened but why not when you found out you were pregnant? Why have you been stringing me along like this? Making me think about my future and start to prepare myself for being a father. It hurts, Jane. It really hurts.” I was proud of Alan for speaking up, but I had to admit that I was starting to feel extremely awkward. This felt like a conversation that maybe I shouldn’t have been a part of, but then again, I loved to hear all the details.

Jane nodded, keeping her gaze down. “I know, but as soon as I learned about your feelings for Addie…I just…I couldn’t tell you then because I couldn’t stand to lose to my sister yet again. I know it sounds like I’m making stupid excuses but at the time this was what was going through my head. Addie’s always been the perfect daughter, friend, sister and so on. And I just wanted something that she didn’t have for once.

“I wanted to go to college like her. But I didn’t get accepted anywhere. I tried community college but I couldn’t afford it on my own. I didn’t have any scholarships to help me. I’ve been left alone my entire life. My family has been broken and for once I just wanted something solid in my life. I wanted to show it off to my father and Addie. I wanted to actually be proud of something. But I had to go and fuck it all up.”

“This entire relationship has been so fucked up lately, but I need you to know that I’m sorry, too. For not telling you about Addie sooner. But I just need to say this: It’s always been Addie, Jane. It will always be Addie. When I met you, the only woman in my heart was Addie. Out of every girl I’ve ever had a relationship with: whether it be friendship, sex, romance, whatever – Addie is the only one that really holds a place in my heart. It has nothing to do with you losing to her, Jane. I can’t sit here and compare you guys because that’s not how it works. I tried in the beginning but I’ve come to learn that you’re two separate people that can’t be weighed against one another. That’s just not how this works.” Alan was smiling now, and I couldn’t help but smile as well. He shot me a subtle wink and I could have died happy right then and there. He really did care for me. He really did love me all along.

“We just were never destined to work, Alan, as much as I have cared for you and hoped that we could live together, we just can’t. I forced a lot of things onto you, and I shouldn’t have,” Jane sighed. She ran her fingers through her fading black hair, pushing it away from her face to reveal her dark circles and tears. She was a wreck. When we first walked in I didn’t notice those dark circles, but I was certain that they didn’t just appear within the twenty minutes that we had been sitting there. Poor Jane was a disaster, and I wanted to say sorry, too, but I just couldn’t. Jane and her friends had done too much to hurt me since everything about Alan was exposed. I couldn’t forgive her for the way that she allowed her friends to treat me. The way that she talked about me behind my back. The way she told lies about me. What was it all for? To prove a point?

“Addie, you’re awfully quiet over there,” Jane mentioned with a slight chuckle.

I wanted to be filled with rage but instead I felt pity for Jane. She was in so much pain – because of her pregnancy, her drama with Alan, and most likely that way that our relationship was falling apart. I felt bad for her. “I just want to know why, Jane? Why did you make up lies about me to your friends? Why couldn’t we have handled this in a much more mature way?”

“Well, I figured it out pretty quickly. Right before Alan and I started to get serious, I heard about Alan’s lover from England. Aaron and Austin were talking about some girl and it didn’t bother me at all because I mean, everybody has a past lover. But I remember wondering ‘I wonder if Addie ever saw them when they were there.’ And then you came back to town and suddenly it was like this ex-lover didn’t exist. Everybody was much more reserved around you. Alan was more distant. And things were just shady.

“I’m not stupid. I figured it out. The only thing that you guys were able to sneak past me was the fact that your romance had never really ended and you were still fucking each other behind my back. That hurt the most. And sure I might have slept with Adam quite a while ago while I was still with Alan, but really, Addie? My own sister?”

“Honestly, I’ve felt so guilty about it this entire time. I fought Alan to no end about this. We made plans to tell you. We made plans to stop it all because it was too far. But we just couldn’t stay away from each other. No matter how hard we tried. Even while I was dating Adam. But I’m not guilty anymore. Not after the way you treated me and made up lies and kept this from us the entire time. I don’t feel guilt about it all.”

Alan’s eyes went wide when I said that. I had been feeling guilty up until the moment that Jane confessed that she didn’t know who that father of her child was going to be. All my guilt vanished. “In fact, I wish that I would have let Alan leave you the first time he planned on it. On my first day back when we ate at the diner, I should have let Alan switch from your side of that table to mine. Because Alan is mine. He always has been. And always will be. I just need you to remember that, okay? No one is innocent in this situation so stop trying to seem like a fucking saint, Jane. Nobody’s actions are justified here. So don’t try to make me feel guilty because you can’t.”

I was standing up now, pointing a finger at Jane as she seemed to slump into her seat. I would have remained in that position for a long time, nostrils flared, finger pointing, if it wasn’t for Alan’s ringtone breaking the tension. He stood up, pulling his phone from his pocket and excusing himself to the backyard to take his call.

“I get it, Addie. You can stop pointing at me, okay? We can stop this bitch game that we’re both playing now because I know that we’re not like that. We’re sisters and I miss you so much. And we both fucked up so bad and I know that things can never be completely normal, but I would like at least a little bit or normalcy between us.” Jane was so sincere, and for a moment I could see her sweet, child-like eyes staring up at me just as I remembered them from when we were younger.

“Okay, Jane. I can agree to that. We can try to mend this, but just know that my trust for you needs to be earned. You told your friends lies about me. Lies that really hurt me. Lies that were completely unnecessary.”

I almost felt brittle talking about that one afternoon that everybody lashed out at me. The incident where Anouk hit me with a beer bottle. Where I punched Anouk in the nose. Although I wasn’t close with those people and they meant close to nothing to me, it still hurt to know that I wasn’t accepted in he only circle of people that I was even close to knowing.

“I’m not even going to say anything other than I know and I understand. I’m not going to try and give you my reasoning for that, but just know that I do know how wrong it was. I knew it the second it left my mouth and I shouldn’t have let it go that far. But please, can we please try to trust each other again? I…I’m pregnant and kind of freaking the fuck out because of it.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. I sat down on the couch next to her and pulled her into my arms, allowing her to cry against my shoulder and I soothed out her hair. My little sister was pregnant and no matter how horribly strange and fucked up everything was, I was still going to try and be the sister that I should have been to her for our entire lives.

“Would it be completely out of place for me to ask you to take me to my doctor’s appointment tomorrow? If you don’t want to go, I understand.”

It took me a moment to think about it, but then I wiped my mind clean of all the bias I held towards her and decided on my answer. “I’ll take you, Janey. No matter who the father of this baby turns out to be, just know that I will still be the best Auntie, ever. I said that once before and I stand by it, completely.”

“You mended your relationship with Dad, didn’t you?” Jane asked, taking me by surprise.

“Yeah, I did,” I replied. “Why?”

“I don’t know what it is, but there’s just something about going back to your roots that makes you appreciate your family so much more. While you were away at school, Dad and I really got close for a while and then I got closer to Aunt Margie and some of our cousins and it made me miss you every single day.”

“I didn’t know that.”

Jane sighed, but I could hear the smile in her voice. She continued to rest her head against my shoulder, her arms loosely draped around my torso. “I know,” she said. “I just wish things could have been different. I really wish that we weren’t in this situation.”

I couldn’t agree with her more, but I didn’t want to upset her any more than this conversation already had. “It’ll work out. In the end, everything will fall into place.”

Notes

Addie's Outfit

Hey guys! Wow, I really can't believe it has been three months since I have updated this story. I am so incredibly sorry for leaving you guys like that! Life went to shit and I really didn't want to write. Money problems, school problems, romantic-issues, and we had to put down our family dog and then I got really depressed and just everything was super shitty. But It's better now. I'm back to writing and everything has worked itself out.

I am going to be much more active with this story to make up for the past three months of no updates. I am hoping to update 1-2 times a week. I wish I could post a chapter every day, but my schedule just won't allow me to do that. The most I can manage is 1-2 new chapters a week. And just you guys know, this story only has maybe 2-3 chapters left until the sequel comes out! I'm excited for the sequel.

If you guys read my PTV fanfics as well, just know that I am updating on there also. And a lot of my stories are close to ending and starting sequels and I'm so excited because it's like starting something new without saying goodbye to any characters that we have grown attached to.

Also, thank you to everyone who messaged me on tumblr and twitter about my stories. You really did help push me to come back to writing. And thank you to everyone else who has stuck around, patiently awaiting the time for me to update. I love you all so much for your support and for reading! Muah! xoxoxo