“I finally have a day off,” I groaned into the phone as I collapsed onto my bed. I pulled my blankets all around me with my free hand while I desperately tried to keep my phone up to me ear.

“They’ve been working you a lot! What is your check going to be like?” Jelina replied, her words slightly muffled as she quickly shoveled her sandwich into her mouth. She only had a thirty minute lunch break so she could get off earlier that day.

I shook my head, even though she couldn’t see me. “I have no idea. I’m just glad I’m going to finally be getting one. My credit card has been screaming at me every time I open my wallet. I’m pinching pennies, Jelly, it’s so embarrassing.”

Jelina chuckled a bit. “I know how it is, trust me. The other day I had to pay for my soda at the movies in change. Nothing but coins.”

“Oh man, that’s horrible. That shit is so expensive,” I replied. “How have you been though? Like, money wise. Have you found a new roommate yet?” The question pained me, but I knew that it had to happen. Even though Jelina had been promoted and had gotten a slight raise, there was no way she could pay for the apartment and her schooling all on her paychecks. She had to be suffering.

She sighed, and I wasn’t sure why. It sounded sad, but not like she was sad, like she was sad…for me. “I don’t know, Addie. I’m afraid that I’ll find a roommate and then you’ll call me up the day after saying you need to come back home after something that happens with Alan.”

I placed my free hand over my eyes, wiping at the stress that was growing in my temples. Although I hadn’t really talked to Alan since I had been back, I kept re-reading or emoji conversation in my text messages. It was probably unhealthy – my brain could clearly visualize the screen even when my eyes were open and looking at the papers at work. “That can’t happen. I’m stuck here for at least a year, and then I just have to see what happens after that. I can’t leave me job just to run away from a boy, life doesn’t work that way.”

“It did for a while, there,” Jelina said with a slight chuckle. “I’ll just find someone and put them on a one-year lease…just in case life decides to work that way.”

“Okay, that sounds good,” I admitted. I liked the assurance of knowing that if I needed to, I could always return to the home that I knew back with Jelina in England.

“Oh, shoot,” Jelina muttered harshly. I heard her slurp through a straw. “I gotta get back to work. I’ll talk to you later! Love you! Muah!”

“Okay, have fun on your date tonight,” I teased into the phone, dragging out my words. I could almost hear her blushing through the phone as she told me to shut up. “Bye, babe! Love you, too!”

We hung up and I immediately felt bored. Now that I had been working so much, I hardly knew what it felt like to actually have free time. I decided that lying in bed probably wasn’t the best way to cure my boredom, and peeled myself from the blankets. The summer was ending now, and the early signs of fall were starting to roll in. It was the last week of August, and I honestly couldn’t even remember where all of the summer went. I spent it in such a daze – moving back to Long Beach, making new friends, having a love affair (well, two of them, kind of), and then losing the same friends I had made. No wonder I was never bored when I was out of work – I was too busy with all of the drama my life had. But now, for once, I felt like there was no drama. I felt content with myself knowing that even though things weren’t exactly settled or anywhere near where I would have liked them to be, they weren’t all that horrible. I mean, nobody was smashing beer bottles over my head at parties or calling me a slut, so I guess I would consider that to be good.

I decided that I would walk around Los Angeles and window shop. I was going to be getting paid in a few days, and I felt that I deserved a bit of a treat when the time came, so I felt it was only right if I could tease myself a bit beforehand. And maybe if I was lucky, my urge to spend money would dwindle a bit after seeing some price tags at the boutiques.

I showered and got ready very slowly, taking my own sweet time and blasting music as I got ready. Living alone had been amazing so far – I could walk around the house naked after my shower, I could play my music as loud as I pleased, I could even fart in the living room if I wanted to, and nobody was there to laugh at me or yell at me. I cringed at my own thoughts and went back to doing my makeup.

I decided that since I was living in Los Angeles, I needed to look Hollywood-ready. I did my makeup darker and more drastic than usual – contouring my cheeks and putting on bronzer for a glow. I did a thick winged, liner with drastic red lips. I pulled on some black jeans and a bright, printed sheer shirt. I tucked my shirt in and pulled a large cardigan over it.

I stared at my closet for a good five minutes as I debated on wearing flats or heels, and the more I stared at my velvet, taupe heels, the more I knew I had to wear them. I pulled them on and then felt bold enough to wear a large, floppy hat. I looked in the mirror and I looked exactly how I wanted to: Hollywood ready.

I didn’t really have a plan as I walked down the street, heading south of my apartment complex and toward the busier part of town. I ended up walking down a busy street with people bustling about – some dressed in business attire, some in casual clothes, and others dressed a bit fancier than what I would consider to be every day wear.

“Addie?” I bumped into someone as I was walking down the street, eyeballing a certain store from down the road. I turned to see who had said my name – my heart nearly stopping when I was certain that I recognized the voice.

“Addie?”

I turned again, this time meeting the face of Jennifer, Tino’s girlfriend. She was smiling widely at me, almost as if she was happy to see me. “Jen?” I asked, confused as to why she was even saying hello to me.

“Wow, Addie! You look fantastic! I thought you were back in England?” she asked, taking a step closer to me as she looked over my appearance.

I felt proud of the fact that I decided to look so put-together. I knew that she would be reporting everything back to Jane and probably Anouk, as well, and the last thing I would want would be for her to tell them I looked like a mess. I wanted to know exactly what she was thinking as she looked at me – did she think I looked put-together? Or did she think I was trying too hard? I tried to portray as much confidence as I could, squaring my shoulders up as I smiled widely, silently praying that no lipstick got on my teeth.

“I was, but I decided to stay here,” I said. I gave her a large grin, my eyes narrowing just a bit as I thought about a line that she could recite to Anouk and Jane when she saw them next. “I’m here to get my life back.”

Jen just stared at me, her smile slowly turning into a shocked expression, but I could still see the corners of her lips curved upward, just giving me a ghost of a smile. “Oh,” she said, her voice almost in a questioning tone.

“Well, I’ll see you around,” I said, cutting the conversation short. “It was nice seeing you again.” I gave her a large smile and turned around quickly, hoping I looked as strong and swift as I felt.

I walked away, feeling Jennifer’s eyes burning into my body as she watched me leave. I made my way into the shop that I had been eying, catching her gaze as I turned.

-

Adam came over later that day. He had called me while I was out window shopping, insisting that he needed to come over right away because it was urgent. I was really hoping that he was ready to tell me the truth about what happened between him and Jane on the night she went crawling back to him. I bought a handle of fireball just in case his sober lips needed some oiling up.

I was kicking off my heels just as Adam let himself into my apartment.

“Damn, woman! You look fancy,” he said with a whistle as he walked up to me.

“I was walking around town today,” I said with a smile. “I ran into Jennifer while I was out.”

“Oh, how did that go?” he asked as he removed his coat. He set it down on the kitchen table and walked straight over to the fridge. “Fireball!” he cheered.

“Oh, yeah! Help yourself, I bought that for us,” I said, watching intently as he actually did pull it from the fridge. He found himself a glass and started to pour himself a drink. “It was fine. I told her I was here because I was going to get my life back.”

“Oh, nice,” he said with a chuckle. “Jane is going to flip when she hears that.”

“I know, that’s why I said it,” I said with a giggle. “Pour me some of that, too.”

Adam poured us each a mixed drink – coke and fireball. Although the cinnamon flavor with the cola taste didn’t sound like the most appetizing combination, it seemed to fit together perfectly. We downed our first drinks during casual small-talk, finished our second as I vented to him about work, and dusted off our third as Adam tried to remember the name of the girl he lost his virginity to. Our conversation was moving along quickly, and so was my progress with Adam. He was a small notch above buzzed, while I was in a comfortable state. I had been making his drinks much stronger than mine on purpose in hopes of getting him to loosen up enough to spill the details I was dying to know.

“You know,” he slurred slightly as he paused to take another sip. I knew that with the way his words were slurring, I could get anything out of him. “Sometimes I wonder.”

“Wonder about what?” I asked. I adjusted myself so I was laying on my stomach, my elbows bent and resting in the carpet as my palms held up my chin. Adam was sitting on the ground in front of me, his back leaning up against the couch.

He stared at me for a while as he lifted his cup for yet another drink. He kept his eyes on me as he dipped his head back, the cup emptying its contents into his mouth. He gulped down whatever was left, his eyes peered, staring right into my own. I couldn’t help but shiver a bit under his stare. The look he was giving me was sexy, and I couldn’t deny that Adam was attractive, and I was still attracted to him.

I tried to pull my gaze away – I knew that getting all turned on would pull me away from my original motive.

You’re not getting Adam drunk so you can have sex with him, I had to remind myself. But even still, the thought of having sex with Adam was in my mind. I couldn’t help but bite my lip as I watched Adam slowly set his cup down beside me – his eyes still looking right into mine.

“Do you ever wonder why we try so hard to get the attention of the people who give us the least of it?” he asked, his gaze finally shifting. He bowed his head just a bit, seeming to be upset as he thought about what he had just said.

“Honestly,” I said with a sigh, “not really. I’m too obsessed with trying to get Alan’s attention, that I hardly even have time to wonder why I’m really trying anymore.”

Adam sighed. “I gave up on Jane a long time ago. I mean, I never let go of my feelings for her, but I just dropped all the contact I had with her.”

I opened my mouth, ready to steer the conversation into the direction of Jane’s pregnancy, but Adam looked up at me, his eyes staring at me in that sexy way again.

“Fuck ‘em,” he said as he shrugged. “Wait I said that wrong.” He furrowed his eyebrows, and then opened his eyes a bit wider. “I meant…fuck me.” He stared at me with so much sincerity that I was certain that he was serious.

I waited for him to laugh and admit that he was joking, but he never did. I stared at him for a bit longer, my mouth hanging open slightly as the shock set in. He was serious.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Adam chuckled. “Addie…I want to have sex with you.”

I closed my mouth, but continued to stare at him.

“I know you want to,” he chuckled. “I see you biting your lip. You’re thinking about it.”

I released my lip – I hadn’t even realized that I was gnawing on the corner of it as I stared at him. He was right, though. I had been thinking about it for half of the conversation now. And truth be told, he didn’t need to say another word before I silently agreed.

I sat up slightly, my lip finding its way back between my teeth as I scooted closer to him. I stood on my knees in front of him, and without any warning, Adam reached out and pulled my body straight up against his. His face was level with my breasts, and he took full advantage of that – burying his face into my cleavage and breathing heavily. My hands immediately gripping onto his shoulders, my head tilting back in pleasure when I felt the warmth of his tongue licking over my skin.

He pulled away just a bit and allowed me to adjust myself so I was sitting in his lap more comfortably – our faces level. He looked into my eyes, and I expected to see lust and want and desire, but instead I saw confusion and loneliness. And for some reason, I knew that mine looked exactly the same.

Was I doing this with Adam because I actually cared for Adam, or because I was desperate for someone to care for me like I wanted Alan to care for me?

“Why does everything in life have to be so damn complicated?” I asked, my voice weak.

The moment had faded, and now Adam was just holding me for reassurance. I moved my legs so I was no longer straddling him, and he placed his arms around my middle as my bottom rested in the center of his crossed legs, my own legs stretched out over the side of his. I was sitting sideways in his lap, my left shoulder up against his chest. He pulled me into him, burying his face into my hair and letting out a loud sigh.

“She fucked me over, Addie,” he said quietly.

I wanted to shoot questions out faster than my own mind could even think. I wanted to ask him how she did it, what he meant, and most importantly, I wanted to ask him who the hell got my sister pregnant. I didn’t really think my sister was a whore or anything, but I was certain that Alan was not the father. It just didn’t add up. Too much evidence was pointing to Adam being the father. But then again, it could have just been my mind catching up with my heart’s wishes – making me believe anything at all in order for me to continue convincing myself that I still had a chance with my sister’s boyfriend.

“I want to tell you everything,” he admitted. “I really do…so bad. But I just can’t.”

“Of course you can,” I said, lifting my right arm to poke his nose. “It’ll make you feel a lot better…letting it out, you know.”

He opened his mouth slightly, but instead of saying anything, he leaned forward and gently placed a kiss upon my lips. I didn’t exactly kiss back – I just kind of let him kiss me, because I knew that the kiss wasn’t because he cared about me, necessarily, it was because he just needed to kiss someone.

“Adam…” I whispered, his lips still slightly touching mine. “Please tell me.”

He shook his head – he knew exactly what I wanted him to tell me, but I just needed him to say it. I needed to hear the words from Adam’s mouth.

“If I say it, everything will change, Addie,” he breathed. “Everything.”

“Isn’t that exactly what we want?” I asked. “We want things to change, Adam. Why won’t you just say it so we can take care of all of this bullshit?”

“It won’t be that easy, Addie.”

“Why? I don’t understand why the fuck you won’t just say it!” I stood up, quickly, practically knocking Adam over in the process. I stood up, waving my arms around as I instantly began to pace the small living room area of my apartment. All of the alcohol I had been drinking caught up to me, and I was now a lot more wasted that I originally thought. I stumbled a couple of times while I was pacing, but it didn’t stop me from stomping around.

“Addie, when was the last time you talked to anybody?” he asked.

“Well, Alan and I had that short texting conversation like two weeks ago. But I haven’t seen anybody else,” I said, thinking back to last time I saw Austin or Natalie, or any of the other guys. “I mean, I saw Jen today, but that doesn’t count.”

Adam sighed. “There’s a reason nobody’s been around.”

“What the fuck?” I asked. I was shocked at how aggressively I was using my profanity, but I knew it was mostly just the alcohol fueling my rage. “What does that mean?”

“I had to find the perfect moment to tell you this,” he admitted, standing up and picking up our cups that were sitting on the ground. He walked to the kitchen and I realized that he was a lot more sober than I originally thought. “So, I figured the only way I could do this was if you were drunk.”

He turned around to look at me and I realized that my entire plan had backfired on me. I was the one who was supposed to be sober – not Adam. I was the one who was supposed to get Adam in the position I wanted him to be in – not Adam trying to get me drunk. Adam came to my house with the exact same plan I originally had for him. The only thing that hadn’t changed about my original plan was that Adam was still going to be giving me some information, only it wasn’t the information I was searching for, exactly.

“What?” I asked, getting both upset and angry at the same time.

Adam looked into my eyes and that’s when I saw the hurt and sadness in his eyes. The water was collecting in the inner corners of his eyes, and I was certain that he was going to start crying. Whatever he was about to tell me was something that definitely would make things much more complicated.

I couldn’t help but let my own tears start to form. I started to panic about what was going on - I wanted to prepare my mind for something he might say, but nothing seemed to be a possibility to me. Jane was already pregnant, what more could fuck this up?

“What?” I asked again, my voice a lot softer this time.

“They’re engaged,” he said.

“Who?” I choked out, my voice breaking on the simple word. I knew the answer to that question, though. It was a stupid question really. But I just needed to know for sure. I thought that maybe if I tried to deny it, the universe would somehow tilt into my favor and something would change.

But nothing changed.

“You know exactly who,” he chuckled. His laugh was bitter and full of hate.

“No,” I said as I shook my head. “I don’t know who.” I wanted to deny it. Deny, deny, deny.

“Addie, they’re engaged!” he yelled. “Jane and Alan are engaged.”

Notes

Addie's Outfit

SO SORRY IT TOOK FOREVER TO UPDATE!
I hope you all had a wonderful Holiday Season! Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays! and Happy New Year!

This is going to be part one of a two part chapter, kind of.

What do you guys think? More drama unfolding, am I right? I promised you guys a lot of drama! And here it is! Also, I have decided that I WILL BE MAKING A SEQUEL FOR THIS STORY! I originally wasn't going to, but I decided that I have a lot to go off of to make a whole new plot line for a sequel! But don't worry, we've got a little bit more to go before it's time for the sequel!

Another update will be up very soon! Love you all so much!