"S-surgery?" My eyes went wide and I felt tears stinging at the corners. Austin didn't say anything. He didn't move. He was barely breathing.

"If things don't improve by your next appointment, then yes surgery would be the only option." The doctor wrote some things down on his clipboard. "You have my number if you've got any questions or concerns. That's it for today. I'll leave you to get dressed." The door clicked shut behind him and we sat in silence.

"Austin say something" I whispered as he pulled his shirt on.

"There's nothing to say Lillian." He spat before turning to stare at me.

"I'm scared" His face softened and he sighed.

"Aw, Lil don't be scared sweetheart." He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to his chest.

"But I am scared Austin. I don't wanna lose you, you're my best friend" I mumbled against his shirt.

"Hey, I'm not scared so you can't be scared." Austin stroked my hair for a bit before we left the room.

"I want ice cream" I sniffled as we got into my car. I let Austin drive back because he gets fidgety after his appointments.

"Then we'll get you some ice cream. AND we'll go to the beach." He rubbed his hand over my thigh and smiled at me. "Lily, don't be scared. I'll be fine."

"You better. Or I swear to God I'll punch you in the throat."

"That's not very nice!" he laughed pulling into a parking space infront of the board walk. We both got out and started to walk down to where the ice cream shop was.

"It smells out here. And it's getting dark. And it's cold" I said scrunching my nose up.

"Meh meh meh! Keep complaining an I'll never take you anywhere again!" he laughed as he draped an arm over my shoulder. I reached my right arm up and laced my fingers with his before wrapping my left arm around his waist. "Hmmm what flavor does Lily want?...I can never remember!" he exclaimed. His eyes were scrunched up in concentration as he stared at the menu.

"Austinnnn!" I giggled.

"Oh right! Chocolate soft serve with chocolate sprinkles on a chocolate sugar cone" he said to the woman.

"No!" I shouted before she could walk away. I hated chocolate. " I want an orange sherbert and vanilla soft serve swirl on a regular sugar cone" I said peeking up at the lady. She gave a small smile and walked away to get my ice cream.

"But I thought chocolate was your favorite flavor!" Austin grinned down at me.

"Ew gross" I laughed."The only time I eat chocolate is on s'mores. You know that!"

"Oh must have slipped my mind."

"Here's your ice cream Hun" the lady said handing me my cone. "how about for you dear?" she directed the question at Austin but I answered anyway.

"Two scoops of chocolate chip mint ice cream in a cup." I smiled to her. "Good best friends know their best friends favorite ice cream."

"You're just the best aren't ya?" he laughed, took his ice cream from the lady, and paid her before I could.

"Oh, I guess. I mean a few people have said it" I shrugged and licked my cone.

"How can you eat that?" Austin said making a face.

"You've never even tried it!"

"Yeah cause I already know it's gross!"

"Just try it!" I said shoving the cone in his face.

"No! Lily no! Stop!" he screamed, pushing my arm away. My ice cream cone fell out of my hands and landed on the boardwalk with a splat. I stared down at the ice cream and frowned.

"Murderer" I mumbled.

"I'm sorry Lil, you can have some of mine if you want" he offered with an apologetic smile.

"I only want mint. No chocolate please." I said opening my mouth. He laughed and scraped the bottom of his cup before placing the spoon in my mouth.

"Yay! No chocolate!" I smiled. I tugged on his hand and pulled him towards the sand. "Let's go swimming." I giggled.

"How are we gonna do that? In our clothes?" he laughed as we trudged through the sand.

"No silly! In our underwear. It's just like a bathing suit." I said pulling my top over my head. Austin's jaw practically hit the floor. "Ew pick your chin up off the ground Mr. Carlile."

"Lily are you crazy! People are gonna see your boobies!" he motioned to my chest as he spoke.

"If I cared, I wouldn't be doing this. Plus, I can barely see you it's so dark out. No one's gonna notice." I shimmied out of my shorts and folded everything onto of my Vans. "You comin or what?"

"Y-yeah" he pulled his shirt off and his jeans too, doing the same as me with his clothing.

"Come on" I grabbed his arm and leaned forward, pulling him into the surf. "Ooh shit! It's freezing!"

"It's October!" he laughed.

"Shut up!" I bent down and splashed some water at him.

"Oh you did not just splash me." he said walking closer. "You just started world war three little girl!"

He ran over to me and his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me into the air. My back pressed against his chest and he spun me in circles while my feet kicked through the air.

"Austin please put me down!" I begged through my laughs.

"As you wish!" Austin said. In an instant I landed on my butt in the shallow water.

"Jerk." I pouted and picked a seashell from the sand.

"Awww don't be like that" he frowned and stuck his hand out to help me up. I put my hand in his and gave a hard yank, making him fall in the water with me. "You sneak!" he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me so I was laying down. "You'll pay for that" he whispered to me, sending a set of chills up and down my spine. He rolled ontop of me so his back was against my chest. "Such a nice night" he sighed.

"Austin you're gonna crush me!"

"Did anyone hear that? What the hell was that noise?" he turned his head to the right, then to the left.

"Need...air...can't...breathe!" I gasped. I poked his side and he rolled off of me in a jerking motion, pulling me onto him on accident.

"Lillian?" he said quietly before tucking a stray hair behind my ear.

"Yes?" my laughing came to a halt when I saw the serious expression on his face.

I was suddenly aware that his lips were barely an inch from mine. Austin didn't respond. Not with words at least. He closed the small gap between us and moved his lips against mine. My hands cupped his face as I kissed him back softly. I felt his own hands wandering up and down the sides of my body, feeling every inch of me. When I pulled my face from his, I realized what we had just done.

"No" I said in a panicked tone. I pushed myself up and raced to where my clothes were, throwing my shirt on and carrying the rest.

"Lily! Lillian!" I heard him calling after me.

"What?" I shouted turning on my heel. "What Austin?"

"Lily please hear me out on this. I really li-"

"No!" I screamed cutting him off. "This-" I motioned to the both of us. "This cannot happen. I have a boyfriend-"

"You don't love him Lil. He's not worth shit." He said shaking his head.

"Don't tell me about love! I do love him!" I screamed.

"That's not love! It's security!" he laughed bitterly and threw his hands up in the air. I turned and started walking again.

"You are in no position to be talking about love. You can't even stand your wife half the time!" I pulled my car door open violently and got in. Austin did the same on the passenger side. "Wife! You have a fucking wife Austin!" I slammed my hands on the steering wheel as I drove. I was back in front of Austins house in a matter of minutes because I drive triple the speed limit when I'm angry.

"Lily can we ta-"

"I don't wanna talk about this." I said without making eye contact with him.

"Fine" He sighed. "I love you Lil, goodnight" he shut the car door lightly and disappeared into the house he shared with Gielle.

I drove off, feeling the tears I had held back the whole time stinging in my eyes. I was so angry. I was angry at Austin. I was angry at myself. I was angry that Austin was right mostly. What James and I had, that wasn't love at all. It was just habit. I'm sure we did love each other at some point, but not anymore.

When I got back to my apartment I park the car and let myself in.

"Why are you all wet?" James said after looking up at me from the couch.

"I went to the beach with Austin after his appointment" I said. He just made a sound of disapproval and turned back to his video game. "I'm gonna take a quick shower and go to bed. Are you coming in soon?"

"Probably not" he didn't even look at me as he spoke.

I rolled my eyes as I made my way to the bathroom to shower. I would be falling asleep alone tonight. Again.