"Lilly," Austin whispered against my cheek before pressing his lips against my skin. "Baby wake up."

"Nooooo," I groaned and rolled over to see him smiling face. His eyes scrunched up in the corners and he pushed some hair behind my ear.

"Come on Lil," he giggled. I traced the vertical scar that ran up and down his chest with the tips of my fingers.

"I wasn't there..." I whispered.

"Don't do that to yourself-"

"Austin I wasn't there and I should have been. I never should have run away like I did. I'm so sorry," I choked out before I began crying. "I was your best friend I should have been there."

"Lillian listen to me!" he shouted quickly. "You were hurt and angry. You can't blame yourself for leaving. I know you Lil, I know you probably sat home that day worrying yourself sick. I'm not upset with you for not being there. I never have been."

I stayed silent, mostly because be was right. Austin's surgery was on a Monday and I didn't leave my house until the following Tuesday. I spent three days throwing up and the rest just crying and laying in bed. I had been a mess the entire first month I spent alone in San Francisco. I barely slept, I didn't eat, and I didn't have a job. I drained my savings paying for my rent and groceries whenever I tried to eat. Austin was right. He was right and the way things were going, it was going to end the same way. I pushed the comforter off my body and stood up.

"This is going to be the same as last time Austin," I scrambled around the room, changing back into my clothes after pulling his t shirt off.

"Lilly what are you-"

"Maybe this was never meant to work out," I motioned to the two of us and sat on the end of the bed. "Maybe we're just supposed to be best friends and nothing more."

"How can you say that?" Austin spat angrily and got up to stand in front of me. "Do you feel what I do?" his index finger poked at his chest violently. "Did you ever feel it?!"

"Aust please you're treating me like-"

"Who? James? Maybe there was a reason he treated you the way he did." he whispered angrily, his face barely an inch from my own. My hand shot up and my palm made contact with his cheek. He backed up immediately and his face was twisted in horror. "Oh my god I didn't mean that Lilly!"

"You're telling me that I deserved to be beaten almost everyday?! That I deserved it when he was drunk and he forced himself on me?!" I screamed back at him. "I can't fucking believe you! You wanna throw shit around that we can't control?! Maybe you fucking deserved to have your fucked up heart! I hate you Austin Carlile. Don't ever fucking talk to me again."

"Lilly please-" he begged.

"You can come downstairs after I leave. I don't want to see your face. Goodbye Austin."

I slid the heart band off of my ring finger and placed it on his dresser before I went downstairs and sat on the couch while I waited for Shay to pick me up. He had told me last night that he'd be here around twelve and the clock in the living room currently read 11:48. Good. Boomer jumped onto the couch and laid next to me, resting his head in my lap.

"Your daddy is a fucking jerk, did ya know that Sonic Boom?" I laughed through my tears.

~

Kiera stared at me with her mouth hanging open. She didn't move. She didn't speak. I had just told her about the relationship between Austin and I from the beginning until recently. It's only been four days since I spent the night at Austin's.

"Oh my god Lillian..."I didn't answer her. I just poked at my salad with my fork and looked down. What would I have said? "So thats why you left Huntington?"

"Yep," I popped the p and took a sip of my water.

"You two...I don't know," she shook her head and laughed softly to herself. "You two ARE supposed to be together. If after all that time you ended up in each others lives again? You have to end up together."

"Not like this Kiera. All we keep doing is hurting people. When the time comes we'll work it out but I don't want to cause Shay anymore heartache."

"Are you gonna tell him about the other night?" Kiera raised her eyebrows and swirled her straw around.

"I-I don't know," I answered truthfully. "I mean I should, but I don't know if its what's best for everyone."

"Who exactly is everyone?"

"The guys. They've all worked so hard on this band together, I don't want to be the reason it gets destroyed."

Kiera and I walked over to the register to pay, both of us giving half of the bill.

"So you're gonna wait until you get caught is what you're saying?" she sighed. "Look Lillian, I love you, you know I do but I'm not backing you up with this one. Shay has never done anything to hurt you, he's treated you the way you deserve to be treated, and he pulled you out of that awful depression you were in after you moved here. He doesn't deserve this."

"I know that," I said looking down at my hands while we exited the small cafe.

"BUT," she began with a smile playing on her lips. "When you explained the entire situation with Austin, you kept smiling. Your whole face lights up when you talk about him Lil, you and Shay, you love each other. Just not the way you and Austin do. I'm not going to say anything, you know that. I just don't want this to end badly."

"So what do I do?" I questioned while we walked to our separate cars.

"Do what you think is right, Lil." she shrugged and got into her own car before driving away.

"Well thanks for the help Kiera," I groaned and slid into the drivers seat of my new Cadillac.

I still had my Charger, but I wanted to have more then one and I could afford it now because of all the modeling jobs I've been getting. I drove back to the apartment that Shayley and I shared.

Now if I told Shayley what happened between Austin and I, who knows what could happen. Shay wouldn't stay in the band, that's for sure. He would be giving up everything that he'd been working at for the past two years. He'd lose something that I encouraged him to do and all I could picture him doing was giving it all up. I couldn't do that to him.

Then I thought about him finding out a few years down the road. He would lose one of his best friends at that point. The way him and Austin are together, there's no way they won't be best friends. I pulled into my spot at the apartment complex and walked to our front door. I pressed the lock button on the remote and hear the car beep before I opened the door and stepped into the apartment.

"…yeah I'll talk to her about it…okay…see ya later Austin," Shayley said into his phone while he sat on the couch.

"Hey baby," I smiled and placed my purse on the counter before walking over to him and pressing my lips to his. I took a seat next to him right after.

"Hey," his voice was sad, like he had just gotten bad news.

"What's wrong?" I asked and placed my manicured hand on his thigh, lacing our fingers together in his lap.

"Well Austin just called…"

Shit.

"What'd he say?"

"We-we're going on our first headliner," he said. I felt my face twist into confusion.

"That's so good Shay! Congratulations!" I yelled happily. He just shrugged and looked away. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I-I know I should be excited but I don't know how I'm gonna feel being so disconnected from everything. From you."

"I'm not going anywhere Shayley. Don't you worry about me. I'm yours. I'll be right here when you get home from your tours. I'll lounge around and just hang out when you come back so you can just relax for a while. This is such a good thing Shay," I cupped his cheek in my hand and smiled at him.

"Lilly what about ME," he sighed and tapped on his forehead.

I knew what he meant now. Shayley had the worst anxiety I had ever seen. The smallest thing could send him into an attack. Then it was paired with clinical depression a few months back. That only made it worse. Shay was practically walking on eggshells all the time, just trying to not freak out during the day.

"I think you're gonna be okay," I smiled and scooted myself over so I was sitting with my legs across his lap. He wrapped his arms around me instinctively and nuzzled his head into the crook of my neck. "The guys are great, they're the best support system for you on tour and if you need to come back home I'm sure they'll understand."

Shayley let out a deep breathe and relaxed beneath me.

"I love you Lillian," he mumbled.

I was shocked. It was the first time I had actually hear him say it.

"I-I love you too Shayley," I answered him.

I did love him. But what had I done to him?