A Secret Love- Chris motionless and Ricky Horror slash

Chapter 2

I twisted and turned in my bunk; sleep just wouldn't find me. Not that I wanted it to find me- I had been waiting for everyone else to hurry up and sleep. Chris would be swapping driving positions with the tour manager in a couple of minutes. However, I was so nervous I couldn't even think straight.

What would happen now? To be honest...what could even happen? It's not like we could be in a relationship or anything, we both had our fair share to know that there was no point in believing in love and shit. There was, however, the unmistakable fact that I lusted for Chris like no other person on this earth. And he was mine...or at least he could be if I managed to get him alone.

"Yo Chris, good job man. I'll take over, but park somewhere so I can take a smoke." I heard our manager grunt from the makeshift dinning room table. A smoke, holy shit I needed that.

I ran my hand shakily through my hair and jumped out of my bunk. The van continued to move for a while as I grabbed my coat and searched for my cigarettes.

"I stole them Ricky, your the only one who has any smokes left dude. We're gonna have to buy some more when we stop for gas."

I sighed, and grabbed the pack he handed to me.

The feel of cold night air against my face was welcomed when I hopped off the bus. Chris was already there, stretching his back out. I had to tell myself mentally not to drool.

"What? Feeling stressed?" Chris asked, raising an eyebrow at my almost frantic fishing for a lighter. I finally found it in my back pocket and lit up, blowing a fresh wave of hot gas away from him. He hated smoke.

"I guess you could say that," I mumbled loud enough for him to hear me. We enjoyed each others silent company for a few minutes.

Finishing my first cigarette that night, I finally felt complete again. Maybe now I could face the guy next to me without shaking like last time. Just thinking about how nervous I must have seemed to him made me shudder with embarrassment.

"Your not gonna wipe that shit off your face? Don't sleep with it like you did yesterday," I told him. Crap, this nervousness was so random and unwelcome. Now I was starting to turn into his mum or something.

"Yeah yeah Mum, I'm on it," he laughed and turned to climb back into the bus. "After you," he smiled, giving me his hand. I rose an eyebrow, but played along anyway. No, I didn't like being treated like a girl. I did, however, like getting treated differently by Chris.

Soon I found myself on the bottom half of our shared bunk. I had never sat there before. Chris had a bigger mattress than everyone else. His consistent complaining about it being unfair and creatively repressing to have to curl inwards on himself while he slept made our manager buy him a bigger mattress out of his own pocket.

"I don't know why you bother to draw eyebrows on. I think it looks kinda creepy without it. In an awesome creepy misfits way obviously," I told him while he wiped away the make up from his forehead, eyebrows disappearing.

"Yeah, but then I'd look more like Marylin Manson than Marylin Manson actually looks like himself these days. Seriously, the next person who tells me that I'm copying him is gonna get it," he said with fake anger. But I knew he was both flattered and a little fed up with the many Manson jibes. "It's not my fault I was born with this face. The eyebrows keep me original," he slurred camply.

"Such a girl!" I laughed, smacking his back.

He turned to face me suddenly. "Is it all off?" he asked, with make up still covering his side burns, under his chin and still occupying patches of his neck.

"What would you do without me? Come here," I motioned him to sit closer while I grabbed the damp flannel next to me. He complied, shifting his whole self to sit so close to me that I had to then get up on my knees to reach his face. "Not that close you big idiot," I laughed.

"Ricky Olson, are you calling me fat?!" He cried in mock offense. I shook my head rapidly in response, and told him to hush. I really didn't want to wake up the other guys. The position we were in was far too...compromising. What with me between his sprawled out legs, hovering over him like some creep.

I finished wiping the remnants off his face and then dragged the rough flannel across his jaw. He had been silent for a while now, so I sparred him a glance. My eyes caught his instantly so I quickly looked away. How long had he been staring at me like that? My heart started to hammer harshly against my rib cage. I had felt just like this while we kissed earlier. A feeling that both excited me and scared me shitless. Only for Chris. Only with Chris. Only when Chris was near.

"Tilt your head up," I mumbled, too embarrassed to speak up in fear that my voice would betray me. He was watching me so intensely that I could even feel his eyes boring into me, setting my face alight. I felt him oblige me, wordlessly moving. His hands clasped my lower back and I almost swayed with dizziness.

I risked another look to Chris, who was still watching me with the same fiery gaze. But when our eyes connected, he slowly smiled at me. Butterflies fluttered around the pit of my stomach, annoying the shit out of me. Why did everything Chris do have to be so utterly and beautifully adorable? The elegance laced into all his actions made him a work of art in himself. I couldn't look away this time.

"Relax, there's no need to be so nervous," his crooked smile turned softer as he massaged my arms. "It's only me."

He was right. I took at a deep breath and exhaled as a means to try and calm myself. Gently, but still effectively, I removed the rest of the black paint from his neck.

"There!" I smiled triumphantly at his complete make down. Looking back down, his eyes were watching me with an emotion I rarely saw, so nor could I place it. I didn't know what to do; his hands had completely trapped me anyway.

We had been starring at each other for so long we had long past decency. There was something about his mouth that was hypnotising me at that moment. He was still giving me that wideass smile of his, his tongue sneaking a peak out at me. It was a mischievous sort of smile. Chris had many smiles; he rarely didn't smile. In fact, the only time he didn't smile was when he was screaming. He found it so hard not to smile that when we shot for serious music videos we had to do so many retakes, all due to the soul fact that Chris's expression was too cheerful and didn't match the scene. I, for some reason, loved him for it though.

"Ricky..." Chris mouthed. My hair had curtained him, trapping him. He was within my vision and my vision alone. The look in his eyes was most definitely for me and only me. I clutched his shoulders tighter while I felt his large hands press into my hip bone.

It hit us so naturally. Without even thinking it through, I leaned down low enough to feel his Chris's hot breath blow across my lips. I don't know if he welcomed it, nor did I really care. It was his fault, it was all his fault. A short kiss to his lips was all I hoped would be enough to convey my pent up emotions of frustration, restraint and need for him.

He cupped my face gently, eyes wide. Naturally my eyes also widened in response to his apparent shock. What did I do wrong here exactly? Don't tell me I had gotten the wrong idea or something.

"Your...crying?" he frowned. He let go of me all together and scooted back. I then felt the chill of the night air hit me; the door must have still been open. Trivial thoughts aside- with Chris watching me from such a distance, the weight of my emotions suddenly crushed me from the inside. Crap, I was actually crying like a little boy. Not even a little boy, more like a really really little boy. A baby in fact. My tears had no meaning- they just decorated my cheeks.

"Can I...can I touch you Ricky?" he asked so smoothly. I could only nod my head, anything to bring him closer.

He crawled over me, gently pushing me down to lie against his pillow. It smelt just like him; he was one of the only people on this bus who didn't reek of cigarettes. He actually smelt pretty nice for a rock star on the road. I don't know how he managed it.

"Tears suit you," he whispered in my ear, making me shudder. When he flicked his tongue against my ear I almost moaned. This was bad, really bad.

He bought my earlobe into his mouth, dragging his teeth across it in a way that forced me to bring my hand against mouth and moan into it.

"Shut up Ricky," Chris mumbled, sucking my ear hard as if in warning. I didn't know if that was supposed to hurt or something, because if it was then I was a masochist. I scratched his back, my nails digging into him- showing him how much he was affecting me.

He moved down my neck, planting open kisses on his journey to my collar bone. I was already a mess...I didn't stand a chance. All I could do was whimper when his hands clasped my chest, stroking my nipples through my vest. My whimpering, however, was strained and set to erupt into something loud anytime soon.

Chris seemed to know this and ceased his actions. "Your so...sensitive," he seemed bewildered. "I didn't you could be so...expressive," he said, running a hand down my side for good measure. My pride had totally disintegrated. Didn't he know I was only like this for him, just him?

"I'm...I'm sorry," I sniffed, reminding me of the random tears that had escaped my eyes without permission. "One touch from you and I'm a mess," I told him, knowing that that was something probably best left unsaid. "I'm sorry that I'm getting so carried away."

"Ricky...carried away? Really?" he frowned. I felt him shuffle around slightly, then felt him tentatively run his hands across my pants. I hissed.

"Your not as carried away as me Ricky, trust me," he whispered against my lips. He then kissed me for the first time. He hadn't initiated any himself until then and I managed to note this despite concentrating on keeping my breathing steady. I clawed at his shirt, trying to smash our bodies together or something crazy like that. My unquenchable thirst for him was unreal. I was so thirsty.

I timidly put my hands under his t-shirt, softly mapping out his stomach. I watched for his reaction carefully. He pulled back from our kiss and smirked at me. "Not gonna lie down and just take it are you?" murmured, laughing when I threw a pillow into his face.

With him no longer pinning me down I sat up and grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him back into a kiss. We kissed with a newly found aggression. All of this was in aim to get on top of him, but when I tried to push him down he wouldn't budge. It was like he was made of bricks. I bit his lip for good measure, making him hiss and fall backwards when I pushed him.

Chris cursed when I crawled over him and I stuck my tongue out at him triumphantly. Out of nowhere, however, hands pulled me to sit lower down on his body, over his crotch. He rocked against me, causing me to moan accidentally. I glared down at him, observing his shit-eating but devilishly handsome grin. Why wasn't it possible for me to get a hold of myself for just one second?

He rocked against me again and I clamped my hands across my mouth. Shit, I was so aroused and it was wasn't even funny. I knew I was the loud type but usually it didn't take this long for me to get a grip. It was because Chris was so damn beautifully aroused right now I was loosing my weak grip on reality.

"So cute," I heard him whisper, not seeing him because my eyes were tightly clamped shut. I felt another load of hot shivers rush down my spine at his words.

I felt big arms encircle me tightly and my face was pressed against Chris's shoulder. I hugged him just as fiercely back, savouring the warm feeling it gave me. Never had I felt so...comforted.

"Anyone awake? I bought juice and beer," I heard our manager call from the drivers seat. The door slammed and I could hear footsteps. I quickly jumped out of Chris's lap and literally ran up to my bunk.

"Chris man, close the back door for me?"

I watched Chris walk to the door and close it, and the bus was finally quiet. The engine roared and the heaters came to life. Finally some warmth. Not was warm as Chris, but it would do.

Chris made his way back. The dude was actually tall enough to get a huge eye-full of what I was doing in my bed. I ripped my hands out of my pants guiltily.

"Ending thing's so soon I see?" Chris said in mock seriousness, scratching his chin inquisitively. " Good idea...I was worried you'd go all slutty and loud on me anyway," he ducked skillfully when a pillow was thrown to his face. The said object instead collided with Ryan, who just continued snoring and turned the other way.

After laughing for a good minute, Chris gave me a genuine smile and a chaste kiss.

"Good night Ricky," he said.

I ran my fingers across his jaw, before retracting away from him with an inner strength I wish I had found earlier. "Night Chris. Happy nightmares."

We both bumped fists and then he retreated from my vision. I would be sleeping alone, but filled with the warmth of knowing Chris was near.