The Last Snow: A Mother's Love

September 12th --------------

“Hey, we’re back.” I whispered, shaking Ryan who was passed out in the passenger's seat.

“Thanks.” He groaned, leaning back into the chair and taking a minute to stretch.

I grabbed my mug, half full of now cold coffee and groggily made my way back into the house.

“Welcome back.” Vinny cheered.

“Thanks.” I muttered.

“You look rough man, go get some sleep.” Vinny told me.

“Yeah, it was a mentally exhausting day to say the least.” I sighed.

“If it makes you feel any better, everyone else has been having an off day, that’s why everyone else went to bed about 3 hours ago.” He explained.

“Oh gosh, ok.” I exclaimed.

I informed Vinny that Ryan was still asleep in the car and that I was going to retire to our band’s room for the night.

I made my way up the grand staircase and found complete darkness. Or so I thought, until I noticed one little light peeking through the bottom of the office room at the very end of the hall.

Strange.

“Hello?” I whispered, at the office door.

No response.

It was worth another shot though, as I gave the door a few gentle knocks.

Once again, no response.

That’s when I took it upon myself to just grab the door knob and swing the door open.

“Oh hey, you’re back.” Chris announced, the second I walked through the door.

“Yeah, we just got back a few minutes ago. What in the world are you up to though, this late at night?” I questioned him.

“Research.” He calmly stated.

“Research?” I chuckled.

“Care to elaborate?” I asked him.

“I’ve just been looking into a bunch of stuff to try and figure out how to even begin to come up with the first draft for this contract for Bella.” He admitted.

“Ooh, now that sounds interesting,” I said, pulling up another chair to the desk and joining Chris at the computer.

“It is. There’s just so much to learn and figure out though, especially before we have Bella back in our company. I’m just stressed out thinking about the possibility that things won’t change this time around.” Chris told me, in a very serious tone of voice.

“You’re wanting everything to be perfect, man. You’re more likely to see a fucking unicorn sitting outside your window tonight than having everything ever be perfect with Bella. The rest of us, as well as her, are all human, perfect isn’t something attainable to us. However, if you keep telling yourself that everything can be perfect…...that will be the true downfall of this whole thing.” I explained to him.

Chris didn’t respond for the longest time, he just stared off into the room and tapped his fingers against the dark wood of the desk.

“You’ve got a point.” He conceded.

“I know, I actually have a lot of good ones.” I joked with him.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” He groaned.

“Ok, so what were you even looking into?” I asked him, turning my attention back to what he’d been looking at before I came in the room.

My eyes scrolled up and down the long article on the desktop that talked about the most important and first step to taking in a submissive is figuring out what you actually need and want from the relationship.

Were you just out for sexual gratification? Did you want to create an unbreakable bond between two people who truly love each other?

These were the things you had to figure out before you could even think about HOW you would accomplish your goals.

“What are you thinking?” Chris asked.

“I’m thinking that we do indeed need to figure out what we want first. Let’s send out a text to everyone telling them tomorrow that we’ll have a meeting on that subject, and if they can’t make it - tell them to just text in their top 5 wants out of this relationship.” I suggested.

“That sounds perfect to me. I’ll get that text out and then we should be good.” Chris said.

“Oh shit, one last thing….how was she?” Chris whispered.

“She was sleeping when I got there, she had a smile on her face while she slept though, so she’s at least relaxed and content. Bianca was awake, but in her little swing chair. In the sense of being adorable and playful….she’s just like her mother.” I smiled, the image of that innocent little smile staring at me.

“They both looked healthy and safe though, right?” He questioned me.

“They’re fine Chris, trust me.” I assured him.

“Thank you.” He softly said.

“Anytime.” I responded.

“Alright, I’m going to go get some sleep before I pass out, and I will see you in the conference room at around 9 am.” Chris stated.

“Sounds good.” I agreed.

Once I heard the door slam shut, my eyes made out a 4X6 framed picture of Bella and the rest of our band that was sitting on the edge of the desk against the wall.

“What do I want from this relationship, little one? Hmm?” I pondered, running all options through my mind, like a constant loop.

“What do you want?” I whispered.

With that I shut down the computer, undid the pull-out sofa, and tucked my body under the covers. At this point I just needed sleep, and I needed it now.

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(8am - The Next Morning)

‘Beep...Beep….Beep’

I groaned as my alarm clock blared from across the room, rudely taking me from my deep sleep.

Throwing my covers off, I slipped on my shirt and a pair of sweatpants, slipped my phone into my pocket and made my way down to the kitchen.

Halfway down the hall, I ran into Ghost.

“Good morning.” He groaned.

“Same to you. How was your night?” I asked him.

“It was nothing too exciting, just gaming with Vin. I’m more interested though in finding out how your night went.” Ghost told me.

“It went fine,” I said.

“Fine, that’s all you have...fine?” Ghost scoffed.

“It was stressful, ok? We had to walk in that house and pray that Bella wouldn’t do anything crazy. Not exactly a fun little task. Thankfully all of our stars were aligned and she was sleeping when we got there. One shot and then we were assured she’d be out long enough to make sure Bianca was healthy, and she was.” I elaborated.

“How did Bella look?” He whispered, knowing that we were getting closer to the others.

“Do you want the truth, or do you want me to tell you what Ryan and I decided to tell everyone else?” I asked.

“The truth.” He declared

“Even when she was out cold sleeping….she looked scared, no...tormented would be a better word. She was whimpering in her sleep and just constantly tossing and turning.” I admitted.

“Why the hell aren’t you telling everyone that, that’s pretty important if you ask me.” He hissed.

“Tell me one good thing that would come from us telling anyone else here that. Half of them would freak and then try to convince the rest of us that it’s better for us to just go and grab her, which in reality is the worst possible thing that could happen.” I replied.

“Maybe not...it’s not like she’s going to get better as time goes on. You, myself, and everyone else knows that. Hell, she even said it herself, that even when she isn't here she doesn’t feel or think she’s free. I don’t think the fact that now she’s a mom changes those feelings, if anything it probably makes it worse.” Ghost contradicted me.

“I know, I know. Let’s just get through this morning, see where it takes us, and then we can figure more shit out after that.” I suggested.

“Alright.” He agreed, holding open the door for me.

Everyone from our band, except for Chris, and all of Asking Alexandria were lounging around the kitchen, mugs of coffee in hand. Thankfully there was a whole nother fresh pot brewing.

“Where’s everyone else?” I wondered.

“It’s just our two bands that are up so far. Pierce The Veil, BVB, and Bring Me all left this morning around 4am for their tours. I believe Issues and Sleeping W/ Sirens are already in the conference room.” Cameron told me.

“Oh, good.” I sighed, glad to hear that it wasn’t just the two of our bands.

Once my coffee was finally done brewing I took a seat next to Danny.

“So what exactly are we attempting to figure out this morning?” Danny asked me.

“We’re going to attempt to figure out what we all want in the long run from this, and then after that we can hopefully get somewhere with that contract that we all thought was a good idea.” I explained.

“Good, we’ve all been lacking off on that.” Danny stated.

“Except for Burgess.” James chuckled.

“You assholes talking about me?” Tyler asked, poking his head in through the door frame.

“Only your obsessive nature in regards to Bella.” James replied, very nonchalant.

“Jealous?” Tyler asked, a smile on his lips.

“Absolutely not. Not once have I thought to myself that being tormented by thoughts of Bella every second of everyday would be fun.” James told him.

“Ouch.” Tyler jokingly muttered.

Their little back and forth was quickly cut off when Danny got a text from Kellin asking us to all meet in the conference room.

We all took our stuff and made our way down to the conference room where Issues and SWS along with Chris were already waiting.

“Yikes, you thought I was freaking out over the Bella thing.” Tyler B. whispered, as we took a seat and noticed the large whiteboard on the wall that had some crazy chicken scratch sprawled all over it.

Judging by the deep circles under Chris’ eyes I could tell that he had been up all night contemplating things.

“Are you ok?” I asked him.

“I will be after this when I get some sleep.” He grumbled.

“Alright.” I sighed, taking a seat in between Gabe and Cameron.

“Ok, so as everyone knows we are only waiting so long for Bella’s return so that we can all have a solid plan for when she gets back. Every single one of us has to be on the same page. When she gets back we all have to make sure that for a period of time we all react the same way to everything so that there’s some sort of stability for her. In order to do that we need that contract, and to get a contract that will actually be worth having we have to figure out what we all genuinely want out of this, hence why we’re here right now.” Chris explained.

“Is beating her ass when she gets back still off the table?” James wondered.

“Yep.” We all groaned cohesively.

“Alright, alright, just making sure.” He said cautiously.

“Let’s start with the Bella expert.” Sky chuckled, nodding his head towards Tyler Burgess.

“Fair point. In the end, what do you want out of this?” Chris asked him.

Everyone’s head instantly turned and looked at him, waiting for him to speak.

It was easy to tell that many things were quickly going through his head. I so badly wished that I could figure out even half of those things, his connection to Bella was something we all secretly wished we could have and understand at the least.

“I want her to be happy.” Tyler sighed.

“What makes her happy?” I blurted out.

“Tons of things, but in this case being able to put her trust in someone makes a world of difference.” He explained.

“Ironic, because trust is what I need and want out of this. Danny said.

“I agree, I can’t spend every day constantly worried that Bella’s going to decide to just up and run,” Justin added.

Chris started writing everything that was being discussed on the board.

It only took us a good half hour to have all 4 of the main and biggest whiteboards filled to the brim with ideas.

The only person who hadn’t gone yet was the person putting this together, Chris.

“What about you, what do you want?” Danny asked him.

“I don’t even know….I just want things to work out, I guess. I want Bella to be happy, I want us to be happy and content. We’ve all gone through too much, Bella included, to not have this work.” Chris admitted to us.

Which might have been the first time he’s opened up to us about what he really feels about Bella.

He’s finally letting go of that stupid angry brick wall he put up to hide what he was thinking and feeling.

That’s what every single one of us had to do to make this work.

After a few minutes of silence, Chris thanked us all for helping out, and laid out the next month’s schedule for those who would be off tour.

Once he finished with that, he made his way back into his bedroom, and everyone else filed out of the room slowly but surely.

Everyone except Tyler.

“Are you alright?” I wondered.

“No. I just need Bella back. I need her smile to cheer me up, I need her warmth to remind me that everything’s going to be ok, I need her to be myself.” He said softly.

I swear there were almost tears in his eyes.

That was just how bonded he was to her.

I couldn’t imagine how bad it must hurt to have someone you’re so in love with keep running away from you and the situation provided.

It made me think though, did Bella feel the same way for him?

Was it even possible for her to love any of us?

“I think we all need Bella back with you. I think deep down, Bella’s heart has opened up for you a bit. We’ve all seen it, she’s so sweet, kind, and just joyous when she’s around you. And, and….” I started to say, not sure if I should finish that thought.

“And what?” Tyler grilled me.

“And I know that’s what I would die for, Bella actually opening herself to me and letting go of all that hate she holds inside and lets it boil her blood. I think every single person in this would admit that they too truly just want Bella happy, safe, and understanding of us all.” I replied.

“We’ll get there. It won’t be easy on our bodies, mind, or even our hearts for that matter, but I promise that we can make this all work out for everyone, even Bella.” He assured me.

“I hope so,” I whispered.

“I know so.” He told me.

Notes