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Selfish Machines

Chapter nineteen

“Wait what?” Mike says letting go of my arms and standing up. “You were a fucking virgin!?”

“I thought you knew” I say standing up walking towards but he backs away. “Mike, come on it’s not that big of a deal.”

“No I didn’t know because you didn’t fucking tell me. Of course it’s a big deal. If I would have known that I wouldn’t have done it.” Mike states with a hint of anger in his voice. “ Your first time should be special not at some random party.”

“Why are you so upset about this? It’s not like it was your fucking virginity!” I’m starting to lose my cool a little. Who does he think he is?

“You know what Vic was right you deserve better than me, I can’t do this. You’re worth so much more than what I can give you.” Mike says as he walks out of the room. I walk over to the bed and sit on it with my head in my hands. I hear the front door shut and Mikes car peels out of the driveway. A couple tears can’t help but fall.

What just happened? This can’t be the end of this. Over something so small. It’s honestly not that big of a deal, they always hype up losing your virginity like its suppose to be so romantic but that’s not the reality of it. Most girls my age end up losing it at parties anyways. I wouldn’t doubt that Mike’s first time having sex was at a party. And he always treated sex likes it’s nothing, who knows how many girls he’s even slept with anyways. So why is it such a big deal now? This isn’t the end, I won’t accept this as the end.

I reach for my phone to try to call Mike but there’s no answer. Mike just answer the phone. I call again and it rings once then goes to voicemail. I decide to just text him.

5:27 am

To: Mike

You don’t get to tell me what I deserve or what I want because what I want is you.

A few minutes go by and he still hasn’t replied. There’s no point in going to sleep now, I have school in a few hours. I grab my pack of Marlboros and make my way down the hallways and I creep down the stairs until I reach the door to go on to the back deck. I turn around and see the door leading to the basement where Mike spends most of his free time. I check my phone to see if he replied, but there’s no text, no call, no response at all. Where is he? Why isn’t he answering? I go to call him again but then decide against it. I turn back around and unlock the door. I walk over to the edge of the deck and sit on the railing. I can see the ocean off in the distance. I miss the days where Tony, Jaime, Vic and I would just go to the beach. We would be there till sunset hanging out, laughing having fun. Mike would just be in the background smoking a joint floating around on a pool toy. Mama always made Vic take Mike with him that way Mike wouldn’t be getting into trouble and Mike would pretend to hate it but I knew he had fun.

I light my cigarette reminiscing on the good times. Vic hates that I smoke and he’s constantly nagging on me to quit. There was one time I was floating in the pool in my backyard on a giant donut, and I was holding a lit cigarette I had taken maybe two puffs off of it. I’m sitting there relaxing, enjoying my smoke, not having a care in the world when all the sudden my floaty flips over and I end up under water. Turns out Vic swam underneath me without me even noticing. Him and Jaime thought it was pretty funny, but I was super pissed. Looking back on moments like that is a lot funnier than experiencing it while it happens.

I miss the way things use to be. Things kind of fell off for a bit when Tony started dating Alysha. The four of us stopped hanging out together as much. Jaime only ever wants to party, Tony is always too “busy” Mike is Mike so he’s either drumming or he’s high. Vic was the only one who stuck around. Except when he went to Oregon for his college tour when he came back he seemed kind of different. Maybe he’s just nervous about leaving. I feel like that’s also another con for Vic. Like he’s the nicest guy in the entire world and I know he would never hurt me but he’s leaving. I know college won’t be forever but I don’t know if I can wait. But Mike oh Mike. He’s different. There’s this connection with him, we’ve liked each other since day one but have never done anything about it till now. And now it’s over before it even officially begun.

I flick my cigarette butt and take out my phone.

6:02 am


As I go to call him I hear the door open behind me.
I turn my head and see him standing in the doorway. I don’t want to do this roller coaster. If he’s ‘falling for me’ like he says he is than he needs to show it. I look back at the ocean in the distance.

He stepped over to the railing next to where I was sitting.

“When did things become so complicated?” I asked. “Things use to be great. Do you remember when he went to the beach last summer and we were out all day? That day that Mama made Vic take you with him. We had so much fun. I miss days like that.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mike asked completely ignoring what I had said.

“You didn’t ask” I answered shrugging my shoulders refusing to make eye contact.

“That’s not the point, I didn’t realize I had to ask. You didn’t say something when you should have.” Mike said calmly with a brief sigh. Almost as if he was admitting defeat.

“I mean I would have asked you but you kind of have a reputation for this sort of thing.”

“What about Austin? Or Alex? Or even …. never mind.” Mike trailed off not wanting to finish his sentence.

“Say it, go ahead Mike say his name.” He knows I never talk about ‘him who shall not be named’ as I like to call him. “And no me and Austin dated for two months if that back in grade nine, it doesn’t really count. And Alex was a dick you know that.”

“I’m not gonna bring him up.” Mike said.

“You already did.” I said as I hopped down from the railing walking back inside.

“You know I hate him just as you do.” Mike said trailing behind me.

“Why do you even care? How did any of that even affect you?” I say thinking back to that night at Tony’s party.

“He tried to fucking rape you, what do you mean why do I even care? It terrifies to think what would have happened if me and Vic didn’t walk in right before it happened.” Mike says grabbing my arm before I reach my room.

I turn around to see his eyes are filled with hurt and worry. I sigh “I’m just glad that I lost my virginity to you and not him that night.”

“If I would have known that you were a virgin I would have done more, I would have made it more romantic.”

“Mike Fuentes doesn’t do ‘romantic’ everyone knows that” I say with a slight chuckle.

“Hey I can be romantic!” He expressed.

“Oh shit what time is it?” I say grabbing my phone out of my pocket.



Updated :) and much more to come

I really like this you should keep going. Hope you update soon