The Way Down

“Well, since you know each other, that makes things easy. Marissa is joining the tour since we had several people leave recently. Casey, I’ll leave it to you to show her around. Good luck,” the tour manager smiled at Marissa, laying his palm on the small of her back as he shook her hand. She gave her usual polished smile, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she waved. They had only just met and she already had him wrapped around her little finger.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, staring accusingly at her. “Did you come here to make my life miserable or something?”

She turned swiftly as soon as he was out of sight, flipping one side of her hair over her shoulder.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Holt. We were both in music production club, remember? Seeing you here is as surprising for me as it is for you,” she rolled her eyes, pulling her phone out and scanning her eyes over the screen that read eleven a.m. “Let’s get this over with, I don’t exactly want to be spending the morning with you. I thought I wouldn’t have to ever see your face again after we graduated,” she sighed, tucking it back into her purse with her manicured fingers.

“Charming as always,” I grumbled sarcastically, turning to walk towards the buses.

“Oh my god. You know, that was always something I hated about you. That annoying sarcasm. Save it for someone who cares.”

“You know, it’s funny, your voice was always what I hated the most about you. Something about it is just so… grating,” I smiled fakely at her, not waiting for her to catch up. If I was lucky she would just fall off the face of the earth and I could just go wallow in my bunk.

“Where are we going? Aren’t you supposed to be showing me around?” she groaned, stopping and crossing her arms over her chest, giving me an irritated look.

“I don’t want to show you anything, Marissa. Go find your own way around. I’m sure you can leech on to some unsuspecting bystander and get what you want,” I shook my head, approaching the fence that lead to the buses.

“Are you kidding me? I don’t know who is and isn’t a sleaze around here. This isn’t high school anymore, there are fucked up people everywhere,”

“It’s hilarious that you say that, because I’m positive you’re one of them.”

“Look, Casey,” she grabbed my arm, making me stop walking and spin towards her. “I never liked you. And I won’t lie, that hasn’t changed since high school, so don’t expect me to be buddy-buddy with you. I will still do whatever it takes to get what I want. And what I want, right now, is for you to show me around this shit hole. I know you think because I just got here that I can’t do much, but I have a very special talent for ruining people who don’t do as I say. Or do you not remember? Because I can remind you if that’s what you need,” She said authoritatively, her eyes wide and intimidating. I sighed deeply, staring down at her fingers digging into my skin.

“Fine. I’ll show you around,” I cursed myself inside, knowing that if I gave her an inch she would turn my life upside down in an instant. But I was so tired. It had been a long day. A long week.

She smiled triumphantly, releasing my arm and taking a step back, looking around to make sure no one saw her real, disgusting personality.

“That’s better. So, where to?”

I pointed over to the buses behind me.

“These are the tour buses. We sleep here,” I pointed nearby towards the entrance to the venue with the stages. “Those are the stages. That’s where the bands play,” I pointed in the opposite direction at the tents. “That’s the catering tent. We eat there… There are some public showers and bathrooms nearby if you don’t want to use the bathrooms on the bus. Don’t know why you wouldn’t, though. Sometimes we stop at campsites, but that won’t be for about another week I think. Any questions?” I looked at her lazily.

“Seriously?... Come on, introduce me to people,” she grunted as she turned, latching on to my arm, dragging me behind her as she walked towards the catering tent where the most noise was coming from.

“Marissa, I’d really like to go back to my bus now-“

“Just stop talking, you’re really getting on my nerves. No one cares what you want,” she snapped, not letting up. I sighed silently, letting my shoulders drop in defeat. I never was good at confrontation. Arguing with Gabe took a lot more out of me than I had thought. I didn’t want to fight with anyone right now, I just wanted to sleep for a few days.

As we approached the tent, people were standing around outside, some holding plates of food, chatting. Around one o’clock we would have to start setting the stages up, so for now everyone was just taking it easy. We walked over to the first group we saw, just some sound techs I was acquaintances with. I introduced Marissa to them, and of course she put on her best face. Everyone was smiles all around, not doubting for a second that she was an angel. I kept my eyes down, just waiting until she was done to move on to the next group of innocent casualties who would fall victim to her manipulations.

We stepped away and Dan and Shae emerged from the tent. I cringed internally. I was hoping for the chance to let them know what kind of a person she was before they actually met. I would have to tell them later, on the bus.

“Hey, Case, where did you run off to? I thought you just had to go to the bathroom,” Dan said, sauntering over, then noticing Marissa behind me. “Who’s your friend?” he raised his eyebrow at the unfamiliar face.

“I’m Marissa,” she said before I could speak, shoving past me and offering her hand to him. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m actually an old friend of Casey’s from high school. I’m so excited to be working with her after all this time, we were practically inseparable back then. Weren’t we, Casey?” she turned to me, a sly smile on her face.

“Um… Yeah, something like that,” I mumbled as I stared at my feet. Dan cocked his head to the side, but before he could say anything to me Marissa began speaking again.

“Oh my god, is that your natural hair color? I love it,” she said to Shae as she reached out, lightly touching Shae’s ponytail. Shae smiled sheepishly. She was weak to compliments.

“Yeah, it is! Thank you, that’s nice of you to say. I’m Shae by the way. I’m surprised Casey hasn’t mentioned you, you’re so sweet,” they shook hands.

“Well, it’s been a long time. I’m not surprised Casey moved on from that time in her life. You know, she didn’t have the best high school experience,” Marissa said quietly, looking at me with fake pity. I rolled my eyes.

“Okay, well, Marissa, I’m sure you can find your way around from here, so if you’ll excuse us,” I started, pushing Dan and Shae with me as I walked.

“Wait, wait, Marissa is new around here. We can’t just ditch her. It’s the least we could do to show you around. A friend of Casey’s is a friend of ours,” Dan smiled politely, gesturing for her to come with us.

“Dan, what are you doing?” I hissed under my breath. He looked at me, confused.

“Oh, no, I wouldn’t want to intrude…” Marissa looked on politely.

“Of course you’re not intruding,” Dan remained with a perplexed look on his face as he gazed at me, but didn’t falter nonetheless. “We’d be happy for you to join us. Most of the group isn’t done with their breakfast, and I’m sure you’re hungry,” he smiled at her in his usual friendly way. I silently cursed him but I knew this wasn’t out of character for him. He was friends with everyone, and for the good reason that he was so chummy with every person he met.

“Well, if you don’t mind I would love to join you. I was worried I wouldn’t be able to make friends so late in the tour… Thank you so much, you guys are so lovely,” she put on a great show. If I didn’t know her true colors, I would undoubtedly fall victim to her little act.

“No problem. We’ll show you everything you need to know,” Dan grinned at her and they walked ahead.

“Dan, wait,” I said, grabbing on to his arm. “Marissa is-“ I spared a glance at her and I was met with the iciest glare. She looked at me like she wanted to leave a path of complete destruction in her wake, with me at the front. I knew that look. I faltered, panic settling into my chest, the feelings from high school rushing back to me. I knew what she was capable of.

Images of standing out behind the gym with her goons scattering my belongings in the mud flashed in my mind. On one of Marissa’s good days they just ruined my things, made fun of me, made me feel gross and unwanted. On one of her bad days… I thought of the first time one of them hit me. They weren’t the upstanding kind of gentlemen who were above hitting a woman. I took a lot of beatings behind that gym. A lot of kicks to the stomach where people wouldn’t see the bruises. A few times I went home with a split lip or a cut up eyebrow, maybe some bruising on my face here and there. I always told Ryan and Joey it was just a rough day in gym class, and they knew how clumsy I was. Maybe it was because they trusted me so much, trusted I would tell them if something was wrong, that they never asked anymore questions.

“…I’ll tell you later,” I murmured, relinquishing my grip on him.

“You sure?” Dan bent slightly to look in my eyes, and I peeked up at him, nodding, albeit probably unconvincingly. I didn’t want him to say anything else on the subject, not while Marissa was there, so I turned, walking to the back of the group. I felt his eyes follow me momentarily before he continued walking, getting the hint that I no longer wanted to talk. To my dismay, Marissa fell back with me. She smiled widely as she linked our arms, and I felt my stomach drop at the contact with her.

“Let me make one thing clear,” she was grinning, but her tone was cold and dangerous. “If you tell anyone, anything… I will make your life a living Hell. If I so much as hear a tiny whisper about you talking about me… Well, let’s just say I’m very good friends with the manager, and I’m sure he would be more than willing to fire anyone who would hurt me,” she said the last part with a fake pout, batting her eyelashes at me like she would to the manager, putting on her best pitiful face before it turned cold. “I will find all the things important to you here and take them from you, one by one. I promise, Casey. You don’t utter a word. To anybody. We clear?” her gaze was piercing as she pulled me to a stop, her nails subtly digging into the skin on my arm. I flinched slightly, my blood running cold.

“Crystal,” I stared unblinking at her, my voice was raspy, giving away how intimidated I really was. The satisfied look on her face told me that she knew. She knew that she still scared me. Still unsettled me to no end. She had so much power over me, perhaps just from my sheer trauma from back when we were seventeen. Back when she dictated my life.

“Wonderful,” she let go of me, slipping her arm out of mine, and a wave of relief crashed over me. As she walked away peppily, pleased with our conversation, I let out a shaky breath I hadn’t realized I was holding in. I watched her rejoin the group, chatting easily with my friends. I couldn’t shake the terrible feeling in my gut.

We entered the catering tent, and I quickly spotted Gabe back at the table. He looked up as we arrived, and our eyes met momentarily. The look on his face was unreadable, and he quickly looked back down to his plate of food. I realized after a moment that everyone had sat back where they were previously, and the only seat left was the one I had been in earlier. The seat beside Gabe. I contemplated for a moment leaving again, just escaping in the hustle and bustle, but I was cut short on making my decision when Dan looked up at me, cocking his eyebrow.

“What’s up, Case? Sit down,” he turned his head to the side with a concerned expression. I nodded, glancing at Gabe before I slowly descended into the chair next to him. He didn’t move for a moment, but soon started eating again, not looking up, not meeting my eyes. I fixed my gaze on the table in front of me. Time seemed to be dragging on miserably slow as I wished breakfast would end so that I could run off to my bunk. I still had a lot of questions for Gabe about what he said to me. It seemed like I was the only nervous one out of the two of us, him simply munching on his bacon. Sure, he wasn’t looking at me or talking to me, but he didn’t act like we had just had an incredibly personal conversation where he vowed to make me fall for him at the end. I was amazed at his talent for acting like there was nothing going on at all. It made me wonder how long he had been feeling this way. I was just so wrapped up in my own feelings for Jeremy…

My eyes trailed across the tent to where him and the guys usually sat, and I was actually a little surprised to see him there, silently eating while everyone else talked and joked around. We hadn’t been around each other much in a week, much less spoken. At one point I thought he was going to approach me, but I didn’t think I could handle it just yet, and managed to run off. Our friendship seemed to crumple into a pit of nerves and anxiety after that. It was all stolen glances and awkward nods. Every time I looked at him my chest felt tight and my throat felt like there was something lodged in it. It had only become more painful to think about how he really felt about me, which was nothing. I was just dead weight to him. I imagined that talking to me all this time must have been a chore for him, and my chest ached. I didn’t realize how hard I was staring until he glanced up, and our eyes locked.

I immediately looked down at my hands, my heart rate sky rocketing as I felt my face heat. I tried to look around, pretend that I wasn’t looking directly at him, but despite my best efforts I ended up glancing back over to him. His eyes were dead set on me, and he hadn’t moved since I looked away. I slowly turned, locking gazes. He wasn’t faltering, and so neither was I. It felt like the entire world faded away, blurring behind us as we properly looked at each other for the first time in days. I studied him attentively as he slowly stood, his hand lingering on the chair before he began to walk in my direction. I swallowed hard, but my eyes never left him. It was almost like he was moving in slow motion. I was so entrapped in Jeremy’s every move that I had hardly noticed someone at the table stand, but I was pulled from my concentration as a body moved towards him, standing in my line of sight. I quickly realized what had happened and I felt my stomach drop, churning with a terrible gut feeling. There was Marissa, standing in front of me, introducing herself to Jeremy. His eyes were ripped away from me as she stood directly in his path. I saw her mouth move, but I couldn’t hear what she was saying. Not over the voice in my head that was screaming that this was my worst nightmare.

Notes