The Way Down

“How is my adorable little sister doing?” Ryan’s voice rang into my ears.

“I’m fine,” I laughed into the receiver. “How are you? How’s dad?” I gave Jeremy an apologetic look and he shook his head, waving his hand to signal it was fine.

“We’re gooood. We miss you over here. The house is gross when you’re not around,” he replied and I scoffed.

“I don’t even live with you guys. Clean your own house,” he couldn’t see me, but he knew me well enough to know that I was rolling my eyes. I had an apartment that was a ten-minute drive from the house, and fifteen from dad’s studio. Dad and the guys lived together, but I moved out years ago when I was twenty. As much as I loved my family, the boys were loud and unruly, and my tiny studio apartment was a haven for me, even if I wasn’t there for long stretches while I was touring. When I wasn’t touring I worked in my dad’s studio with him and Ryan. This only brought my brother and I closer, which we always had been since we were little, being so close in age, with me at twenty-three and him twenty-four.

“But you should live with us. There’s no reason to have your own place and pay rent even though you travel,”

“Is this why you called me?” I wasn’t in the mood to get lectured by him in front of Jeremy and while I was so cold and slightly hungover.

“Nope. I was actually calling to tell you I have news…” I could hear the smirk in his voice.

“What?”

“Guess,” he said. I rolled my eyes, not in the mood for Ryan’s little games that he loved to play.

“Ryannn,” I whined, “I don’t want to guess, please just tell me.”

“Fine,” he grumped, dissatisfied by my unwillingness to play along. “Well, I called to tell you that… I’m coming to visit you!” he cheered, and my jaw dropped.

“What?!” I gawked at the screen, not sure I heard him right.

“I’ve been keeping an eye on the tour schedule. You’re going to be in Austin, Texas in a week. Well I pulled some strings and rescheduled a meeting with an up and coming band so that I would be there at the same time! It was supposed to be in a few weeks, but they said they were available early. I’m coming to see you!” he shouted, his voice filled with enthusiasm. At first my stomach churned, nerves taking over. This was my job. Was it really professional for him to come visit? But despite the rational thought that I should dismiss the idea, a smile crept onto my face, and it only continued to grow as I thought about the prospect of seeing my brother.

“I can’t believe you,” I said, the happiness seeping into my voice. “…You really rescheduled with a band to visit me?”

“Duh! I haven’t seen you in a month and a half. If I have the chance to see you I’ll take it,” I could practically hear him grinning. I almost felt like crying. It was nice to feel so loved.

“I’m excited to see you… I have to go, but I’ll call you tonight, okay?” I said, finishing up our conversation, feeling bad for talking so long while Jeremy was sitting patiently.

“Bye, Case. I’ll see you soon.”

I smiled to myself as I hit the ‘end call’ button. Looking up to Jeremy, my eyes glinting with delight.

“My brother is coming to visit next week in Austin,” I beamed, feeling the anticipation bubbling in my chest. My cheeks were beginning to hurt from smiling so much. It was contagious as the corners of Jeremy’s lips tugged upward. “It’s gonna be so fun! I haven’t seen him in so long! Long for us, anyway. He’s funny, and smart, too, you’re gonna love him.”

Jeremy’s eyebrows shot up.

“I’m going to meet him?” he asked. I quickly realized what I had said, looking down bashfully.

“Well… He’ll come to the show, that’s all… You guys might cross paths, you know…” I tried to explain, mentally kicking myself. A part of me was picturing introducing Jeremy to my brother, hoping Ryan immediately took to him. Why had I imagined that? What does it matter if Ryan ever meets Jeremy, or liked him much less? I shook the thoughts from my head.

“I see. I’d… Well, meeting him would be cool… If we, cross paths, you know,” Jeremy nodded downward at his soup. I nodded back, staring at my lap. A blanket of silence fell over us.

“We should probably get back,” Jeremy said, looking around at our empty dishes, checking the time on his phone.

“Yeah, I have a lot of laundry to do,” I sighed and he gave me a questioning look. “Dan told Shae I would do everyone’s laundry for a month because of what I pulled last night…” I explained, my face set in a grimace. His face slowly changed, at first a small smirk, and eventually, to my surprise, he was laughing. Fully, wholeheartedly laughing. It was deep and jovial. It was also the most adorable thing I had ever seen. My heart squeezed.

“Are you… Laughing at me?” I sputtered, not sure how to react. Not only was he enjoying my suffering, but he was doing it in the cutest way possible. I never expected to see this side of Jeremy. Usually he was mysterious and hard to read. His face was always hard set, blank and cryptic. Seeing more of his expressions made me happy. Made me feel like I had just run a marathon and my favorite thing in the world was waiting for me at the end, and I was breathless and my chest was raw, but I was happy and excited and could take on anything.

“Now you know how it feels,” he chuckled as he settled down, scooting his chair out from behind him as he stood. I followed, and we left the shop, emerging from the cozy warmth inside into the frigid cold, nipping at my nose and fingertips unforgivingly.

“I can’t believe you’re laughing at my misfortune,” I pouted.

“On the bright side, it’s only an entire month of laundry,” he teased. I narrowed my eyes at him, stopping short and lingering behind as he walked forward. An evil grin crept onto my face as a thought popped into my mind. I didn’t have any time to really consider it, only thinking that I had to work fast. Reaching down, I scooped up a fistful of snow, stinging my bare fingers, though I ignored it as I snuck behind Jeremy. I waited until we had fallen into a silence. Without warning I lifted my hand, bringing the freezing slush down onto the back of his exposed neck.

“Take that, McKinnon!” I yelled as he shouted in surprise, jumping backwards, clawing at his back where the icy water was melting down onto his skin.

“Oh, you’re gonna get it,” he grunted, his voice filled with pure determination. I yelped as I saw him grab a bundle of snow, balling it into his fist. I ran away, but the sheets of snow were thick where we were, and his legs were much longer than my own.

“I’m sorry!” I shrieked with laughter as he caught up with me quickly, glancing over my shoulder every five seconds, still trying to make my escape. My feet couldn’t carry me away fast enough as he closed in.

“Sorry can’t save you now!” he tumbled towards me, grabbing my arm, shoving the freezing ice down the back of my shirt much like I had done to him. I felt the cold stab at my back like a thousand needles, dripping down my spine. I was yelling and laughing at the same time, gasping for air as I latched onto his extended arm, dragging him to the ground with me. As we fell, we toppled over each other, wrestling for dominance. Both of us grabbed more handfuls of snow, pelting each other at close range. I wouldn’t be surprised if we got the attention of everyone on the block with how much noise we were making, screaming and laughing as we rolled over each other.

“Uncle, uncle!” I cried from below him, winded and trying to catch my breath. Jeremy lowered his hand, filled with the malicious cold substance, as he chuckled continuously. Slowly his face began dropping and he quit laughing altogether. I wondered what was wrong, but quickly realized the position we had ended up in. He was straddling me, knees on either side of my hips, one of his hands pinning my shoulder into the snow. His face wasn’t a foot away from mine. His nose was pink, his eyelashes long, with bouts of snowflakes clinging to the ends. I felt my breath catch, my heart jumping into my throat. It felt like someone was squeezing what little air I had out of my lungs.

“Uh, sorry,” he scrambled off of me, offering a hand to help me up. I took it gratefully, electricity launching up my arm as I came in contact with his bare skin. It was freezing cold outside but I felt ridiculously warm in his jacket.

“Thanks,” I said, brushing the snow off my clothes. We fell into step side by side as we began walking again. An awkward silence dawned on us. I could think of a million things I wanted to know about Jeremy when I wasn’t around him, and I usually did, but at the moment, when it actually mattered, I was drawing a complete blank. My clothes were dripping wet, soppy with the cold, melted slush. I looked to my right to see Jeremy almost soaked. Reaching up, I touched my hair, realizing that I must have looked like a drowned rat. Usually I wouldn’t mind so much, but near him I felt increasingly self-conscious.

Neither of us spoke for several minutes, finally coming up to the buses. We approached my bus door, and he broke the hush that almost felt intimate now. Comfortable.

“Well, I should probably go take a shower. I don’t want to get sick before a show,”

I nodded, understanding. There was a quiet that settled again. After a moment, I said,

“Thank you… For taking care of me, and spending the day with me.” My voice was quiet and unsure, shaky with nerves. I smiled slightly at the thought of us wrestling around in the snow. This was the first time I actually felt like Jeremy and I could really be considered friends. Though he had said we were before, I only really believed it today. Before now it was all stiff conversation and awkwardness and hoping to see him but getting nervous when I did. I felt like we were slowly breaking down our walls, together.

His eyes snapped to me as I spoke, and he smiled softly down at me, finally making eye contact after avoiding my gaze for so long.

“Anytime.”

It felt like time had stopped, and it was just the two of us, flecks of snow brushing my face as I stared up at him. Breaking down our walls. I took a step closer to him, and he looked on with rapt attention. I lifted my hand, softly grabbing onto his jacket, my eyes fixated on my fingers latched onto the slick material.

“I would be happy… If we could spend more days like this…” my voice was hardly more than a whisper, my ears burning. I was afraid to look up, afraid of his response to my sudden bravery. My eyes snapped to his hand, lifting up, brushing my own. It felt like a rod of heat in this cold Colorado weather.

“I would like that, too.” There it was, that gravelly, low voice that made my head spin. I took in a shaky breath, finally locking eyes with him. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. My legs were quivering. His eyes searched mine, but it was all I could do not to be completely mesmerized by his amber orbs, flecks of yellow and green floating amid the deep russet. There was an incredible warmth about Jeremy. I hadn’t seen it when we first met, but I was surrounded by it now, wrapped in his copious amounts of kindness and gentle touches. It felt like I could crawl into his chest and live there in his heart, and make a home out of him and never feel like I didn’t belong there. I breathed a shaky breath, and dropped my hand, taking a step back.

“Thank you,” I shared a small smile with him and scaled the bus steps, walking through the door. I didn’t have the courage to look back and see his face. To look back and see if he was watching my every move the way I wished he was.

Notes