Little Lilac
My Hell That Reflects Hell
Swerving and screeching.
The speeding mobile jostled from side to side, as it pulled up to a tall, stark white, crowded building.
Everything looks red and blurred in this state of mind.
A swift motion creates of floating feeling that spreads across the warm, blood, spasming body.
Wheels stretch from underneath a moving bed.
Fast, everything is going so fast.
People and objects fly by quickly. No time to register what is going on.
“Open the doors now!”
Swivel doors burst open. And the smell of Lemon and Bleach fills the cold air.
“Here! Bring her over here”
“Okay, 1. 2. 3.”
Lift. Grab. Drop.
Screaming. The already busy, noisy, crowded air is greeted with eerie screams.
Hands. So many hands. Grabbing anything they could reach.
“Hold her down!”
Convulsing. Tossing and turning.
“Restraints!”
Cold metal encloses around the warm, bloody, spasming bodies’ wrists.
Nothing can restrain the true terror being show in that room.
Pleads of terror. Screaming. Crying.
“Needle!”
“Someone get that needle now!”
The machine beeps violently.
The sharp pinch of a needle enters the warm, bloody, spasming bodies’ neck.
Arms hold the still spasming body, like a mother and child. Soothing it to sleep.
The machine slows to an even beat. Thud…. Thud…. Thud….
Repetitive. Constant. Soothing.
Music to the ears of the arms holding the warm, bloody, now motionless body.
Long awaited breaths have been released. Sighs fill the room..
Everyone cheers softly.
“Okay, that is just the beginning today Ladies and gentlemen. But Good work everyone. Lets finish shall we?”
A manly voice coos to the employees.
Majority of the people gathered in the room scatter.
Gentle hands repair what needs to be repaired.
“Your a fighter alright.”
A lovely voice coos into the warm, not so bloody, now motionless bodies’ ear.
Crashing. THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD.
“CODE BLUE!!!!!!”
Running. Hands reaching over the warm, bloody, crashing bodies’ chest.
A beeping machine makes an elongated monotone noise that clashes with the eerie silence.
“Hands up!!”
Cold metal touches the warm, not so bloody, crashing bodies’ chest.
“CLEAR!”
The warm, bloody, calm body convulsing with electricity.
Silence… The hearts of the employee’s, sink.
“Time of dea-”
Beep. beep.
“Hold on!”
A man puts his finger on the warm, bloody, possible dead bodie’s neck.
He smiles.
“We got her!”
****************************
Beep, beep, beep.
I open my eyes but I am blinded by Fluorescent lights. I try and squint, but I'm epically failing.
I snap them shut and think.
What I saw in the few moments of eyesight I had, left me dazed and confused.
Beep, beep, beep.
Whit walls. Stark white. Marked up with intricate engravings. Almost like fingernails.
Beep, beep, beep.
A metallic mirror stares at me from the corner of the room, right next to a deadbolt door.
Beep, beep, beep.
I furrow my brow, as a brainsplitting headache starts to rise. As if my head wasn't already spinning enough.
Beep, beep, beep.
Well there is no hope for escape now. Well, it is not like I can get up with this pain caressing my brain.
beep, beep, beep.
I crane my neck towards the sound. It is no use. Without eyesight I felt hopeless on figuring what the hell I am doing in this place.
Beep, beep, beep.
My headache is in full swing now thanks to that fucking machine beeping its ass off. Like come on. I CAN FUCKING HEAR YOU!!
I lean my head back onto the bed I was lying in. The pillow was hard, but to hard. The blanket was scratchy, but not to scratchy.
The air was cold compared to the San Diego heat.
Honestly this could feel like home, only when I am at home the air doesn't smell weird and I of course knew where I was.
It smelled like Anti- Bacterial gel, lemons, ableach, and death. I cringe when I thought of the word death.
It became kind of a trigger word.
Memories now come fading back into my mind.
Her promise now dangles by a thread in the back of my head. Always there. Never forgiving. Never a day I don't think back to her promise.
I have tried over and over again to try and cut the thread her promise hangs by.
But It just dangles, never refusing. Just like her.
Her life commitment to ruining mine, hangs by that thread. It has become my life commitment to fufill hers.
My stomach drops at the realization of what I have done. I did not keep the promise. My throat becomes tight, and bile rises slowly.
I promised her in that hallway I would accomplish this so called promise.
I reach up to itch my arm and a certain sound goes off.
Jingle, jingle, jingle.
No.....
I am Restrained. Shackled at the wrist.
I let my fingers drift towards the sound. My fingerstip grazed metal.
I cringe...
No.....
I drift back into my mind once again. Utterally Digusted with myself.
**********************************
Dark, red, hot blood spurts from my mouth and into the bowl made of porcelain. I kneel before it, Knowing I had been defeated. I had lost to society and it's evil ways.
My mouth hangs open while blood drips down like and hourglass.
I shake my head and let instincts kick in.
I remove one hand from the side of the bowl. Dipping it in my blood, before I glide it down my throat.
Throwing up everything but my dignity, or what's left of it.
I gag on air when nothing comes up.
Come on Rhey,
I breath in and try again.
I push myself harder.Testing my never ending limits. Every time I do this my limits are pushed back 20 feet.
The taste of bile enters my mouth as stomach acid and blood fill the bowl.
The water now turns a pinkish gray.
I get up and fall down. Gripping the edge of the vanity I pull my end of the weight.
By mistake I look into the mirror. I call it My hell that Reflects hell. I stare into the eyes of a demon.
A face drained of color. Stained by smeared black mascara. Puffy eyes and cheeks. Lips with dried on blood part, revealing red teeth. How mortifying.
I shiver at the thought that the demon is me.Speaking of demon, Elliot enters my mind.
"Quit staring at everyone, they won't give you their attention. you whore" Everyone drools over you Elliot.
"You deserve pity, you deserve pain." You deserve everything Elliot.
"Just except the fact that nobody wants you around" Everybody wants you around Elliot.
"You reek of desperation" You smell of Heaven Elliot.
"Your face scares us in our dreams. A literal nightmare come true" My dreams are a reality elliot.
""Your a waste" Your a God given gift Elliot.
"The food you gob into your filthy mouth could have been given to the children or the homeless. Even hobo's smell and look better than you do. Stop shopping at walmart for you makeup and learn how to take a shower." Your beauty bleeds through your perfect pores Elliot.
Nobody regrets her breathing or living. I wonder what it feels like to be loved. Must be nice.
She would violently grab my flat biceps, digging her nails into my pale flesh. I would whimper. So she would spit in my face because I didn't keep quiet.
"Oh bloody hell keep quiet already would you?"
I would try and fade into the lockers she shoved me into.
She got up in my face and whispered threatningly.
"Get your priorities straight K? Just stop. Stop trying at life, at breathing, at keeping this depressed act going.Cause we all know your little act is fake. So stop crying for attention. Look around your not getting any are you? The only people who sort of care is your tattooed freak and your emo friend Danny. Well I'm not so sure that Danny cares. He tried t kill himself like what, 8 times. Just to get away from you. Congrats to him for realizing how pathetic it is to try and deal with you. Bravo.He is pretty cute though. Right? I'm sure he is into cute girls with small thighs and a nice rack. I mean he has to dig me. Why would he turn me down? Such a major upgrade from you. Chubby, ugly, emo. Humph."
I push against her grip on me. Danny means the world to me. She just thinks of him as a toy. I start to question myself. Danny means the world to me I know, but do I mean the world to him?
Did he really try to commit suicide just to get away from me? I tear up, but I let them fade before she notices.
I dozed off for a second when I feel a hand grip my face. Making my lips pucker.
Her next words ice me. literally chill my veins.
"Just end it. End your life.Like Danny and most of us here at Laken Day High want you to. Stop breathing. If you don't
She shifts toward me. We are literally breathing the same air. She grabs my face harder.
"If you don't I swear I will. Cause darling, honestly I'm concerned with your ell being. I just want what's best for you. And if this whole Depressed act if real, then this is perfect for you"
She smiles her perfect toothy grin, and backs up off me.
I cup my red, swelling face. It stings from the her perfect hand.
She shoves me into my locker, and I am pushed back. I hit my head on a lock.
She flaunts her perfect curves and thigh gap down the hall. I am left alone.
Alone, permanently alone I am. I adjust my clothes and wipe my tears. I hold up my shaking pinky finger.
I promise.
*********************************
I open my eyes and I am filled with a determined mindset.
I will finish this once and for all.
I look down at my heavily bandaged wrists.
The only way to escape this hell is a hidden secret underneath my bandages.
I know I will not be alive once I complete this.
And for all the years I have lived with this I am completely okay with the chances.
I hesitate, but what else I have to live for? I spin my wrists around and I yank.
I lay my head back and enjoy the ride.
I need to get out of here now.
I have wished for this every christmas and birthday. I guess nobody knows where to buy gift wrapped death.
6 years.
I have waited for 6 years.
The present has finally been given.
Happy Birthday to me right?
I open my eyes and I notice I have completely cut through the bandages.
It is time.
I pull as hard as I could. My wrists slice open. it stings but I relish it. Considering it is the last thing I will feel before I depart.
I deserve pain. Elliot was right.
The blood begins to pool at my waist.
I look at how mesmorizing it is. How the maroon blood cascades over my colorless skin.
How can something so beautiful be created by something so morbid?
My eyes began to flutter. And the room spins softly.
It is peaceful where I am going.
I know I will be there soon.
As I fade, my beeping machine goes haywire. And that is music to my ears. Elliot would have been proud. I am glad..
A stray tear falls down my cheek. No, not because I am sad. It is because I am relieved of life and the pain it has caused my now dying soul.
Goodbye.
Everything goes black, I smile.
The speeding mobile jostled from side to side, as it pulled up to a tall, stark white, crowded building.
Everything looks red and blurred in this state of mind.
A swift motion creates of floating feeling that spreads across the warm, blood, spasming body.
Wheels stretch from underneath a moving bed.
Fast, everything is going so fast.
People and objects fly by quickly. No time to register what is going on.
“Open the doors now!”
Swivel doors burst open. And the smell of Lemon and Bleach fills the cold air.
“Here! Bring her over here”
“Okay, 1. 2. 3.”
Lift. Grab. Drop.
Screaming. The already busy, noisy, crowded air is greeted with eerie screams.
Hands. So many hands. Grabbing anything they could reach.
“Hold her down!”
Convulsing. Tossing and turning.
“Restraints!”
Cold metal encloses around the warm, bloody, spasming bodies’ wrists.
Nothing can restrain the true terror being show in that room.
Pleads of terror. Screaming. Crying.
“Needle!”
“Someone get that needle now!”
The machine beeps violently.
The sharp pinch of a needle enters the warm, bloody, spasming bodies’ neck.
Arms hold the still spasming body, like a mother and child. Soothing it to sleep.
The machine slows to an even beat. Thud…. Thud…. Thud….
Repetitive. Constant. Soothing.
Music to the ears of the arms holding the warm, bloody, now motionless body.
Long awaited breaths have been released. Sighs fill the room..
Everyone cheers softly.
“Okay, that is just the beginning today Ladies and gentlemen. But Good work everyone. Lets finish shall we?”
A manly voice coos to the employees.
Majority of the people gathered in the room scatter.
Gentle hands repair what needs to be repaired.
“Your a fighter alright.”
A lovely voice coos into the warm, not so bloody, now motionless bodies’ ear.
Crashing. THUD. THUD. THUD. THUD.
“CODE BLUE!!!!!!”
Running. Hands reaching over the warm, bloody, crashing bodies’ chest.
A beeping machine makes an elongated monotone noise that clashes with the eerie silence.
“Hands up!!”
Cold metal touches the warm, not so bloody, crashing bodies’ chest.
“CLEAR!”
The warm, bloody, calm body convulsing with electricity.
Silence… The hearts of the employee’s, sink.
“Time of dea-”
Beep. beep.
“Hold on!”
A man puts his finger on the warm, bloody, possible dead bodie’s neck.
He smiles.
“We got her!”
****************************
Beep, beep, beep.
I open my eyes but I am blinded by Fluorescent lights. I try and squint, but I'm epically failing.
I snap them shut and think.
What I saw in the few moments of eyesight I had, left me dazed and confused.
Beep, beep, beep.
Whit walls. Stark white. Marked up with intricate engravings. Almost like fingernails.
Beep, beep, beep.
A metallic mirror stares at me from the corner of the room, right next to a deadbolt door.
Beep, beep, beep.
I furrow my brow, as a brainsplitting headache starts to rise. As if my head wasn't already spinning enough.
Beep, beep, beep.
Well there is no hope for escape now. Well, it is not like I can get up with this pain caressing my brain.
beep, beep, beep.
I crane my neck towards the sound. It is no use. Without eyesight I felt hopeless on figuring what the hell I am doing in this place.
Beep, beep, beep.
My headache is in full swing now thanks to that fucking machine beeping its ass off. Like come on. I CAN FUCKING HEAR YOU!!
I lean my head back onto the bed I was lying in. The pillow was hard, but to hard. The blanket was scratchy, but not to scratchy.
The air was cold compared to the San Diego heat.
Honestly this could feel like home, only when I am at home the air doesn't smell weird and I of course knew where I was.
It smelled like Anti- Bacterial gel, lemons, ableach, and death. I cringe when I thought of the word death.
It became kind of a trigger word.
Memories now come fading back into my mind.
Her promise now dangles by a thread in the back of my head. Always there. Never forgiving. Never a day I don't think back to her promise.
I have tried over and over again to try and cut the thread her promise hangs by.
But It just dangles, never refusing. Just like her.
Her life commitment to ruining mine, hangs by that thread. It has become my life commitment to fufill hers.
My stomach drops at the realization of what I have done. I did not keep the promise. My throat becomes tight, and bile rises slowly.
I promised her in that hallway I would accomplish this so called promise.
I reach up to itch my arm and a certain sound goes off.
Jingle, jingle, jingle.
No.....
I am Restrained. Shackled at the wrist.
I let my fingers drift towards the sound. My fingerstip grazed metal.
I cringe...
No.....
I drift back into my mind once again. Utterally Digusted with myself.
**********************************
Dark, red, hot blood spurts from my mouth and into the bowl made of porcelain. I kneel before it, Knowing I had been defeated. I had lost to society and it's evil ways.
My mouth hangs open while blood drips down like and hourglass.
I shake my head and let instincts kick in.
I remove one hand from the side of the bowl. Dipping it in my blood, before I glide it down my throat.
Throwing up everything but my dignity, or what's left of it.
I gag on air when nothing comes up.
Come on Rhey,
I breath in and try again.
I push myself harder.Testing my never ending limits. Every time I do this my limits are pushed back 20 feet.
The taste of bile enters my mouth as stomach acid and blood fill the bowl.
The water now turns a pinkish gray.
I get up and fall down. Gripping the edge of the vanity I pull my end of the weight.
By mistake I look into the mirror. I call it My hell that Reflects hell. I stare into the eyes of a demon.
A face drained of color. Stained by smeared black mascara. Puffy eyes and cheeks. Lips with dried on blood part, revealing red teeth. How mortifying.
I shiver at the thought that the demon is me.Speaking of demon, Elliot enters my mind.
"Quit staring at everyone, they won't give you their attention. you whore" Everyone drools over you Elliot.
"You deserve pity, you deserve pain." You deserve everything Elliot.
"Just except the fact that nobody wants you around" Everybody wants you around Elliot.
"You reek of desperation" You smell of Heaven Elliot.
"Your face scares us in our dreams. A literal nightmare come true" My dreams are a reality elliot.
""Your a waste" Your a God given gift Elliot.
"The food you gob into your filthy mouth could have been given to the children or the homeless. Even hobo's smell and look better than you do. Stop shopping at walmart for you makeup and learn how to take a shower." Your beauty bleeds through your perfect pores Elliot.
Nobody regrets her breathing or living. I wonder what it feels like to be loved. Must be nice.
She would violently grab my flat biceps, digging her nails into my pale flesh. I would whimper. So she would spit in my face because I didn't keep quiet.
"Oh bloody hell keep quiet already would you?"
I would try and fade into the lockers she shoved me into.
She got up in my face and whispered threatningly.
"Get your priorities straight K? Just stop. Stop trying at life, at breathing, at keeping this depressed act going.Cause we all know your little act is fake. So stop crying for attention. Look around your not getting any are you? The only people who sort of care is your tattooed freak and your emo friend Danny. Well I'm not so sure that Danny cares. He tried t kill himself like what, 8 times. Just to get away from you. Congrats to him for realizing how pathetic it is to try and deal with you. Bravo.He is pretty cute though. Right? I'm sure he is into cute girls with small thighs and a nice rack. I mean he has to dig me. Why would he turn me down? Such a major upgrade from you. Chubby, ugly, emo. Humph."
I push against her grip on me. Danny means the world to me. She just thinks of him as a toy. I start to question myself. Danny means the world to me I know, but do I mean the world to him?
Did he really try to commit suicide just to get away from me? I tear up, but I let them fade before she notices.
I dozed off for a second when I feel a hand grip my face. Making my lips pucker.
Her next words ice me. literally chill my veins.
"Just end it. End your life.Like Danny and most of us here at Laken Day High want you to. Stop breathing. If you don't
She shifts toward me. We are literally breathing the same air. She grabs my face harder.
"If you don't I swear I will. Cause darling, honestly I'm concerned with your ell being. I just want what's best for you. And if this whole Depressed act if real, then this is perfect for you"
She smiles her perfect toothy grin, and backs up off me.
I cup my red, swelling face. It stings from the her perfect hand.
She shoves me into my locker, and I am pushed back. I hit my head on a lock.
She flaunts her perfect curves and thigh gap down the hall. I am left alone.
Alone, permanently alone I am. I adjust my clothes and wipe my tears. I hold up my shaking pinky finger.
I promise.
*********************************
I open my eyes and I am filled with a determined mindset.
I will finish this once and for all.
I look down at my heavily bandaged wrists.
The only way to escape this hell is a hidden secret underneath my bandages.
I know I will not be alive once I complete this.
And for all the years I have lived with this I am completely okay with the chances.
I hesitate, but what else I have to live for? I spin my wrists around and I yank.
I lay my head back and enjoy the ride.
I need to get out of here now.
I have wished for this every christmas and birthday. I guess nobody knows where to buy gift wrapped death.
6 years.
I have waited for 6 years.
The present has finally been given.
Happy Birthday to me right?
I open my eyes and I notice I have completely cut through the bandages.
It is time.
I pull as hard as I could. My wrists slice open. it stings but I relish it. Considering it is the last thing I will feel before I depart.
I deserve pain. Elliot was right.
The blood begins to pool at my waist.
I look at how mesmorizing it is. How the maroon blood cascades over my colorless skin.
How can something so beautiful be created by something so morbid?
My eyes began to flutter. And the room spins softly.
It is peaceful where I am going.
I know I will be there soon.
As I fade, my beeping machine goes haywire. And that is music to my ears. Elliot would have been proud. I am glad..
A stray tear falls down my cheek. No, not because I am sad. It is because I am relieved of life and the pain it has caused my now dying soul.
Goodbye.
Everything goes black, I smile.
Notes
First Chapter.. well not really. But hey, that's our little secret.
What do you think about her mirror's name. My hell that reflects hell?
Comment your guys favorite song!! I will listen to them!! And vote. Because that shows that you like this story. and it gets other people to notice my story.
I LOVE YOU STRANGERS!!
WHAT HAPPEND?!?!?!
6/18/15