Being Rose

I should have known. This is such a ‘me’ thing to happen. I feel as though I have been cheated in some way. One moment everything is fine. I’m in my happy place. I’m loving life. I am whole. Then wham! Everything is suddenly wrong and scary. Fucking alarm clock. It happens every morning. I opened my eyes and ruffled my hair. I felt around for my alarm clock and instead found an empty gin bottle. I would say I swear I’m not an alcoholic, but who am I kidding. I’m one breakdown short of an AA meeting.
I rolled out of bed and sat on the floor for a few minutes, readying myself. I stumbled over to my door and went to wake Lottie up. This is something I do every morning and something that I have learned must be done very carefully. I opened her door and saw her sleeping. She’s such a graceful sleeper. I’m not. There’s hair and bad breath everywhere.
“Lottie!” I called.
“Go away.” She grumbled, pulling the covers over her head.
“You’ll be late for work.”
“Piss off!” she exclaimed from somewhere in the mass of blankets. “I’m not going in today.”
“You have to.”
“Phone in for me, make it sound as though I have pneumonia.”
“It’s a Wednesday.” I suddenly said.
“Well done for learning the days of the week, you wanker.”
“Are you meeting Brady for lunch?”
“Don’t remind me.” she groaned.
Every single Wednesday Lottie meets up with her husband Brady for lunch. I use the word husband very loosely. They haven’t slept in the same bed for over ten months and they definitely have been seeing other people. But he’s her security blanket. He also tricks the family into thinking she isn’t a failure like me.
“Come on, Lottie. Grow a pair!” I tried again.
“A pair of what?” she asked sleepily.
“You know,” I shrugged and grabbed my breasts. She rolled her eyes and buried her face into her pillow. “If you really don’t want to see him then tell him.”
“I couldn’t do that,” she sat up. “He’s too nice.”
“So?”
“So, we’re not all cold hearted like you Rose.”
“Thank you.” I muttered sarcastically. “Now move!” I snapped. Then I started clapping like a woman possessed. She glared at me and threw something. It hit my head. A pair of her knickers from her dirty laundry. Lovely.
I went to get ready and left her to it. There’s not a lot of point in trying to make myself look pretty or healthy. It’s fairly obvious I haven’t changed my bra in three days and am hungover as hell. Lottie on the other hand had a talent of becoming put together in a very short amount of time. She walked out looking polished and like she belonged on the cover of Vogue. It can never fail to depress me. “Ready Darling?” she asked, pouring herself some coffee into the on the go coffee cup she keeps on her at all times.
“In a moment.” I told her. I went to put a miniature bottle of gin in my bag. She watched me open mouthed.
“I know you are not taking that to work with you.”
“It’s for emergencies.”
“Like?” she urged.
“Like the bakery being ambushed by vile, disgusting mutants. Such as my mother or Katelynne Quinn.” I explained.
“And how would that help?”
“If I drink enough then I won’t remember it. How do you think I forgot last Thanksgiving.” I shot back. She simply rolled her eyes at me and held the door open for me.
We started our walk when we saw a small girl wearing a t-shirt with Jaime’s face on it. Perhaps she needs help. She can have him if she wants. I hope she knows he comes to my bakery at nine thirty every morning. If she wants that please go ahead.
Lottie didn’t seem to care. I wish I could be so carefree. She took me into the city and we stopped when we came to the bakery. “So, I’ll drop in at lunchtime.” She said. Then she changed into a pair of Jimmy Choo’s and her heels clicked off in the direction of her high profile job. She’s been so successful in her career. She has her own office, an assistant, reporters out doing her bidding. I on the other hand work at the place the high profile business people come to get their lunch.
I opened up the shutters and started to prep for the day. I heard the door open and sighed loudly. That man could single-handedly support this place. But when he spoke it completely lost my shit. My heart started to beat one million times faster and my stomach felt like that dessert Mom tried to tell us was a Mexican tradition when really she just left it by the radiator for three days.
“Kellin.” I smiled warmly.
“Hi,” he waved. “I know it’s early Rose but I really need your help.”
This is it, the moment I’ve been waiting for. He’s left her. He’s come looking for me. He needs me. He needs my lips, my warmth. He needs my body.
“I really need some French stuff to take to Kate.” Just like that all my dreams were dashed.
“Oh,” I grumbled.
“She’s there next week.”
“Is she immigrating?” I asked hopefully.
“No, we’re having a second honeymoon there before I join your brothers on tour.” He explained.
“Great,” I muttered.
“So do you have anything?”
“I’ll sort you out.” I sighed and went to make a box for him.
“Have you ever been?” Kellin asked. “To France I mean.”
“No,” Why would anyone ever want to?
“You should.”
“I’d love you.” I’m such a bullshitter. “I just wouldn’t be able to get time off.” Then as I rang it up and he paid me in walked an army of eavesdroppers. I sighed loudly and he waved to me before he ran out of the bakery for his life. I don’t blame him, I wish I could come.
“You have it bad, girl.” Derek my manager commented.
“That was painful to watch.” Charlotte added.
“How obvious are you trying to make it, Rose.” Matt laughed.
“Obviously not obvious enough because then Jaime would leave me alone.” I reminded them.
“Jaime is a special case.” Charlotte reminded me.
“Jaime is committed.” Matt told me.
“Hi!” Jaime exclaimed and I screamed. I actually screamed. He’s like a bad omen. You say his name three times and he just appears. Why couldn’t he just be an urban myth? “I was in the area and thought I’d say hello.”
“Jaime you live on the other side of town.” I reminded him.
“Yeah, funny how things go.” He started laughing. So did I, for the life of me I couldn’t tell you why. He kept playing with his hair and swishing it around the place. “Are you free for lunch today?”
“No.” I snapped.
“You can go.” Derek said quite loudly. Damn you, Derek.
“I don’t want to.” I shot back.
“I brought you something!” Jaime suddenly exclaimed. Then out of nowhere he pulled out a mug. When I took it and looked closer I saw it had Mike and Vic’s faces on it.
“Um, thanks. I think?”
“There’s a guy selling them outside our practice space.”
“Wait,” I stopped him. “You brought your own bootleg merch?”
“Of course.” He said like I was the crazy one.
“Look Jaime, I can’t go to lunch with you. I just don’t like you like that.” I said and everyone around me seemed to gasp. “You should enjoy your time home, not spend it chasing me. I’m not worth it.” I added. He looked at me sadly for a while.
“You look really pretty today, Rose.” Jaime suddenly told me, grinned widely and then leant over the counter to kiss my cheek before he bounced out of the bakery. God damn it.

Notes

So shall I hide or leave the country? I'm sorry it's been so long. I just had so much inspiration to write this. I hope you like it! What did you think? What do you want to happen? I've missed y'all! Have a great day, I love you! Check out my other stories too!

Kelci OX