Family Hangovers, Creepers and Who Is This Wanker?
Twenty nine days, six hours, thirty nine minutes and sixteen seconds. That is all that remains until Kellin goes on tour with Pierce the Veil. Until he leaves, only to be seen when I go to their show in Vegas. I crossed off the day on my calendar and tried to not think much more of it. My obsessing of Kellin is starting to go into the Jaime region and that can’t be good. That is one good thing about the tour coming nearer and nearer – no more Jaime for a few months.
I looked across to Lottie to make sure she wasn’t watching me but she was laying all over her grand piano, her face smashed up into the keys. I’m the gin drinker! Isn’t that supposed to be my job? I heard her groan, making an out of tune sound erupt from the piano. I walked over, I didn’t have far to go either, the stupid thing takes up seventy five percent of our sitting room.
“I have a family hangover!” Lottie declared.
“A what?” I frowned.
“Family hangover. I can’t take seeing them all at once. We need to stay away from them, Rose. They make me ill.”
“The amount you drank has nothing to do with it?” I asked.
“Me? You drank twice as much.”
“Yes, but I am a self-confessed alcoholic. You’re still in denial.” I reminded her. I looked back to the calendar dreamily. I started to zone out until Lottie threw a half-eaten packet of popcorn at my head. There was salt everywhere.
“Stop it, Rose. He’s going on tour.”
“I know.” I huffed.
“If you want to do something you have to do it. You have a month.”
“Until what? Is the world ending?”
“No, you wet fish!” she exclaimed.
“Did you just call me a wet fish?” I frowned.
“Yes, I did,” she rolled her eyes. “Kellin may be married but we all know he isn’t faithful.”
“How do we know?”
“Come on,” she snorted. “If you want him to love you then you need to do it before he leaves and Katelynne gets a bun in the oven.” Lottie puts it so nicely. I sometimes wonder how she isn’t single.
“We don’t know she’ll get pregnant any time soon.”
“I know.” Lottie said slyly.
“What do you mean you know?” I rushed.
“Kellin told Vic Katelynne wants to try.” She explained. My world was crumbling around me. He can’t have a child with that . . . that . . . thing.
“I have to do something.” I muttered. “It’s time for drastic measures.”
“Oh, let me help!” she exclaimed excitedly. Oh Lord no.
“You know, Lottie. I think I should take this one solo.”
“And get Kellin how? By communicating with him telepathically.” She said and giggled at her own I joke.
“Lottie, really there’s no need to-“
“Shut it and let me help! Don’t you want my help.” She’s looking all sad and hurt now. Well I can’t do that. I live with her, she’ll probably do something to me while I’m sleeping. Again.
“Of course I want your help.” I told her, trying not to grimace as I did.
“Good,” Lottie smiled. “Now, your problem is that you’re a waitress.”
“What’s wrong with being a waitress?”
“It’s not very sexy. Have you ever thought of becoming a nurse or a French maid?” she asked seriously. Yes, seriously. “Or a model. You’re not that fat.”
“Thank you, Lottie. Please continue and boost my confidence even more.” I mocked.
“I’m serious, Rose!” Lottie exclaimed. “You need to circulate. You need to make a point.”
“I said I’d let you help me but I refuse for you to give me a make-over so you can take me out and force me to whore around.”
“Yes, you need my help!” she shot back at me. “You won’t win Kellin by moping around our apartment. You need to actually leave the house.”
“I have too many problems and leaving the house won’t fix them all.” I huffed and went to find something fattening to eat. Is one in the afternoon too early to start drinking? I don’t think so.
“Get back here!” Lottie called. I sighed and went back into the sitting room. “I like a challenge.”
“Me too. Is killing Katelynne an option?” I asked seriously. I wasn’t serious.
“You’d murder his wife just so you could have a go?” she gasped.
“I was joking!” I defended. The knowledge that she thinks I’m serious and that killing his wife in cold blood is something I might actually do doesn’t sit well with me. “I need to face the facts. Kellin will never want me. I am undesirable number one!”
“So was Ronnie Radke but he can still get laid.” She said dismissively. “Look, has it not occurred to you that there’s a willing guy just waiting for you to say yes?”
“Who?” I frowned.
“Jaime!” Lottie rolled her eyes at me. Did she just say Jaime? Is she joking?
“Just because he’s followed me around for years doesn’t mean I should sleep with him.”
“True,” Lottie laughed. “You’re not that desperate.”
Then she stopped laughing and gasped. I followed her gaze to the window and saw Jaime standing outside looking in. Did he hear us talking? Did he see me drinking at one in the afternoon? More importantly why was he standing outside our window, looking in like the total stalker he is? Before we could do anything sensible like phoning the police or even an animal exterminator he walked away.
“What the hell.” Lottie muttered.
I know I shouldn’t but right then I felt bad for him. He was standing outside my window. He was creeping around in a way that could probably get you prosecuted in most states. He was completely terrifying. But he can’t be all that bad. I mean everyone seems to like him. I can’t for the life of me think why. They say he’s funny. I don’t think he’s ever told me a joke. There was one about the man that dressed as a nun but I didn’t laugh. He must like he, he just doesn’t have any people skills. I need to handle this delicately. Actually talk to him for once. I also don’t want everyone to know what a stuck up bitch I am.
“What should I do?”
“Get a restraining order?” she offered.
“No, how do I seriously tell him to stop.”
“Oh,” she frowned. “I don’t know. Why don’t you talk to Kellin? That way you can make him see how fierce you are when you wear dark lipstick.”
“Good idea.” I nodded. That means my brothers won’t find out how crazy their bass player is too.
“Now, let’s go for lunch. Alan is probably already there.” Lottie urged.
I finished my drink and went about looking for my jacket. The nice one. The one that I stole from the cloakroom in New York. In the end when I couldn’t find it I gave up and just headed outside. I stopped when I passed a bush. Lottie raised her eyebrows at me and I tried to make sense of it. My jacket was sitting in a bush. I picked it up and put it on.
“Why is it-?” Lottie tried.
“I have no idea.” I sighed.
We started walking again but something terrible happened. “Hello!” I’d know that voice anywhere. I turned around and saw Jaime walking over.
“What are you doing here?” I rushed. Other than following me.
“I came to drop your jacket off. I’m not following you!” he exclaimed. I somehow don’t believe it.
“Then why did you run away and leave my jacket in a bush?” I questioned.
“Because you were looking at me like I’d killed someone. I figured it was a bad time.” It’s always a bad time. “I’m not a creep!” he said defensively. I suddenly feel bad again. “Say, where are you headed?” he suddenly asked.
“For lunch,” Lottie explained. Don’t do it. Don’t do it. “Why don’t you come with us.” She did it.
“Sure.” Jaime smiled. I’ve offended him but apparently that’s not enough to make him leave me alone. Over the years I’ve tried to offend him multiple times, he just bounces back.
To make matters worse Lottie has gone speed walking off and leaving me with Jaime. “So.” I muttered.
“So.” Jaime repeated.
“I’m sorry!” I suddenly exclaimed.
“What?” Jaime muttered and looked at me in shock.
“I said I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were returning my jacket.” I sighed.
“Okay, I just didn’t expect you to apologise.”
“Why not?” I asked.
“You never apologise.”
“I do too.” I shot back.
“No, you usually just blame me.” Jaime explained.
“I do not!” I snapped and folded my arms across my chest crossly and stormed off to catch up with Lottie.
We walked to a little diner and went inside. I saw Alan sat in the corner with a pot of tea. We went over and he stood up to pull Lottie and I in a hug. Then he saw Jaime. “What’re you doing here?” he asked.
“I was invited.” Jaime shrugged.
“You invited him?” Alan whispered in my ear while we sat down.
“What do you think?” I grumbled.
The owner came over and took our order. We actually know them pretty well now. They’re a British couple with a very strong accent, a passion for tea, fish and chips and complaining about the weather. He looked at Jaime and frowned. “Who’s this wanker?” he asked me. I couldn’t put it any better myself.
“He’s Jaime.” I explained.
“This girl is good. Don’t fuck her about.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Jaime grinned. Oh God.
We all sat in silence. Lottie was busy examining her nails. Alan was busy examining his phone. Jaime was busy examining me.
“Say something.” Lottie urged.
“It probably won’t snow on Wednesday.” I said. They all rolled their eyes. Apparently that was the wrong thing to say.
“No shit Sherlock.” Alan said like I was an idiot.
“So,” Jaime suddenly said. “Am I invited back for coffee after lunch?” he grinned. I’m so done.
Hiya! I don't have a reason why I haven't uploaded this. It's all saved. I just haven't had time! Forgive me. What did you think? Thank you for the feedback! What do you want to happen? Also I'm sure Kellin is a great man, even if I think he's an asshole who's ego wouldn't fit through my front door. Haters gon' hate.