Trivial Pursuit, Sexy Undies and I Love Kellin Quinn
The situation as a whole was quite dire. Family get togethers are like Chinese duck pancakes in my eyes. Meaning that they sound like such a good idea at the time, but after an hour I start to feel queasy and have to run to the bathroom to escape the sick feeling in my stomach. Now, I don't mean little dinners with my parents and brothers. I mean big get togethers with the entire family and the extended family and the friends that are so close they get invited too. These stupid get togethers. I never get a say on who comes but I always get forced to go. But it can only get better now, right?
Oh Christ, Auntie Mary just pulled out Trivial Pursuit. She's starting to put everyone into teams. There's no escaping her.
"Help me." I whispered to Alan. He looked up and continued to stuff crisps into his over large mouth.
"Can't be worse than last year." He shrugged. He has a point. Last year Mike committed to answering every single trivia question with a sexual innuendo. Auntie Mary was so shocked her false teeth fell into her tea. "My mom says that Mary washes her ears out with bleach once a week now to get rid of your filth." Alan said.
"Not that," I sighed. "I mean Jaime."
"Oh that." He muttered grimly.
From across the room Jaime was watching me. He was pretending to have drinks with my brothers - Mike and Vic - and my dad. But I knew. I just knew he was watching me. Like a hawk. Daft old Auntie Mary has just given him an invitation to come over and get cosy with me. He was leaning against a wall with a bottle of beer. His stupid hair his sticking up. He's even wearing a white, crisp button down shirt. He thinks it'll impress me. It won't.
"He really won't leave me alone, Al'. You would have thought by now he would have gotten the message."
"Come off it," Alan laughed. "I think we should congratulate him. I mean it's been years now."
My cousin Lottie appeared. Sitting down between Alan and I. She handed me a glass of something and I took it. "What are we talking about?" Lottie asked.
"What's this?" I asked.
"Gin and juice. What else, Rose?" she laughed.
"I see your point."
"So, what are we talking about?" she asked again.
"Ahh Jaime." She nodded in understanding. It's just the norm now. Everyone knows how creepy Jaime is.
"I bet my mom invited him." I thought.
"No, she knows you don't like him." Alan said.
"That's the point. She knows it'll piss me off. She's gone and gotten his hopes up now."
"Sounds like her." Lottie nodded, sipping on a straw.
"He probably invited himself," Alan tried. "I mean it's not the easiest thing to be noticed amongst all this lot." he said gesturing around. He had a point. At our get togethers the boys all seem to get quite rowdy. Jaime just blended in. I wouldn't put just showing up past him.
"I wish he'd get it. I mean how obvious do I need to make it?" I groaned.
"Right! Everyone sit down!" Daft old Auntie Mary called.
"Need an extra team member?" Jaime asked from right behind me. He probably thought it was very smooth and suave. I just screamed in response. He started grinning at me. He must find it endearing. I wish he didn't.
"Sure." I shrugged.
I must seem so horrible to Jaime. I know I should love him. He's been in a band with my favourite brother and Mike for years. Everyone says how funny he is. But I just can't like him. I can't. Maybe it's his stalker-ish tendencies or perhaps his shifty body language. Lottie and I have nicknamed him Squirrel Boy.
He sat down and everyone started to huddle together. He took this to his advantage. Jaime got a little closer than was necessary and smiled warmly at me as he got himself comfortable. Now I say stalker but he hasn't gone so far as stealing my garbage and following my friends and family. He just follows me around whenever he sees me. Which he tries to see me quite a lot. I don't know why my brothers stand for him. They obviously prefer him over me.
It does make me quite interesting though. When I'm meeting new people and Jaime is there he always tags along. I introduce myself and tell them this is my Jaime. I've never seen him happier. That's about the only thing I can do to make myself interesting. All around me everyone is successful and they never let me forget it. All I hear is Mike and Vic are touring, they're so good, they've won awards and have lots of fans, you should see their bank accounts. Then there's oh you know Lottie has gotten a promotion at the office, she practically owns the magazine now. Remember your friend Alan, oh his band is almost doing as well as your brothers band. There's probably some other family member that could make me look bad too, but I can't think off of the top of my head. My parents keep telling me how I should be actually doing something useful with my life now. Get a real job. Start dating seriously so I can settle down. Get a house. I keep telling them I can't. I'm far too busy not growing up to do all that.
"I don't want to grow up." I told Lottie and Alan.
"It's a little late for that." Alan laughed. He's wrong. It's never too late. I've been having nineteen candles on my cake for the last seven years.
"Will you both shut up?!" Lottie snapped. "I can't let Mike win again. How he won last year by saying the words tits, ass, penis and thirsty over and over again I will never know."
I raised my eyebrows at Alan and he shook his head. I should probably keep quiet and concentrate on not giving Jaime the wrong idea. When I went to visit them on tour last year I accidentally handed him a pair of my sexy undies. He didn't give them back like any normal human being. Oh no. He probably keeps them under his pillow and sniffs them every night before he falls asleep. Kind of like he's sniffing my neck now. I should try not showering. Maybe then he'd keep his distance.
The fun was interrupted by my mom walking out carrying a huge platter of shrimp rice. She knows I'm allergic to shrimp. That's probably why she made it. Unlike with duck, I don't even have to eat it to get a reaction. I leant away from the platter, pulling a face. I was leaning on something squishy. It feels quite nice.
"Ohhh hello!" Jaime said, grinning smugly. I take that back. It feels terrible. I sat up straight and leant on Alan instead. How do I get myself into these situations? "Is the romance in the air making you want to get cosy?" Jaime added. Romance. What romance? We're sat in a room of nosy Mexicans who's only ambition in life is to embarrass me.
"Lottie." I begged. She nodded to me.
"Hey Alan. Tell Jaime all about your dream about the giant squid." She urged.
"Yeah!" he exclaimed. "Right, so there was-"
"Let's go." Lottie told me.
So what did we do? We went to hide out in the pantry like normal humans. I lit up a cigarette and Lottie took one. "Do you think he saw us?"
"Probable." she reasoned.
"I wonder why he hasn't given up." I thought.
"Maybe he thinks he stands a chance."
"How?" I asked, open mouthed.
"You are perpetually and terminally single."
"So?" I asked defensively.
"So you need to grow up."
"Don't you start." I groaned.
"Well you have a good job, a house, a husband. I'm going to die alone."
"You will not." She snorted.
"You're right," I nodded knowledgeably. "I'll die with my fifteen cats."
"Well you have four now so you're headed in the right direction," Lottie rolled her eyes. "And be honest. The only reason you're single is because no one is like Kellin. Who is married by the way."
"You're in love with Kellin?" A voice asked. I saw the door open and Mike frowning at me.
"What?" I laughed hysterically. "Of course not! She never said love!"
"Why are your eyes twitching?" Mike asked.
"Oh God. Vic won't believe it."
"Don't you dare!" I threatened dangerously. "You wouldn't!"
"Wouldn't I?" Mike grinned.
"Say a word to anyone and I will tell Mom that you're the one who threw up on her wedding dress!" I threatened. Then he wrecked my entire plan.
"She already knows. I paid to get it dry cleaned." Oh you bastard.
"Anyway it was a joke! You're stupid so you wouldn't get it." I said.
"You love Kellin Quinn."
"I do not!" I huffed.
Mike grinned at me and ran out of the pantry. "He won't say anything." Lottie laughed.
"He will. He relishes in other people's pain. Especially mine."
"But he knows I'll tell Vic that he was the one who bet his new guitar in a game of poker and lost."
"That was him?!" I gasped.
"So relax." Lottie smiled. She took my hand and pulled me out of the pantry.
Another new story from me. I found this one on my computer. It has some funny moments if I do say so myself. Very Zee-esque. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and let me know what you think. I have another new story up called The Coco Quinn Guide. Let me know what you think of that one too. What will happen for Rose?