“Y-You’re such a bitch,” Kent hiccupped, griping onto my arm as I escorted him with Tino to his hotel.

“I swear, I’m gonna’ sober you up with my fist if you don’t shut up.” Tino chuckled before catching him again. The night went not exactly as planned. Kent was one hell of a drinker, and made out with two Playboy bunnies while I was spitting insults at nearly every male that offered me a dance. Alcohol managed to make Austin forget how he was gonna’ blind Kent, probably the only advantage of tonight.

“L-Like, you’re a fucking girl. Why do you... Play the d-drums?”

“Hey, dipshit, she can do whatever the fuck she wants.” Mouthing Tino a thanks, he smiled and happy-slapped Kent.

When we finally we reached his God forsaken hotel; he implied that Tino stayed and cuddled with him. I couldn’t help but laugh at his drunken state before he face palmed the floor and was out like a light bulb.

---

“NEL, GET YOUR SWEET ASS TO WARHEADS STAGE NOW.” Levi bellowed, yanking my bunk curtain open.

“Hmm?”

“GET THE FUCK OUTTA’ BED AND GO.”

“10 more minutes.” I pleaded, burying my head in my pillow.

He sighed and dragged my legs out. “Don’t make me call Neil.”

“Fuck off.”

“HEY, NEIL! NEL WON’T GET OUT OF BED.”

“Coming!” There was a sudden thump of footsteps coming towards me and I was yanked out of the bunk and over someone’s shoulders.

“Don’t you dare, Westfall.” Even though I couldn’t see his face, I could tell a smirk was playing on his lips. Still in my Totoro pyjamas, Neil ran out of the bus and into the parking lot. From my position, I could see Ned laughing his ass off and before I could flip him off, he called the rest of the guys over.

“I would insult you, Neil, but you’re too stupid.”

“Nice ass!” Was yelled along with a wolf whistle. As I said, fucking perverts.

“You’ll be saying that when I out your dick in a blender!” Jack backed off while chuckling. “Neil. I’ll wash my clothes with your blood if you don’t put me down.”

“Alright, alright.” And with that, I was connected with gravity. Of course, being only 5’4”, everything and everyone seemed abnormally high. My stomach grumbled as I came to reality about my need for food at this dire moment. Was I about to go to catering in Studio Ghibli pyjamas? Hell fucking yes.

“Nel, over here!” God, it felt like I was back at school. With Austin ushering me over to his table and friends, what an introvert I was. Paying for an apple and water, I plopped down next to Austin and Mike while the older Fuentes brother stole my beanie.

“So, what is the-"

“Nelly?” Oh shit. Please don’t let it be her, fuck. I guess my prayers weren’t heard seeing as it was the person I was dreading to see the most. That’s not even a fucking understatement.

“What are you doing here?” As the words left my tongue, Aus nudged my knee with his. Bitch.

“That’s all I get? No, how are you sister?”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine. What the fuck are you doing here, sister?”

“If you must know, I came to watch you perform,” She scoffed, “Speaking of performing, aren’t you on in half an hour? If so, then why are you dressed like a whore?”

“You’re fucking with me.” The guys gave me a pitiful look as I stood up from my plastic seat and approached my bus to change. “You still haven’t explained why you’re here.”

“My daughter, Emily, is into your music. God knows what happened to her, I even grew her up on classical.” She stated, emphasis on the word ‘music’. Emily was not like her mother at all. Sweet, small, shy. Last time I saw her, she was a quiet little 9 year old. There’s a 10 year difference between my sister and I.

“How is she?”

“She’s... Good. Straight A’s, of course.” Thankfully we made it to the bus before I made literal holes in her head with eyes. “Why are we here?”

“Well, I am here to get changed. You are welcome to come if you want.”

“Fine,” Thank the Lord I got Jeremy and Josh to clean the front lounge or I would be scolded at to the extreme. But what didn’t make sense to me was that Izzy, my beloved sister, didn’t bring Emily with her.

“You shouldn’t hang out with Austin; he’s not good for you. None of them are; Denny, Chase, Ned.”

“You finally show up after 4 years apart and you think you can tell me who or who I shouldn’t’ talk to?”

“No one else is here to tell you.”

“You know what? No. You don’t get to do this, not like mum did. If you have a problem with my occupation or my friends then you can fuck off ‘cause I’m not changing shit for a bitch like you.”

“You’re language is highly inappropriate, Nelly.

“And you bitching about the guys isn’t? Look, watch the show. I couldn’t care less, but next time, just send a text. And maybe you should bring your daughter along, seeing as she’s a fan and all.” Izzy stormed off, flipping her hair and strutting her hips as she did. My mother and her highly disapproved of my dream and kicked me out before I could ever show them my work. They never even found out about my condition, but then no one does. Not even Austin.

The moment I was changed, Levi shooed me out of the bus. If we weren’t performing till now, then why did Levi wake me up and tell me to go to WARHEADS’ stage? Weirdo. Ned was playing a few random chords while humming when I found them. Denny was chatting with Tiff, our merch girl, and Chase was fixing his ear piece.

“Hey, Levi? Can I swap Blame the House for Despair and Doubt?”

“Yeah, lemme’ talk to Simon. Why do you wanna’ change it?”

“Izzy’s here, somewhere in the crowd and yeah. Thanks, man.” He nodded and I hurried to side stage. Tay’s band, We Are The In Crowd, were owning the stage. It only made me feel more pumped. Houston were also showing the amount of happiness as they jumped to beat, a grin playing o everyone’s faces.

“POT, 2 minute!”

“NEL! NED! DENNY! IT’S TIME!” Giggling, I huddled closer to the guys as we all placed our fists in the middle.

“3, 2, 1!
Good morning, loved ones! My handsome son is home, lovely lady’n’ the baby. Little Kady has my heart and a boyfriend who is smart. Then there’s Claire who’s so fair, and that guy over there with no hair! Good morning! Good morning! Good Morning!” All of us cheered along to lines of Jay’s morning song from My Wife And Kids. We agreed when we first started in college, that that song would be our ritual song. Okay, it was mainly because we were all obsessed with it.

---

“This is not homicide, there’s no need to cry.
I never said I’d be a poet, so stop making me wanna’ die.
Despair and doubt, you were never there.
Despair and doubt, you never even cared.”

Levi had spoken of the sound guys and he allowed us to play the acoustic version of Despair & Doubt. My sister was on the left side of the barrier and I could feel her baby blue orbs burn into mine. This was the only song so far I had any vocals in and I barely even had a choice about it. Ned was sitting on a stool next to me, a guitar placed in his hands. His vocals really were amazing, especially in this song.

“It’s treason you pay for, but I’m not bailing you out.
Court wouldn’t do me justice; you still live in my mind.
Despair and doubt, explain to me why you’re here.
Despair and doubt, you never loved me anyway.”

With my last lyrics, we ended the set and Ned cheered. Fangirls were all over him and his acoustic sets. Izzy was soon brought back stage to my consent by a security guard. Her face was flushed and for once she smiled at me proudly.

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier, Nel. Can we talk for a sec?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure. Chase, save me some beer.” Shocked, I said, leading Izzy and I to a random crate.

Against my will, Izzy yanked me into a heart wrenching hug and leaned her lips to my ear and whispered. “I know you’re dying.”

Notes

OMG. THE FUCKING SECRET. AJDBSIBUVVOWNPO. XD. Well, that was cool. And crappy. This was kind of a long chapter, well longer than the rest. This chapter suck tho.
Danke for reading, anywhore.
Nel's performing Outfit.
- Hen.