My Words Cut Deep

-Skyla Point of View-

“Just breathe. Everything will be great... I think. No. I know.” The young women looked in the review mirror of the rental. It was the day of the meeting between Austin and herself. Saying she was nervous was putting it nicely, she was a wreck. All morning she had been fighting with herself, debating whether or not to go to the meeting. Releasing the steering wheel from her clutches, she bit her lip and opened the door. Slowly she approached the nice looking restaurant, surrounded by people coming in and out. She entered and the hostess looked at her with a semi fake smile. “Table for one?”

Skyla froze for a split second. "Uh I am supposed to meeting someone here, Austin." The hostess looked at her as if she was waiting, that’s when she remembered using a last name might help. “Uh, Austin Carlile.” The hostess moved slowly, like the last name seemed familiar to her. Skyla thought possibly could be a fan. The young girl mumbled a quick follow me and walked at quick pace through the restaurant. Suddenly she stopped, coming out into the back patio.

Oxygen seemed to stop flowing through her lungs as she saw Austin looking up from his phone at the right moment. Her movements froze until she felt the hostess walk by her quickly. Shaking off the anxious feeling, she slowly took a seat in front of him. Her eyes scanned his simple attire, black jeans and a white t-shirt, somehow that made her feel under dressed.

The sound of a throat being cleared brought her out of her thought. “How are you Skyla?” The question felt loaded for such a simple conversation starter. “Good, yourself?” She watched as Austin leaned forward crossing his finger together. “Pretty good, considering this last month has been full of surprises.” A small smile pulled up onto her lips as he smiled. Her eye’s looked down at her glass of water. “I ordered fettucine alfredo for you, I hope that’s okay?” Skyla was slightly surprised that he had gone ahead and ordered. Before she could say anything the food was already being put in front of her. “Thank you.” Another small smile appearing.

“It’s the best here and I didn’t want you to wait forever for food.” Taking a small bite an audible sound of delight came from her. “So uh, what all do you want to talk about?” She bite her lip as her eyes fluttered from her food to Austin’s hands. “Well. I know couples and parents usually go through court to settle things, but I’d rather not. So I was wondering how you want to go about this because I do want her to be a part of my life. I can’t ignore her, I don’t have the heart too. Which I was also wondering…. Is there someone else on her birth certificate?”

After taking another bite she looked up at him. “I am glad you want that, I feared if it had to go to court what it would do to Eliza.” She paused. “There is someone else on her certificate, but I can change it… if you want. I was in denial for the longest time that she was someone else’s because I am not the type to sleep around. I was just so convinced I could keep things together with Ryan.” Even though Amelia knew about Elizabeth’s dad from the very beginning, Skyla had never been able to admit out loud that she had been in denial.

“So what do you want to do?” She could see the sorry in his eyes that things hadn’t been the easiest for her. “I am not exactly sure, it’s hard with being from two different countries, I know we can get her a dual citizenship. I am just not sure how to split her travel. With school, I’d be more than willing to allow you to have her for summers and maybe we could switch holidays like every other. The only thing I am worried about is affording it…. I spent everything almost to get us out here for three months.” A small sigh escaped Skyla, the stress of being financially stable without Ryan was painful. The thought of going home and everything Ryan would be gone was another dreadful thought.

They both sat in silence eating, until Skyla noticed Austin opening and closing his mouth as if trying to get the right words. “Don’t worry about the money, I’ll figure something out and research the cheapest ways to get her or I’ll come visit. I am just glad to know you are pretty much open to anytime. Would I be able to take her touring in a year or two?”

Skyla smiled. “Of course, I’d like her to be at least 5 or 6 before she goes. When she can’t, I’ll let her skype and take phone calls. She’ll love the once in a while being able to stay up. If you have snapchat, she’ll probably bomb bard you with random photos.” Surprising herself with a small laugh.

Before she knew it the both of them where lightly chuckling at the thought of their daughter being very camera happy. Skyla’s laugh died slowly, turning into something sad. “Before I forget-“ She paused, pushing her plate away. “- Elizabeth has heart problems. It’s slightly smaller and weaker than a normal heart. Doctors say she’ll live a long healthy life as long as we’re careful. As well as keeping an eye out, because anything can happen.” She watched as Austin leaned back with almost a guilty look.

“Is this because of my heart problem?” She frowned at the look of guilt and sadness replacing the small smile on his face. “Don’t feel guilty, it’s a mixture of both of our issues.” She watched as Austin looked up at the sky. “Is that why she asked if your heart is happy?” Watching his movements, she nodded knowing he couldn't see. “Yeah… that’s why... Mine isn't bad but it just skips a beat here and there. Nothing deadly for now.”

They sat awhile chatting about Elizabeth and her excitement at Disneyland a couple days ago. They were ignoring the space around them, trying to get used to the fact they were going to be entwined together for as long as they live. Skyla felt her heart sink as she realized that with this new life, with him in Eliza’s life that she could never have the family she wanted. It was always going to be divided. The anxiety slithered back into her mind, would her daughter come to resent her eventually? Would she choose to live with her father and leave her behind?

After that she seemed far away, in another place. She found herself in front of her rental, saying goodbye to Austin whom she happened to park beside. He had froze in front of her, neither knowing how to say goodbye so they opted for waving and parting ways. Skyla sat in her car as she stared at the empty spot beside her was being filled by another car. After that she put the car in and backed out and then shifted in to drive and took off towards her hotel.

Notes

Sorry for the break, lack of internet
Anyways, hope this wasn't crap
Don't forget to vote, comment, ask anything you want.

xoxo Silence