Repeating Apologies

Alan POV "They don't need to understand" I smiled at my love. "I love you Ki-" he suddenly stopped his sentence and I felt his hand tear away from mine. As I looked to him he had just fallen to the floor, blacked out and he wasn't talking, or moving. I screamed in shock and got to my knees, held his head in my lap and put my hand on his chest. He was still breathing but he wasn't there. As my breathes got shorter and shorter, I started to panic. He wasn't here to calm me down like normal, oh god, what happened to him. He was fine a second ago and now he's on the floor. People gathered around us as I screamed at them to call an ambulance so one did. I put my head to his as my eyes filled with steamy tears. "Please be okay, please be okay" I had never panicked so much. When the ambulance finally got here they loaded him in, I just saw his lifeless body on the stretcher and couldn't help but cry out. I had no idea what was going on. I got to sit in the ambulance next to his emotionless body. I took his hand in mine. They had just put that thing in it and I couldn't let go. I just wanted him to open his eyes and say things will be okay. "What's happening?" I asked the doctor in panic. He looked at me with eyes full of sympathy "He's going to need heart surgery when we get to the hospital, that's all I can say" He wasn't letting me know what was the problem with the love of my fucking life? —- Time passed, the guys couldn't come because there'd be no point in getting a flight over. I was on my own, in this stupid hospital waiting room. I couldn't sit, I couldn't eat or drink, I just wanted to know he was okay, that i'd see his face again. I just wanted to see him. Hear his sweet, sweet voice. W What if the heart surgery went wrong? What if he's fucking dead? THEN WHAT. I didn't know what i'd do with myself if I lost him again. Not again. The doctor walked into the waiting room and he knew immediately who he was looking for. Ha, the ginger one pacing the room anxiously. I followed him through the quiet halls that seemed to take forever to get to him. "You'll have to be quiet, and not jolt him at all. He's still weak." He warned me. "What happened?" I asked nervously "I'll spare you the boring detail. We had to stop his heart for a while to sort everything around it. If we didn't do anything he could've died instantly." I swallowed the lump in my throat and fought back the tears that tried to escape my eyes from the thought of losing him. "But, he's okay right?" "He will be, yes" The doctor said as he slowly opened the door to a room with all sorts of equipment spread around, and in the middle? A hospital bed, with my lanky boy laid almost lifeless. His eyes looked up as he saw me at the door, he forced himself to smile and he stuck his thumb up weakly. The fucking fool. I couldn't help but let a couple of tears escape as I saw his smile. After all that, he's still smiling? I smiled back at him, stupidly laughed at myself for crying. I walked over to his bed, there was a chair set out next to it so I sat down. He opened up his hand so I placed mine inside his gently and he managed to wrap his fingers around it. I gave it a gentle squeeze and dropped my head in relief. My boy was okay. I swallowed the lump in my throat and let the tears fall. I was so stupid, crying at this. "I love you Kitten" he said croakily. I couldn't smile any wider. I wanted to kiss him and never leave his side again. —— Once he was home and kind of better again, he was able to walk, speak properly, do things that he would normally. The doctor just told him to not get too excited over things, not for a couple of days, which of course meant no sex. I was fine with it, as long as he was getting better but I knew he really wanted to. I kept telling him no and refusing to have sex with him until he was 100% back to himself again. Aaron had been helping me look after him, even after many times he said he doesn't need or want people to look after him. He always wanted to take care of himself and me but this was my turn to repay him. "So guys, if the offers still up, i'd like to try out for your band" Aaron piped up out of nowhere. I guess he'd been thinking about it for a while now, ever since we first asked. I looked to Austin who had a grin plastered on his face. I walked over to Aaron and brought him into a hug. "Dude, of course its still open" Aaron sighed with relief. "I'll call the guys" I mentioned and walked off into my room to talk to them. The phone rang a couple of times before Tino answered. "Whats up?" he asked "Aaron's up for trying out" I almost squealed. "Awesome dude! I tell Phil, and how's Austin?" "He's trying to do everything of course" I laughed "Of course he is, i'll call you back anyway" He announced. "Sure thing, cya" I hung up and walked back into the room, nodding my head to Aaron whose face lit up. "What made you change your mind?" Austin asked him. "Well the guys have literally just changed to a different sound, without me in the discussion, I don't like it really" I nodded my head, but god damn I was so happy. Aaron was possibly joining the band, Austin was getting better, things were finally starting to look up. I sat on the sofa next to Austin and thought of a question that I hadn't surprisingly asked yet. "Why didn't you tell me?" I rested my head on his shoulder and he took my hand in his. "You'd worry too much" "Well god damn, yeah. It wouldn't of been worse than what I was like when you collapsed. The people on that beach think im crazy." Austin laughed at my statement. "We could've got through it together" I sighed He smiled at me. "We did" "You know what I mean. Did you actually tell anyone?" He shook his head. "Like what was your plan? Disappear for a while and come back with a big ass scar on your chest?" I asked. He just shook his head again. "I dont know what my plan was, I wasn't really expecting to make it out of there" he confessed. I looked up into his warm brown eyes and my eyes started to fill as I thought back to that little holiday he set up. I had begun to put the pieces of the puzzle together now. "So- So that holiday? Was set up, just incase?" He nodded his head. I wrapped my arms around his neck instantly, he moaned a little bit, I guess it was a lot harsher than I thought. "I love you so much" Even when he thought he would die, he still thought of me and wanted to have a good memory. This man is the cutest thing. He smiled and kissed the side of my face, wrapping his arms around my body. "Someones got to think of my little Kitten now, don't they?" He joked. "You didn't have to" I replied. He really overdid himself. Like, all the time. We heard a knock on the door, I went to answer and it and when I saw who was standing there my jaw dropped. He was the last person I was expecting to see. He smiled awkwardly at me, he had always hated me so I knew it was fake. "Is Austin there?" He asked cautiously. I swallowed the newly formed lump in my throat and opened the door wider so he could see him on the couch, almost inviting him in. I stood to the side of the door as he stepped in. He looked as scared as a deer in headlights. I clenched my teeth together, kind of mad that he was here. We never got along, he was here for Austin. I closed the door behind him and took a deep breath as he walked up to Austin. Austin was silent, he didn't know what to say. "Austin, I- How are you?" He asked softly. Austin just fell over his words which made me a little angry. "He's fine. What are you doing here Shay?" I butted in. He obviously wasn't going to reply. He turned on his heels to me and flashed me a sarcastic smile. "I came to see if my lover was okay, after the news I heard." Shay grinned. "Ex." I pointed out. He just rolled his eyes at me, trying to torment me, rile me up and it was working. Austin went to stand up and walk over to us both. "I'm fine Shay. Why are you really here?" Shay looked to the floor and back up to Austin. "I realized, what a jerk I was. Just walking out like that, not even saying goodbye or explaining. I still don't have an explanation, I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry." He took a breath to carry on. "I wanted to see if we could start over?" He took a quick glance at me with an evil smile and then back to Austin with his angelic look. Austin looked to me and gave me a warm smile. He took my hand in his and softly squeezed. "The whole boyfriend window has closed for now." He looked to me. "Hopefully for a while" He then looked back to Shay who looked sick at our intertwined hands. Forever bitch. I flashed a fuck you smile at Shay who now looked uncomfortable in our home. Once Shay had awkwardly left the apartment I realized something. How did he know about the op? He wasn't about when it happened and Austin said he hadn't told anyone. "How did he know?" I questioned as Austin went to sit back down. He sighed at the question. "Him and Jax were the only ones that knew" he confessed. "You said you told no one!" I pointed out, he nodded his head slowly. "They were the only two. It was ages ago!" He backed himself up. I took a long deep breath and just reminded myself of the happy things, I didn't want to argue with him so I just sat back down next to him and snuggled up to him, without mentioning another word of it.

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