Repeating Apologies

Alan POV
"Austin wrote a song guys, we should play it, its ace." Shay announced. He looked at me with 'nah nah nah' smile, like he was a child. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked back at my phone.
Jack : I'll pick you up when you're finished baby xxxxI smiled, he looked after me, and I loved him for it. I still hadnt explained to him about Austin and I dont think I wanted to. I dont know if he'd be the jealous type and get mad when I went to band practise, he wouldnt be like that would he? I dont know.
Alan: Thanks, i'll text you when we're done xxxx
My attention was snapped back to the guys when they were piratically shouting at me to look at the sheet of music.
We took half an hour to learn our parts of the song, intensively. All the way through Austin avoided all eye contact with me and practically evaded me as much as possible.. good, I didnt want to hear from him, I didnt think. Phil and Tino smiled at me when I started to play part of the song, it actually sounded awesome. I couldnt wait to hear it all together.
By the time we were all done we had played along with each other a couple of times to figure out when we were all playing at specific times, we now just had to have a run through with Austin and Shay singing.
We started the song "I hope you know, I swear, I've never done this before, and I care, i'm so sorry" Austin growled. I was about to stop playing when he made eye contact with me whilst growling the words. His eyes didnt leave mine whilst he carried on with the rest of the verse. Shay was too busy playing his parts to notice as were the others. It was like it was just us. "Scarred you for life, please come back to me, down on my knees, repeating apologies"
I could see his eyes watering, like he wrote the song and was singing it especially to me. He really was sorry, I mean, you wouldnt write someone a song if you weren't.
"back on the mistakes i've made, please come home to me, i'll show you the truth, i'm all for you, i'll hold your hand. Ease your mind, yeah we'll be okay, repeating apologies."
I know I was supposed to be mad at him but my heart broke when he sang the words 'im all for you'. I didnt even get to explain myself to him or even say no, Jack kind of just did that, by walking in. He only said all that stuff at the bar because I hurt him. I dont know how I should feel about all of this.
His eyes continued to water but he held back anything rolling down his cheek, I could see how much passion and effort he had put into this song and into singing it. It really meant something to me and I was kind of touched that he had actually wrote a song, well, for me. It was the best way anyone has ever apologized to me. But I was with Jack and he was with Shay. So really, all of this could be in my head and he actually meant what he said and that this song was actually for Shay, which I guess would make sense.
After the song was finished Shay couldnt take his face away from Austin, which just made it awkward for everyone around, I guess thats the problem with a couple in a band, practise gets no-where. Austin really couldnt take his eyes off of me anymore, he tried before but after the song he just kept glancing at me, even when Shay was on his face.
Jack: Just picked up a movie and popcorn, guess what i've got planned for us? ;) xxxxAlan: Oh i can't wait, you're too good for me Jack ;P xxxxJack was so sweet, he always did things to suprise me, always looking for ways to make things interesting, it was like a godsend. Finally someone to take care of me, its all i ever wanted really. Although I did want it from a 6'4 man with a heavenly smile before, but, that all changed.
I could still see Austin from the corner of my eye and I felt bad before and now I just felt kind of evil, I saw how unhappy he looked with Shay, I saw straight through that fake smile of his, the one he only uses when he has to. I could literally see his heart break everytime I looked down at my phone. He knew who I was texting and i couldnt help but feel guitly.
I swear to god I cant make my mind up about this situation. About Austin, he's got my head in one big blur. One minute I wanted him, to take me away and for us to all forget about it and then the next I hated him for everything he had said and everything he had done, but I guess all of that is in the past. He apologized, he didnt mean the things he said, he was just drunk because I rejected him, it shot him down. I know knew the exact kind of problem he had before, when he wanted to be with me but he didnt want to do that kind of thing to Shay, I would hate to be in the same problem but I couldnt help but think that I was. I loved Jack to pieces he was amazing and he really didnt deserve any bad to come to him, all he has ever been is good to me, but Austin is on my mind constantly. Even when I told him to never talk to me, he still stayed on my mind. Teenage love I guess. But my teenage days were over, i'm grown now, I cant be stuck in a teenage love triangle.
The worst part about all of this is I could just have him. Say the three words I daren't tell myself to him and we could be together. Maybe it wasnt that simple, what would happen to Shay? Jack? The Band? It could be like killing a butterfly in the past.
I knew that as soon as Jack picked me up i'd be fine, because i'd be wtih him, but everytime im with the band that happiness just floats away. I couldnt just bring Jack to practise, it'd be awkward for Austin and for me. Especially with Jack not knowing. Maybe he could come? Just to watch, he wouldnt be too much of a distraction. I'll ask the guys, it could work.
"Hey Phil, do you think everyone would be alright if Jack came to watch tomorrow?" I dared myself to ask, Phil just smiled and nodded his head "Sure thing, we need to meet this guy anyway"
It made me smile, how accepting they both were. I mean 3/5's of the band were gay and two of them together, but yet it didnt seem to phase them like it would other people. Infact they were supportive. I finally had friends that were supportive of me being who I am.
And Aaron, well Aaron was a god send. Its weird to think that we just met each other at an airport and right then and there decided to move in together, he could've stabbed me. We were practically inseparable though, best friends. He knew me like the back of his hand and same back. I dont know what i'd do without him.
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By the end of practise Jack was outside waiting for me in his car, he had a blue volvo c30, it was so nice. We all walked out of the place together and said goodbye, I saw Austin in the corner of my eye as I got into Jacks car and although I couldnt see his face when we kissed, I bet it was broken. I checked the mirror in the car and saw Shay and Austin get in his Jeep, Austin really didnt look happy, heart broken still. I sighed and looked away.
"Whats up tiger?" Jack asked as we set off.
I didnt know what to say to him, "Nothing" I replied. A few seconds later I remembered that I was going to ask him about tomorrow. "So, how'd you fancy coming to watch us tomorrow? It wont be for long, we're not doing a full day" I smiled, he turned to face me and grinned. "Of course i'd love to come" He was really supportive of my music career and I was the same with him. He hadnt found a band yet but he was really good at guitar, he preferred to play lead but he did say if the opportunity came it didnt matter whether it was lead or rhythm.
"So what film?" I asked eagerly.
"500 days of summer" he giggled. He knew I loved that film, I grinned.
"You're amazing Jack" I kissed him on the cheek after saying that. On the way home we stopped off at the Chinese for a take-away, better than cooking right?
Once we were at Jacks, we ate and then finally put the film on, lights on low and popcorn out.
"You look really good in this light" Jack blurted, smiling at me, it made me giggle.
"As appose to normal light?" I teased, he just shook his head and smiled. His hand twirled the hair around my ear, I turned to face him and he brought his lips to mine, locking them.
We weren't really watching the film, we had other things on our mind...

Notes