I'm Lost Without Your Warmth

I sit next to Oliver and he rubs his fingers up and down my back. I'm still sniffling even though it's probably been an hour. Jake was trying to find me last night. He was insanely drunk. Obviously too unstable to drive. He drove himself right into a tree with my car and a nearby house owner called the hospital. They rushed him there in critical condition but died before they could even call family members.
I'm not sure why I was so devastated and I'm not sure why I still am. I should be happy, he was a heartless asshole but he was (as cliche as it sounds) my heartless asshole. Oliver tried his best to make me feel better. He put on my favorite movie from high school and made me hot chocolate and tried his best to make Nutella waffles. All I did was cry more and I think I only succeeded in freaking him out.
A few hours later I had stopped sobbing but I think it's because I didn't have any water left in me. I still sniffed and rubbed my eyes and had a killer headache while I laid across Oliver's lap. He was absentmindedly messing with my hair while the third replay of Fight Club came on. Yes, Fight Club was and is my favorite movie. I'm so feminine I know. It's slightly awkward with Oliver because of the background noise of the sex scenes but that's not what's important right now.
What's important is I'm going to have to go to his funeral and bring him flowers and pretend in front of his family and friends that he didn't beat the shot out of me and I love him. I don't. I realized that when Oliver told me what the hospital had said. I didn't have that terrible pain in my chest like I did when my cat died that I had for eight years. I think I was crying for myself. Yes that's it, I was crying for myself because I'm selfish. But it's my fault he went to find me. If I didn't call Oliver and left he would still be at home drinking, but at least alive.
I sigh and groan at the same time, I'm not sure at all what sound I made. Oliver sits up from his relaxed position and smiles at me.
"How are you feeling?" He asks me and I sit up as well.
"Shitty and selfish," I mutter and his lips turn down a little.
"It's not your fault," he whispers. I look down at my lap and tuck my knotty hair behind my ear.
"Yes it is. If I just stayed home he'd be alive," I whisper and I'm afraid Oliver didn't hear me. I was wrong when I heard the anger in his voice.
"No its fucking not! Plus if you stayed home you'd be the one dead or in a come in a hospital bed! I saw him Ari and he did not look happy. That's the worst I've ever seen someone look. He was going to kill you last night if I didn't come and get you. Yes it's sad he died but it'd be fucking devastating if you even fell down the stairs let alone dying!" Oliver yells and jumps off the bed and paces. "I am not losing you again Arumi and you're not dying anytime soon if I'm here."
I can only get off the bed and wrap my arms around him. He's angry and this is the only thing I know to do when people are angry. His tattooed arms wrap around me as well and I smile to myself. I needed a hug too and Oliver's hugs are always the warmest, even when his heart is cold. I think we stood there for a good while before pulling apart and now my sniffling has stopped and Oliver seems much calmer.
-----
The Oliver I know is never the Oliver other people see. Most see a cocky British bastard who can get his way. People think he sleeps around and gets every girl he wants, which was actually true but I'm not sure about now.
The Oliver I know is much like a teddy bear I got for my fifth birthday. He was brunette and had greenish eyes and wore a cute bow tie. When Oliver saw the teddy bear and I explained to him how I would go to it when I was sad he would wear a bow tie when he knew I was sad. He'd come to school the next day with a button up shirt and bow tie. It looked ridiculous with his skinny jeans sometimes but it did make me feel better.
The real Oliver is caring and tries too hard to make people happy. He puts effort into maintaining friendships and doesn't pick fights. He's humble and sweet and he's just...Oliver. That's why I go to him when I'm sad or when I just need a friend. He's just him and he is just perfect. Of course he have his flaws but they aren't as prominent against his bow tie and greenish eyes. I think that's what I need in my life constantly.
Is some bow ties and greenish eyes.

Notes

This is kinda short and I'm sorry but I just really needed to get this part over with. And, I need some comments! You guys don't talk at all and it makes me sad. So question of the day is; Do you listen to My Chemical Romance? If so, favorite song or album?
Comment, Rate, Subscribe! XoXo
~Kirsty