it seems like forever since I tore myself apart

"Hey, we will be fine, just a fresh start okay?" My dad said and I nodded.
what he means by fresh start is different than mine.

mine is, taking care of myself more, getting my body and my head on a clean slate. No more bad thoughts, no more bad actions.
starting clean.

my dads is, I'm going to move us halfway across the world because I don't wanna drink anymore because it's really bad and my job promoted me so I could be a FBI Profiler. We can start fresh.

i think both are pretty valid.

i stop thinking about it and pop three anxiety pills into my mouth, followed by water. Here at the airport i always get super scared. Ever since my mom left my anxiety has been higher than normal, and add moving into the mix. I'm bound for a attack soon.
And planes freak me out.

"Destination of California San Diego now boarding first class at gate A-22." The Asian lady at the desk had spoken in Japanese. My father and I are fluent in Spanish, Japanese, Chinese, English and Greek.
we like language.
I look at my father because we are currently sitting at a local pub eating a burger.

"Finish it up, we will go in a second." He said and took one last bite out of his and I do the same. "Dad, what's life there like?" I ask him and he moves over a little so he could grab his wallet throwing twenty five on the table and walking out.
I am a little far behind considering I am still sitting, so I jump up, taking my burger with me and my Burton Backpack and rush out.
"Dad?" I ask and he just keeps walking. "Hey!" I snap and he just keeps walking.

"Dad wh-" I start but he gets angry.

"Not now Nydia!" He says and the way h spoke my name like my mother used to hit me. He always said Nadia, not na-dea. I just look at him and stop walking. He doesn't stop like he usually does. His long strides match up with my own normally.

but right now, my questions hit him like a knife. I quickly catch up to him and he only says five words.

"Get out your boarding pass." He spoke and I just reach over my back and pull my bag off my shoulders, reaching into the front pocket.

solemnly, I Hold it In my hand and wait our turn. I hand it to the scanners with the passport I also tok out and walk in, leaving my dad in the dust.
I check the row and I see its row one, seat C.

Sweet, I get the isle.

As I quickly walk to my seat, I grab my mother's afghan blanket and my headphones. "I guess some slipknot won't hurt. " I mumble out tired as I realize what time it is.
i slide my headset on and blast it on random, not paying attention to the song, just the noise to drown out whatever conversation my dad wants to try and have.

i know him, I remember almost everything. I know him better than myself and sometimes that isn't good. He will try and apologize for snapping at me and whenever he does I cry. Because his actions are reflected off my mothers absence. Always.

But he isn't the only one doing what he's doing. when my mother was here, I was healthy, I weighed a healthy weight, I didn't resort to drinking, smoking, self harming. But now I did and I do. Of course, my dad found out because he knows fucking everything. That's where I get my eidetic memory from. I get everything from him. Except my blue eyes and black hair. That's from my mother.
But my personality, my actions my smartness, comes from my father. and yeah I'm grateful, but sometimes I'm not because we always know what is going to go wrong and sometimes even what.

before my mom left, she wasn't distancing herself, nor excited, she acted the same.

And that's why my dad blames himself because he thinks he should have picked up on it. I think I should have. I was told I have the skills of a SSA agent, I could detect the smallest change and that's why I fucking believe that is why I should have noticed that if she was gonna leave.

I feel a big amount of movement and I noticed that we took off. I feel a tap on my shoulder and I slide my headphones off .
"You okay ?" He asked and pointed to my gripping of the arm rest. I looked down, not even noticing that I was doing it.
I feel like I forgot something, that I needed something.
"I reach into my bag and I don't see my lighter but my smokes.
"Hey do you have my lighter?!" I ask him and I frantically search my bag for my mermaid lighter. IT WAs my mothers and I can't lose it. It's my lucky one.
i feel another tap on my shoulder and he holds it up.

"Oh my god. I thought this was a goner !!" I say and snatch it out of his hands, clutching it to my chest

Notes

I had to cut it in half it's way to late for me to finish it I'm sorry!!

Ill have aver your daily dose of Reid next time and a song that helped me write the chapter

HAPPY NEW YEARS BABES

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