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Too Young To Live This Way

The Beach

It's Saturday morning, exactly a week since I admitted to self harming, a week since Alan properly met my Dad, an hour or so until we're planning on going to the beach, and an hour or so since we woke up. We're at my place again, as we can be pretty chilled about our relationship here, as my Dad both doesn't notice and wouldn't mind anyway. We actually did get up earlier, and brushed our teeth and got dressed, but we both crumpled back onto my bed again. Apparently we're both lazy little shits...? Oh well.

''What you thinking about?'' Alan mumbles into my hair, from where he's got his arms wrapped around me.
''Nothing...'' I whisper, snuffling my nose into his neck and smiling. I don't know why I love watching movies and cuddling with him, but I do. Today we're watching Kick-Ass, which I love. ''What are you thinking about?'' I ask a moment later.
''You.'' He replies, touching his nose to mine. I blush slightly, nodding and smirking. ''I'm thinking about you.'' He whispers, pressing our lips together.
''You guys gonna get up?'' My Dads voice interrupts us, and Alan shoves me off the bed. I hit the floor with a huff, and quickly respond ''Just a minute!" Before rolling onto my back and glaring at Alan.
''What!? I thought he might come in!" Alan snickers defensively, throwing a pillow at me. I grab it, and swat back at him, laughing.

I'm very glad i'm old enough to drive, as otherwise my Dad would have to drive us there, and I kind of wanted to go alone with Alan. It's not a long drive, but it's still way too far to walk.
We're almost halfway there, and Alan is fussing around trying to decide what album to put on.
''About That Life by Attila or The Cleansing by Suicide Silence??'' Alan asks, tilting his head to look at me.
''Alan, how long is it going to take you to choose? Put whatever you want on!" I smirk, glancing at him. Alan sighs dramatically, and I roll my eyes at him. He's such a drama queen, but I love him for it.

''Are you ready to hit the beach!?" Alan yells, leaping out of the car the moment I pull up in the parking space. ''Let's go!" I smirk at his enthusiasm, before getting out the car. Alan practically throws a body-board at me, which I catch clumsily. We decided not to hire surfboards, seeing as neither of us can actually surf, and it's really expensive, so we decided it would be kind of pointless. We're going with body-boards instead, which should be both funny and frustrating...
''You got the suncream? Don't want your little ginger self getting burnt!" I grin at him, laughing when he huffs and blushes.
''C'mon. Let's go!" He dashes away, hurdling a small fence, tripping through some scrubby sea-grass and going up a slight dune. He vanishes from sight, so I turn and grab all our stuff, before following him.

--Alan POV--
Austin appears at the top of the sand dune, and stops for a moment to survey the golden sand, the rippling ocean and the clear, blue sky. His eyes come to a rest on me, and he dashes towards me.
''Here, have a towel.'' He laughs, throwing it in my face. I smile wide, and spread the towel on the sand, before ditching my body-board and flopping down. The sky's so blue, it takes up all my vision, and when Austin lies down, the sky is everywhere. My eyes sting and water thanks to the sun, so I blink them shut and reach sideways for Austins hand. He squeezes lightly, and the orange sunlight burns my eyelids. There's hardly anyone on this bit of beach; there's a couple and heir child at least 10 metres to the left, and a family far right, and a bunch of people further up, but Austin and I are alone.

A minute or so later, I hear Austin stir. ''Wanna go in?'' He asks, and I nod in response. I peel my eyes open, and the first thing I see is a shirtless Austin standing above me. The sunlight reflects off of smooth skin, slightly ridged muscles, and the colours of his complete, but 'still to be added to' chest piece are bold. Of course, I can see a couple scars poking up from the waist band of his swimming trunks, but he hasn't noticed so i'm not going to point them out. He gazes down at me, before silently offering a hand, which I accept. Austin pulls me to my feet, and leans in, touching our lips together briefly, but before I can reciprocate, he's off and running towards the shore. I smile slightly, before peeling my shirt off, and grabbing the board.

The water is cold, and apparently I suck at body-boarding, but Austin is patient, and he also looks really hot, so everything is okay. I wipe sea water off my face, and steer the body board into the oncoming wave.
''C'mon Al! You just gotta jump a bit.'' Austin encourages, demonstrating, and whizzing into the shore. I try my best to copy, and do what he did, but only move a metre, before a wave goes over my head. I come up spluttering, and do my best to wipe salty water out of my eyes. The body-board is attached to my wrist, which is one less thing to worry about.
''Alan! Are you okay?'' Austins worried voice sounds, and Iook up blearily through the tears in my eyes. ''I saw you go under! I'm sorry, it's my fault, I suck at teaching-''
''I'm fine, Aus. You're fine. Don't panic.'' I smile, cutting through his babbling.
''Oh. Well, okay, that's good, shall we go again?''
Austin makes me keep trying, until I finally get all the way to shore. I stand, feeling pretty pleased with myself, and wade out to where Austin is.
''Did you see that? I did it! I actually did it!" I grin, stumbling toward him. The water, only chest height on him, comes closer to my neck.
''You did great Alan!" He smiles, the light reflecting off his teeth. I try to ignore how beautiful he looks, compared to me, a drowned rat who can't even body-board. The expression on my face must have been pretty clear, as Austin reaches forward to cup my face in his hands. ''You're great, Alan.'' He sighs, looking into my eyes. I glance past him at the beach, but no one is there. It's okay, it's just Austin. Austin.
His lips are soft, and salty from seawater, I imagine I must taste much the same. His hands rest on my lower back, supporting me against the current, while I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him close. The sun beats down, and I have no idea how long we stand there, but when Austin breaks away, I can see some of the people nearest us have left the beach, and there's a still the couple with the kid nearish metres off our patch.

''Wanna get out?'' Austin suggests, smiling down at me. I nod, and we wade back in.
Austin is lying next to me, reading, while I listen to my iPod. A few minutes ago, I noticed the kid next, probably 11-12 year old boy, string over disdainfully. I subtly dropped Austins hand, on the pretext of changing the song. I don't think he noticed, as he didn't look up, but I feel a bit guilty. What kind of useless boyfriend am I? I don't want anyone to know about our relationship, I can't stop Austin from putting himself down, and apparently; I still hate every other person on the planet. Ugh.

--Back to Austin POV--
I'm pretending to read my book, and honestly, i'm surprised Alan can't tell. I must have been on this page for 10 minutes now. The truth is, I stopped reading when Alan let go of my hand. Yeah, it's easier to turn the page now, but I can just tell that he's embarrassed. I noticed the kid staring on and off, but it doesn't bother me at all, whereas Alan obviously does care. I try to ignore the feeling, but I can't help but think he's embarrassed because of ME, that he's embarrassed to be seen with me, and he doesn't want to come out...because of me. I try to tell myself that isn't true, but nobody knows what Alan's thinking. It's quite a fearsome reputation.

The car is absolutely boiling when we are ready to leave the beach. Alan and I are leaning on a wall next to the car, with all the windows wide open, as we wait for it to cool down.
''Did you have a good time?'' I ask him, probably sounding nervous. He turns slightly, facing me.
''Yeah! It was great.'' Alan grins, his eyes honest. I turn my sigh of relief into a yawn, trying not to show how glad I am.
''I'm glad you enjoyed it...'' I smile, shuffling slightly toward him. He looks up at me, and leans up to kiss my cheek.
''Let's go.'' Alan pulls away, and hops into the car. I smile again, and touch my cheek lightly, holding down a blush. He just kissed me, in a busy car park... that's definitely comforting on the whole 'what if he's embarrassed about me' thing.

Notes

Sorry I haven't updated in forever :(
hope people had a happy christmas and new year and thing

any constructive criticism would be hella nice :D
comment, rate and subscribe to join the 2015 moose gang

Comments

Hey I'm sorry about your dad :( but great chapter!

@Cashby in my soul
Haha OKAYY

Aha thank you @AustlanTheSquidgy, it's just me writing and I kinda went Christmas and did completely nothing else :') sorry about that...

Omfg, This is so good <3 This is one of my favorite Cashby stories. c: Nobody ever updated on this page anymore ;n; Glad you did though!

Aha thanks. I will update soon- I've just been super over Christmas :)

@Say all that you hav to say