Too Young To Live This Way

It's been almost a week since Alan and I kissed; that happened on Saturday and now it's Thursday evening... Alan hasn't really spoken to me since, and I've barely even made eye contact with him... I know he's not deliberately avoiding me, as he did tell me he doesn't think he's gay. And I get the feeling he's not looking or a relationship. I'm pretty sure liking a guy makes you gay... Tomorrow, i'm going to find him, we really need to talk. I go to sleep with that stubborn thought in my mind, and end up having the weirdest ginger-related dreams.

It gets all the way to lunchtime before I finally corner him, tugging him gently aside.
''We need to talk, Alan.'' I mutter, trying not to be too obvious.
''Yes, we do.'' Alan agrees, surprising me slightly. ''Can we meet after school?'' Well that went wayyy smoother than expected. If he's so willing to meet up, why's he been avoiding me?
''Yep, sure, lets.'' I nod frantically, and walk away before he changes his mind.

''So what's going on with you and Ashby?'' Shayley asks me as we sit together at lunch. Tino is ill today, and Phil is at some club he goes to every Friday, so it's just us.
''What do you mean?'' I stall for time, taking a bite of my sandwich.
''You guys keep staring at each other ad stuff... and like, he's not horrible to you and he's a dick to everyone else. What's going on?'' Shayley says curiously, raising an eyebrow.
''I don't know what you mean...'' I mumble, as casually as possible while hiding a smirk. I didn't realise I was the only one he wasn't an ass towards, I thought I was like... one of a select few.

--Alan POV--
I wait nervously for Austin outside school, twitching and shuffling anxiously. He has full right to be really annoyed with me, but I just didn't know what to do. I really like him, but I can't tell my Mom that, because she'd probably disown me, and I also can't lie to her... So I just completely blanked the only person in my life who doesn't make me feel like an emotionless piece of shit. I'm such a fucking idiot.
''Hey Alan.'' Austins calm, controlled voice sounds behind me.
''Hi Austin." I spin around.
''You and I need to talk about things." Austin points to himself, then to me.
''Yes we do,'' I nod, ''Should we go get coffee or something?''

Austin and I walk in a slightly uncomfortable silence, before hiding away in the deserted corner of a local coffee shop. I sip my hot chocolate, debating whether to start talking or not.
''So are you going to tell me why you've been avoiding me? After Saturday and everything?'' Austin sits opposite me, hunched over the table. I try not to notice the pained expression in his eyes, because it makes my heart clench.
''I'm really sorry... I didn't know what to do. I don't know how to tell my Mom, I don't know if i'm actually gay... I don't know anything... And I can't lie to my Mom, so even if you wanted... us to be a thing it couldn't...'' I fumble over words, struggling to explain myself.
''Hold up, I do want us to be a thing. You're not necessarily gay, you might be bi, or it might be a 'one-exception' thing. And, you don't have to tell your Mom anything, least of all lie. You don't have to talk about it.'' Austin says hopefully.
I completely ignore all the other stuff he said, because in my heart I know it's right, and I don't really HAVE to talk to my Mom. I never told her when I had a girlfriend anyway. ''You want us to like... date?'' I say, certain i'm not showing how happily surprised I am.
''Yeah? I mean, only if you do. If you don't that's fine, and only if you're comfortable and everything-'' Austin stammers.
''You seriously want me to be your boyfriend?'' I mutter, more to myself than anyone, eyes wide.
''Yeah?'' Austin blushes hard, scratching the back of his neck nervously.
''Really?'' I ask again, stunned.
''Alan. Yes, definitely. I wanted it since I first spoke to you, but if you don't want that, then it's perfectly okay. I'm happy with just being friends.''
''But I don't want to be friends!" I blurt out, and Austins face falls. I hurry to amend my sentence. ''I wanna... I mean, I want to be able to call you my boyfriend. I lways thought I was straight, so maybe you are my only exception. You're right, I don't have to tell my Mom, it's fine.'' I bob my head excitedly as I speak.
''Wait, really?'' Austin tilts back in his chair. ''Did I just gain myself a boyfriend?'' He smiles lightly.
''I guess?''

--Back to Austin POV--
Alan is really good at hugging. He texted his Mom saying he was staying out, and we're at mine for tonight. Last Friday, I was thinking about kissing him, this Friday i'm curled up on my bed, with him in my arms. I have my arms around his waist, resting on the small of his back, while he tucks his hands behind my shoulders. His nose is brushing my neck, and he traces a finger lightly up and down my back.
''Hey Alan?'' I mutter.
''Yeah?'' He whispers back.
''Seeing as no one asked, will you be my boyfriend?'' I mumble into his hair.
''One hundred percent yes.'' I can feel him smiling against my neck. I tilt our heads to meet our lips together, stealing a sweet kiss.

Notes

and finally Cashby!
Guess who's fangirling over her own creation?
Hint: it's me.

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