I stumbled onto the bus and saw Jack and Rian playing video games through my tear-filled eyes.

“Hey are you okay?” Jack asked.

I ignored him and shut myself in their bathroom.

“Kay, get out of there please,” Jack said, knocking on the door.

I tried to tell him no, but my voice wouldn’t work. My heart was beating way too fast and my body began to twitch. I silently cried, only letting out a few ragged breaths, as I tried to just wait out the panic attack. I was barely even aware of my surroundings as I curled myself in a ball.

“Kay,” someone whispered into my ear.

I felt a soothing hand caress my cheek, but I couldn’t see who it was, even though they were right in front of me. It was as if my brain couldn’t absorb any more information.

“Shh…you’ll be okay. I promise. I’m gonna sing to you, okay?”

I only continued to twitch and suck in small breaths.

“My ship went down in a sea of sound

When I woke up alone I had everything:

A handful of moments I wished I could change

And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade.

In a city of fools I was careful and cool

But they tore me apart like a hurricane.

A handful of moments I wished I could change

But I was carried away.

Give me therapy.

I’m a walking travesty

But I’m smiling at everything

Therapy, you were never a friend to me

And you can keep all your misery,” he sang.

I blinked a few times and slowly returned to my regular breathing pattern.

“Alex?” I asked, finally recognizing the face in front of me.

“Yeah, it’s me. Are you okay?” he asked, placing his palm on my cheek.

“I think so. I just had a little panic attack I guess,” I whispered, “thank you for…you know…”

“You’re welcome. Just curious, but why’d you come back here?”

“I knew Brian would look for me at my bus and I wanted to be where you would be. I don’t really feel like going back to my bus tonight.”

“You want to stay here?”

“If that’s alright with you.”

“Yeah, of course. Do you want me to get you some pajamas to wear?”

“Yes please. I’d also like to take a quick shower.”

“Okay, I’ll go find you something to wear and I’ll put it by the door. I’ll be in my bunk if you need me.”

“Thank you again, Alex. You’re my knight in shining armour,” I smiled.

“I’d do anything for you, my lady,” he said in a British accent.

I giggled and we both got up from the floor. Alex gave me a kiss on the forehead before leaving me in the bathroom to shower.

---

I pulled on the oversized t-shirt that Alex had set out for me. I didn’t bother putting on any underwear seeing as it hit me mid-thigh.

I walked out of the bathroom and snuck into Alex’s bunk without the rest of the guys seeing me.

“Hey,” I said as I kissed Alex on the cheek.

“Hey,” he smiled, tossing the book he was reading to the side.

“You look really adorable right now,” I told him, noticing his messy hair and five o’ clock shadow.

“Well, you look downright gorgeous,” he replied.

“Really?” I asked, scrunching up my face, “I don’t have any makeup on and I’m wearing an oversized t-shirt.”

“Exactly, and you look beautiful,” he whispered.

I blushed and looked down at my legs. I swallowed hard, not noticing how many scars I actually had until then.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“How do I not disgust you with these?” I asked quietly, motioning to my scars.

“I’ve never actually paid all that much attention to them, to be honest,” he mumbled.

“How come?”

“I don’t know. I guess I just got a bit lost in you. I pay more attention to your eyes or your smile because those are a better representation of you than your skin.”

I stared into his eyes and I could tell he was telling the truth.

“I love you,” I whispered.

I kissed his lips and placed my hand on his bare chest. I could feel his heartbeat quicken in tempo with my own. His arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me closer to him. I bit down gently on his bottom lip and heard him moan. My hand slid down his chest to his boxers. I palmed his growing erection and witnessed Alex’s mouth slacken as needy pants escaped him. I pulled off his boxers and moved to straddle him.

“Kay, we don’t have-“

“I want to. I want to show you how much I love you,” I said.

“Okay, but will you do one thing for me?” Alex asked.

“Anything.”

“I want to see all of you. Every inch of your body, every birthmark, every scar.”

“Okay…” I breathed.

Alex rolled over on top of me, his erection settled on the inside of my thighs. He slid my shirt up slowly until I was out of it. I studied his puzzled expression as he absorbed my scarred torso. His fingers grazed over the more pronounced scars and my skin broke out into goose flesh.

“I love every single piece of you, Kay. Always remember that,” he whispered as he planted kisses on my scars.

I pulled his face up to mine and kissed him passionately, hoping that he could sense even a fraction of how much I loved him in that moment.

“Take me,” I muttered against his lips.

Alex carefully positioned himself at my entrance before easing into me. He rested his cheek in the crook of my neck as he thrust in and out of me. I wrapped my legs around his thighs and pulled him deeper into me. I let a restrained moan each time he hit a g-spot and I could hear his own moans right in my ear. His member throbbed inside of me and I could tell that both of us were close.

“Alex…” I warned.

“I know…me too,” he replied only moments before releasing into me. I hit my climax right after. Alex carefully removed himself and reacquainted himself against the wall of the bunk.

I snuggled into his chest and began to absentmindedly draw circles on his chest.

“What are you thinking about?” Alex asked.

“I don’t know. A bunch of things, really.”

“Like what?”

“Like how I’m lucky to be with you, but also how I have no idea what to do with Brian.”

“I’m sure he’ll eventually get over it,” Alex said.

“Sure, if you and I never got together, but if he finds out we’re dating, he’ll blow his top.”

“Good point, but at some point he’ll have to realize that he won’t be able to protect you from the world forever.”

“Yeah, but thankfully I have you to turn to now.”

“Yes, you do.”

I let out a loud yawn.

“Maybe you should get some sleep,” Alex suggested.

“Okay, but can I ask you something?”

“Always.”

“What did you sing earlier?”

“Oh…It was a song I wrote a while back from the ‘Nothing Personal’ album. I just wanted to write a song about stuff I was going through and I knew it would resonate with a lot of people. When I saw you having a panic attack, I thought about how music helps whenever I have a panic attack and that was the first song that came to me,” he explained.

“Can you play it for me?”

“Sure,” he said, reaching for his phone.

I waited a few moments before I heard a guitar begin to play. I listened intently to the lyrics and the way Alex delivered them. The song struck me in my core. It was so sad, but in an odd sort of way it was therapeutic.

“That was beautiful,” I whispered.

“Thank you. Now get some sleep,” he said.

“Okay. Goodnight, Alex,” I mumbled against his chest.

“Goodnight, angel.”

---

I blinked my eyes open and realized I was in Alex’s bunk. He was sleeping next to me, his chest rising and falling.

“Alex,” I whispered in his ear.

“Whhaaattt...” he moaned.

“It’s time to get up,” I told him.

“Nooo….let’s just sleep a little more.”

“We need to get out into the venue.”

“Ugh! Fine. Can you give me something to wake me up?”

I pressed my lips to his and lingered there for a minute.

“Are you awake now?” I asked.

“Definitely,” he grinned.

I pulled on the oversized t-shirt from last night and borrowed a pair of Alex’s basketball shorts.

“You look so perfect,” Alex whispered, pressing his lips to my neck.

“I’d say the same for you,” I smiled, ruffling his messy hair, ‘and as much as I would like to stay in bed with you, the sooner I get into my own clothes and meet up with Brian, the less likely you and I will get killed by him.”

Alex huffed, pulled on some pants, and slid on a Glamour Kills shirt.

We rolled out of the bunk and were met by an amused Rian, Jack, and Zack.

“Hey, guys,” I blushed.

“We heard you guys going at it last night,” Jack laughed.

I moved my hair in front of my face. How fudging awkward.

“Leave us alone; you’re just upset that you haven’t gotten laid yet this tour,” Alex teased.

Jack stuck his tongue out at us.

“Well, I’d love to stay here and continue with this awkward chit-chat, but I have to go,” I said, “I’ll see you later, Alex.”

I gave him a brief kiss on the lips and exited the bus.

I walked back to my bus and hopped on. I gathered up some clothes and quickly changed in the bathroom. I pulled on my white and blue baby doll dress with white lace, slipped on a pair of white leggings, long fingerless gloves, and put on my light blue high-tops. I applied some blue eyeliner and pale pink lipstick and walked back out into the lounge.

“Kay, is that you?”

I spun around to see Cleo in a pair of sweatpants and a MIW shirt.

“Oh my gosh! You’re okay!” I cried as I hugged her.

“Yeah.”

“When’d you get back?” I asked, pulling away.

“About three hours ago. I called you, but you didn’t pick up.”

“Oh….well, Brian and I got into a bit of a fight in public. He said things that he shouldn’t have and I got upset. I slept over on the All Time Low bus and ended up just ignoring my phone. Sorry.”

“It’s okay. What happened between you and Brian?”

“He saw me hanging with Alex after our performance and got pissed. I told him I was old enough to make my own decisions and he shouted about the last time I made a decision for myself I almost committed suicide.”

“This was backstage?”

“Yep.”

“I swear, I’m gone for a few hours and all hell breaks loose,” she sighed.

“That’s why I need you here,” I told her, giving her yet another hug.

Notes

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-All-American-Monster