Eye Opener Contest

I slowly wake up, my head pulsing. What the hell? I was on the floor, my head resting on a rubber chicken. I button up my white dress shirt and try to get up. I notice I got a new tattoo... It just says 'Tom' what the fuck? I love my brother but not that much. I attempted to rest my hand but that ultimately failed when I got stabbed by a broken bottle. "Fucking hell!" I exclaimed echoing throughout the mansion halls. I heard screams, chuckles, and a few 'fuck you' 's come through the halls. Blood rushed down my arm and I quickly got up. I stumbled through the halls tripping over invisible objects. My vision was blurry and every motion felt like a stab in the brain. After looking through several doors, seeing multiple naked men, two bikini girls slumped over a window puking, and walking in on a threesome, I finally found the bathroom. I think I have been mentally scarred. Like I wasn't before... Wait, why did I come here again? Oh! That's right, my hand. The bleeding had stopped so I just washed my hand with warm water. I quickly dried it and wrapped it in toilet paper. Where am I? I look around the bathroom and I hadn't realized it was occupied... "Hi!" Said a larger naked man on the toilet. He was reading a Playboy magazine and his eyes were blood-shot red. I just stared, my eyes widened and all I managed to say was " sorry mate" "No it's fine! Would you care to join me?" He said smiling widely. " urm, no I'm fine thank you" I rushed. I just stood there staring blankly at the floor trying to avoid his... area. "Awkward" the man sang looking up at me. " yeah..." I drifted off slipping out the door. I doubt he'll even notice... "Bye! Come again" he said, waving. Yeah, he noticed... Well that was disturbing and gross. I couldn't help but feel just a bit violated. I walked out with a shiver, trying to find the kitchen. If that's where the drinks are, that's where Amanda will be. I stumbled through the halls once again and finally found the kitchen. As I suspected, there she was, her head resting on the table, two and a half lines of cocaine, two untouched lay beside her and a half empty bottle of wine still in her hand. I rub my eyes and nudge her. Nothing. " Amanda" I whisper, shaking her shoulder. Still nothing. Ok this is getting irritating. "Amanda!" I whisper-yell shaking both her shoulders. She grunts and pushes my face away with her hand, two of her fingers landing in my mouth. Gross. Who knows where those have been...The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to throw up. Wait, ok yeah I need to throw up. I run to the sink and just let it out. It went on for about five minutes and I washed my mouth out with the faucet. That's better. I rest my forehead on the cabinets above the sink and rehabilitate myself. When I look up, Amanda is no longer on the table. Where the fuck did she go? I turn around and find her standing behind me. I hold my chest in surprise and sigh. Her eyes were so red you couldn't see the white. She had dark bags hanging off her face and she was paler than usual. She continued drinking the wine. She yawned stretching her back and stumbling backwards. "Oi, Oli we need to go no-" she was cut off by her body lurching forward. She started gagging and Instead of aiming for the sink, her puke landed all over me. Great. " Haha sorry 'bout that love" she said wiping her mouth and trying to kiss me. I pushed her away and she pouted her lip. Yeah she's still drunk. "No that's fucking gross" I said scrunching my nose. She just rolled her eyes and started for the door. It was like we were playing Baboron. You don't know what that is? I used to play when I was younger with my little brother, Tom. We had to sneak around the house when our dad was sleeping and if we woke him up, we were fucked. We tiptoed around the house Amanda and I tripping over bodies and bottles and that rubber chicken I was sleeping on. We slipped through the door and there we find a wild Rick Hemmings in his natural habitat. You have to come quietly or else he might maul you. He was sleeping in the fountain in the front yard his head the only thing sticking out. Why does he always end up in the water? I grab a stick and poke him to test his mood. He reached for the stick and licked it. It seems like its in mating season. I smacked his head with the stick and he yelped falling back into the water. He didn't come out at first and then he sprung up. "I have been baptized!" He exclaimed holding his hands up over his head. "Come on ya Spanish twat" i said motioning to the car. He held his head in his hand and started walking. I went in the drivers seat and Amanda immediately grabbed my thigh as soon as she sat down. She had a smirk on her face and her eyes grew dark with lust. She slowly traced her hand up and onto my inner thigh, leaving a trail of goosebumps. She then squeezed down and I had to bite my lip trying to hold back a moan. "Ugh hurry the fuck up I wanna go home!" Rick whined throwing his hands up in the air. She took her hand away and crossed them over her chest. I sighed and put the keys in the ignition. Here we go again... We're just sitting in bed now... I just can't help but feel like it doesn't mean anything anymore. At first, every time was so... Special. But then Amanda changed...she was introduced to the wonders of prescription and street drugs...and she sucked me down with her. Everything is more fun this way though. I don't have a problem. Do I? Does she? I swallowed really hard and said " That was fun... Thank you I um l-love you..." "Mhm" she said getting up. I felt my heart break. Like two cars collided within me. She used to say it back... I don't know what happened. She was humming and rolling up a cigarette. I was turned back on by her bare form. She was perfect. Simply beautiful. She lit the cigarette and took a long drag. She walked up to me swaying her hips and blew the smoke in my face. I inhaled the sweet scent. She handed it to me and laid down on the bed, one leg wrapped over mine. I took one long sweet drag and gave the poison back to her. "I have a shoot today..." She said taking another drag. I grunted and nuzzled her neck. She pushed me away and got up. She danced her way to the closet and went to pick her clothes. "What company?" I asked. Maybe I know them. "Um... Has something to do with keys, I forgot... I doubt you'll know them." oh Key Street, maybe I can visit Tony. "Is it Key Street?" I asked and she froze. " Haha yeah that one..." She said nervously. What's going on with her? "I can come along if you'd like? I'd be nice to see Tony." I said hoping she'd say yes. "Mmm no it's okay. I'm going um out after..." "Oh... Ok well tell Tony hi for me" "Sure thing" she said giving me a peck on the lips No passion but more like an elementary school girl being forced to kiss a boy. I'm more than hurt. When she walked away I realized she was wearing a tight-fitted black lace dress, defining every curve and every bit of perfection. Why would she be wearing something like that for a shoot? Stop being a chick and get over it! She still loves you, maybe she's just having a bad day and needs to get away from things... From you. I was pulled back from my thoughts when I heard the door open. "Forgot my wallet" she said quickly grabbing it and rushing to get away. I grabbed her arm and pulled her to my chest. She tries to squirm away but I held my grip on her. She's gotten skinny... " Oli let me go! I need to go I'm going to be late!" She demanded hitting my chest with her fists. "Ok I will but what time will you be back?" I softly asked. " I don't know 10?11? Why do you care? I'll get back when I get back!" I just nodded my head. Something's not right. "You've been losing a lot of weight Amanda..." She grew angry and pushed me away. "What do you know?! There are things you have to do when you're a model! And for the love of god what the fuck happened?! Why are you all mushy and shit now?! Is the Ketamine making you this way?! You should lay off that! Just for heavens sake go to hell!" With that, she stormed out of the house leaving me alone and empty... But hey... Go to hell for Heavens Sake... Good title for a song don't ya think? Good way to look at the positive side dumbass. I sighed and walked to the kitchen. I grabbed a bottle of whiskey and didn't even bother getting a glass. I sat down and got one of our old photo albums. I'm just sitting in this empty house, reminiscing, looking at our old pictures together. What happened? I finished two bottles by the time the sun went down. Man, I'm getting tired. Then I hear a knock on the door. What the fuck? I could be doing something right now... But I'm not. I get up unsuccessfully and fall on my face. Well that was fun! I got up and stumbled to the door struggling to turn the knob. Oh you wanna fight? Come get some! I grab the handle with both of my hands and throw my body to turn it. It opened, yay! I feel so accomplished! But then I saw her... "Buzzkill" I sang under my breath. "Oli what the hell happened to you?" She said smartly. "Whaaat the fluck do you want SJ? I'm bus-sy with shit" I slurred. Fluck? What the fuck is a fluck? "Are you drunk?!" She demanded. Why is she even surprised? "No! I'm just d-drunk" I countered crossing my arms over my chest. "I'm here about your daughter." Daughter? Ale... Aria... Gah what's her name! Oh! Alexandria yeah Alexandria. "What about my Alexandria-bear-pie-bunny-honey?" I made that up. Clever huh? She pointed her index finger at me. I wanted to bite it "Don't fucking call her that you piece of shit!" Woah what'd I do?! "Ugh fine what about 'Alexandria'?" I surrendered, my hands flailing about. "You know what? Never mind. You're just going to forget in five minutes anyways! I don't even know why I bother with you anymore! You're just going to hurt her and mess everything up like you always do! Now sober up you dumbfuck!" She turned around flipping her hair in my face and walked out. What's got into her Jes-us. I flipped my hair in mockery of her and went back to the couch. I've never met Alexandria before... I don't even think she's mine! SJ was probably fucking around with like six other men when I was with her! I mean Alex has the same nose, mouth and hair color as me, but hey, maybe I have a long lost twin named Olober! I like that name Olober... Olober Syko! Brilliant! I got up to go to the bathroom and glanced in the mirror. I saw my reflection... I looked bad. You could tell I changed... My cheeks were sucked in, my face was pale, and my eyes were.. Empty. What the fuck am I doing? Is this who I am? A guy who drinks his life away and got into drugs because his girlfriend would break up with him if he didn't? I'm so pathetic! A guy that denies his own daughter? Who am I? All these thoughts were filling up in my head and It was like a Brompton Cocktail. I made this thing up, It's when you have all these different emotions mixed in one mind and if you have too many of those, it never ends well... My Brompton Cocktail... My heart rate fastened at a quick pace and my breathing was uneven. No! Don't cry, you're not a fucking child anymore! All I could do was grab the mirror from the wall and throw it down. It smashed and glittered off the ground. I started stomping on it in rage and everything was going so fast and I couldn't take it! What's happening to me?! I stomped and stomped and my grunts grew louder and more painful and all the glass turned to dust. No. This isn't enough I need more pain... I dropped on my knees and I searched for a piece of glass that hasn't been turned to dust. Nothing. I turn my head then a glare pierces my eyes. I squint and I look over to where it's coming from. Right in the corner of my eyes was a sharp shard of glass. Yes. That's what I need... I shuffle across the room and find the shard. I admire it in the light... Perfect, like Amanda. And it could hurt you as much as her too. Every word she says pierces through my skin... But why not make that into reality? I need it to be reality. Right then, without thinking, I slash the glass across my skin. God, I haven't done this in such a long time! I've missed this... I need more... Three more... Six more... Nine more... Twelve more... Shit. No more room. I need more! Then I hear the door open... I rush into the bathroom, locking the door. I panic thinking Amanda would be looking for me. I hear her sigh and throw her keys on the table. I cleaned myself up and slip out of the bathroom, her not noticing. I run up the stairs and into the room. I grab a black Drop Dead sweater and walk back down. "Hi Amanda. I've missed you" I said reaching out for a hug. She was on the phone and she pushed me away. "A-huh, okay, no! Right. Ugh I'll talk to you later... Bye" she sighed and rested her elbows on the kitchen counter. "You okay?" I asked sympathetically putting my hand on her back. She waved my hand away and put her head in her hands. I tried to hug her and she pushed me again. "For fucks sake Oli! Leave me alone! Jesus Christ man!" She huffed and walked up the stairs slamming the bedroom door behind her. What happened today? I guess I'll be sleeping in the guest room tonight... I get my bottle of Ketamine from my drawer and walk up the stairs. Rehab has never worked. I doubt it ever will... Probably because when I get home Amanda lures me back into it. But here in my hands I hold the life and death of me. I'm cheating death with these demons. This is my life, I can't live without it... But in the end it will be the death of me. It's a sinful tragedy. It's my bed, it's my casket, it's my water and my poison... I've tried and tried to drown these demons but they can swim... I'm just sinking lower and lower and I know I'll hit rock bottom very soon... When I pass by the room I heard Amanda screaming at someone on the phone. I hate it when she speaks Spanish... I sigh and turn to the guest room. I lay on the bed, awake not knowing what to do. I read the side affects on the side of the bottle. 'Loss of affection' now that's a lie... I feel everything now! Maybe it's all the other things I've been taking. 'Depression' Well yeah, that's true... I ignore all of the 'death' and 'serious complications' and took six. I immediately felt my eyes widen and goosebumps ran across my skin. My heart starts racing and I feel... I feel... I really don't feel anything anymore... It used to be a fun and unusual experience, but now, I don't feel anything. I actually feel worse. But then here come the colors. "Pretty colors" I sang grabbing imaginary objects. Damn I'm horny... I admire my destroyed wrist. I did a good job. "Ohhh Amanda!" I sing stumbling up from the bed. I miss the doorknob and trip, hitting my face on the door. "Ouchies!" I exclaim letting out a small chuckle. I find the knob and turn it. I hold on to the wall for dear life because there's lava all over the floor! How'd that get there?! "Amanda-poo-bearr" I call finding her room. I open the door and find her smoking a cigarette on her bed. She looks up at me. Man she looks sexy In those glasses. I walk up to her and kiss her hard. She is surprised at first the she kisses back. I haven't felt her sweet, soft lips on mine in a long time. Well, about eight hours. But I crave her. I need her... Her breath tastes of alcohol and cigarettes. I Iick her bottom lip begging for entrance which she gladly complies too. Our tongues are wrestling and I can feel her moan. I smile on her skin and begin to kiss her neck leaving many love bites. "Mmm Oli y-yes. What's g-gotten into you baby" she moans. Aroused is an understatement. I need her now. I throw our bodies on the bed not disconnecting our lips once. I slip my hand up her shirt and unclasp her bra. Then she sees my wrist. She pushes me off her and looks me dead in the eye. "What the fuck is that?!" She exclaims. Shit. "Nothing... I fell in a bush and a cat scratched me. Now come here" I say and reach in to kiss her. She scoffs and pushes me away. "Oli I'm not stupid! Now get out now you emo fuck!" She demands throwing a book at me. "I'm sorry I was just thinking about shit and yeah..." I say grabbing her hand. She quickly takes her hand away and gets up. She goes to the bathroom and locks the door behind her. She's probably going to get high now. She always does after an argument. She does it anyways but usually after arguments. I walk out of the room tripping over my own feet. My vision is blurry and the next thing I know, I'm tumbling down the stairs. I land at the bottom my body twisted and I decide not to get up. At least it's comfortable... I wake up at the sound of screaming. Amanda is speaking Spanish again so I have no idea what it's about. My head is pounding... I don't remember anything from yesterday. I get up, my eyes struggling to stay open and go into the kitchen. I grab some aspirin from our cabinet and take some, not caring how many. Then I see my wrist. What the fuck? I do not remember that at all. I stand in the middle of the kitchen trying to remember what the hell happened yesterday and why I was on the floor. The more I thought the more I remembered. Oh crap. The way Amanda turned me away... It hurt like hell. Why is she acting this way? I didn't even hear her come down the stairs. "What are you thinking about?" She asked grabbing a banana. "Nothing really.." I said not looking up once. "Okay? Um well Oli I need to go now... I'm going out with the girls" "Okay" I said still not looking up. "Well bye.." She says giving me a quick kiss before leaving. What am I going to do today? Get shit drunk and high as fuck? Eh, probably... Or I can find out what's up with Amanda. Or I can go get a tattoo! Yeah, I'm going to settle with getting a tattoo. I run up to my Laptop and search up 'tattoo parlors in Sheffield' The first one to come up was 'Black Stabbath Tattoo' hmm sounds interesting... Pretty good ratings, interesting designs, and a pretty and interesting looking girl... Where do I know her from? I call her number. C'mon pick up! "Hello this is Hannah of Black Stabbath Tattoo in Sheffield, how may I help you?" Her voice was as beautiful as she is... "Uhh yes hi this is Oli, I want to set up an appointment with you..." Why do I sound so nervous? "When is at your convenience?" She asked in her warm, sweet voice. No! Stop thinking like that! You have Amanda! Right? "Today" I rushed, not thinking. "Um if that's fine with you haha" I say stumbling over my words. "Actually, one of my clients just cancelled, I can take you in about two hours" she said sweetly. "Great. It's a dat- um excuse me yeah I'll be there in a bit!" Great save, dumbass. "Ok I'll set it up now. Oli, correct?" Oh my god she knows my name! "Yes Oli Sykes" I say testing to see if she knows me. I hear a faint gasp I the other line." Oh.. Ok um I'll see you in a bit! Thank you, bye." She said excitedly. I hurry upstairs to get ready. I really need to take a shower... I slip out of my clothes and step into the warm water. All I could think of is her... She's so beautiful it scares me. But beautiful people can't be beautiful on the inside... Like Amanda. No! She's a great person... Just messed up. The way she looks at the camera with those beautiful big eyes makes my heart melt. Her plump lips seemed so... Perfect. She's perfect. Her small frame covered in beautiful and intricate designs and shapes. The way her hair perfectly fits her sends me in a daze. Stop! You have Amanda already! But Hannah seems so...perfect. And you've never even met her! But in the end, she'll probably change like Amanda. Why am I even considering this?! I turn off the shower and step out. I dry myself off and start doing my hair. I dry it completely and apply gel and hairspray. It has to look perfect. That takes me about forty five minutes. Damn. I go to my closet and think of something to wear. I get out my 'Drop Dead' sweatshirt and some jean shorts. I slip on some faded black vans and a black beanie. Before I leave my room I apply an extra dose of cologne, just in case. I still have thirty minutes left and it's just ten minutes away. If I get there too early, she'll think I'm desperate, and if I get there late, she'll think I don't ca- wait what?! Why am I thinking about this? Just stop you dickhead... I can visit the Sheffield Drop Dead store! I rush out of the door and take my black Mustang. I drive over to the store and go in through the back avoiding any fan girls. I go into the storage room to check if we got any new stuff. Six unopened boxes lay in the room like Christmas presents I knew I was going to get. Before I could open it I heard the door open. "Hey! You're not supposed to be in he-" he stopped. "Oh it's just you" "Hey James." I say, waving. "Hey. What are you doing here?" He asked kneeling down with me. "I have a tattoo appointment in about ten minutes at Black Stabbath so I though I could stop by" I said. "Ohh. This girl in there man... She's fucking capital H.O.T hot" he stated. "Hey! Don't talk about her like that!" I said defensively. He raised his eyebrow and said "What the fuck was that? You're not with her, are you?" "Nothing and no" I rushed getting up. "Bye" I said walking out the door. Phew that was close. I get in my car and let out a deep sigh. What was that? I just felt a wave of jealousy come through me when he said that. I don't even know the girl! She might be an evil bitch. A hot bitch that's for sure... I get to the shop just in time and walk through the door. I see her petite form hunched over the front desk shuffling through countless papers. She was humming a sweet tune, she sounded beautiful. She pushes a thick strand of hair behind her ear not looking up from the desk once. Her jet black hair gleams In the sunlight like the night sky. Her eyes are those of an angel. My eyes locked on her every move and I was stuck. I couldn't move... What the hell am I doing? I was about to turn around and leave then I hear "wait! Don't go." Damn. "Oh. I mean, Are you Oli?" She rushed. I put on my best smile and turned to her. "Why yes I am" I said sweetly. Her mouth gaped open and her eyes went wide. God, she's beautiful. "Uhh I um, come on over!" She said her eyelashes flickering. She's so cute when she's nervous... Stop! I walk to the desk and she directs me to the back room. She sits me down and takes out a notepad. "Now, what are you aiming for?" She asked sounding a lot less nervous. "Errr I really don't know... I just felt like getting a tattoo today haha" I said rubbing the back of my neck. "Well what do you do?" She asked sweetly. I was watching her lips move. They moved so gracefully. "I sing..." I stated, testing her again. She looked up from her notepad with a smirk. Yup she knows. Just another fan girl... "Everyone knows that Mr. Sykes. " she said crossing her legs. "You know us?" I asked. "I've heard of you and your band but I've never listened to you.." She said shrugging her shoulders. I noticed she was doodling something on her notepad. I wonder what it was... "Anything else you do?" She asked with a cute smile. "I own a clothing line called Drop Dead. Maybe you've heard of it..." I stated. "You do not" she said crossing her arms. "Oh but I do" I said flirtatiously. "Shut up! I buy everything from there!" She said with a wide smile. "Yeah? Well you can thank me for that, love" I said with a wink. What am I doing?! Stop it! We carried on with our conversation, talking about everything except the tattoo.The way she smiled and everything about her was perfect. She's better than Amanda... No, Amanda is just as good. Right? I felt like I've known her forever and I felt so comfortable around her. I didn't have to choose my words before I said anything. When I said something I wasn't nervous that she'd go off on me. The way she laughed, the way she listened intently. She wasn't listening because she had to, but more so because she wanted too... I haven't felt that in years. Fuck. I sound like a chick... Man up, bitch. She was still doodling something on her notepad and I noticed it was getting dark. How long have I been here? I checked my phone. 9:56. Damn I've been here for five hours. It doesn't even seem like it's been thirty minutes. Her phone alarm went off and her smile dropped. She looked out the window and noticed how long it's been. "Ugh closing time" She mumbled. "Oh I should get going then" I said about to get up. She put her hand over mine and whispered "stay". She smiled softly and I sat back down. We continued our conversation on and on until we just sat in a comfortable silence. "Wait did you have clients after me?" I asked just realizing it. Her eyes went wide and she gasped. "Shit!" She whisper-yelled getting up. She went back to the front desk and I followed. She frantically searched through her papers and found her schedule. She was panicking,her breathing uneven. She found the schedule and looked through it. She sighed in relief and held her chest. "Thank god only one person." She said swiping her hand across her forehead with a 'phew'. "You're not worried?" I asked with a chuckle. "Not really, it's my brother that's why haha" she said "And he can never stay mad at me" she said looking down. "Oh here" she said handing me her doodle pad. It was a picture of a cat. It had half it's brain sticking out of his head with blood dripping down its face. It had a crazed look on its face. I liked it. A lot. "I like it, I really do" I said smiling widely. "Really?" She asked, surprised. I nodded and looked through another page. It was a lady. She looked like Medusa and around her eyes was black and her eyes were crazed as well. Maybe she's crazy about me... The woman had gills and an octopus on top of her head. That would look good on the back of my hand. But where shall the cat go? "This ones amazing as well" I said nodding. She smiled." Well I'm glad you like it." She said sounding proud. "When can I come back?" I asked. "Same time next week is fine" she said quickly. "It's a date!" I said enthusiastically. "Well I better get going, my parents are going to be pissed" she said laughing. "Oh shit sorry haha" Man, I feel bad. "No it's fine" she said nodding her head. I just smiled. "Well bye Oli" she said hugging me. I haven't felt a hug like this in a long time. It was so warm and welcoming. I waved at her one last time before walking out the door. This feeling... I hated it. It will go away as soon as I see Amanda. Maybe a late night drink will do. I pull up to a club I've never been to before. It was nice. It was clean and modern. I walk in surprised by how many people there are here. I look around at the people dancing, drinking, and just having a great time. I wanted to do that... Get my mind off her. I walk up to the bar and order three shots. I look around while he's getting the drinks and I spot a couple in a booth making out. Gross. Almost looks like Mike Fuentes. Wait that is Mike! What the hell is he doing here? What kind of whore has he gotten this time? They separate but I still am unable to see her. They get up and he leads her toward the door. Damn I can't see her still! He's too fucking tall. That damn giraffe. Great he's passing by me. I know that girl. No. It's not her. No no oh no it's can't be... It's not Amanda! It can't be no. It is... I felt tears well up in my eyes. How could she? How could he? "Amanda!" I call angrily and she freezes, letting go if Mikes hand. She hesitates but eventually turns to meet me eye-to-eye. "Hi Oli... Nice seeing you here!" She tries. I am so angry. I'm fucking pissed. How the fuck can she do this to me! My fists clenched and I was about to start yelling. But then all of that disappeared... I'm not mad. What the fuck? My body calmed and I collected myself. I just stood up and stormed out of there. She followed calling my name stumbling over herself. I found my car and got in. I let out a deep sigh and see her crying into Mike's chest. Without feeling anything, I drive off, emotionless. I knew this was happening, I saw all the signs. But my mind rejected it. I drive up to my house and enter. The only things that were hers were her clothes. That would fill up about six luggages. I just grab everything and throw it down the staircase. All her makeup, clothes, jewelry, I just threw down. Not in anger, but In relief. I was glad to see her cheating. A part of me wanted her too. What kind of person wants his girlfriend to cheat on him? I know she deserves way better than me. They deserve each other. I'm just trash. I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. Hannah: Hey Oli, LOVED having you today! I just listened to your latest album, If There's a Hell Believe me I've seen it etc. and it's AMAZING! Can't believe I haven't heard you guys before! Who's your drummer? He's cute.Well anyways, can't wait to see you next week! xoxo -Hannah I smile at her message. It drops when I read 'who's your drummer? He's cute'. Does she really mean that? Or is she joking? Calm your nipple titties! You barely know the girl. She can like whoever she wants! As long as it's me... I lock my bedroom door and lay in bed, looking up at the ceiling. I completely forgot about Amanda and my mind just focused on Hannah. She seemed so real, so good. It was then that I knew that this girl was right for me... It was then I knew that she was going to help me. But was I good for her? I wake up to the loud call of my name. Amanda. Great. "Oli, open up!" She whined pounding her fists on my door. I grunt and get up. What time is it? I look at my clock, 4:08 am. Damn. I open the door and she kisses me hard. At first I returned it. She glided her tongue across my lower lip and I quickly denied. She looked at me In confusion and leans in to kiss me again. I push her away and get up. "Oli I'm so-" I cut her off. "Just go. Go fuck around with your... your... Sexican!" I said. "And you Mike, have fun with your British Bon-Bon! " I said looking down at him from the top of the stairwell. He raised his hands up in surrender. Bastard. She raised one eyebrow then got up. "Do you need help with your stuff?" I nicely offered. "No Mike is doing it now" she said. "Of-fucking-course" I said smartly. She walked out the door and I felt free. Free of everything. But then I felt a shiver course down my spine. I feel light headed and I was shaking... What the fuck? My eyes began to twitch and the shivers kept coming. I was shaking like a dog. Next thing I know I was in a ball on the floor. I'm having a withdrawal. Everything with Hannah made me forget. I reach into my drawer and grab a bottle of something... I don't care what it is but I need it. I rip open the bottle and take a handful without water. I immediately feel better. Damn, I didn't think I needed that much and that often. Fuck. Here we go again... ONE WEEK LATER: I've already gotten over Amanda. And today I'm going to see Hannah! I have about an hour until my appointment and I'm pretty stoked. My cuts really haven't healed... I'm glad I have no room on my arm to tattoo. We've been texting back and forth for the past week and we get closer with every word. The day after our split, I was doing bad. I didn't miss her it's just I wasn't used to being alone. I wasn't handling that very well... But Hannah was helping me pick up the pieces. She sent me cute little messages telling me I'll be okay and such. Even before Amanda got into her habits, she wouldn't help when something happened. Hannah has done more in one week then Amanda has done in four years. I am consumed in my thoughts and before I knew it, it was time to leave. I should think more often... Time would go way faster. I arrive happy and content. I pull at the ends of my jean Drop Dead sweater and walk In. I see her at her desk, her feet up on the counter and twisting the phone cord in her hands. The way she laughs is just fucking adorable. She realized I was here and waved with the biggest smile on her face. "Oh got to go now Amelia, bye love ya!" She said ending the call. She got up and jogged to me. "Hi!" She said hugging me. She didn't separate from the hug and looked up at me. "You feeling better, love?" She said with a smile. I nodded and she smiled. She broke away from the hug and said "Alright, this way!" pointing up to the ceiling and running toward the back room. I laughed and ran behind her. She spun in her chair and stopped in front of her desk sitting professionally. "Someone's happy" I said smiling. "I don't know, today is so... Amazing! I don't even know why, I just feel good today...ya know?" She said flailing her arms around. "Not really" I reply with a chuckle. "Ok so, I was thinking maybe the cat thing could be on your palm. I don't think you have any more ro-" I blocked her voice out focusing only on her face. The way her lips moved made me melt. I want her.... "Oli, you okay?" She asked grabbing my hand. "Huh? Oh yeah I'm fine" I said with a half-smile. "Ok, you ready to start?" She asked taking her kit out. I nodded and she proceeded. Fuck, that hurt like hell! My hand was pulsing and I struggled to clench it. "Hurt doesn't it?" She asked showing the tattoo of scissors on her palm. I nodded with an over-dramatic, hurt look on my face. She laughed and wrapped it. I was her last client so we stayed just talking. She's the most wonderful girl I have ever met and I can't help but feel like we have a connection... Like we've known each other for years, but we haven't. It was late again and she needed to go back to her parents. "See you next week, yeah?" She asked giving me a hug. "Yup!" I answered happily. "Hey um Hannah would you like to get some uh coffee sometime? Or something, I don't know..." Wait what the fuck am I doing! I heard her gasp. Is that good or bad? Someone tell me! "Of course I will!" She accepted, with the biggest, most bright smile I have ever encountered. "How 'bout tomorrow, I don't have work." She offered. "I'd love that." "Is four fine?" She asked looking up at me. I nodded with a smile and kissed her head. I've known this girl for a week and she's doing things to me that I cannot explain. What is this? There's something about her... I really don't know. I drove him with an everlasting smile. I felt like I was on the top of the world! I park my car in the driveway and come in with a happy sigh. I drop my keys on the table and head into the kitchen. I am then engulfed in smoke. What the hell? "Who's here?!" I demanded with no answer but a faint chuckle. Amanda. "Hi baby" she said seductively, wrapping her arms around my neck. She was wearing red and Lacey lingerie and her makeup was smeared from the smoke. In a sexy way of course. She laid her hands on my chest and bit her lip. Damn she's good. She bent over beside me and grabbed a pre-lit cigarette and took a long drag. Her lipstick smeared on the cigarette making me want her and it more. Weird things turn me on... She put it up to my lips and I was hesitant but I nervously accepted. She smiled taking a small step backwards. I took a long sweet drag and blew it in her face. She inhaled it And kissed me hard. I've missed this... I placed the death-stick on the ashtray and kissed her back. Her fingers tangled through my hair and mine grazed every inch of her body. No, I can't do this, not again. I quickly separated from her and backed off. She furrowed her eyebrows together in confusion and took the cigarette from the table. She took a few drags and handed it to me. I declined, I knew this wasn't going to end well. But what was making me stop? What was forcing me to not accept? Hannah. Even though she's one small fry, she's doing things to me that I can't and never will be able to explain. And she doesn't even know! "Oli, take the cigarette" She said,sounding irritated. "No" I declined, staring her dead in the eye. "Take the goddamn cigarette!" She demanded holding it up to my face. "Fuck you" I said walking away. " Why won't you take it?! Take the fucking thing, it's almost easy!" "Just leave" I said calmly. You have no idea how hard that is for me. Declining something I've loved for years and having a tiny, living organism take its place in just a week. I walked up the stairs not caring about her anymore. I made sure to lock my door and just sat on my bed. All I could do is stare blankly at the wall, wanting and craving that cigarette more than ever. I need it. My room was dark and empty, like me. My eyes made their way to my drawer. That's where my pills are... I needs them now. My hands shake as I pull out the bottle. I rip the cap open and take a few. A few can't hurt me right? "These aren't mine..." I mumbled. And that's it. That's all I remember. I wake up with yet another booming headache. I was face down on the carpet the pills sprawled all over the floor. My tongue was matted against the carpet causing a very uncomfortable dryness in my mouth. I peeled myself from the floor and held my head. God what time is it? I walk downstairs and find Amanda and all her death toys gone. Finally. Maybe the bitch'll leave me alone. I painfully walk down the stairs in search for my phone. I find it on the kitchen counter. '6:09'. Shit! I was supposed to meet Hannah at four! Shit shit shit I'm such a fucking wanker! I quickly dial her number and wait for her to pick up. Come on come on come on! "Hello you have reached Hannah Snowdon. Sorry I couldn't answer the phone right now buy please leave a message. Thank you!" Fuck! Without thinking, I grab my keys and run out the door. I need to see her. I quickly back out of the driveway and drive to the cafe we were going to meet at. My mind was in a panic. She probably hates me. And if she hates me she'll gather all of her friends and come to my house and kill me! And if they kill me then my band will go downhill. And if the band goes downhill they'll go into depression and kill themselves. How my mind works... I arrive at the coffee shop and run through the doors. Two women holding hands... No Hannah. My heart and my lungs are instantly filled with guilt. Every breath, wink, and heart beat is filled with guilt. I turned around, my head hanging low. "Oli?" I heard in a small, sad voice. My head shot up and a smile spread across my face. Right in dark corner sat Hannah. I ran to her seat and picked her up and spun her around. I put her down and hugged her. I didn't expect her to forgive me but she eventually did and hugged me back. "I am so so so sorry, Hannah" I pleaded, my voice drenched with guilt. "Mhm. I guess it's fine... I mean, at least you showed up." She forgave me? She broke away from my hold and stood in front of me playing with her hands. "You wanna go somewhere else? I'm kind of tired of this place already haha"She asked shyly. I nodded and locked her arm with mine. She's a keeper.
SIX MONTHS LATER Hannah and I have been together for six months. We haven't had any major fights yet but just a few stupid ones about her and my perspectives on things. I walk into the studio with her hand laced in mine. Her tiny tattooed hands fit mine perfectly... We find our room and greet the guys. "Oi! Which are we gonna start with?" Jona asked his eyes fixated on Hannah. No not again. "Let's go with... Crucify Me." I said protectively holding her arm. He nodded and I stepped into the booth. I adjusted the headphones to my liking and waited for my cue. Our producer nodded and the metronome started. "Crucify me! Nail my hands to a wooden cross There is nothing above, there is nothing below Heaven and Hell, they just row the boat I'll be cast astray" my producer cut me off. "Hey Oli I think you should extend the 'Crucify me' part just a little more." He was biting the tip of his pen. I could barely pay attention to that annoying little man because Hannah's gaze was fixed onto me. Her perfect wide eyes take a journey through my soul with every blink, breath, and heartbeat. She smiled that perfect little smile and broke away from my gaze. "Oli!" The producer scolded hitting his pen on the desk. "Oh sorry..." I drifted He shook his head and I continued. The day was slow as we made tweaks and last adjustments to our songs. Hannah had drifted into a sweet sleep by the time the day was over. She seems so comfortable in that small chair. I pick her up bridal style and carry her to the car. I gently set her in the back seat and cover her with my sweater. I drive off to her house and drop her off. Her parents still haven't accepted me yet. I head home disappointed knowing I won't be able to see her tomorrow. She's going on a family trip to Australia tomorrow night. Maybe I can go to lunch or something before she goes... Hannah still doesn't know about my problem. She's only been to my house a few times and we weren't there for a while. But she has a key. Amanda's old key... I just hope to god that she never finds out. She'll leave me. I've gotten better since I've been with her too. Yeah I still take it about three times a week and sometimes more when freaking Amanda comes to bother me, but I'm improving. I've been drinking more though. It's like a replacement. Shit, I'm tired. I get water from the kitchen and groggily walk up the stairs. My bedroom door is open. Why? On my bed I find a bottle of whiskey and a new bottle of Ketamine. Oh fuck. My hands are clammy. I need it now. No. I can't. Don't do it. But I have too, I need too. Hannah. Focus on Hannah. Hannah, Hannah, Hannah. There are cards placed beside each item. Beside the whiskey a card that states, ' Drink me. -R'. 'I know you're running out -A' says the bottle of Ketamine. Rick and Amanda. No how'd they get in? I changed the locks. How'd she know I needed more? Man, I was going to stop once I finished the bottle. There's one right here so... I have a debate with myself wondering if I should or not. I'm not going to see Hannah tomorrow so I'll be fine, right? I don't have rehearsal tomorrow either so I'm good. Oh, what the hell I haven't had it in a few days anyways. I open the bottle and take six and water it down with a large, painful gulp of whiskey. 10 MINUTES LATER There's an aurora in the middle of the living room. I've been trying to catch it for forever! Oh shit it turned into a dragon! I Oli of Warmlad will slay this dragon once and for all! "Die dragon!" I yell charging for it but end up hitting a wall. "Bitchy dragon" I mutter walking away. I see a shadow quickly walk by. "Face me shadow lord!" I demand pointing my sword in the air. "Show yourself bitch! " "Hey Oli you left you-" I heard in a warm voice. "O-oli?" The voice turned dark and cold. "Hannah! I'm so glad to see you! You can he-help me slay this bastard" I offer pointing to the shadow. "What are you doing?" She asks nervously, backing away. Her small frame scrunched up in the corner of the room. "C'mon help me kill him" I said walking closer to her. She looks scared... "Stop y-you're scaring me Oli" she cries. "You're my damsel in distress!" I say picking her up. "Let me down!" She demands punching my back. Like in Shrek, remember. "Stop please stop! what's going on!?" She yells giving up. I let her down and look her in the eyes. She backs away again and she looks mad. Why so mad? "Are you fucking high?!" I've never heard her say 'fuck' ever. Then again, I've never seen her angry. "Pshh no I'm j-just a little trippy" I say giggling. I see her eyes swell with tears and just put her head in her hands. "W-what's the matter Hannah bear?" I say putting my hand on her shoulder. She backed away from me and started for the door. Right when she opened it, I firmly pressed against it trapping her in this hell-hole. She quickly started walking to the back door and I ran behind her. I grabbed her by the shoulders, and tossed her fragile body. She's so light she flew half way across the room, landing with a cry. She was sobbing as she failed to get up. Did I really throw her that hard? "I-I didn't mean it Amanda." I say trying her move closer to her. Amanda? No that's Hannah. "Who the hell is Amanda? Get away from me!" She cries snatching my hand away. "Please!" I beg hoping she'll forgive me. She runs to the door sobbing and makes an exit while she can. I run after her with tears in my eyes and beg and beg and beg, but she won't forgive me. I run after her car for a while. No please don't leave me please don't leave. I run after her not caring if my shoe flew off, if there was a car heading right for me, and I just kept running. I stopped when she exited for a freeway. She's gone.. I was sobbing in the middle of the street, getting nasty looks and gestures. I walk home sulking and drowning in my own tears. It's over... And it's all my fault. No one else's. Not Hannah's, not Amanda's, not Ricks, all me. I don't know why, but I need to see Amanda. I just need to. I start for her house only about ten minutes away from where I'm at. My tears have slowed but they're still there. I approach her front yard, noticing that she's changed everything. Color, car, plants, everything. But it looks really nice. Before, you can tell it was the house of an addict. Maybe being with Rick has cleaned her up. Like how being with Hannah has helped me. I guess that's all gone to shit now. I knock on the door with a smile on my face waiting for her to answer. I hear shuffling on the other side of the door and it opens just a bit. There stands a little girl about four years old. "Mummy!" she called leaving the door. Amanda has a daughter? Damn. Hope it's not mine... "Hello?" A shorter woman asks leaning on the door. "Umm is Amanda home?" I ask confused. "Amanda?" She hesitated." I'm sorry but an Amanda hasn't lived here for over a year and a half now" she states lighting a cigarette. "No, she lives here I'm her ex-boyfriend" I claim taking a step back. "Tell me son, when's the last time you saw her?" She asks stepping out from the doorway. "She was at my house today, she left me some... Things" Please don't ask what. "Mr. Sykes, I know who you are. Is this some kind of prank?" She demands crossing her arms. "No, it's not. Now please tell me where Amanda is" Why won't she tell me? "I'm afraid she lives six foot deep" she hints hitting her cigarette on the door. "I don't understand." I completely understand, but she's not dead, is she? "Look, I'm trying not to be harsh but I kinda have to be at this point." She dropped her cigarette and stepped on it. She walked closer to me and held me by the shoulders. "I'm sorry to inform you, but Amanda's dead. D.E.A.D. Dead. She died from a cocaine overdose almost two years ago. I recommend you see a psychologist, Mr. Sykes. I believe you're in denial and are hallucinating." She finished walking back inside her home. Leaving me with this information and not knowing what do do. She's not dead, she can't be. But she can. I've seen her, I have touched her. She's alive she's here. Watch I'll go to Ricks house and prove it. All I could think of is 'dead'. But she's not. Amanda's dead. She's not no. I'm not hallucinating. That crazy bitch must be the one hallucinating. Cause it's not me. Amanda's not dead. It's already dark and I'm barely getting to Ricks house. It's raining and I'm wearing just a long sleeve and pants. I'm tired, cold, and I have a huge ass headache but this is really important. I need to know. I knock on the front door almost at the point of giving up. I've walked a lot today Jesus fucking Christ. The door opens and instead of Rick, it's his brother Alex. "Hey Oli, haven't seen you in a while" he says eyeing me up and down. I forgot he's gay. Oops. "So how've you been?" He asks leaning against the door. "Fantastic. Now where's Rick?" I demand. "Still in denial?" He asks. "What?" He sighs deeply and gestures me to come inside. I sit on his leather sofa as he goes to get something. He comes back with pictures and various papers. "Ok Oli, it's been three years and you still don't believe it. I want to help you, I really do. But you need to open your mind up. Everything you're about to see is kind of graphic and I don't want you to have a mental breakdown because this is new furniture." He warns setting everything down on the table. I just nod and chew on my fingernails. "Don't do that Hun, you'll ruin your beautiful teeth" he says with a wink. I think I just threw up a little. I start tapping on my knees and he hands me a picture. My arms grow weak as the memories start flooding back. No. They were being poured inside me ask remember everything from that night. We were laughing, drinking, and having the best time. The picture. The accident. The blood. The terror. His everlasting stare. His arms reaching for help. His eyes. They taunted me. The blood, it's stained on my hands. His arms were reaching for me in the car. He needed help. Why did I survive?! He deserved more life! My fault. All my fault. He was trying to clean himself up. I forced him to go to the party. I told him to loosen up and get pissed drunk. I told him to drive. It told him to turn left. His eyes, his arms, his stare, the blood,the car, the guilt. The self hatred. He looked at me when the truck head straight for us. He asked me for help. I rejected him. I neglected him when he needed help. His eyes. No seatbelt. Out the car he flew. The blood... The stare... My fault. I was hyperventilating. I couldn't breath. Everything was going to fast. The memories being poured inside my head. The guilt. I Repent. I couldn't take it! My mind was overflowing with every detail, every second of that day. My fault. Amanda. My fault. She lay on the bed, needle in her arm. Dead. Her pale skin shimmered in the light. Her eyes, they stare in my soul. 'Why weren't you there to stop me' her eyes screamed for help. I didn't help her. She's gone. My fault. I could've helped her. I could've cleaned myself up. I could've saved her. My fault. All my fault. I dream of her eyes. The stare. The needle. The alcohol. Ricks blood. Everything. My fault. Denial. Me. They were never there. They never forced me to do anything. The text messages. 'I love you Rick' she typed. No no no. The pain, the agony. 'He'll never know. He won't find out' but I did... All my fault. If I'd paid more attention to her she'd still be here. She wouldn't have gone with Rick and hated me. She treated me how I used to treat her. Over and over it played in my mind. That night... The night I saw them at the bar. They looked at each other in love. Those last days replay in my mind. I go to that bar every other night. I see them every other night. No no no.The night before. The party. Her last night. Two and a half lines of white poison. The wine. Dead. Gone. Both of them. All my fault. Hallucinating. Denial. The car... I wanted him to die. He took my love. I hated him. He was my best friend. I took him out. I made him drive. My fault. My fault... My fault... I wake up to a piercing light. White sheets cover my body. I lay in a hospital bed, syringe in my arm. The beep of the heart monitor. I wish I had flatlined. My vision blurred, my heart rate fastening. Scratches on my arms, my face. Stitches. Bruises. Blood. My arms and legs restrained with brown leather belts. What did I do? What happened? Last night. Remember last night. The memories. The guilt. The wall crumbles. The mask turns to dust. The breakdown. Throwing, tossing, breaking. Tears. Scratching. Cutting. Screaming. Running. Chaos. Tears stream down my face once again. I don't try to stop them. A small tattooed hand overlaps mine giving me a warmth. I look over to find Hannah giving me a sad smile. I give a faint smile and she let's go of my hand sending me back to a cold lifeless place. "I'm sorry Hannah...about yesterday" I say weakly. "Yeah? You better be. I have bruises I have to explain to my parents you dipshit" She says angrily. I chuckle because she looks so cute when she's mad. Like a kindergardener on time out. "Sorry" she apologizes sitting down. The nurse comes in and I see her name tag. 'Mary' and at the bottom it says 'Sheffield Mental Hospital' I'm in a mental hospital? Shit. While she was taking out the syringe I saw two bodies in the corner of the room. Amanda and Rick... They were holding hands. I've accepted them. They glance at each other then look at me. They smile and disappear into thin air. I reach out for them, and I let go. I let go of my guilt. Everything. I let it go. A weight is lifted from my shoulders and I feel better already. "Mr. Sykes?" The nurse tries to get my attention. "Huh?" She sat down with medical forms and crosses her legs. "Now, due to recent episodes you have been admitted to the Sheffield Mental Hospital for six to eight months. Depending on how much you improve. You'll be admitted to rehab while you're here as well." Hannah was biting her nails and her legs were bouncing. "Don't do that Hun, you'll ruin your beautiful teeth" I mock. She just smiles and continues. "You can visit once a week" she said turning to Hannah. Hannah just sat there and smiled beautifully. "Oh and your parents and your brother are here to see you" the nurse said getting up. "I'll send them in now" "No. I mean just my brother please. I real- I just don't wanna see my parents please. Just Tom" I rushed. I can't face my parents. I haven't seen them in years. They're the reason I'm mentally fucked up. "Ok" she said understandably, walking out the door. A few minutes later Tom walked in his head hanging low. "Hey ya wanker" he greeted playfully. "Hey small dick Sykes" I countered. He rushed over to me and hugged me. I haven't seen him in a while. I got a tattoo of his name on my hand. I was drunk of course but I missed him that much. We catch up for a bit until he has to leave for work. It's about 11:30am now and Hannah refuses to leave. The nurses are telling her she has to leave but she refuses to. They threaten to call security and she surrenders. She gives me her biggest bear hug and her sweetest kiss and leaves. I have a feeling this is going to be a rough six months...
EIGHT MONTHS LATER: I walk through those glass doors. I'm free. Free from that hell. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was actually pretty nice. It's just the rehab part that was hell. I craved it more and more everyday until that craving just went away. I went through withdrawals, pains, and even more of a depression, but I got through it. And I'm actually proud of myself. I'm happier. I'm not a douche bag anymore. I won't go and break things. I've accepted that Rick and Amanda are dead. They don't haunt me anymore. And I can't wait to see Hannah. I wait for her outside and within five minutes, she's here. She rushes out from her car and jumps on me. She kisses me hard and wraps her legs around my waist. I kiss back dropping all of my stuff and her fingers slowly brush through my hair. They didn't allow us to kiss or be happy there. So this was our first kiss in eight months. It was so passionate, so warm, so loving. And I loved her. She stuck by me after I threw her across the room. She didn't think I was too much to handle and she stayed with me. I love her for that. We haven't said the 'L' word yet... I'm ready for it but I'm not sure if she is. I'll find out tonight when we go to dinner. We were interrupted by my brother pushing us "Get a room" he said with a chuckle. Thanks Tom. I let go of Hannah and I give Tom a hug. We all get in the car and drive to go get lunch. We eat, catch up, talk about how it was, how happy I feel and I'm at the top of the world right now. The two most important people are here with me and I feel nothing but happiness. Tom has to go for work and that just leaves me and Hannah. "You wanna go watch a movie or something?" She asks lacing her fingers in mine. "That would be lovely" I answer with a smile. We watch this horror movie. I didn't even bother asking what it was called. It was fucking scary. Shit load of jump scares and really good special effects. I'm probably not going to be able to sleep tonight. We drive to a fancy restaurant humming to Suicide Silence her head hanging out the window. She's so beautiful and I love her so much. I need her to know. We sit down at our tables and the waiter brought us a bottle of champagne. We ate our vegan meals and it was delicious. For a salad, it was pretty fucking good. There were many glittery lights and the sound of a violin in the background. It was very romantic. Everything was in slow motion when she smiled and when she laughed. It was like we were the only ones here and we didn't care about the stares and dirty looks. I wanted to cherish every moment I have of her because that could be taken away any day. We sat in a comfortable silence holding one hand. She twirled her fork in between her fingers with a faint smile on her face. This is the right time. Do it now. "Uh Hannah?" I start. She looked up with a bright smile. "I l-love you.." I drifted and my face was painted red. Her smile grew brighter and without hesitation, "Oli, I love you too. So much it hurts." I smiled and nodded. I was happy to know she felt the same way. I needed to hear that. "Let's get out if here, yeah?" I offer. She nodded and we went on our way. We were listening and singing to our buddies Pierce the Veil on our way home. Both of our voices cracking from his high pitch. We'd laugh every time. We had the windows down, singing at the top of our lungs, not another care in the world. When it was with Amanda, every time we'd go home we had one thing on our mind. Sex. But with Hannah it's different. We don't need that. Yeah we do it once or twice a week but it means something every single time. Right when we walked through the door. One thought drifted through my mind. 'Alexandria'. I should call SJ... "Hey Hannah? I need to tell you something" she turned to me ready to listen. "I never told you but I have a daughter..." I admit avoiding eye contact. She looked a little angry. "What? How old? With who? Was it when you were with me?" "Uhh she's probably six, with this girl SJ, and no." I answered. "Well... Have you ever met her?" She asked calmly. "No" I drifted. She hit my arm." How could you?! That is not good Oli! You need to at least talk to her! She needs a father!" "I know I know, I was thinking of calling her mom right now and telling her that I want to meet her. " "Great then. So do it now" she said excitedly. I find SJ's number in my phone and call it. "Hello?" She greeted, confused. "Hey SJ it's Oli" "Oh. Well piss off!" She said angrily. "No no wait! Don't hang up! I have something to tell you!" "What?" She asked more calm. "I've uh sobered up... I went to rehab and I would love to meet Alexandria..." I admitted. "Really?" She sounded shocked. "Uh how's tomorrow? Pick her up from school take her out. Meet her future mother in law I see..." She sounded like a seventh grader on that last part. It was awkward, she was on speaker and Hannah was right there. "Uh yeah haha" I said awkwardly looking at Hannah who has a faint blush on her face. "You better be there Sykes, cause I will rip your head off!" She threatened, hanging up. Bipolar? "I'm proud of you Oli" Hannah said hugging me. That makes me feel good. Her being proud of me. "Now, what's with the future stepmother?" She mocked nudging me. "Haha nothing love" I covered up. "All this excitement is making me tired. I'm gonna take a shower first." She hinted with a wink. "Wanna join me?" She asked seductively. I picked her up and carried her up the stairs. This was gonna be a good night... It was 2:00pm. It was time to go get Alex. Hannah is coming with me to provide some maternal crap into this day. She said something like that... I tried to cover my tattoos as much as possible, as did Hannah. We walked into her first grade class, nervous about the whole thing. "Hello, are you Mrs. Baler?" I greeted. "Uh yes. What do you need? Are you going to pick up your sister or..." She asked confused. "I'm here to pick up Alexandria, she's my daughter." Damn this is hard. "You're my daddy?" A little girl said. She was so adorable. I knelt down to her level and smiled. "Why, yes I am" I said softly. She ran up to me and threw herself into my arms. I looked up at Hannah who had a huge smile on her face. She mouthed 'good job'. I felt so happy. This was amazing. I am a father and I'm not ashamed of it anymore... This is home. She looked almost exactly like me. She was going to be beautiful when she gets older. I stood up with her still in my arms and smiled. "Now, what do you want to do today? Zoo? Mall? Your pick." I offered. "Umm can we go to the zoo and the mall?" She asked with a hint of hope. "Sure thing chicken wing" I joked and she laughed. "Thank you Mrs. Baler" I said before leaving the classroom. She replied with an 'mhm' and continued with her work. We head to the zoo and saw various animals of various species. She seemed to get along with Hannah very well. Like Hannah was her mother or close sister. Every time we saw a fucking turtle I thought of Tony. I was laugh inside every time. We spent a few hours at the zoo, ate, bought some souvenirs, and left. Alex couldn't stop talking on the way to the mall. "Yeah Mr. Snyder has a long nose. And oh! My hehe boyfriend, he kissed my cheek today. It was slimy, but I see mommy get a whole lot of kisses everywhere!" I almost hit the brakes. 'Boyfriend'. The girl is six and she has a boyfriend?! And her speaking of SJ like that. Gross. We arrive at the mall and she runs through the doors. We went to little boutiques and Hannah helped her find outfits that weren't black or for boys. Yeah I'm not good at this clothes thing... Before leaving, we went and bought some ice cream for her. She spilt it all over her shirt and face. It was quite hilarious. We took a picture of her with the biggest smile and chocolate ice cream smeared all over her face. Man this day has gone by so fast! It was fun to get to know this little munchkin. I'll discuss seeing her with SJ when I drop her off. We arrive at her small apartment in less than twenty minutes and Alex knocked out. She was holding a bear I had won for her tightly in her arms. I pick her up from her car seat and carry her in my arms. I walk up to their front door trying not to wake her up but failed when a large muscular man comes out the door. "X Can I help you?" Damn, his voice is deeper than hell. "Uh just came to drop Alex off is all" I said. SJ walked in and gestured for the man to leave. "Sorry 'bout that. He's a... Friend. Haha. Did you guys have fun?" "Yeah it was great to get to know the little tyke. She's very social" I compliment. "Eh that'll go away with puberty" I'm shocked to hear that. "So when can I pick her up? Weekends are fine with me" I offered. "Uhh yeah if it gets us out of a court room, then that'll do" I nodded and waved. "Bye" I said before leaving. "You did very well Oli" Hannah said, leaning her head in my shoulder. "She seems to like you a lot." I said with a smile. "You have this thing to you Hannah. This energy, and everybody loves you. You're such a good person and I am so lucky to have you in my life." I admit. "Oh someone's all mushy, huh?" She joked. I chuckled and kept my eyes on the road. Tomorrow's the day... I wake up, half of Hannah's bare body still lays on mine. I nudge her until she rolls onto the other side of the bed and I get up to make breakfast. I get out the vegan pancake mix and stir it in with water. I turn around to see Hannah standing by me watching my every move. So curious... "Good morning, love. " I greet warmly. "Good morning baby" babe? She's never called me that before. She calls me Oil most of the time. But never babe. I dismissed it and continued to make our breakfast. We're going to Hannah's tattoo shop today so she can do some new stuff on me. We have to find some room somewhere... I take one last touch of the small velvety box. I hope this goes well... After breakfast, we shower and get ready. We head to Black Stabbath and walk in. "Ok so, what do you want?" She asks. "Well I have a small sketch here." I say pulling out a piece of paper. I hand it to her and she furrows her eyebrows together. She unfolds the paper and her eyes go wide and she outs her hand to her mouth as she reads 'Will you marry me?' She looks back up at me and jumps up to hug me. I feel her tears hit my shoulder as she repeats "yes yes. I do" in my ear. I can't believe it. She said yes. All this hesitation, panic, and suspense has come to an end. She said yes! She wants to be with me! I knew right then and there everything was going to get better. Everything was going to be perfect...
THREE YEARS LATER: "Hello. Right" I look over at Hannah who was giving me a reassuring look. "I wanna say something that I thought I'd never actually talk about. Before we wrote Sempiternal, I was a fucking drug addict. I was addicted to this drug called Ketamine. I was on it for years and I was off my fucking nads. And I'm, my band wanted to kill me, my parents wanted to kill me, my fucking brother wanted to kill me. Everyone didn't want to take me too well. But they didn't. They stood by me, supported me through all that shit. And we wrote Sempiternal because of it. And no one fucking knows this but I was in rehab for a month. And through that time, as well as my band and my fucking family, you guys were sending me... You had no fucking idea that I was in rehab but you were sending me. You were sending me letters, you were sending me fucking emails. And then when I got out of rehab, I didn't want to scream it anymore. I wanted to sing it from the fucking rooftops. And that's all thanks to you so thank you very much." I walk off the stage my hands sweaty and my heart beating fast. What the fuck was I thinking?! Why'd I do that? The crowd seemed to enjoy it though. Hannah hugged me when I got back to my seat. "I'm so proud of you Oli, I'm glad you did that." She whispered in my ear. I felt arms go around my waist. "Ello Alex" I greeted, lifting her up from the ground. "You did good daddy. But daddy, what's a 'fucking'?" She asked. My eyes grew wide and I tried to hold back a laugh. "It's a word that's for grown ups. So pleas don't say it, okay?" She nodded and gave me a kiss on the cheek. SJ couldn't afford her anymore, so she handed Alex over to me. I'm glad she's not surrounded by sex and all that shit anymore. She would talk about SJ with men all the time. It was gross... After the awards, we head back to our hotel happy and safe. Our wedding just passed and our honeymoon was fantastic. It was in the Bahamas. Beautiful place. Right now all I could think of is how happy I am with my two beautiful girls with me. I was on top of the world with these two. I'd probably be dead if it wasn't for them. But of course there's that hole that has yet been filled. And that's okay. We all have an emptiness in us and no amount of happiness or money will fill it. It's that emptiness inside that reminds us that we truly are.... Alive.

Notes

This very long piece was entered by oli_please/MetalloverXDD and has won the place of runner up. Congratulations! Everyone should definitely go and check out her stories, they are amazing and I absolutely love them! xo