The First Punch

Tony had to carry me out of the hospital.. I couldn’t move.. And I still can’t. Jaime, Vic and Adrien had been over our house for a few day. Jaime hadn’t gotten up from the couch for days.. Only to feed the baby, change her diaper, and snuggle with her. He loved to play with her and look into her eyes. She had Lian’s face and Jaime’s eyes.. She was beautiful.. I could feel my depression creeping up on me again.. Kel wouldn’t talk to anyone when he found out it happened.. He just shut down. He wouldn’t even talk to Quin. I missed her so much.. I began to start crying again after the thought of never seeing her smile in real life again..
“Al.. Al I miss her so much..” Mel came into the room and laid down next to me. She was sobbing which made me cry even harder. She held my hand and I held her’s.. I could stop think of Lian.. I’ll never hear her laugh or see the look Kel got when he saw his little sister. I haven’t talked since I left the hospital.. But today was the funeral and I was the first to speak. We aren’t having it religiously, just a lot of band members and speeches from people. Tony came into the room and saw us. I could see his eyes were red and puffy.
“Axl.. It’s 11:30. The funeral starts at 12:00.. Do you want to get dressed? Or have me pick out your clothes?” I nodded and he sat on the bed next to me. I looked at him, still gripping Mel’s hand. “Want me to pick your clothes beautiful?” He asked wiping my face and brushing hair off of my face. I shook my head and let go of Mel’s hand. I sat up slowly and wiped my face. Tony got up and I did the same. I knew I had to stop crying.. I tried as I went to the closet and looked at all of my clothes. I was scanning the blackness of my clothes when I came across one that Lian and I bought together. It was lacy and black, but it was very formal, not SuicideGirlish at all. I pulled it out and I could feel the tear in my eyes starting to fall. We picked out this dress together and joked about how I would wear it at my own funeral because we all thought that my wild party life would kill me first. I got changed into the dress and left my other clothes on the floor. With that I wore black heels. Everyone else was already dressed up so after I got ready we left. None of the girls bothered to do their makeup for a fear of it running.
I walked out of my room holding Tony’s hand. Mel followed us and we all walked to the cars. I was silent the whole time, I couldn’t manage to produce words even yes or no.. We all silently got into our cars and headed for the funeral hall. The ride was silent, no music, no talking, no anything, for a fear of saying something triggering.. We arrived and got out of the cars. We had her cremated.. because she wanted everyone she loved to have a piece of her.. When we got inside all of her family members were there, it was basically like a family reunion the worst possible way for me. Jaime went straight to the front row with Ellie. I sat next to him with Tony at my side.
“Hello, are we ready to start?” The man running the funeral asked. He was a close friend from our high school that wanted to run the funeral. “Lian Costello was an amazing girl.. I had known her from middle school. I accidentally spilt my milk on her and she was sitting with Alex. I remember Alex freaking out because I had wasted ‘perfectly good animal product’. I think at that point in all of our lives we knew Alex was a vegan.” With that he got a slight chuckle from the crowd. I could see tears falling down his face but he didn’t let his voice waver. “She was always so nice to everyone and her and Jaime were the power couple. If you wanted to be in a relationship, they were the ones to watch. So I’m going to allow anyone to come up and say something about her whether it be a memory, something you never got to say, or something you just want to say.” He stepped away and sat down. I got up and everyone had laser focus on me. I got up the podium and leaned on it. I cleared my throat and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes.
“Hi.. So all of you know me.. My name is Alexandria Cavella and I am - was Lian’s best friend. She always did put up with me.. she comforted me in times of trouble and helped me through a lot of shit in life. Lian and I had a lot of talks about who was going to die first, which was really weird but we’re weird, and what we would say at each other's funeral.. Hell we even wrote down what we wanted each other to say.. And now I’ll read you just what she wrote..

[…] Friends, family, bitter enemies, and everyone in between.
I’m Lian Costello and I’m dead.. There I said it.. Be sad about me being gone.. Cry for a bit but don’t go crazy. I was just one person in the greta life you all have ahead of you. So why should I be the one to fuck it up. Now for the personal stuff.
Kel: You are an amazing man who deserves so much more than what you get handed to you in your life. I will always love you.. I hope you find someone to make you happy and someone who won’t hurt you. Don’t ever change Mr. 50’s..
Jaime: I love you.. You were my soulmate from the moment I laid eyes on you in the freshman intro assembly.. Just know that you can and should be sad I’m gone but don’t and I mean DON’T quit the band, stop talking to Alex, or leave our child in the dust.. I had you all throughout my life and now Ellie needs you all throughout her's.. I don’t wan this to effect your life too much. You loved me and it’s going to be hard to get over my death, but you have to.. I’m never coming back. I love you Hime-Time..
Alex: So, last but not least.. Alex.. We have been together since we were like 7.. Never forget me, cause I know I’ll never forget you.. even though I’m dead. Make sure Jaime stays on a good path.. And stay with Tony he is great for you.. And make sure little Ellie is okay.. I really don’t know what to say because just the thought of being out of your life is totally crazy to me.. I’m surprised I could even write Jaime’s… I love you babes… Never forget me..
And to all of the stupid ass people that have come into my life… FUCK you because now I don’t have to deal with you.
I’ve lived a good life with great people.. Please don’t keep space for me in your life when you could be rebuilding your lives.. So please.. Don’t stop your lives, for me.. If you love me let me go.."

I could see everyone in the audience start to wipe their eyes. I felt myself starting to slip also but I still had to finish what I was saying.
“Lian was that one friend you had to have. That one person in your life that you could turn to and tell everything. I- I love her so so much.” I choked and felt the tears starting to start again. I nodded and walked quickly back to my seat next to Tony. We looked around the room to see who was next to say something. Everyone thought Kel would surely say something but Kel wasn't there... He was home with Quin not letting anyone in... I don't think he was even letting Quin in.. I had my head on Tony's shoulder as I watched Lian's mother, Mae, and father, Tristan, walk up to the podium. I loved them and when I saw them up there it was like seeing my mom and dad there. It tortured me seeing them in so much pain.. Mama Mae couldn't even talk or look at me, for a fear of loosing her grip on her broken emotions. Dad cleared his throat and looked out to everyone.
"Lian was our daughter and ever since she was born we knew she was a loving, caring person.. Instantly we fell in love with her and so did her big brother Kel... She helped Kel so much through his years of being picked on for who he truly is. With out Lian Kel wouldn't have been the man he is today... She found guidance from her friend Alex and like wise to Alex. We would like to offer our undying help to support Jaime through this time and to take care of little Ellie. We are so happy to have such a sweet granddaughter as Ellie... Lian will be dearly missed... She was sweet and smart... The perfect combination.." At this point of her dad's speech I could see him starting to loose it and her mom already breaking down. I looked over to Jaime slightly and I saw him cuddling with Ellie and crying. "And uh with that.." He coughed trying to remove the lump from his throat. "She will be dearly missed but never forgotten in our hearts.." He nodded and led mom back to their seat..
"So anyone else?" The man who was leading the funeral asked. Everyone looked at Jaime and he stood up.. He put Ellie in my arms and headed for the podium. Once he got up there he leaned up against it and sighed..
“I met Lian freshmen year.. From the moment I looked into her blue eyes I knew she was mine.. I became a close friend to her and we started going out sophomore year. We never had any complications and it was too good to be true. But it was true, I was living a fantasy that I never wanted to end. I remember when her dirty blonde hair went to an amazing lilac… I loved it and she just was so quirky. She was the adorable kind of awkward that you wanted your life. In junior year she got her lip pierced and I remember going over to her house and seeing Alex there. I initially met Alex when I sat with Lian at lunch and she introduced me to her best friend. At the time when I met Lian she spent everyday with Alex. I had no clue why in sophomore year Alex moved into Li’s house.. But the I heard about why she moved and I promised to never let anyone hurt Lian or Alex ever again.” Jaime wiped a tear from falling down his face and he let out a small chuckle. “I remember going to Lian’s house, I went up to the door and asked her parents to come in. When I started to head for Lian’s room I heard some indie music playing, I rolled my eyes and walked into her room. I saw her laying on the floor singing the words and she was so happy. Of course Connor and Alex were out doing something or locked in Alex’s room messing around…” Everyone chuckled and my face turned red. “I mean messing around with music and body mods and other stuff.. I may be sad now that Ellie will never know her mother, but I will make sure that she knows just how amazing her mother was.. And if I ever feel myself starting to lose grip of my life.. I will look at her and think of what her mother would want.. Lian was my soulmate and I wanted to spend forever with her.. Sometimes forever just ends a little bit early..” Jaime coughed and looked up to the crowd of people. “If you love someone.. Take advantage of them being here, ALIVE! Don’t let them just drift away from you. And DONT take love for granted… Every chance I got to see Lian I appreciated her being here and choosing to be with me. If you’re with someone you love be happy you’re with them.. And be happy you can tell them anything.. Thank you.” I saw Jaime starting to cry and he sat next to me. I gave him Ellie and he looked at her happily. We had a few more of the people that went to high school with us say a few words and Rob, the guy who was leading the ceremony, told us to have a nice night and that the funeral was over. Tons of people came up to Jaime, Mom, Dad, and I to say how sorry they were for our loss. I saw Connor walking towards me and I felt tears forming in my eyes. Once he got to me he looked down and I wrapped my arms around him. He pulled me into a tight hug and rubbed my back. I cried into his shoulder and he put his head on top of mine.
“Alex.. It’s okay.” He whispered and continued to rub my back. It was calming to be in the arms of someone who basically knew Lian before we were all related to famous people. I continued to sob and he kept comforting me. “She knew you loved her and she loved you too. I’ll be okay Alex.” He whispered again. I didn’t want to let go of him. I was latching onto him as if he would bring me back to a time when I would walk home with Lian and Jaime and Connor and I would break off to walk on our own. I just wanted to go back to the times where things were simple. Connor was the only person left other than Jaime that knew me really really well from junior year. I let go and slowly moved away.
“Thank you Connor.” I smiled and he wiped my eyes.
“Anything for you. I can’t let the person I cared for the most in my life get destroyed by emotions. You’re like my best friend Alex...” He smiled and walked away. People continued to walk through and talk to us. After they got over with we all left and headed home. Jaime went back to his, alone but with Ellie. The car ride home was a silent one, none talked and no music played. Once Tony and I got home I went straight for the bedroom. I stripped and went into the shower. I spent maybe an hour just standing in the hot water. I got out and covered my self in a towel. I put on a bra and underwear and slipped into a loose band tee and some black shorts.
“Tony.. where are you?” I asked walking out of the bedroom and looking around the whole house for him, calling his name repeatedly. I went to the kitchen and saw a note on the table. […] At the studio, needed some time alone. Don’t know when I’ll be back.. I love you Axl.. You know that.. I’ll probably check on Jaime soon .. okay. Love you xoxo
I pulled my phone out of my pocket and went to text Mel.
Alex: Hey I know we were just at the funeral and all but do you want to come over and bring Emme. I’m alone.. Idk if Tone is mad at me but he’s in the studio…
Mel: Yeah be over in 5. Hang in there lil’ mama. :[
I looked at the text and set my phone down. I sat on the couch and picked up Ghost who was at my feet. I cuddled with him for a few minutes when I heard the door bell go off. I yelled come in and I saw Toby, Lukas, Adrien, and Shep walk in with huge bags in their hands.
“The gay boys are ready to glue your emotions back together! We got vegan ice cream and the vegan food, Ru Paul’s Drag Race, vegan beauty products and a shit ton of clothes.” Adrien said as the other guys put down the bags in their hands. They all ran over and gave me one big huge hug. I heard the door open again and the girls walked in.
“Hey babes thought you were alone?” Mel said as Em and her walked in.
“Well the boys just showed up. Now I have my GBFs and my BFFs.” I said trying to produce a smile on my face, but I couldn’t.
“You okay babes?” Mel asked as she walked over and looked to me. “I know this is hard, but just think of all the good times you had. She may be gone but you guys sure did have some banging times while she was alive. It’ll be okay my little mouse.” She kissed the top of my head and sat in one of the love seats will Em right next to her.
“Let’s get this shit started.” Adrien got up and put Ru Paul’s Drag Race season 1 in. I felt safe as I sat with friends.. Knowing that I wouldn’t do anything stupid with them watching me. I felt my phone buzz and I looked at it quick.
Tony The Turtle: I’m at Jaime’s with Vic. I think I might stay the night here to watch him.. He can’t function right.. I love you Axl. Talk to you later.

Notes

Hey guys.. Sad chapter again, but I promise there is more to come. Even though the chapter may've made you cry was it good? Did you like how it was laid out? Big things to come! Comment, rate, subscribe! <3 xoxo