Leaving the cave, going into the unknown

By the time he reached me I had started to cry, the situation around me sinking in as the water flowed down my cheeks. He didn’t know whether to hug me or yell at me for running away so he just sat next to me in silence. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong to make you want to leave. When you called me saying you were alive I rushed out the bus faster than I’ve ever moved before. When I got to the hospital and they said you took off running I was furious. I don’t know if you realize what you do to me, how you make me feel. I felt worthless, like I wasn’t worth staying for or our daughter wasn’t important to you. If you want to leave than leave because I can’t keep up with this crap and it’s not right for our daughter to have a mother who doesn’t want to be with her family.” He started to cry and I just sat there in silence taking in his words. “I don’t think that, I want to be a family. But I can’t help thinking that I’ve only caused you grief since we’ve been together and I don’t know if it’s worth it for you. I want this 100% but I worry that one day you’ll wake up and hate me for what I’ve caused us, the danger I’ve put our daughter through. I could have died and it made me think that I’m just being selfish with my life.” I stopped crying, as did Alan. “Everything that has happened has not been your fault, it’s been the people around you. I know that you would never intentionally do anything to put Dee in danger. I love you; we just have to be more careful. Jason is going to be put away and there isn’t anyone else who can hurt us now. There is nothing I want more in this world than to marry you and grow old with you and watch Melody turn into a beautiful woman. Please stay.” He took my hands and looked me in the eye. “Okay.” It was all I had to say and he knew. He helped me stand back up before putting his arm around me; we started off down the road back to the hospital. “You’re bleeding you know?” Alan said, he pointed to a spot on my arm. There was indeed a spot on my arm soaked in blood my shirt was ruined. “Just another war wound I suppose. Another story to tell eventually, can you imagine all the stories we’re going to be able to tell Dee. Is she okay?” “She’s been crying non stop since you’ve been gone, almost lost her voice. Nothing the guys and I did would stop it, I tried singing her to sleep but she likes your singing voice better I’m a terrible singer.” I laughed a bit at that, he did have a terrible singing voice. “I can’t wait to hold her again, I miss her. When I was with Jason the only thought I had was how would she be with me gone? I just wanted to wake up from the nightmare and find her in my arms sleeping and dreaming.” I sighed the hospital now in sight. Outside was a cluster of people including small cries so loud they could be heard from where we were standing. They brought more tears to my eyes knowing it was Dee crying for me. “It wasn’t your fault, just remember that. She’s crying because someone took you not because you chose to leave.” Alan whispered in my ear, it calmed me down immediately. He started to rub my back and hold me close as we came upon the hospital steps. There were concerned, sad and slightly angry looks coming from the group the angry looks mostly coming from the doctors and nurses mad that I left. There in the middle of the crowd was my little girl who upon seeing me stopped crying immediately and grabbed at me. I took her from Austin who had a huge smile on his face. She grabbed onto me as if I would leave again and I held onto her with the same tightness. I never wanted her to leave my arms and it looked like she felt the same. “Thank god you’re alright.” Austin said while we all formed a group hug around my baby and I. “Let’s go back to the bus, I think we all need some rest.” I said while being smothered by the group, they agreed and we started to walk towards the huge vehicle in the parking lot. The second I got on the bus I sat in the front lounge and looked down at my daughter who was now dead asleep in my arms. “She’s finally sleeping! She’s been up since you’ve been gone, refused to go to sleep.” Austin commented as the rest of the guys came on the bus. “I know you said she’s turning into a daddy’s girl but I think she’ll always be a mommy’s girl at heart.” Alan said while he sat down next to me, putting his arm around me and cuddling into my side. “Now it’s back on the road we go, we have a show tonight believe it or not and if we leave now hopefully we’ll make it on time.” Aaron said while going into the back of the bus with the guys. It left Alan, Dee and I in the front just being a family. “Never think I don’t want you, okay? Besides we’ve got a wedding to plan and I don’t think I could do that by myself, or marry myself. I’m sure I could try but I don’t think I could get anyone to officiate it.” I laughed at bit before closing my eyes and breathing in the moments around me. I refuse for things to get bad again; they’re going to stay good this time.

Notes

Hey-o!!!
Tomorrow is my last day of freedom before i start work on Tuesday hoepfully i'll get a chapter up after my first day!