Leaving the cave, going into the unknown

I was on day one of bed rest and I already hated it, the worst part was Alan wouldn’t leave me alone. I couldn’t even move into another room to get away from him, he had the advantage in this situation sticking by my side all day. It wasn’t his company I didn’t enjoy it was how he would ask me every 5 minutes if I was feeling okay or if the baby was okay. I calmly assured him every time that I as fine and Dee was fine or I didn’t need anything in the moment. He also wouldn’t let me walk anywhere, including to the bathroom. He would carry me then wait outside the door until I finished and carry me back to bed, there was no way I could take another 3 days of this, I didn’t want my last memory with Alan for a little while to be annoyance.

“Alan, I know you’re worried and scared but you need to leave me alone a bit. If something hurts I’ll tell you or if I think something’s wrong you’ll be the first to know but I need to breathe a little bit. Also I can walk to the bathroom by myself, as important as it is for me to rest the doctor also said not to sit around all day.” He huffed, knowing I was right.

“I just, I couldn’t handle if something happened to her or you. I get it though and you’re right, how about I go out for a bit and I’ll get us some take out?” I nodded; he kissed my cheek and headed out. When I heard the door close it was like a small weight had come off of my chest. I got up by myself for the first time today and went downstairs to make a cup of tea. After I was done I went into Melody’s room and sat in the rocking chair we had placed in the corner, facing her crib.

“I’m sorry that I did this to you, I’m already doing a terrible job at being your mom, I can’t even carry you right. I hope that by the time you come out I’ll have my shit together.” I sat there crying and rubbing my stomach for about another 10 minutes before I heard Alan come home, I got up and walked downstairs to the kitchen where he was setting up the table.

“Hey I got your usual and egg rolls but, wait have you been crying? I leave you for 30 minutes and you’re crying, did something happen?” he ran over to me and took me in his arms and I broke down.

“I’m going to be the worst mother, I almost killed her.” I kept blubbering out and Alan just kept shushing me, it was like everything that had happened the past few days was coming to hit me in the face. It never really sunk in what had happened and what could have happened.

“You’re going to be an amazing mother, no one could have foreseen what happened with Jason. You just have to be careful and everything will be fine, this has nothing to do with your parenting abilities in general. Now come on, let’s eat. Chinese always makes you feel better.” He was right; Chinese did make me feel better.

We spent the rest of the night watching movies and cuddling; we also talked a lot about any anxieties I had about Dee. He sat and listened to every worry I had but assured me that I didn’t need to be that concerned.

“To be honest I’m just as scared as you are, especially because I’m going to be away so much I don’t want to miss anything. After the 7 months recording we’re going to start touring and well I didn’t want to tell you until now but the guys and I finally figured out all the details. We want you and Melody to come on the road with us, we’ve already looked into buses with a bedroom in the back instead of a lounge and they’re the same price. We can fit a crib in there and the guys are okay with the unpredictable sleep patterns because we don’t really have a sleep schedule to begin with so we’ll sleep and nap when the baby does. I talked to Tom and he said you could do your work from the road; it’ll be an American tour. So, what do you say?” I don’t think I could’ve had a larger smile on my face.

“Of course I’ll come with you guys, this means more time as a family and I wouldn’t pass that up. Plus she’ll get to see you in action; I can’t believe you guys did this behind my back.”

“Ya well we didn’t want to tell you until it was for sure and with everything going on there wasn’t a right time. I’m going to do my best to not miss any milestones, I won’t let you or her down.” I cuddled into him and eventually fell asleep, peacefully for the first time in weeks.


The rest of the time Alan was home went by pretty fast and before I knew it I was driving him to the airport. I dropped him off at the front before driving back to the house, I saw Val’s car in the driveway because she would be moving in today. 2 months of fun is what she had promised me and I was hoping that she ended up being right, I really needed some fun right now. I walked in the door to smell cookies coming from the kitchen.

“Val?” I called out, while taking my shoe off which was weird to do by myself as Alan usually does it for me.

“Ya I’m in the kitchen, one sec.” She came running into the front room like there was a fire.

“Are you okay?”

“Ya I’m fine I was just wondering if you were here.” She came over and hugged me.

“I got here about 30 minutes ago and I made those tube chocolate chip cookies and settled in. I can’t wait to be roomies, I never got to have a girl roommate I’ve always lived with guys. We can do our hair and makeup, talk about boys and share clothes.” I laughed and pointed down at my stomach.

“I think we’ll have to leave the last one out but the rest of it sounds fun.” She laughed at her mistake before leading me into the kitchen and putting the plate of cookies and a glass of milk in front of me. She would never replace Kate but it was nice to have a female roomie again.

Notes

Got the motivation to do another chapter!!!!!
Going to post tomorrow than possibly not for the next 2 days because i may be going away for a few days!!!
Hope everyone has an awesome monday!