Leaving the cave, going into the unknown

I woke up in a cold sweat with Alan next to me, I looked at the clock to see that it was 1am and I needed to get out of this house. I slipped on some pants, one of Alan’s sweaters and ran out the front door forgetting shoes on the way along with my cell phone. I just kept running I wasn’t sure what I was running from exactly but my body was taking me somewhere and I had no control of it anymore. I didn’t want to be who I was right now, living the life I was living. I missed the days of innocence where I had a best friend and not a pregnant belly. I felt the stones cutting my feet up but nothing was going to stop me from moving forward.

Eventually I slowed down at a small park near Alan’s house, he took me here once and pushed me on the swing set. I sat down on a bench and brought me knees to my chest and cried, without running to distract me all I had left with was my thoughts. I could feel the anxiety running over my skin, it felt like a thousand weights pushing down on me and I was drowning. I lay down on the bench and put my hands tightly around my stomach, it was strange to think there was a tiny life in there. Soon enough he or she would be here in my arms and would meet the world. I wasn’t sure I wanted it to meet this world, at times it could be a terrible place and it was scary to think of all the things it would go through. All these thoughts caused me to fall asleep with exhaustion. Someone shaking me and calling my name awaked me from my uncomfortable sleeping position. When I opened my eyes I saw a frantic Austin in a pair of pajama pants and a shirt.

“Alex what the hell are you doing out here? Alan called me freaking out and we’ve been looking for you for at least and hour.” I just looked up at him and started crying again. He gave me a sad look and picked me up like a baby, I put my head on his chest and stayed quiet while he carried me back to Alan’s house. When I got there he placed me on the couch before texting Alan to tell him that I was home. Soon enough Alan came running in through the door with tears in his eyes, he looked at me and came over to my side to hug me in the tightest embrace I had ever experienced before.

“WHY WOULD YOU LEAVE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT? NO PHONE OR EVEN FUCKING SHOES?” He yelled at me, he never yells. This is the first time in knowing Alan that I have seen him mad. I just sat there in shock not knowing what to say or think.

“YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT IT’S NOT JUST YOU ANYMORE, THERE IS ANOTHER LIFE IN YOU. WHEN YOU LEAVE AND GO OUT LIKE THIS YOU’RE TAKING SOMETHING THAT WE CREATED A PART OF ME IS IN YOU. WHY DID YOU LEAVE?” He continued shouting, I was pretty sure he had gotten everything out he needed too. The guilt I felt was extreme, he was right this baby wasn’t just mine it was his too and I need to stop being selfish with it.

“I’m sorry Alan.” I said in a small voice, like a child that had just been scolded. “I had a really really really bad dream and I needed to go, you’re right I need to stop being so selfish.” He looked at me like he had just kicked a puppy; he knew how loud noises and screaming scared the shit out of me.

“Alex I’m sorry for yelling. You need to know that I love you so much and if you have a bad dream or anything you can wake me up and talk to me about it. Don’t run off and sleep in some park. All I kept thinking of was someone finding you and hurting you and the baby and you can’t do that to me again ok? What was this dream about?” He sat me up.

“I was really pregnant and I was all by myself, I had no one cause everyone left me.” I admitted.

“You have to know that I won’t leave you were in this together. Me, you and little jellybean.” I smiled and pulled him into a kiss than a warm hug.

“Wait, you’re pregnant?” A very confused Austin said from over my shoulder, I had forgotten he was standing there and I’m assuming so had Alan as we had agreed not to tell anyone until after the doctors appointment we had today.

“Ya, I didn’t want to tell anyone until it was totally 100% but I took a test and it said yes.” His face lit up like Christmas and he started jumping around.

“I’m going to be the best fucking uncle ever ah I’m so excited. You just better hope the baby looks like you Alex, the last thing we need is another Alan walking around.” I laughed

“Thanks man thanks a lot.” Alan said while he shook his head. We all laughed before Alan carried me up to bed where I laid in his arms until we both fell asleep.



When I woke up I felt much better and when I rolled over I found that Alan was not there. Before I had a chance to wonder where he was I smelt something and it sent me straight to the bathroom to through up. After I finished puking I walked down stairs while holding my hoddie to my nose to drown out the smell.

“Alex what are you doing?” He asked, he was making scrambled eggs and toast for himself and he had my English muffin ready for when I woke up.

“The smell of the eggs is making me puke, I’ve got that whole sensitive pregnant nose and tummy thing.” I said while gagging a couple more times.

“Shit shit shit I’m sorry, um I’ll through them out and no crap that won’t get rid of the smell.” He kept trying to figure out what to do, running around the kitchen like a mad man, I just stood to the side and watched him while I held back laughter.

Austin came up behind me; he stayed over after everything that happened last night.

“What’s he doing?” He asked as he watched the show with me, Alan was now running around with the pan of eggs trying to get rid of them but not knowing where to put them without the smell staying.

“The smell of the eggs made me sick so he’s trying to get rid of them. The feeling has gone away now but it’s pretty entertaining so I’ll let him go on for a bit.” Austin laughed with me as we watched him.

“Well this is the father of your child, you scared?” He asked, I could tell it was a joke but he was also just asking.

“I am but he makes me less scared, in everything I do.” Eventually I told him that everything was fine now and he settled down. I just wrapped my arms around him and hoped that everything would go fine today.

Notes

Another chapter, sorry i'm getting slower with the updates just been really busy.
My septum piercing was a bit to tight so i got it spaced more and got to see my cute piercer again... 'sigh'
Hope you guys like this chapter! I really liked writing this one for some reason!