Leaving the cave, going into the unknown

I felt like I was going to be sick, this feeling was indescribable. I just stood there in shock before I found my footing and ran away, granted I bumped into a wall on my way out which alerted them that I saw. I pushed my way through sweaty drunk bodies and ran out the door, I didn’t feel the alcohol in my system until that moment when I needed to be sober. I finally fell after what felt like hours of running when really it was only probably about 5 minutes. I scraped my knees on the ground and was bleeding pretty bad but none of that mattered. My heart was pounding and I was completely confused. I had just caught my best friend and my boyfriend kissing, they were both drunk but it hurt all the same. I curled up into a ball when I started to hear my name being shouted in the distance. I closed my eyes and really thought about what I saw, when I looked at Kate and Alan on the ground Kate was basically on top of him but he didn’t really look like he was into it.

I felt arms roll me over I was shivering but was too lost in thought to notice, I saw bright orange hair and just started to cry. I’m sure the over emotional part of me was mostly the alcohol but everything felt ten times worse. He pulled me into his chest and rocked me back and forth; I was too tired to push him away. I knew it wasn’t his fault, deep down I knew but that image was still in my mind plastered forever. Kate was supposed to be my best friend and the person I could trust, I don’t care how drunk she is you don’t do that. Eventually I looked up to see a tear stained Alan looking down at me. I reached up and wiped away some of the tears on his face and gave him a soft smile as if to tell him I knew it wasn’t him.

“Alex I’m, I’m so sorry I swear it wasn’t me I would never do that to you. I went to see if she was ok and she started to say that she used to like me and that you were a bitch for taking me from her. She just grabbed me and started kissing me and we fell over so I couldn’t push her off right away and you walked in. You’re bleeding I swear you can’t go to one of our shows without getting hurt I’m a terrible fucking boyfriend.” He rambled on.

“Alan shhhh. It’s ok I know, you were trying to push her off I saw it’s fine it just hurts.” He nodded and picked me up to bring me back to the bus. I didn’t want to go back there, Kate was there.

“The guys took her to another bus, were staying here for the night anyway. It’s ok.” As if Alan had read my mind, he kissed my head and continued the walk. I ran about a 5 or 10 minutes walk away from the bus and by the time we got back I was exhausted.

“No you can’t go to sleep yet we have to clean up your cuts ok?” I nodded at him as he set me down so he could open the door. He helped me up the stairs and I was bombarded by the boys asking if I was ok. I just nodded, they understood that I was tired and probably just wanted to sleep it off.

Alan took me back to the same bathroom that he cleaned me up in the first time; he washed my knee and put some Band-Aids on it.

“Yay more spider man band aids, I missed that guy.” I chuckled.

He looked at me with a sad smile and put his hands on my thighs.

“Why the long face sad boy? I’ll survive, I’ve been through much worse.” I asked he looked like he was going to cry.

“Since meeting me you’ve been through hell. The first time I met you I hurt you physically than when I’m not with you to protect you, you almost die. Now I’ve hurt you emotionally and you ended up getting hurt physically again. I don’t think I’m right for you Alex I’ve done nothing but make your life worse.” My eyes shot open wide.

“Alan Ashby shut up. What has happened since we got together is that I’ve become a better person. Before you I would do nothing for weeks and I lived a boring scared life. You helped me feel beautiful and important to someone and the world. So I get scratched once in a while, it happens. Know I love you and you make me better not worse, never worse.” I held his face in my hands and smiled to him, I loved him so much and the fact that he would doubt our relationship made me sad.

“I love you too. I’m sorry for saying that; it was just kind of running through my head. Let’s get you to bed we’ve got had a long day.” He helped me off the table and went to lead me out of the bathroom before I stopped him.

“Alan can you do something for me first?” I asked. He looked surprised.

“Anything.”

“Can you brush your teeth?” I laughed, I wanted to give him a kiss goodnight but I didn’t want the taste of Kate in his mouth, it would just make me sad again.

“Of coarse I’ll meet you in bed ok, grab one of my shirts.” I nodded and walked out into the bunkroom. I was suddenly grabbed and put in the center of a group hug.

“We love you Alex ok and if you ever need us to kick his ass we won’t hesitate to knock some sense into that boy.” Austin said as they squeezed the life out of me. I laughed as we parted and they showed me which one was Alan’s before going to bed themselves. I went through Alan’s stuff and found a shirt that I could wear to bed; I quickly changed and hopped into his bunk. It was a little like a coffin but I’m sure it would be better when he got here. Soon enough he showed up and cuddled into me, he finally gave me my goodnight kiss before wrapping me in the cuddles that I’ve grown to love and need.

“I love you Alex Case, never forget that ok?” He whispered.

“I love you too Alan Ashby.” I said before kissing him again.

“Ya ya I love you all too now go the fuck to sleep.” We heard from somewhere in the bunks, everyone laughed before falling into a much needed rest. Although everything was fine between Alan and I Kate still lingered in the back of my mind, what was that conversation going to be like?

Notes

2 updates in 1 night only because i got excited and i'm not going to be posting tomorrow or probably the next day. I got asked to play a show on thursday (i am a musician currently a solo act) and i have to practice til then cause i haven't played one since May..... Little nervous but here's hoping i don't fuck up!
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