Leaving the cave, going into the unknown

It had been a week since Alan left with the band and I had fallen back into the routine that I had before I met him. I would get up go to work, come home and hang out in my room. I started going full days a soon after he left but would bring the band assignments home with me so I could listen to my music. It was now Friday and I was looking forward to going home and cuddling up with Sophie in my room, but Kate had other plains. When I arrived home Kate was waiting for me with makeup sprawled out all over the living room along with multiple curling wands. Poor Sophie was sitting on the couch looking as scared by all the strange contraptions as I felt.

“We are going out tonight.” Kate stated as she dragged me into a chair and got to work, when I became seated Sophie came, jumped up on my lap and snuggled into me. I could tell that she had come to enjoy our cuddle sessions and she wanted another one.

“Sorry Sophie no cuddles, it seems Kate has got her mind made up about tonight and once she gets a thought in her head there’s no getting it out of there.” Kate smacked me lightly with a brush then continued on with her work.

“So where exactly are we ‘going’ tonight?” I questioned.

“We are going to this new club, just you and me no boys, no worries just dancing!”

“No, I don’t do clubs you know that.” I turned around to scold her; I don’t do well in those types of environments, too many people.

“Come on Alex just try it for me? We can drink and have a good time just the two of us. Since you’ve started to date Alan it’s been all about him and I just want a girls night.” Kate was right; my life has been very much about Alan. It’s only because of all of the stuff that has been going on we used to be very close but I haven’t had a boyfriend in a while and was bad at juggling things.

“I’m sorry Kate you’re right, ok we’ll go.” I sighed and turned back around.

“Yes!” She screamed, I just let her have it. It wouldn’t kill me to let her have some fun.

I was made up by Kate and dressed until I was ‘perfect’, sometimes I think Kate just likes to have a human Barbie doll to dress but it made her happy. I put some food in Sophie’s bowl and pet her while she gave me a sad look because she knew I would be leaving her for the night without cuddles. I gave her a soft smile before Kate grabbed me and we left. She had called a cab and we drove quietly to the club, well I was quiet Kate was talking the whole time. I just nodded and chuckled at her being so excited, she loved going to stuff like this. We arrived and walked straight into the club; with Kate being who she is she doesn’t have to wait in lines. Kate walked straight to the bar and ordered 3 rounds of shots that I’m assuming were for us, the second she got them she started chugging them down before handing me mine. I just went with it and downed them all as fast as I could to avoid the taste.

“So Kate what’s the occasion for tonight? Why no Tom?” We had sat down at a booth and each gotten a cocktail.

“We broke up yesterday, he said I wasn’t serious enough. If anyone’s not serious it’s him, stupid, serious, err.” The alcohol was starting to hit her and myself.

“Why did you guys break up? Why didn’t you tell me I would have been there for you!” I couldn’t believe they broke up, if anything I thought they were going to get married soon. I had known Tom long enough to know that look in his eyes when he wasn’t messing around with a girl and he gave Kate that look all the time.

“He asked me to marry him and I said I wasn’t ready yet. Like excuse me, I’m only 24 Alex I don’t want to get married!” She slurred out.

“But I thought you loved Tom?”

“I do but marriage is so permanent, I don’t know I don’t wanna think about him I want to drink I’ll be back.” She got up and walked to the bar to get another drink. I finished the one that was in my hands and just people watched for a bit, but soon the people started to become blurry and mush together, Kate returned with 2 more drinks and a shot each which we took. I wasn’t even sure why I was drinking as much as her, I guess I didn’t want to reject her because of the crappy day she was having.

“I’m gonna go dance let’s dance come on!” She said as she grabbed me and dragged me to the dance floor. Regular Alex would have had a panic attack by now but drunk Alex was ready to dance. Kate and I danced the night away and got many drinks by the time we were ready to go Kate had sobered up but I was still pretty drunk, I didn’t drink regularly but Kate did so her body bounced back a little quicker.

“Have you ever really looked at Alan? He’s beautiful. I got to have sex with a beautiful man.” I screamed out the last part and people around us just laughed at me so I laughed with them. Kate was dragging me to the cab and laughing her ass off, she threw me in and got in herself. I felt very sleepy all of a sudden and laid down with my head in her lap, she stroked my hair.

“Kate?” I questioned, all these thoughts hitting me at once.

“Yes Alex?”

“I miss Alan.” With those words all the tears came out of no where, I had been distracting myself so well that I hadn’t had the time to cry over missing him. Kate just shushed me in my drunken state and told me everything would be ok. The cab arrived at our house and she helped me upstairs and into my room. She changed me and tucked me in but I just kept crying, Sophie was already waiting for me in bed and seeing me distress she cuddled into me. I heard Kate go and get something before I realized that she was speaking into a phone, she gave it to me to talk to someone.

“Hello? Alex are you ok? Kate said you were crying what’s wrong?” It was Alan on the other line, she had called him and when I heard his voice I already felt better but worse at the same time.

“I miss you so much Alan and I’m drunk and I don’t want to be drunk anymore. I want to be with you and Sophie’s here but I want you. I don’t want to wear your clothes I want to be beside you it’s not fair Alan.” I cried into the phone. I heard him sigh before he decided to speak.

“ I know it’s hard Alex but it’s one more week then you get to see me and I’ll be right beside you and I’ll hold you and everything will be alright ok? I love you remember that, do you have your bracelet on?” I looked at my wrist to see the bracelet that hasn’t left my wrist since he gave it to me.

“Yes.” I answered.

“Good remember I’m always thinking of you, now go to sleep ok. Curl up with Sophie she is the best cuddlier, and think about next week and all the fun were going to have together and I’ll curl up in my bunk and think about how lovely and beautiful you’re going to look the next time I see you.”

“I love you Alan,” I whispered.

“I love you too Alex” and with that I fell fast asleep.

Notes

It's Saturday and i had no clue it was saturday until a couple of hours ago cause my days are so messed up.... the life of an unemployed college grad i suppose enjoy your weekend or if you're canadian your long weekend!!!