One Hundred And One Sleepless Nights

Five years ago Zandra Knight gave birth - casualties were minimal. Her life did a complete 360. Her mother is still on the sherry, her is sister still making threats and her daughter has inherited both her mothers sarcasm and her fathers knack for annoying the hell out of her. Things can only get better? Right?

This is the sequel to One Hundred Sleepless Nights. Go and read that first or you'll probably be a little bit lost. But if you're feeling adventurous you could try to make sense of this without it.

1. Shocks

   "I think she had children once but she probably ate them or sold them on the black market or something."

2. Explanations

   "There's a reason this Mexican isn't in with the Cholos. You need at least half a brain."

3. Fiancées

   "There was a lot of black eyeliner, frowning and My Chemical Romance."

4. Christmases

   "I decide to not focus on the fact that one of Alex's five year old chums is named Roy."

5. Proposals

   "What does she expect me to do? Break and say hang on I'll just get my thigh highs and chicken fillets."

6. New Years

   "It's not up there with getting engaged in Germany, but it's still pretty good."

7. Engagements

   "I don't know what his name is, she's only ever referred to him as the useless shit."

8. Jobs

   "The next few hours were spent with All Time Low doing a lot of singing and jumping around, the producer doing a lot of hand gestures and shouting and me doing a lot of looking sexy and blushing when Jack was blatantly staring at my ass."

9. Parties

   "Kiss under the mistletoe. I wouldn't kiss you under anaesthetic."

10. Firings

    "Stupid vodka and it's stupid getting me drunk."

11. Talks

    "I could have your heartbroken, stupid, dumb fiancée after me."

12. Games

    "It can't be that hard to be nice. Jemma does it all the time and makes it look effortless."

13. Plans

    "She's set me up on dates, changed my tyre and brought me a Vera Wang with her old staff discount all because she owes me."

14. Vegas

    "It ended with me losing my bra to a desert dog, prank calling Kellin and Hannah almost getting her big toe stuck in the neck of a empty vodka bottle."

15. Truths

    "Jemma was tutting. Kate was fiddling. I was pouting. Polly was squaking. Leah was laughing. Fuck you Leah."

16. Arguments

    "Again without invite Vivian strolled inside like she owned the place. If she wants to walk in like that she should give me rent. "

17. Weddings

    "So rumour has it you created a secret underground bakery this morning."

18. Changes

    "While you've been touring and partying for years I've been at home with Alex having absolutely no love life!"

19. Letters

    "Kate marched into my apartment, already ranting about what a 'C O C K face' Vic is."

20. Arrests

    "I just hope nothing dangerous is making you change apart from Polly's addictive personality."

21. Trials

    "I don't know what everyone else is thinking but I think he deserves an oscar."

22. Trials - take two

    "Vic's lawyer stands up resembling the devil or you know something just as terrifying like that time I went to Warped and Blood On The Dancefloor tried to hook up with me. All of them."

23. Goodbyes

    "I've done some hard things in my time. I got a talk from the police for attempting to sell Kate online. I had naked pictures posted of myself on the internet. I gave birth! But telling my daughter that she has to take all of her things and live with her father has to be the hardest."

24. Parties - Take Two

    "It smells at Daddy's house... like Christmas all year round. But not the good kind, the kind at Nana Knight's house."

25. Hospitals

    "Because Mommy's is where your home is. Home is where your princess bed is and a princess needs to sleep in her princess bed."

26. Birthdays

    "I followed him and watched as he got out a slice of bread and started to eat it with no hands. I feel like I'm trapped in the twilight zone."

27. Innocents

    "Mommy says she wants to kill Polly lots, but she's never done it."

28. Interventions

    "If I don't keep my hands busy I might get mad and they might do something stupid, like go around Alan's neck."

29. Stalkers

    "It's a good thing I've dealt with some dodgy characters before, like that time I had to drive home Mike and Oil Sykes after they'd snorted K."

30. Shows

    "So you just fell into her lady garden?"

31. Rehabs

    "There's Vic who let's be honest would have you chained to his bed if it wasn't for Polly. And Jack who's come into the picture with the promise of a free meal."

32. Departures

    "He's drinking soda tonight and he's already fallen over twice, kissed three different people and got his thing caught in the zipper of his jeans."

33. Bickerings

    "We've reached the I'm-comfortable-enough-with-you-to-leave-the-bathroom-door-open-when-I-shower-and-not-be-attacked-by-a-rampaging-sex-rhino stage."

34. Tragedies

    "Forgive me please, papa."

35. Funerals

    "I've entered the black parade. Time to dye my hair and start marching."

36. Declarations

    "You go and get sympathy off everyone while I go and commit a murder."

37. Escapes

    "Don't pick the man who is trying to make you a better person. Pick the man who makes you want to be a better person."

38. Deciders

    "We were going to pose as a lesbian couple just married selling hand woven ponchos to pay the rent."

39. Epilogue

    "Your family are normal. They're nice. Your dad's a dentist. Your mom's an office temp. Normal jobs. They give you sweaters for Christmas. You have family nights and play monopoly!"

40. New Story

41. Note

42. Note