Login with:

Facebook

Twitter

Tumblr

Google

Yahoo

Aol.

Mibba

Your info will not be visible on the site. After logging in for the first time you'll be able to choose your display name.

For What It's Worth..

-My roots, my roots run deep into the hollow.-

It was the day before we left for our first tour of the season. It was messy and complicated because it was a continuous tour with only a small break in between the first few months. Warped was going to take up most of it. And too say it was tense between the band and I was, for lack of a better word, was a painful understatement. At least we were all on the same page.

Well, except for two things. No one knew of Jens miscarriage besides Kuza and I; and nobody, not even me knew what was said between Sabrina- or Karon or whatever the hell her name was now. I remember last week, that same night it happened; I tried asking about it. I tried to think of a way to say that would keep Jenny in a happy state, but nothing came up. And I wasn't about to ruin her good mood after Josh and Kuza went too all the trouble to make her laugh.

Do I regret not saying anything? Yes, but that would be nothing compared to the heartbreak she would remember for the rest of her life. What I was going too remember the rest of my life..

I let out a sigh, gripping my knees. “Okay, attempt number eight.” Trying to mediate with all this crap going through my head wasn't helping. I took in a deep breath and slowly let it out and just listened to my music play. My noise cancelling headphones kept all noise out except what I was listening too. Killpop by Slipknot played.

It's so, confusing, the methods that she's using
She knows she shouldn't leave a mark, that I can see.
Will she ever find one million of a kind?


My eyes closed, I started drifting off just letting my mind wonder, not giving it any help just letting whatever came to mind flow. Images of me singing on stage, jumping up and down with my friends as we performed. Soon it faded too my mother and father who were always there for me.

Then I saw the scene change once more and I felt my heart start pounding. I knew somehow I was only part conscious because the image was one I never seen before. It was Jenny, her normally flat stomach that had the faintest indication of muscle lines,was now rounded with child. My child. I was leaning my head on her rounded tummy, staring lovingly at her. I watched that version of her and I and somehow I felt like I was intruding on the moment. Before I could turn around, I felt myself get jolted back to my actual body. My heart thudded painfully, the image still imprinted in my mind. I felt a tear slip down my face. I quickly wiped it away and opened my eyes to realize I was still in my daydream. Well more of a memory.


It was back around when Jen and I first started getting to know each other. We were hiking through the woods in the late evening. The plan was to get to a spot I went too so I could get away from everyone.

For some reason beyond me, I felt compelled to show her this place. While getting there was no picnic for some, she walked with an ease, jumping over fallen trees and practically running ahead of me, when I was the one that was supposed to be leading her. “You know it works better when the person that's taking you to an unknown place is to be beside them not ahead of them?” I pointed out to her.

“Yes, but where is the fun in that.”

“Good point.” I laughed. She slowed down either way and started walking beside me again. “So, what is this place anyway?”

“A place I go too think, get away from life for a little bit.” I shrugged.

“Ah, one of those places. Sure you want to take me there?”

“I wouldn't be taking you there if I felt otherwise inclined not to.” I was asking myself the same question as to why I was taking her there. I didn't take anybody there.

“Well, hopefully it's not a very good spot then, I might leak it too the press.”

“Well at least then I'll know who to come after if I find paparazzi in the middle of nowhere.” I laughed.

“You know I really got too thank you, by the way. Well again, thanks for letting me stay at your place these last couple of weeks.” I looked at her, slightly baffled. “It’s no trouble.”

She gave me a pointed look. “No, really. It's actually a big deal for me. Not because you're famous, but because not many people would actually do that for someone. Even though I could have paid for a hotel room for myself.” Which brings back the thought process I had quickly organized while I was upstairs in my room changing my shirt while she said goodbye too the guys. Must convince gorgeous girl too stay in Scranton long enough to get to know her.

Surprisingly not that hard considering she was going to stay for awhile anyway, and then continued to embarrass myself in front of her any chance I got. Way to make an impression, I guess. Like having no food in the fridge and then have her offer to buy food for all of us. Then getting drunk and treat her like my own personal teddy bear.

Real classy, Chris. Classy.

“So, I’m famous?” I played dumb.

She smacked my arm and I laughed. “No, all those crazy gifts that those people you're supposed to call fans send you is totally normal. The letter written in blood and confessing your love for you, while also sending you cookies was my favorite so far.” My face must have betrayed my shock at her sarcasm, because she followed it up by saying. “Ricky likes to talk a lot more than he lets on, and Josh even more so.”

“Why am I not surprised?’ I questioned myself. “Ricky can be quite talkative around very few people.”

I looked around and realized we were here. I quickly grabbed Jenny's hand before she took two more steps off the cliff that was ahead of us. Ahead of us, you could see the trees below us, and even further away we could see the tree line beside Scranton, which was lit up and bright as any city would be at night.

“Careful, that's a pretty steep drop.” I murmured. But she wasn't listening, she was staring off into the distance, gathering everything her eyes could capture from where we were. I watched as she mouthed the word ‘Wow’. “This is amazing.’ she laughed. I kept thinking about the past and how I said to myself that I would never risk getting too close to anybody because of what Sabrina did to me; what she threatened to do if I ever got too close to anyone again. It kept me from seeking out a relationship of the forever and ever kind. The one where you see yourself with that person forever. But ever since I laid eyes on this woman, I've wanted to know her. It was like a magnetic pull towards her, craving the sense of peace and the way she could make my heart pound at the mere sight of her.

I was beginning to think it was worth pursuing. Considering the fact I was already this close with her. “Let's sit down.” She went to sit down, not really caring that she was still holding my hand. We both sat on the edge , our feet dangling off the edge. She must have realized we were still holding hands as I felt her release my hand. I took my hand back too my side and immediately felt the loss of her warmth. I could have sworn, I saw the smallest of smiles in the darkness on her face.

God I was falling for this woman. While by society's standards, she would be ordinary at first glance, just like any other person on the street. Maybe it was the fact that I saw her driving a car that was almost thirty years older than her, opened my eyes that she was so much more than ordinary.

“How do you feel about four wheeling?” I asked. Not really thinking that she would be that interested. “ Are you kidding? That sounds like fun! My dad used to have a four wheeler when my sister and I were younger. And he’d let us ride around the farmland we lived at. Holy crap, that was so long ago now.”

The way she talked about her family made me happy; to see her talking about the people she loved.

Maybe someday she would talk like that about us. I could only dream.



My eyes jolted open when I felt a light thudding under me, letting me know I wasn't alone. I blinked my eyes a couple of times, looking in front of me, Jenny was standing there in a long sleeved gray sweater with a cracked black skull adorning it; along with a black skirt with several belts attached to it, and completing it all with black and gray stockings. She looked breathtakingly beautiful.

Her eyes looked tired, I could see from where I was sitting that they were underlined with shadows from lack of sleep; and the redness around the whites of her eyes clenched it for me. She looked exhausted and yet her eyes lit up when she saw me. I felt so guilty for all the thoughts that were buried deep in my head. I felt guilty for putting her in danger like this. I closed my eyes and covered them with my hand. Water pooled at the corners of my eyes and I locked my jaw to keep myself from crying. Of all the things I needed right now, this wasn't one of them.

I felt her presence before I saw her. Her hand touched my arm and as I moved my hand down away from my eyes I quickly brushed away the start of the tears. I looked at her, kneeling in front of me, she started speaking and for a second I was confused as to why I couldn't hear her.

I laughed lightly; realization hitting me, I pulled out my earbuds and gave her a sheepish smile. “Sorry, still had my headphones in.” She gave a light giggle. “As I was saying; I'm sorry if I interrupted you, you looked so calm sitting there.”

“You didn't interrupt me, I needed to move anyway. My legs are numb.” I slowly moved my legs so that they were splayed out on either side of her. I put my headphones and phone beside me, out of the way and pulled Jenny close to me, so I could have her sit on my lap, while straightening out my legs. Once we were settled, she pulled my head against her chest. I blew out a sigh, moving my head too the side, while wrapping my arms around her waist. “Are you alright, Chris?” She murmured against the top of my head. “Yeah baby. I'll be fine.”

I nuzzled my face against her breasts, enjoying her holding me against her. Thoughts of her being pregnant still bombarding my thoughts. Why wasn't I careful? Why didn't I use protection? And why on earth did it still make my heart ache so bad, knowing that while I didn't hate kids, but didn't really want my own that the thought of actually losing one that wasn't even born; made me want to cry and fucking punch something until I passed out.

I knew that Jenny knew there was something bothering me, just by the way she gripped the back of my head tighter. She didn't say anything and I was glad. I didn't want to freak out at her, it wasn't her fault.

“I'm going too miss you.” She whispered.

“I'm going too miss you too baby.” I murmured softly. I felt her heart pound in her chest and I took comfort from it. I wanted to keep the sound in my head, all through the tour. Too keep my head sane, too keep me calm. She took a deep breath, and gently pulled my head back. She leaned her head down and kissed me hard.

“Baby.” I murmured. Feeling my need for her growing. “We can't.” Knowing exactly what she wanted just by the way she kept kissing me.

“Just because I can't make love to you, doesn't mean I'm not going to kiss you.”

Her words sent a shiver down my spine. I felt myself get hard for her, as she pressed her lips against mine again. I moved my hands up too her hips, slowly moving my way under her shirt to caress her soft skin. God, how I wanted her as bad as she came for me, she grabbed my head, lightly grabbing my hair and pushed me down gently; onto the floor, never breaking our liplock.

“God, I love you baby.” I broke away long enough to murmur.

“I love you to.” She whispered before taking over again.

It was one of those moments I never wanted to forget. The way her body pressed against mine, her weight spread evenly over me, keeping me grounded to the spot. The way I could feel her heart beating alongside mine as we kissed slowly, only pausing to breathe and take in little moments to give sad little smiles in between.


Soon we calmed down enough so I could hold her against me. She rested her head on my chest and encircled her arms under my shoulders.

The moment quickly passed, as we heard footsteps in front of us, but neither of us could see who it was.

“Hey, you guys ready to go get some lunch, I'm starving…!” Kuzas voice trailed off as he must have seen how Jenny was splayed over top of me.

“I walked in and saw something I really didn't need too see.” You could hear the awkwardness in his voice and that clued me in too the fact I was wearing sweatpants and had no doubt a raging boner because of the woman on top of me.
Jenny started laughing at him, raising herself up off me.

“You know, maybe you should not wear those kind of pants when you guys get caught.” I watched as he shrugged over near the living room entrance. “When the next time you get caught in the act happens.”

“Which according to Balz, it happens quite often.” He looked like was pondering the thought. And then shivered dramatically.

“Remind me too hit Josh next I seen him.” Jenny muttered to me, as I sat up and brought my knees too my chest until I had calmed down. Poor Josh…





I watched as Josh ran frantically into the airport with Jenny chasing after him. Unlike me, she would actually be able to catch him. She had a ridiculous amount of stamina due to workouts she did every other day, while according to her she only started doing the workouts that she used to do with her dad before she moved; recently because of the tenseness of everything. I guess she was definitely feeling better to go after Josh as if she wanted to kill him.

I looked over at Kuza who looked extremely worried too be on a plane with her for the next two hours.

“She's not normally like this, Josh brings out that part of her. They kind of pick on each other.”

Somewhat relieved, Michael laughed lightly as we followed them with their suitcases behind us. It wasn't that crowded at the airport, but for a second I had too look around and try and find the two that ran ahead of us. I saw them alright, making a lovely scene. Somehow Jen was attached too Josh's back and he was flailing around trying to get her off him.

I turned too Ryan. “Do you think we should help him?”

She shook her head, her silver hair waving around her, “Something tells me by the way that they're laughing like idiots, makes me believe that we probably shouldn't act like we're associated with them.” She laughed, and I shook my head smiling as I heard Jenny yell out in triumph. “He admits defeat!”

I watched as she jumped down and Josh gave her a playful punch on the shoulder which she gladly gave back two fold.

They wrapped their arms around each other's shoulders and continued to walk as if they didn't have a brawl in the middle of a public place. Then they started tripping each other up as they walked and they started toppling over before catching the other.

When we finally caught up to them, they had stopped and appeared to be deep in conversation.

“About time you guys stopped, jeez.” Devin came up beside me with Kylie.

“Ditto. Jen, can I talk to you for a second.” I did a double take too Kylie, noticing that she looked nervous.

“Sure, Kylie.” I watched as she hugged Josh and took Kylie's arm and they walked a small distance away from the group.

Flight 247 is going to be boarding in twenty minutes.” The overhead speaker blared out.

“That's our flight. I'm going to go make sure our luggage gets on the plane. Tell Jen I'll meet her there.” I nodded towards Kuza, as he wheeled both his and Jens suitcases. I still felt bad for asking him to go with Jen too visit her home for awhile. It wasn't like I was sending a trained bodyguard with her, I just felt better having someone with her. I looked down at my hands, they had a light tremble to them that hasn't really gone away since Satisha called. The colour on my tattoos barely went out of focus as my mind swirled with barely unhinged emotions that I kept to myself.

“Jay! I'm so sorry!” I looked up quickly in time to see Kylie hugging Jenny like her life depended on it. I wanted to walk over and so did Devin by the looks of it, but we stopped as Jenny put her hand up, her face looking happy yet had an underlying sadness on her face. One I had learned was one that I wished I could erase in the past few days. I hated it because I knew how much the miscarriage must have hurt her heart.

When they finally parted, they came to rejoin the rest of the group. She bee lined towards me, wrapping her arms around me, gripping me tightly. “I'm going too miss you, Chris.” she whispered into my shoulder and my heart thudded against my chest.

“Definitely not as much as I’m going too miss you.”

“Will you call me once you guys get settled? So I know you got there okay?” She asked looking up at me.

“Of course I will.” Leaning down and kissing her.

My mind reeled, wondering how the next couple months were going to be like. So I kissed her like I would never see her again..


Notes

HEYY
so, yes its been bloody forever, and I'm sorry for the lack of posting. I swear being an adult...
anyway heres chapter 29! its sort of a filler chapter, so be patient. Shits going to go down soon. >.>

Enjoy!
-TheGinchu. :3

Comments

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Oh Chris! so much happened! poor thing


BUT CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BABY! THAT'S SO EXCITING!!!!!!!!!!! MAY YOUR CHILD BE AWESOME AND BORN HEALTHY! ^.^

CONGRATS ON YOUR BABY!!!!!!!
And they'll get through it, they have each other I know they can

@blackops-motionless
Please Update sooon!!

@blackops-motionless
^-^ (: update soon!