For What It's Worth..

I just stood there, my tears seemed never ending, or maybe it was just the fact that the rain was pouring down on me. By this time I was soaked to the bone, no part of me was dry at all.

"Chris, good you're still here." I turned around to see Kuza behind me. The rain started soaking him as he walked out of the hospital doors. He held out the keys to Jenny’s Impala, waiting for me to take them. I sighed, wearily. "Can you drive, I feel like if I got in the driver's side right now, we would be just sitting there all night."

"Sure thing." he paused a moment. "Stupid question, but are you going to be okay?"

"I hope so." I shrugged, starting over to the parking lot were the only muscle car was sitting in obvious plain sight. I heard him sigh, more to himself than at me and he hurried to catch up to me. I felt water splash me as he walked beside me. "You know, Jen isn't the only one that's going to need comfort, and she knows that." he pointed a look at me as I glanced at him.

I felt my eyes harden in a glare. "Ah, there's Chris. I thought I was talking to a zombie."

"She woke up after you left, and made it pretty clear that you would be hurting too. By the looks of it, she was right."

"Let me guess she told you to look after me." I sneered.

He just shook his head, ignoring my snide comment. "Hardly, I'm doing that on my own. She just told me that you might not show it, but you could be hurting too. Don't think I can't tell you are, because I do."

I slid into the passenger side of the car and waited for him to get in. When he did he waited till I answered him. "Oh." was all I could muster out, before he started the car and we drove to my place. I don’t know why I was annoyed at Jen for saying that, and I knew it was stupid. She was right, I was hurting, I just wish I knew why it hurt so goddamn much. I stared out the window, watching the water pelt the window as Mike drove to my house.



Once we got inside, I ran upstairs to get changed out of my wet clothes. I grabbed clean boxers and a pair of jogging pants and went to the bathroom. I peeled off the wet clothes, one by one until I was naked. I considered having a shower but didn't have the energy to do so, so I took a facecloth and ran it under hot water from the sink. I scrubbed my face until it was raw and a bit sore from being cold earlier, making sure I had no makeup left. I put my clothes on, feeling better and comfier already since I put something dry on, and made my way downstairs again to find Kuza preparing the coffee perk. "Coffee?"

"Thanks, do you need any clothes for the night?"

He shrugged, staring at the percolator as it gurgled and groaned making the coffee. I turned around and walked into my living room, pulling a blanket from the couch and wrapped it around myself. I practically fell onto the couch with a dramatic sigh, trying to regain my equilibrium. Ex troubles, and my girlfriend had a miscarriage and now I have no idea where to start with what. What was a guy to do?

I was so captivated by my own thoughts that I barely noticed Kuza come in and set down coffee in front of me.

"So I heard a lot about Sabrina lately, did you want to talk about it ?"

"That was subtle." I commented. He shrugged, shifting in his seat. "Apparently not as subtle as she's being. She still has a thing for you, huh?"

I shivered, not because I was cold but how much of what he said made me want to vomit. "There's something Ricky and you aren't telling us, isn't there."

"Ryan got to you."

"Understatement, but we're right aren't we?"

I slid sideways until my head landed on the couch with a thump. "Sadly yes. But believe me when I say I never thought this would happen."

"I don't like where this is going but continue." I raised a brow at the thought, but then slowly got back up to a sitting position so I could drink some of the coffee that was just begging to be drank.

/

I walked out of the morgue, feeling like the world was somehow conspiring against me. My heart was broken. The girl I thought I loved and I thought loved me admitted to cheating on me, and I couldn't prevent a little girl's death. I walked down the sidewalk, walking past strangers and almost instantly felt myself get angry.

How could they just walk down the street without realizing some little girl killed herself because she was bullied and hated for who she was! For all I knew I could be walking past the ones who hurt her to the point she couldn't take it anymore and I would be none the wiser. This whole thing made my face burn with anger, my eyes felt exhausted and stung to the point where it hurt to close them.

And Sabrina. I gave her everything, because I believed even after all our stupid fights I thought the love we had was what kept us together. How stupid I had been. My heart was shattered, the pain was indescribable at the betrayal I've been dealt.

So fucking stupid.

I nearly ran into Ricky as he charged down the street without looking where he was going.

"Oh, Chris I thought I wasn't going to catch you."

"In a matter of speaking, you almost did." I attempted to smile, but it felt more like a grimace.

"True, I was hoping to catch you, want to head to Starbucks and then chill in the park?"

I shook my head, I really didn't care, I just needed something to distract myself. I followed Ricky to Starbucks, barely paying attention to what he was saying, but paid enough attention to give my consent to my order and followed him to a local park where there was barely any people. I took small sips of my drink, staring blankly at a rose bush across from us. Ricky fidgeted and I knew he wanted to say something but he kept up the silence. I licked my lips, moistening them so I could talk clearer. "What's wrong?" I murmured.

He sighed, loudly. When he spoke it was like he was trying to control his tone of voice. " Before I nearly knocked you on your ass, I went back to the hotel to see if I could find your ex, and talk to her."

The way he said 'talk' made me believe he had other intentions. "Turns out that she had already packed up and vamoosed. Or so I believed, I saw her with a bunch of other people and they were getting in this cargo van. As soon as I saw that, I ran back to find you and-" he got cut off and I turned to look at him, to see if he was okay. I didn't get the chance to turn my head all the way to look at him, as my head was jerked back suddenly, the movement caused me to drop my coffee on the ground. I heard the cup hit the walkway and the splash, but those were minor concerns when someone's arm came around my neck and put me in a chokehold. They held my neck against the back of the bench, causing me to arch back awkwardly.

I tried to look over at Ricky, but the person that had me in a chokehold was keeping my head facing forward. That's when I saw Sabrina standing over me. The first thing I noticed was how her blue eyes were laced with a certain madness that I never seen before. “Now, Ricky you've gone and spoiled the surprise.” she all but purred. “What the hell!?” I growled out, trying to lift my head back up, only for the person holding my head in place jerk me back against the bench. I ground my teeth together as pain bloomed in the back of my skull from connecting with the wood.

“Chris..chrischrischris.” She sighed, exasperated. “Why do you have to be so difficult.”

I tried to glare at her through the pain in my head. “Me? Difficult? Has no one else ever dated you?” I seethed, the pain radiating through my skull. She narrowed her eyes at me, and before I could comprehend what was happening, she had her slim fingers around my throat. “Well, you did, and yet you didn't figure out who I really was.”

The pressure wasn't to bad, but as I opened my mouth to retort, she squeezed it tighter. “I'm not finished.” She growled. “You know, that little girl dying was probably the best thing to happen. The pain you seem to be in is..” She shivered as if she was extremely turned on. The first time I wish I didn't know that about her. “Extremely arousing.” I had to repress my own shiver of disgust at the mere words she was speaking. “As you can maybe already guess, I like seeing- no love seeing people in pain, especially if I'm the cause of it.” Her grin was ecstatic as one would be talking about a new book or movie, or winning the lottery. “I mean, when we would fight, it just didn't do it for me after the first few, so breaking up with you and saying I cheated on you; I did by the way, and it was pure ecstasy whenever I thought about what your face was going to look like when I told you what I did.” I felt sick to my stomach as I listened to her, this was way beyond the normal ‘turned on by pain thing’. “Boy, when that girl died, it was just perfect timing. Mmm.” She licked her lips, and she let my throat go and I tried not to think of what she was saying and the effect it had on my stomach. “You’re sick.” Ricky ground out. She looked over at him, with a twisted smile on her face. “Oh, baby you have no idea.” She was obviously more than enjoying our discomfort.

“But, back too why I'm here. I want too see more of that pained expression you wore leaving the morgue. It was better than I expected, the reddened eyes from your tears, the lost and far away look. The torment you must have felt, the betrayal. I want more of it.” She turned her heel and then swiveled back. “So, I figured out a plan to keep it there, darling.” That. I didn't like the sound of. “I'm going to keep it there by hurting anyone you ever fall in love with, whoever comes into your life; up to and including your precious band mates. And oh, am I going too enjoy ripping away the person who you try give your heart to, my love. Since I'm the one who will always hold it, crushing it to pieces when you think it's safe too love someone again.” She was crazy, seriously and absolutely fucking crazy. How in the fuck did she think this was going to work.

She seemed satisfied with the startled expression on my face. “The best part is, you'll never see me. Never see me do it, never hear me, never know that I'm there until it's too late.” My eyes widened as I realized she's done this before. Her eyes snapped up too the people behind Ricky and I. “Boys.” Her voice held a demanding tone. The sound of something brittle connecting with something hard was heard and I heard Ricky cry out in pain. Something hit me upside the head and I became disoriented, the hold on me was suddenly gone and when I could focus again, Sabrina was gone and so were the people with her.

I looked over at Rick and blood was pouring out of his nose and his mouth. “Jesus, Ricky are you alright?” as I looked closer I saw that he was trying too smile, he pulled out his phone that showed it was recording.

/

“Turns out Ricky thought ahead, he started recording shortly before we got to the park. I guess he got a bad feeling.” I had long since finished my coffee, and was now on my second while I was telling the story. Kuza was quiet. Processing all I told him no doubt.

“What happened then?”

I took a sip of what was left of my second cup, and grimaced as a foul taste came too my mouth. I felt sick telling the story and even worse was seeing the look on Kuzas face. I can see he was upset that I didn't tell him this when it happened.

“Well what I assume happens when someone like that makes such crazy ass plans, if that's what you'll call them. We immediately went to the police. They sent out a warrant for her arrest. And before we knew it, we went to trial. Making sure she never saw us, considering how she threatened us.” I took a deep breath. “She was deemed insane- obviously I guess. And she was sent to a mental institution that handled dangerous and violent people.” I watched as Mike's eyebrows shot up at that. “What Ricky and I decided was that since they planned to not let her out and if they did they were too contact my lawyer so he could warn me, we decided not to let any one know since the chances of leaving at the time was slim at best.”

“So did he let you know?” My eyes narrowed in confusion.

“Your lawyer.”

“Oh, no he never contacted me. Which is why this whole thing is bugging me.” I furrowed my eyebrows together. “It just doesn't make any sense.”

“It's almost like she escaped or something, or hell maybe my lawyer lost my number. Whatever it is, it's got me freaked. Ricky to. Its why I asked you to watch Jen for me when we couldn't. I was scared something would have happened if she was alone.” I set my glass down, hard. “ Fuck, she's going to be so pissed. And after what happened, fuck!” I slammed my fists against my skull, trying to clear it. “This couldn't have happened at a worse time!”

“Okay! Chris stop trying to bash your head in and calm the fuck down.” I stopped, but only because my head was pounding in obvious discomfort at what I did too it. “We'll figure this out, man. Sure you should have told us, your friend's, but I understand why you didn't. Just; you and Ricky come clean with everyone tomorrow once you've got some rest.”

I knew he was right. But he was asking the impossible with me having even a wink of sleep.


/


I walked back in the hospital early in the morning. Wanting to see how Jenny was doing, and to tell her in private what I told Kuza last night; before Ricky and I told everyone else later today. My phone was already blowing up with messages from everyone, but I ignored them until later. I saw Jenny sitting in the lobby talking with another Doctor. He handed her a prescription and she was nodding slowly in away I could tell she humouring the guy. Once I got closer I could tell why. “And I can't stress this enough, that you cannot have intercourse for six weeks.”

Oh yeah, I can see why she was trying too be patient with the guy. Sounds like that was the only thing he knew how to say and it was pissing her off. “ I know. Anyway I got to head out, my rides here.” She got up, smiled at him and walked over to me. I stopped and waited till she was in front of me that I engulfed her in a bear hug. She let out a deep breath and snuggled in. “Can we go home now?” She let out a tired laugh. “ Of course, my lovely lady. Your dark stallion awaits.” She snorted, “Why, thank you sir, I do hope your talking about yourself.” Her gaze turned lustful, and I arched an eyebrow.

“My beautiful and elegant lady, I do accept these kind words,” I tilted my lips to whisper in her ear. “ and I do so wish to ravish you and make you feel like the queen you are, but we are attracting way too much attention from your doctor.” I chuckled, pulling away from her. “ I don't think he appreciates us being so close together.”

“Yeah, well he can suck it up. He's not the one with his emotions all in tumble, and can't make love too the person he cares for most because of a stupid vacuum.” I heard the tears in her voice, so I led her outside too the car. Once I got her in, I started it up and started our drive home.

It was quiet except for my phone ringing every other second. “ I think someone's trying to get your attention, hun.”

“Yeah, that would be those crazy people we call our friends. I'm not going to answer them yet.”

“Why's that?”

“ Because what needs to be said, needs to be said too you first, because I owe you that much and more for what happened yesterday.” When she gave me a confused look, I continued. “Kuza. Why he was there.”

“Oh…” she stared at me, trying to figure it out.

“It's about your ex isn't it.” She said it as a statement of fact.

More weary than surprised I nodded. “Can't really say I'm surprised I guess. Been trying to wrap my head around the information I have but none of it makes sense.”

“Well I hope I clarify some things for you.” I murmured.



Minutes later after I put baby in park, and told Jen about my ex; we sat there in quiet silence. I leaned against my seat with my head down, I couldn't even look her in the eye. Telling her hurt my heart . Alot. I kept something this important from her simply because I thought it would never happen. Now her life was in danger because of me, and I never divulged that deadly secret too her. She didn't speak a word even as our friends were pulling up. And not a peep when she let herself out of the car. When I finally decided to look up, she was just walking through the door. Her shoulders were slumped, her head hung down like mine just was.

Some part of me was angry, the other part of me felt hollow at what happened in a span of 48 hours. It was enough to make anyone crazy. My phone was still ringing like crazy even though everyone was standing in the yard across from me. I groaned, and pulled the latch to open the door, trying very hard not to slam it shut once I got out. “Time to face the music I guess.” Never actually thought I would say that.

I walked over to where everyone was standing in the middle of my lawn, their faces a mix of confusion and agitation. I never thought this kind of confrontation would ever happen, but as they all turned their gazes towards me I knew all it was going too was piss me off.

“Alright, I'm assuming most of you know why we're all here.” I started. There gazes laser focused on me and I wanted too snap at them. “Before Chris and Ricky tell you what's going on, you all need too be quiet. Jens gone too her room too get some sleep.” Kuza came up beside me. “And she needs her rest, so keep it down.” he cast his gaze towards too me, and I felt myself calm down a little.

“Alright, fine, but what the hell is going on.” Devin questioned. “Things have been fucking weird with you guys since you got back from Jenny's home town. What happened?”

“It goes back a lot farther than that Dev.” Ricky was standing beside me. “It goes all the way back too when that little girl died.”

“Jesus fucking Christ. You got too be kidding me right now.” Josh groaned. “I fucking knew it, I knew something happened when you two came back too the hotel, I just fucking knew it.”

“Ricky ran into a door my ass.” He snorted; referring too Ricks bloody nose.

So we explained, Ricky and I taking turns through the story, not pausing to take questions until we were through. It was when we finally ended the story that a number that I didn't recognize was ringing my phone. I furrowed my eyebrows together and clicked the answer button.

“Hello?”

“Oh, Chris I did miss that rough voice you have when you're upset.”

I gulped, and I felt panic seep in. “How did you get this number.” I forced my panic back and let my anger resurface. It grew silent around me; they must have figured out who was on the phone because I heard a collective intake of breath.

“Fucking shit.” I wasn't sure who said it but I wasn't paying too much detail too it. “My Chris, you seem shocked that I called you.”

I felt like my words were caught in my throat. It was like my worst nightmare come true. “I'll take your stunned silence that you weren't actually expecting me too call you. No matter, how's your girlfriend?”

That snapped me out of it. “You keep her out this.” I growled.

“My my how quickly one forgets promises made so long ago.”

“Yeah, I remember but that doesn't mean I'm going to let you do whatever the hell you want.” I snarled out, angry and freaked out beyond what I thought I was capable of feeling. My head reeling from what I wanted to spew out next that I didn't even notice the extra presence behind me. “Chris.” I heard my name echo, but what made me turn around was the pure venom I heard behind me. Jen was standing there, her green eyes blazing in anger. “Is that her?” She made her voice soft but there was an edge on it that made me want to shrink away from it. I didn't even get to answer before she grabbed the phone from me. She walked past me too the end of the driveway and we all followed slowly behind her.

“What the hell do you want?” She snapped. She grabbed her hip with her hand, taking a stance, waiting for her too reply.

“She didn't get too sleep. She heard all of us and she stayed awake through it all.” Kuza spoke up. “I left too tell her what's going on, but before I got to the door she was already charging towards it I guess.” I looked over to him and he had a worried expression on his face. “You know something don't you.” I accused him. He looked at me, his face concerned. “Only that she knows something about your crazy ex.” He shrugged. “What it is; I have no idea.”

“And how about you stay away from my family.” We all looked back over to Jenny who was raising her voice again. “I wouldn't try playing who knows more about who bitch, because I found quite a few interesting things about a certain someone.” I could hear the sneer on her face. “Karon White, for instance. I've learned a whole lot about her.” My eyes widened as my brain took in this information. If I connected the dots right, Sabrina wasn't my ex's real name..

But wait..

How did Jen even know that. I was interrupted by Jen replying to the screaming over the phone. “So I wouldn't threaten someone you barely know, and especially not my family or my friends unless you know what's fucking good for you.” I heard more screaming and then suddenly it stopped. Jen looked at the phone, “Bitch hung up.” She walked over to me , passed me my phone and strode inside the house without another word.

It was silent in our group. Ricky, Kuza, Devin, Vinny; Josh, his business partner Ryan(although by the looks of them more than partners, I hope his girlfriend knows) Kylie, and Ryan were all staring off at the door that just slammed shut.

Vinny spoke up, more confused then he had a right to be. “Uh, what the fuck just happened.”

Poor fucker couldn't have had worse timing than now to join our band…

Notes

;3