For What It's Worth..

I started clapping along with the song. “Whoah come with me now. I’m gonna take you down.”

I watched Mia and Kylie dance around my living room with music blasting from my TV. They were taking a break from getting ready for the show tonight by the looks of it. I walked back into my room, slowly stopping my clapping too the catchy song.

“Come with me now.”

I could hear the accordion playing joyfully in the living room from Come with Me Now by Kongos.

I was actually trying to figure out what I should wear. I don’t know why it bothered me more this time around. I usually never gave any thought too what I would wear.

But tonight I wanted too at least look good for me. Not look good for certain someone, no not at all. I sighed loudly as I stared at my two options laid out on my bed. One was black skinny jeans with one of my best tops, that was dark green with frilled out at the ends. My other option was the same jeans but a different top. One that Mia had let me borrow, it was an eyelet top with skull mesh sleeve straps on it and leather straps all over it, apparently Mia was back to her expensive tastes with her clothing. I decided on the eyelet top and some red skinny jeans I found buried in my closet.

I grabbed my clothes and went into the bathroom too get a quick shower. Washing my hair thoroughly, I stepped out and dried myself off. I put my bra and underwear on and brushed my teeth. I kept looking over at the clothes, and my thoughts went to Chris. We never really talked about that night when he said that he loved me. If anything we haven’t talked much at all for the past week. Although, it was mostly because of him recording, but even then I felt like he was avoiding me all of a sudden.

It hurt more so than I thought it would. And with the not knowing how he meant it, I was confused. I rinsed my mouth out with a glass of water, and spit into the sink.

I blew out a breath. All this negativity was bringing me down. I should be excited, I was going to see them live. I was going to watch one of my favorite bands perform. And I knew I was going to be blown away.

I pulled on my top, and clipped on the skull mesh sleeve straps, and the put my red skinnies on. I looked at myself in the mirror.


Not bad. I thought to myself. Hoping that gave me enough confidence to last the night. But for now, it made me feel a little bit better. I brushed out my tangled hair, and hooked up my blow dryer to dry it out more.

I felt myself staring at the mirror in front of me, noticing how long my hair had gotten, it was almost too the middle of my back. I put my dryer down, content with how dry my hair was, and it fell naturally straight down my back.

I opened the door too the bathroom, looking out too my living room. Kylie was nowhere to be seen, and Mia was standing near the TV. She turned around when the door creak slightly as it opened. Her eyes sparkling. “Jen, you look amazing! Kylie, come look!” She called out too Kylie, who by the looks of it was in Mias room. I quickly walked over to my kitchen, and grabbed a cold drink of water.

Embarrassed, I started sipping at it. I heard Kylie gasp lightly. “Wow, Jen, that looks awesome.”

I looked over at them, my face flushed. “You don’t think it looks weird together do you?” Second guessing myself already. Perfect. “It looks awesome.” Mia nodded in approval.

“God, I haven't worn a top like this in a long time.” looking down at the straps that were laced around the fabric, then I looked at Mia, “Also, I didn't know your expensive tastes were back.”

She looked at me sheepishly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about..”

I raised my right eyebrow at her. “Sure you don’t.”

I adjusted my sleeves, and went over to put my flats on. I looked up at the women behind me. “Are you guys ready to go?” I noticed they were both in similar clothing as I was, so I guess I was dressed for the occasion.

“Yep.” They came over and grabbed their jackets, I grabbed mine in suit, and we where out the door.



______________


“You can go around back.” Kylie tapped my shoulder and pointed behind the auditorium where the concert was going to be held. I nodded, noticing that there was a lot of traffic, everyone trying to get to the auditorium. I found an empty space, and turned the car off. I looked over to the backstage door. There were two big security guards on opposite sides of the double doors. “You guys can leave your coats here if you want.”

The excitement was finally setting in, and I was feeling jittery. I felt the blood pump up into my ears. I was feeling a little dizzy. I got out of the car, Mia and Kylie followed suit. “Follow me.” She led the way, the guards just let us pass by when they seen Kylie.

That's something new. I thought. Feeling a little special. I smiled, this is very exciting. I was surprised I could contain myself.

I saw Ricky down the long hallway, only a few feet in front of us. He turned around when he heard our footsteps. “Jen, Kylie, you made it.” He turned around and walked towards us. He gave me a one armed hug, then turned to give Kylie a hug as well. I turned to Mia, who seemed too look out of place for a moment. “Hey, Ricky, this is my best friend from down home, Elizabeth Mia.” He turned to look at her.

“Hey. I've heard a lot about you. Jenny never shuts up about you.” I punched his shoulder playfully.

“She wasn't supposed to know that.” I saw Mia smile at me. I couldn't help but smile back.

“Anyway. I’m glad you guys made, we’re still setting up our gear.” Kylie headed off to see Ghost, more than likely. He looked at me. “Do you guys want to chill in our room until we go out?” he asked. I looked at Mia, too see what she wanted to do. She looked at me, with an almost knowing glint in her eyes. “I’m going to go find us a spot up front. You go ahead.” I nodded at her.

I looked at Ricky. “Lead the way.” He nodded, and turned around and walked down the hall, where we came too the first door on our right. Mia kept going, I waved at her as she walked into the main hall. Chris and Ryan were there, and I felt my heart jump too my throat. Chris was wearing tight black jeans with no top, just black paint.

My heart thudded so loudly, that when I looked down at my chest, I swear I could see it move. What’s wrong with me, it’s not like I haven’t seen him like that before, in pictures and videos. I looked back up too see him staring at me, but it felt like it went right through me. I looked too anywhere in the room to avoid his gaze.

Ryan got up and gave me a one armed hug, same as Ricky. “Hey, glad you made it.”

“Glad to be here. It’s crazy busy outside.” I grinned. “Although I can relate too the craziness.”

“Sounds like its going to be crowded tonight.” Ryan commented cheerfully. He looked back at Chris, who seemed to be mediating by the looks of him. He was looking at the ceiling, his arms spread out along the leather couch. “Hey, Chris.” Chris tilted his head towards us. “We’re going to go help the staff set up. One of us will come get you when we’re ready. Alright?” He asked. Chris nodded. “Sure.”

The guys looked at me. “You good here for now?” Ricky asked. I glanced over at the man on the couch, looking back at Ricky. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” And with that they left. I leaned against the door frame, trying to think of what too say. But for the life of me I couldn't think of anything. It wasn't our usual way of greeting each other. We would maybe hug, or start joking around, or maybe just sit in comfortable silence. But this. This silence was the most unnerving silence I've ever been in. It was uncomfortable, and it hurt a little bit. But I couldn't find the words to make it less awkward. I stood there staring at everything but Chris, although it was very hard to try and not look at that beautiful man. I lifted my hand over my knuckles, and pushed down hard. Feeling the satisfying crack, and initial relief it brought me.

I don’t know how many times my friends and family told me that it was bad for me, but the only time I ever did it was when I was stressed, although it took me long enough to figure it out. I must have missed something that Chris said, when I was so enticed with my own thoughts, because now he was standing in front of me. I jumped, more out of the initial shock that he was less than an arms length away from my face.

“Are you alright?” he asked, taking my hands that were still in the position I left them in while cracking my knuckles. I blushed. “Yeah, I’m alright.” I lied. He took one hand away from my hands and put it beside my head against the wall. He stared into my being with those caramel brown eyes. I found myself looking directly into his eyes; where they held such mystery and so much knowledge that only he himself knows.

I found myself yearning to know what he knows, feel what he feels. I glanced down at his lips, his piercings gleaming in the bright light of the room, then back up too his bright eyes. I felt him getting closer, I could feel his breath graze my face, I felt my eyelids shut halfway; trying to avoid the intense feelings that suddenly came over me.

My eyes wanted to shoot open when I felt his lips graze mine, so soft that I didn't even know they were there. I heard his breath hitch, and he pulled away from me suddenly. No sooner when he pulled away, some staff came in through the door.

“You’re on in five minutes, Chris.” He was over by a table with a bunch of makeup on it. He was holding onto the sides, his knuckles prodding out sharply, I could have assumed they were white if not for the black paint.

Chris looked over at me and the staff member. “Alright. I’ll be out in a few minutes.” The guy nodded and went back to his business.

My feelings were all over the place. The ‘I love you’ he said over the phone, the intense gazes. The comfort he offered when I was upset. My mind was doing twists and turns, with no end in sight. I blew out a silent breath. My face felt hot, I couldn't believe what had almost happened. It seemed like forever before he came back over to me.

“You ready?” He asked. I nodded, and tried not to smile like an idiot. Which wasn't that hard, smiling wasn't big on my to do list at the moment. I was merely trying to breath again. I didn't dare look him in the face, but I did anyway. I looked at those eyes that hypnotize me, the ones that swirled with so many emotions as he gazed back at me. I didn't want to believe what I saw, but the proof was right there in front of me.


He walked me too the main hall doors, he stopped and looked like he wanted to say something more. I could hear the crowd roar as the others stepped onto the stage. “I’ll talk to you after the show?” I asked. He looked over to the stairs that led up to the stage, and then back at me. He took two steps towards me, and hugged me tightly. I felt his lips on my head. “Alright, I’ll see you then.”

He walked up the stairs and I walked into the main hall, that was filled to the brim with people. It was a throng of people in black clothing, with colored hair, the works. I started making my way to the front of the stage. I met up with Kylie and Mia up near the front, the crowd went absolutely wild when Chris came on stage. Not that I could blame them for it, but I was still reeling from the near kiss backstage.

Their first song was A-M-E-R-I-C-A, Chris’ voice came thundering over the speakers, and I heard the crowd start singing along. I could feel the beat of the drums and the bass, my heart trying to keep up with that beat. I start jumping like every other crazy fan of Motionless In White, we jumped in sync and sang along with the music and I let myself get lost in it. The music seemed to go on forever. I looked up at the band, Chris was bouncing around to his music, as where Ricky and Ghost.

But then they played Sinematic, and I felt my heart tug in response, I immediately stopped jumping around. One was because I wanted too just listen, and for the second, Kylie was trying to get my attention.

“So, we’re having the party upstairs. After this song, you, Mia and I are going up too help Chris’ family get the place ready. But we got to hurry. They’re only playing two more songs.” I nodded and then looked up at Chris guiltily. We were going to talk after the show, but I almost forgot about the surprise party. I watched him sing that beautifully dark song and I saw him stop moving for a second and scan the crowd, and I saw him stop and stare at me for a few seconds longer than everyone else. I smiled broadly at him, I saw him smile back at me from behind his microphone.

Soon, he ended the song. And I felt Mia and Kylie tug at my shoulder. I turned to them, and then took one last look at Chris. He was taking a drink out of a bottle of water on one of the speakers, and then turned to the crowd and started singing Underdog.

I was whisked away by my best friend and my new friend into the screaming crowd behind us. I was rushed upstairs, and into a large overhead room above the auditorium. There was a small group of people there, already setting up. I was quickly assigned a task, and I went about my work.
___________________


I didn't get a chance to watch the rest of the concert, but we heard the last of the people start leaving the place. Ghost was already up here, and so was Ryan. They were both texting Ricky, trying to figure out when Chris was coming up.

Around the exact same time, Chris was texting me. Ghost came over and leaned on my shoulder. “Hey what’s happening?” I asked him. “Is Chris still texting you?”

“Yep.”

C; where abouts are you?

“Hold on that reply.” Ghost pulled out his phone and called someone. “Yup.. No, you come up.. and I’ll send her down.. Yeah, I noticed that..Alright bye.”

I looked at him confused. He turned towards me.

“You’re going to go get Chris up here. That is now your new task.” He smirked.

I sighed, knowing that I would not win the argument that was stuck in my throat. “Alright.” I got up and walked down the hall, and down the stairs towards the stage. I saw Ricky come around the corner of the stage, and jump down, walking past me. He patted my shoulder as I walked by. I turned to see him disappear behind some slow walkers leaving the place.

I looked back up to the stage, and saw Chris come around the curtain. I took a running start, and jumped up too the stage. Chris reached out his hand to pull me forward so I didn't fall off the edge. “Hey, I've been looking for you.”

“Sorry about that.” He shrugged it off. “That was an amazing show.” I smiled at him. He gave me a small smile.

“Why, thank you.” He looked like he didn't know what else to say. Not that I have anything to say at the moment.

“So, did you want to hang out later, after I drop off Mia?” I asked him. He looked relieved. “Sure, that sounds good.”

I hope I can get him to come upstairs. “Would you mind coming with me, too go see where she is?”
He nodded, and gestured for me to lead the way. We both jumped down, and walked up the stairs too the overhead room. I knocked on the door, I noticed that it was very quiet in there.

“You sure she’s in there?” Chris asked. I nodded, “Its where I saw her last.”

I slowly opened the door. The lights flashed on, and the big banner that said Happy 27th Birthday Chris flashed colorfully over top of everyone.

“Surprise! Happy Birthday Chris!” I looked over at Chris, whose face was absolutely priceless. He looked down at me, I hugged him quickly. “Happy Birthday, Chris.” I grinned at him.

He was trying to say something, but he could only run his hand through his hair, and laugh.

Notes

My god. This chapter felt like it took an eternity to write. I stayed all night , just so I could finish it.

Phew. I am extremely tired, but happy that I finished it.

Enjoy. :)