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For What It's Worth..

-Rebellion.-

“Hey, are you alright?” I heard Chris ask. Crap. I was trying very hard not to cry when he started singing Never Too Late by Three Days Grace, that I dropped some books on the ground. Curse that song for making me remember things I’d rather forget altogether. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my trembling lips. “Yeah, I’m fine.” I managed to muster with more confidence than I thought I had. “Heh, just tried to balance too many books.” I gave short laugh. I didn’t dare look at him, fearing that if I looked into his intense caramel brown eyes, I would start crying for real. And I wasn’t ready to start blabbing my life story to him. Not after he said he considered me one of his best friends. My heart fluttered at the thought.

I really hope he meant that. But an image of him holding me and kissing me tenderly popped into my head and I felt a rush go through my whole being, and my chest started to hurt. Heh, I always seem to want more than I deserve.

I looked over at the clock. It was a quarter past one. Maybe I should take a quick nap. Chris’s voice shook me out of my reverie. “Well, okay.” He gave a light chuckle.

“Anyway, I’m going to go take a nap. You're welcome too do whatever. Oh and if you want to sleep or something, you can go and set up the futon on the other room.”

“Okay. Have a good nap.”

“Yep.” I grabbed one of the random books I picked up earlier and headed into my room. I walked over to my closet and grabbed my old Metallica shirt and a pair of short shorts. Quickly changing into the more comfortable clothes, I turned on my window fan. Letting the cool afternoon air come in, while the stuffy air got sucked outside.

I sighed. When I first discovered Motionless In White, I thought they were pretty freaking awesome. Then I did more research, which really means I went to YouTube and watched their videos, trying to get an idea of what they were about. Hoping that maybe they were different from some of the artists out now a days. Didn’t put any meaning behind their words, and didn’t stick to their guns when people rose up against them. I was fascinated. They were absolutely amazing, if anything, they rose above my expectations. And then there was Chris Motionless.

He was the lead singer. He was kind of quiet and reserved with some exceptions. He was funny, sexy as hell, a lot of things you like too see when you start fangirling over someone. That and, he really didn’t care what people thought of him or how he looked. Tattoos all over, and his piercings. I bit my lip. Thinking about him made my face heat up.

All in all, I never thought that I would become one of his best friends. It’s more than I thought possible for a nobody like me.

I went and crawled on top of my bed. I turned and faced the wall, briefly smelling the pillow on which I laid. It smelled of Chris, like dark chocolate and mint. A heady mix. I reached under my pillow, grabbing my MP3. I clicked it on, and Motionless In White’s Sinematic came through my headphones. I stopped breathing.

No. Not this song. I felt my thumb hover over the next button, but the words flowed through my being. Making my heart ache and pound, a sense of what could only be described as black filled my senses. And pain.

The wall that I have built too keep you out is starting to rust, because everything around me just reminds me of us.” I slowed curled up into a ball, my breathing becoming heavy.

I am an addict for dramatic, black hair and pale skin. Yet I’m still collecting bones, but that's why closets are for skeletons.” His voice echoed in my head. He sounded so bitter, and heartbroken, but he still managed to sound amazing.

I felt hot tears start pouring from my eyes. Again, the unwanted memories forced themselves into my head.


My sister was crying, loud heart wrenching sobs. I felt her shake violently as I held her close. My eyes were sore from crying so much earlier when I was alone. I tried really hard not to cry in front of everyone in the funeral home. I let out a tired sigh, squeezing her tightly. “It’ll be okay Ann.”

She just kept crying, and I let her. No matter how childish she was growing up, how many hard times she gave me. I would always let her cry, because she needed to find relief in this pain. At least she had Kyle there for comfort. He was over the casket, paying his last respects too my grandmother. My mother and my aunts and uncles were up beside the casket, listening to peoples condolences. I looked around for Dylan. He was over leaning beside the door, acting nonchalant. He was quiet most of the day, been pretty much avoiding me besides going to work. I really didn't want to think anything of it. Kyle came over, and took Anna into his arms. I gave him a grateful look. I took the time to head out the main door to get some air.

I took a deep breath. This day was heading in a downwards spiral. Dylan was acting bratty again, he hadn't done that since around the time we first started dating. And us fighting more and more, was really drawing on my nerves. I was considering leaving him, but love had other plans. I didn't want to give up on it.

_________


A few days after the funeral, I found myself sitting on the couch wrapped in a blanket; staring out into space. Dylan was in the shower, and since I was by myself for the moment. I let my thoughts wander to places I wouldn't normally let myself do by myself. I felt myself start crying again, hoping that I would get used too the fact I couldn't call my grandmother just too hear her tell me it would be alright. My chest hurt so much. I put my hand on my forehead, trying to calm myself someway. I heard the bathroom door slam, and I felt my heart lurch into my throat. So much for going for a fight free night. But tonight felt different.

“For fuck sakes! Really?! Crying again, why don’t you get off your ass and do something!” Dylan shouted as he walked into the living room. I felt my tears dry up instantly. “Why don’t you go fuck yourself? Why the fuck is me crying such a big problem for you? Huh!?”

“All you do is sit around and cry. I’m the one who has to do everything. I have too do the dishes, do the laundry and on top of that I work all fucking day.”

“Well, whoopdeefuckingdoo. All you have to do is ask if you need help, and all you say is it’s okay, it’s okay.” I had stopped crying, but anger boiled up inside me. He let a frustrated grunt. “I shouldn't have too ask for help!”

“You know what, whatever. I’m really not in the mood for arguing.”

“No, you know what, you are going to listen. I get it, you found an excuse so you don’t have to do anything. And you will not shut me out this time. You need to stop sitting around.” I was wondering where all this was coming from. I just said I was going to help. He just needed to ask, and not shut me out from helping with the chores.

“I said I would help. Just whenever I want to help, you tell me I’m doing it wrong. So I let you do it.”

“Whatever.” He grabbed his keys and left. I sat there confused, and hurt. Five years together and this is what it comes to.


___________


I packed the last of my books and clothes into my car. “Please babe, don’t do this.” I gave him the finger. I patted my thigh, calling my dog Nix over. She jumped into the back seat where Marilyn was already situated in her carrier. Closing the door, I walked around too the drivers side. I heard Dylan run after me. I glanced at the cops I called earlier in case he decided to do something stupid. They kept their eyes fixed on me. I didn't call my family in case they did something that would get themselves in jail.

He grabbed my arm, and I felt myself tense up in reaction. “Why can’t we just talk about this?”

“I told you, nothing you say can fix what you did. I’m done trying to fix something that just can’t be fixed. You cheated on me.”

“No I didn't. We were just talking.” He kept insisting.

“OH, so those pictures of you and that home-wrecker kissing where you talking, huh?” I pulled my arm out of his grasp. I opened my car door, throwing my backpack in the passenger seat.

“Please. Let’s just talk it out!” He was becoming whiny now. “I’m not talking over anything with you ever again. I forgave you one too many fucking times. I put up with your bullshit as much as you did for me. But I have fucking had it!” I saw him reach for me again. I didn't give him a chance to react, before I right hooked him in his face. The cops started chuckling. I felt a bit of pain in my knuckles, but it was well worth it, too finally punch that asshole in the fucking face.

I got in my car and drove away, not looking back at the scene that just happened.



The tears poured down my cheeks, I sobbed silently. To numb too actually make any noise. A Pain That I’m Used To came on my MP3, and somehow made it a little more bearable. Life was so much better since I left Dylan. And I knew I would never go back to him, not know. I've experienced so many things since I left him, and met so many amazing people. Chris being the number one person I would never regret meeting, and the whole band of Motionless In White.

Although, I think it might be time to head on out soon. Maybe go back to Canada for awhile and see the family. Although this was all just speculation, it made me cry a little more, thinking of my family. I heard light thuds come into my room, and I jumped a little when I felt my bed shift, and someones arms came around me, holding me tight.

My heart thudded as I remembered these same arms that were around me before. Chris. I reached up a pulled my headphones out. “Shh. It’s okay.” He pulled me closer and rocked me gently. I hugged one of his arms, still crying. “I’m sorry.” I kept repeating those two words as he held me closer. His breath warmed my neck, as he kept whispering that it would be alright and not too worry.

Thoughts on me wishing that we were together crawled back into my mind. Because this felt oh so wonderful. I finally calmed down enough, that we just laid there in peaceful silence. “Do you want to talk?” Chris asked quietly.

“I guess.” I murmured. “What do you want to talk about?”

He paused for a second, then asked. “Where you crying before you went too for your nap earlier? If you don’t mind me asking?”

I didn't even have the strength to blush. “Yes, but that was because.” I trailed off. “It’s alright.” he encouraged. I wanted to bury my face into my pillow. “Because they way you were singing earlier.”

I adjusted myself so I was laying on my back, he moved so I got comfortable, keeping an arm around me even still. He looked at me puzzled. “Why?” His face flashed feigned horror. “I didn't sing so horribly that I made you cry did I?”

That, that caught me off guard, and I let out a little laugh. “Chris, I don’t think there would ever be a time that your singing would ever be bad.”

I cleared my throat, trying to stop laughing. “It’s the way you sing some songs, that makes me sad. Not too mention that whenever I listen to some songs like that Three Days Grace song, I get a little sad either way.”

He looked at me curiously. “So, what songs that I sing make you sad?” I raised my eyebrow at him. He shrugged. “I’m just curious.” he said innocently enough.

Sinematic.” He raised his drawn on eyebrows at me. “Huh, I think that's the first I heard of anyone actually mention that song besides the band.”

It was my turn to be surprised. “That’s weird. It’s a beautiful song, but the way you sing it makes me, well makes me feel bad for you. You sound like you've given up.”

He smiled a genuine smile at me, because it seemed like it lit the whole room up. “Oh, I haven’t given up. To be truthful, I’m pushing harder and harder to get to the top.”

I smiled at his words. Before I could say anything else, I yawned. I slapped my hand over my mouth. “Sorry, I am still tired.”

“It’s alright, I’ll stay here till you fall asleep.” I turned over and snuggled in my pillow, Chris’ arms wrapped around me, I felt more protected than I ever felt in my entire lifetime.


Notes

Ah, that song still effects me, even when I re read that over and over again. :[

Chapter 10! :D


Comments

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Oh Chris! so much happened! poor thing


BUT CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BABY! THAT'S SO EXCITING!!!!!!!!!!! MAY YOUR CHILD BE AWESOME AND BORN HEALTHY! ^.^

CONGRATS ON YOUR BABY!!!!!!!
And they'll get through it, they have each other I know they can

@blackops-motionless
Please Update sooon!!

@blackops-motionless
^-^ (: update soon!