Where Do We Go From Here?

It was probably one of the most awkward and unnerving moments in my life; to find my boyfriend sitting across from his ex who was currently carrying his unborn child. What made things tip off into the depths of discomfiture was that my mother and sister saw Tony as well and called out to him to say hello. I desperately wanted to be a fly on the wall and pretend I hadn’t seen him, but my mother’s forwardness ruined any and all chances of that happening—which is why when Tony and Carmen’s head snapped in our direction I could only offer a weak, small smile that held my true words at bay for the moment.

“It’s so nice seeing you here.” My mother commented. “Oh, where are my manners…” Her southern hospitality was taking over as she addressed Carmen. “My name’s Grace—are you a friend of Tony’s?”

Carmen smiled back at my mother before saying “Yes, Tony and I go way back.”

My words finally surfaced on my tongue before springing free. “Anyway, we’re just gonna leave you two alone.” I cut in. “I really need my coffee fix.” I mumbled before turning away.

Ronnie noticed my ineptness and stared at Carmen with a dull expression. Ronnie, the queen of conveying all she needed to say through a simple look—hence why she was a fantastic model—gave Tony a subtle glare before following me to the line. My mother, Caroline, and Cassandra walked over to an empty booth before telling us their orders. Thankfully, they chose a booth far from Tony and Carmen.

“What was that all about?” Ronnie muttered quietly to me.

I sighed. “It’s a long story.”

“This is a long line.”

Biting my lip, an anxious expression coated over my features. “Carmen’s pregnant—you know, the girl sitting across of Tony.” I explained in a hushed whisper.

“And Tony’s speaking with her because…?” She asked; obviously unaware of the painfully obvious.

Giving Ronnie a knowing look, I said “You seriously don’t know why she’s talking to Tony.”

It was then that a light bulb lit up in Ronnie’s eyes. Her understanding growing just as her emerald eyes were. “Are you fucking kidding me?” She hissed.

I was about to reply back but it was then that Tony appeared to my right, making my next sentence halt in my throat.

“Hey Verity and Ronnie.” Tony greeted.

By then Ronnie had turned away from him completely before pretending to read what the specials were today. The line at Crescent Caffeine Shoppe was ridiculously long that we were only midway to the cashier.

“Hi Tony, fancy seeing you here.” I commented then inwardly rolled my eyes because I sounded like I had just stepped out of a Jane Austen novel.

Tony chuckled. “I was just talking to Carmen about a pressing issue. My resolution this year is to be more responsible.” He explained.

Ronnie grunted out a scoff before pretending to be blissfully unaware of our conversation.

“That’s good.” I responded.

“You’re not mad are you?” He asked hesitantly.

This is what infuriated me—the fact that he’s always asking if I’m okay or if I’m mad. I wasn’t mad because what’s done is done and I’ll be okay as I’ll ever be at the moment, but it just frustrated me that Tony couldn’t easily speak to me without having to tiptoe around his words.

“No.” I replied blandly.

My response wasn’t really encouraging because Tony sighed while wearing an apprehensive expression. “I was taking your advice.” He explained.

“Good for you.” I commented—my tone sounded a little sarcastic.

We moved up a few steps in the line, nearing closer to the register. Ronnie kept snagging glances between Tony and I, and I could see she was questioning whether or not she should intervene.

Tony sighed while standing next to me. “Are we really gonna argue here?” He asked with impatience.

“No, there’s no need for an argument.” I remarked.

“Then why does it feel like I’m constantly doing wrong by you?” He asked.

“You’re not.” I answered defensively. “We’re just in both awkward situations right now.”

Tony looked away, something he does when he’s upset or at a loss for words. “I’m doing the best I can.” He mumbled; hints of anger tainting his voice.

“I know.”

We moved up a few more steps in the line. We were just two customers away from having our orders taken.

“What’d you two discuss?” I asked.

Tony shook his head. “Carmen wants to keep the baby.”

His voice sounded grim to the point it resembled defeat.

“Isn’t that what you wanted—for her not to get an abortion.” I replied.

Tony shrugged before mumbling “I don’t know what I want.”

It might have been selfish of me to take offense to his words, but I did my best to not let it show in my features.

“So what happens now?” I asked quietly.

There was a pregnant pause that passed between us that it was finally our turn to order. Ronnie took over that part because I was pulling up blanks on what I was supposed to order. Hell, I even forgot what I wanted.

“I don’t think I can go to Albany.” Tony told me as Ronnie finished up speaking with the worker behind the counter.

“What?” I squeaked out.

“Let’s face it…” Tony began. “I can’t just leave Carmen to take care of this kid. And I have to tell my mother who will most likely disapprove me going to New York for school. I’m just trying to do right by everyone.” He explained.

My selfishness grew eager and slipped out. “What about me? How are you doing right by me?” I asked in a hurt voice.

Tony was quiet for a long time before finally saying “I don’t know.”

His insensible ways made me bite back my words. Was it honestly selfish of me to want to live with Tony in New York, to want to start a life beyond some high school romance? How can I forget someone who has checked off a list of firsts for me; kissing, dating, love, sex—all of that means something to me and can’t be forgotten so easily.

“So, is this it for us?” I asked after a few moments of deliberation went by.

Our order was called and Ronnie grabbed the tray, retreating to the table where my mother, Caroline, and Cassandra were waiting. I told her I’d be there in a minute.

“We have four months left of school and then there’s the summer.” Tony pointed out. “We won’t worry about anything else until the time’s come.”

He sounded hopeful but I was a cynic at heart. I had, at most, five good months left with Tony before I am called away to New York and Tony is left here in San Diego.

“Okay.” I commented, earning a smile from Tony.

We left the conversation at that because I truly wasn’t sure just how much more discussion I could handle without having some form of a nervous breakdown.

Notes

Sorry to keep you on suspense for that long. Well, that just happened.

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