Where Do We Go From Here?

I blinked in disbelief while staring back at Tony. My mouth was slightly gaped while my mind slowly processed his words. It was like I was stuck on some shitty DSL internet connection. I sucked in a shaky breath, exhaling slowly before I finally managed to formulate a coherent sentence.

“I need a cigarette.” I mumbled while digging intently in the small bag I had with me—it didn’t contain much, other than my wallet, phone, keys, and apparently my pack of cigarettes.

“I can explain.” Tony explained, but I held up my hand that stopped him from speaking further.

My hands shook as I placed the cigarette between my lips. I picked up the lighter next and had an even harder time lighting the damn thing. Once it finally caught fire, I sucked the smoke in quickly—as if somehow the nicotine would make the situation better. A few more moments passed over the both of us as I sat completely still, inhaling heavily the tobacco. Carmen was pregnant, and without a doubt, it seemed that the kid belonged to Tony. The only thing that really bugged me about the lot of it was that Tony decided to drop the news at this cabin, the very place we had our first date. It may sound selfish and a little paltry, but I was completely upset with Tony on the fact that he had now tainted the thought of this cabin.

“So, you’re going to be a father.” I stated softly once I had pretty much blown through half of my cigarette.

Tony cringed as I said this. “Yeah.” He muttered.

I nodded, taking in his confirmation. “How sure is she?”

Tony shrugged. “She said she visited her OBGYN earlier this month and she was the one who told her she had been pregnant.”

“Oh.”

Once again I had reverted back to silence. After finishing off the cigarette, I pulled out another one. My stress levels seemed to be climbing higher and higher the more I thought about it.

“I used protection.” Tony stated.

When I glanced up at him, his eyes were focused on the collection of shrubbery just down the way. He was speaking rather softly, as if unknowingly voicing his opinion. I just sat there, waiting for him to continue, to see if there was any way he could explain this without breaking my heart.

“I don’t remember it breaking, but then again I was drunk.” Tony added.

I cringed because the only thing I could envision was Carmen’s perfect body, naked, being pressed against Tony, who too was perfect. The thought made me want to throw up, but instead I took a long drag of my cigarette. The ember chewed through the nicotine laced tobacco.

“What’s going to happen?” I asked hesitantly.

Tony looked at me, as if he had just been shaken awake. He offered a shrug. “Carmen doesn’t know what to do because she’s not sure if she wants to keep it.”

“Oh, what will you do if she decides to keep the baby?” I asked softly.

Tony’s face paled. He ran his hands over his face before saying “I have no idea. I wasn’t planning on having kids at this young of an age—I’m just a kid myself.”

Another brief moment of silent ensued us before Tony spoke again. “I’d have to tell my parents who will most likely kill me. Then I’d have to get a better paying job so that means going to Albany in out of the question…” He stopped talking after that because his tone turned solemnly grim.

I was at a loss for words as I finished off my second cigarette. I was debating on whether I’d light up another one, but decided against it since I was starting to become thirsty.

“You need to talk to Carmen.” I managed to say.

“What?”

“You two have to figure out what you’re gonna do because eventually certain options will become impractical if that was the decision she’d want.” I pointed out.

“You mean like an abortion?” Tony asked; hints of horror on his face.

I sighed. “I’m just saying that if that were an option Carmen was considering then she can’t just put off any decision making. She needs to talk things through, especially with you.” I explained.

I never thought I’d encourage Tony to speak with Carmen, but with a situation like this I believe I could make an exception.

“Abortion is out of the question.” Tony replied sternly.

“But that’s not your choice to make.” I remarked.

Tony shook his head. “It takes two to make a baby, so my opinion should matter.” He answered stubbornly; his voice had traces of anger in it.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Which is why I said that you need to talk to her.” I snapped.

This time I pulled out another cigarette from my pack and lit it, disregarding the cotton mouth feeling in my mouth.

“Don’t get mad at me.” Tony scoffed.

“Then don’t snap at me.” I retorted.

“Listen, I don’t want to argue.” Tony sighed.

“Yeah, whatever.” I muttered before taking another long drag.

“What do you think me and Carmen should do?” He asked softly.

I shrugged. I didn’t know what to say and I wasn’t in the mood to think for him. Situations like this weren’t ones I’d given much thought to in the past. I never considered the impression of teenage pregnancy. Hell not too long ago, I wouldn’t have thought I’d lose my virginity in high school.

“Are you mad at me now?” Tony accused with a sour tone.

“No.” I answered defensively before adding “I seriously don’t know what to do if I were in your situation because I never imagined myself to be in this type of situation.”

“You don’t have to say it like that.” Tony sneered.

“How else am I supposed to say it?” I remarked bitterly.

“Without bitterness.” He snapped. “Do you think I wanted a kid now? Do you think I wanted to be in this situation at all?” He asked with a slight bite to his tone.

I rolled my eyes at him while remaining silent. I didn’t know whether I wanted to cry or hit him, but my anger levels were climbing.

Tony’s features softened. “I’m sorry for being on edge; it’s just that I’m a little stressed.”

“Yeah.” I mumbled before inhaling the smoke in my lungs.

I looked out into the unkempt yard and wondered what the future held for us. If Carmen was to keep the child then things would change completely. As Tony mentioned earlier, he would have to provide for the kid, making his plans of going to New York with me no more than just a thought. I know Tony is a decent guy and would want to be there for this kid, but it would mean that he’d probably lose me in the process—which, if I may be so bold, I don’t want to happen. I remember that Tony had mentioned that every human being is a selfish machine, and well my selfishness is that I don’t want to lose Tony. I want him to be with me in New York. I want to have a future with him because I love him.

Notes

Found time to update. Just finished unpacking, but unfortunately I get stuck with double shifts for the rest of the week...bleh "/

Thank you guys so much for your comments. I read through them and laughed while being slightly scared for my life lol but yeah, enjoy this chapter!! <3

Love you all!! :D