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I Can Be Your Antidepressant (Alan Ashby Fanfic)

Let go, and let live again.


Alan pulled away from me and looked in my eyes "Alex, I know this is sudden, but come on tour with me please. I know it's only a few more weeks but I don't want to be without you for that long, we need to get to know each other, we could spend time together, doesn't that sound fucking awesome?" Alan smiled

"Alan," I said looking into his brown eyes full of joy "I'm sorry, I.. I can't." I said looking away from his now hurt eyes. "I..I just, I'm not ready for another relationship, after my ex... I can't handle another heart break like I went through with him.. I'm sorry.." I said turning around and walking quickly away from him. "Wait, Alex please just talk to me about this." He said grabbing my wrist making me turn back around to face him.

"Alan there's nothing to talk about okay! What do you want me to say? That I don't want to be with you because you're probably just another band member, asshole that doesn't have a care for anybody in the world except for himself . I've dated a band member before Alan, hundreds come into the shop every month and they're all nothing but self-absorbed pricks! I don't want to get my heart broke again, and if you're like all the other band members I'm not going to take that chance!" I yelled trying to pull my wrist away from his grip. "Then give me a chance to show you I'm not like that!" Alan pleaded. "Alan you leave tomorrow, you don't have time to prove anything to me! Now let go of me goddammit!" I yelled trying to yank my wrist out of his grasp again. "For fucks sake Alexis would you just fucking listen to me!" Alan yelled. I could feel the tears threatening to fall "No Alan let go of me!" I yelled trying to blink back tears. "Come on tour with me, I'll show you I'm not the same as your ex, that I'm not some egotistic jackass! If I fuck up I'll buy you the first plane ticket home, and you'll never have to talk to me again, I'll leave you alone. Just give me time to show you I'm not the douche you think I am. Please." Alan begged. I stopped struggling and looked Alan in the eyes, he was being sincere. I felt a single tear roll down my cheek. I caught my breathe and sighed. "You get one fucking chance Ashby. If you fuck up, you better not even try to stop me from leaving. I'll be done, and you'll leave me alone. Got it?" I asked trying to blink away more tears. "Whatever you say gorgeous." Alan said bringing me into a hug.

I pulled away from Alan's hug and looked at his smiling face. "How much stuff do I need to pack, I mean, how long are we going to be gone?" I asked while Alan's arms were still around my waist. "Well the tour is only about another month or so.. I could help you pack?" He offered. I sighed and grabbed his hand, dragging him up the cement stairs towards my apartment.

I walked into my small apartment and let go of Alan's hand. I kicked off my shoes and walked towards my bedroom. I heard Alan close the door and follow me. I motioned Alan into my walk in closet, "Can you grab those, I'm too short." I laughed pointing to my suit cases that were in the top of my closet. Alan reached up and grabbed the black suit cases without struggle and set them on the floor next to my feet. I started picking out my favorite shirts and putting them in my suit case. "Anything you'd like me to do beautiful?" Alan offered. "Yeah, can you just grab all of my jeans out of the drawer over there, and start some music on my iHome over there while you're at it, I don't like doing things in the silence." I giggled at my awkwardness.
Alan walked out of my closet and over to my dresser opening the bottom drawer I blushed realizing he had opened my underwear drawer I ran over and quickly closed the drawer before he got to see what was in it. "Top drawer." I giggled opening it. I grabbed my very limited amount of skinny jeans and handed Alan my iPhone to pick a song to listen to. "Don't make fun of my music taste, I have some pretty stupid shit on there." I laughed at myself. "Ew, you like Miley Cyrus?" He laughed at me. "Hey, she has some catchy beats in her songs okay, plus she's pretty attractive." I laughed throwing shoes in my suit case. "Okay then babe, whatever you say." He laughed. Alan had settled on Green Day and I smiled at his music choice.
I softly sang along with the song as I dragged my first suit case to my bed. Alan grabbed my arms and pulled my body close to his. "You have a beautiful voice." He smiled moving his hands from my arms to my waist. I blushed deeply and looked away from his gaze, "T..thanks." I stuttered. "And," He said grabbing my face and looking me in the eyes resting his for-head on mine, "you're completely adorable when you blush." He said bringing our faces inches apart I felt the butterflies in my stomach go crazy as our lips touched. I snaked my arms around Alan's neck deepening the kiss. Alan skillfully moved his hands from my waist to my ass, that's when I decided to pull away. "Not today Ashby." I whispered and laughed walking out of my room and into my bathroom to grab all shower things, makeup, any other beauty products I needed, and my depression and anxiety medication.
I walked back into my room to find Alan in my underwear drawer, "So this is why you didn't want me to look in this drawer hmmm?" Alan teased holding out a pair of my lacy underwear. I snatched the underwear from his hands and threw the rest of my things in my suit case. Alan grabbed the pill bottles out of my suit case and looked at them. "Whats this?" he questioned holding up the bottles. "Uhm, pills. What do they look like?" I said being a smart ass and walking over to my dresser. "No shit Sherlock, I mean what are they for?" He laughed. I sighed and grabbed the bottles throwing them back into my suit case, "Depression and anxiety." I said kneeling down to grab more clothes out of my dresser. "Awe, babe." Alan said walking over to me and grabbing my wrists pulling me up and resting my arms on his chest while my wrists were still in his firm grasp, "I can be your antidepressant." Alan smiled. I giggled and blushed. I looked down to our feet in attempt to hide the wide smile and blush on my face. Alan pulled my face back up to his making our eyes meet again. "I mean it." He whispered pulling my face to his until our lips touched. Alan kissed me passionately, and I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. He pulled away and rested his for-head on mine and looked in my eyes. "I will always be here for you, no matter what." He whispered hugging me tightly rested my head on Alan's shoulder and closed my eyes while I fought back tears, no one had ever said something like that to me. It made me feel special, it made me feel...loved. Something I hadn't felt in a long time.
I could't fight the tears any longer as they ran down my cheeks. Alan pulled away from our hug and looked at me, "Alex, what's wrong?" He asked concerned. I shook my head, "n..nothing." my voice cracked while I tried to find my words. "It's just..nobody had ever said something like that to me, and it made me feel...special," I said studying Alan's chocolate brown eyes. "and I've never felt special to anyone." I whispered biting my bottom lip still studying Alan's eyes. He pulled me into another hug and tightened his arms around me, his hugs made me feel so safe. "You're more than just special to me Alex." Alan whispered in my ear. He pulled away and looked at my pale face, "You're beyond perfect." Alan whispered to me, wiping away one of my tears with his thumb.
"It's getting late, and you and I have to be up early tomorrow to leave. You should get some sleep." Alan said pushing my hair behind my ear and searching my eyes. Alan looked away from me and threw one of the covers off my bed, I laid down and he pulled the blanket over my body. "I'll see you tomorrow okay." He said turning off my light and about to walk out my bedroom door. "Alan?.." I said quietly, he turned around and looked at me, "stay here with me..please.." I said not wanting him to leave. Alan had the biggest smile on his face as he closed my door and walked toward my bed, "Anything for you." He whispered crawling in my bed laying right next to me. Alan wrapped his arms around my waist. The moonlight shining through my window made it so I could barley see Alan's brown eyes searching mine. "Goodnight gorgeous." Alan whispered kissing my for-head. I turned around in Alan's arms, he pulled my body closer to him so I could feel his chest against my back, his warmth consuming my body. The last thing I heard was Alan whispering "I love you Alexis." into my ear, before falling into a peaceful sleep.

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