Stupefaction

I woke up with a dull pain coursing through my body, soon becoming more intense the closer my body came to being fully awake. I let out a loud groan, clutching my head to try and relieve the relentless ringing.

I opened my eyes for the first time, overcome with a wave of fear when I realized I wasn't in my own bedroom. I slowly looked around the room, eyes widening like saucers when I saw the person laying next to me.

I scanned Austin’s still sleeping form, breath catching in my throat. Suddenly all the memories from the night before came back to me as I nearly choked on my own spit. Austin Carlile is sleeping next to me..

I am in Austin Carlile’s bed.

I sat there for a while still in shock, attempting to control my breathing. I clutched my shaking hands onto the sheets, head spinning. This was all too surreal. Things like this didn't just happen, did they? Something had to go wrong.

I heard rustling coming from Austin’s side of the bed. I quickly pulled the sheets over my head so he wouldn't know I was awake, silently watching him with one half-closed eye. I watched him pull the sheets off his body, taking a few seconds to stretch his muscles. I noticed he wasn't wearing a shirt. Oh my god.

I realized I should probably make it less obvious how much I really idolized him. Some might call it an obsession, but honestly he was the only thing that had managed to make me even somewhat happy these last few months. I really had to stop because I had a feeling this could get really embarrassing.

I noticed Austin looking over at me, not daring to even breath. Luckily, he hadn't seemed to have caught on to the fact that I was actually awake.

Suddenly, Austin began to shake me awake. I tried to act natural, faking a yawn, too nervous to actually look him in the eyes. He shot me a friendly smile.

"Umm.. Do you want any breakfast? I could make pancakes or something.." He trailed off, scratching the back of his head.

I froze. I really didn't want breakfast. I didn't want food at all. The mere thought of shoveling fat-filled pancakes into my mouth made me want to vomit. But this was Austin we were talking about. I didn't want to disappoint him. I'd have to just suck it up this once. I could handle that. Right?

I nodded quickly before I could change my mind, my stomach already dreading the thought of being filled. I followed Austin out into the kitchen, trying to hide the dizzy spell I'd gotten from climbing out of bed. It wasn't anything new for me, It happened almost every morning, but I didn't want him to know.

I watched as Austin got out all the ingredients for pancakes, whistling a happy song as he moved to turn on the stove. His happiness had started to rub off on me, and I couldn't help but crack a smile. He really had lived up to his expectations.

Next, Austin began to shape the pancakes, biting his lip in concentration as if making the perfect circle pancake was the most important task of his life. I forgot all my anxiety from before, calming down considerably from just watching him. I may or may not still have been in denial by actually being in the same room as him.

Pretty soon Austin had seated himself next to me, placing two full plates of pancakes on the table. I grabbed one, assuming it was for me. I looked down at the stack of five pancakes, gulping.

One. I scarfed down the first one as fast as I could, hoping to get this over with as soon as possible. How hard could it be?

Two. I started to feel a bit queezy, as if my stomach was rejecting the food.

Only three more. I reminded myself.

I could do this. I began pushing more of the pancake into my mouth.

Two and a half. I'd started to slow down, my stomach starting to hurt from consuming so much unwanted food. I really wanted to cry.

Three Austin was starting to give me weird looks.

I really couldn't do this.

I felt the food filling my stomach, sitting inside my body, making me fatter with every bite I took. I really didn't like this feeling. I didn't like it at all. There was a reason I didn't eat. I sat there for several seconds, just staring down at the food in resentment. Who could't I just be a normal person? Why couldn't I just eat a meal without practically having a mental breakdown?

I tried to swallow, feeling acid about to come up my throat. Shit.

"Are you alright?" Austin asked with a frown, putting his hand on my shoulder.

I shook my head vigorously, feeling the vile almost all the way up my throat now. I jumped out of my seat, falling on the ground next to Austin's trashcan. I emptied my breakfast into the can, a part of me felt a sick satisfaction.

I sneaked a glance at Austin, a worried frown on his face. He knelled down next to me, pulling me into a hug.

"Damn.." He let out a sad sigh.

Notes