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Stupefaction

2 - Alan [Part 1]

I studied my face for the millionth time in the mirror, poking at the almost black circles under my eyes. I was stalling from having to attend another dreaded day at school, I honestly didn't know why I bothered anymore.

It had been almost three weeks since Austin Carlile had shown up in my class, but to my disappointment he hadn't stopped by again.

The first week after it happened I'd been almost excited to go to class, but as the days dragged by my previous happiness became nonexistent once again.

I let out a long sigh, rolling up the sleeves of my hoodie. I studied the red lines embedded into my skin, lightly tracing them up and down my arms. I knew I probably should have thought it out before I cut up my entire arm, because now I could wear nothing but long sleeves. There was nothing I could do about it now, though.

I knew I had to go to school today, I couldn't miss too many days if I wanted to graduate. But.. missing a few of my morning classes wouldn't hurt.

Before I could stop myself, I headed towards the bathroom to take out my blade. I grasped the end of it between my fingers, watching the silver metal gleam under the light as if I was in some sort of trance. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the sharp object into my skin, finding a few places on my arm that weren't cut up.

I dragged the metal across my skin, watching the red liquid seep out onto my arm. Once I was satisfied with my work, I checked the time on my phone.

"Shit!" I muttered. I started to quickly grab whatever I could find, throwing it into my bag. It was later than I thought.

Once I had all my stuff in order I was ready to head out the door. I stopped for a split second, remembering the mess of blood and cuts on my arm. I figured since my hoodie was black, everything would be fine. I deserved it after all.

I quickly headed out the door, feeling a bit winded because, as always I hadn't eaten.

Once I made it to school I was feeling even shittier than I did this morning. When I saw Ben and his friends heading towards me I regretted coming in today even more.

Pretty soon I felt my body colliding with one of the lockers, and judging by the look on Ben's face he was even angrier than usual. I tried to prepare myself for the terrible beating I knew was coming, shutting my eyes tight as I felt them drag my body outside the school.

The beating was even worse than I could have imagined. I was left a sobbing mess as repeated blows were administered to my entire body. Ben's crew were all gathered around in a circle, kicking me everywhere imaginable. My entire body felt as if it was on fire, I didn't think there was a bone in my body left untouched.

A particularly hard blow hit my stomach, and pretty soon I was doubled over throwing up blood. My attackers let out noises of disgust. One more kick landed on my stomach before they all started to run away.

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, feeling my body throb in pain. At this moment I wanted nothing more than to die. And why not? What even was the point of me staying alive? I didn't see any sort of future for myself, it was only a matter of time.

I remembered the blade I'd left in my pocket earlier, wincing as I moved my arm to take it out. Ben and his friends had dragged me into a ditch by the side of the road, so I figured no one would see me.

I began cutting up my entire arm, even opening up scabbed wounds I normally wouldn't have touched. I didn't care anymore. I wanted to die.

I tried to move to the other arm, but my body had seemed to shut down. It hurt to even move, I couldn't do anything except lay there.

What I guessed was hours later, I heard a mob of footsteps exiting the school. I guess it was the end of the day, but despite my predicament no one found me.

I was left in a haze, not sure how much time was passing. I continued to lay on the side of the road, wondering why I wasn't dead yet. Pretty soon I realized it was getting dark out.

I wanted to lift my blade to my throat and end it once and for all but I literally had no energy to move my limbs.

I was probably going to be here for a while.

Fuck.

Notes

I wasn't going to update this get but I couldn't help it. This chapter was really long so I split it into two parts woop

Comments

please please please update this. its amazing and I need to know what happens

When shall u update ahhhhh im dying

saybre_Williams saybre_Williams
12/22/14

D: Updateeee oh mer gawsh. The cashby begins >:3

Awwww :( poor alan

Lovely. Update?