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Would You Still Be There

12 - Austin

What could they want?

I walked against the office in a fast pace. I felt panick inside of me, even though I didn't know what it was. I open up the door, and the first thing I see is my dad sitting next to the doctors office. His eyes is red, and he has clearly been crying. For once, he is actually looking nice, with his hair comb back and a suit. Next to him, the principal is sitting with a serious face.

"Dad, what are you doing here?" I ask, trying to seem calm.

"We wanted to talk to you about something.." The principal says. It looks like dad can't even talk and he's at the edge of bursting out crying.

"Seriously, what is it?!" I raise my voice.

"We found out.." My dad mumbles.

"About what?"

"Your eatingdisorder."

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I walk towards Alan's house. He's the only one I can think of right now. I need him.

I knock on his door and soon he opens up. I feel the tears running down my cheeks.

"What happend?" Alan looks worried.

"They found out.." I mumble, trying to not break down in total.

"About what?"

"My eatingdisorder."

I can see Alan's schocked face. It looks like he doesn't know how to react.

"C-come inside.." he stutters. I walk in and Alan helps me to the couch. But I don't sit down. You burn 60 more calories per hour standing up.

"Please tell me.. About everything." Alan says. I don't really want to tell him, but I have to tell someone. And rather him than my dad.

"It all started about a year before my mom died. I was a diagnosed anorectic and bulimic. My mom was the one who looked after me. When she disappeard, my dad didn't care. At all. I stopped eating and everything I ate, I threw up. I don't deserve food. I'm a fucking fatass."

"Austin, you're not fat.."

I stare at him. Obviously, he was lying. I'm fat. For sure. I don't know what I'm doing, but I simply drag off my very oversized shirt and look down at my stomach. I look at my very visible ribs. At my hip bones. My stomach that goes in instead of out. Some people would consider this skinny. All I see is fat that I need to get rid off.

"You see this Alan?! This is fat. I'm disgusting. I just want to be perfect, like.. Like you." I look down, blushing.

"A-And.. My dad has talked to a doctor. They say that if I don't gain weight, I only have two weeks to live." My tears stop. I wouldn't mind dying. Atleast I'd die skinny then. I look up at Alan again, waiting for a reaction. Probably he'd just call me pathetic and idiotic and never talk to me again.