I Only Do This For You To See

I started swaying on the swing and before I knew it I was picking up speed. The night air brushing harshly against my face. I slowed down letting the thoughts of the dream I just had sink in. Would Chris come back? Would he try and find me? I had a really odd feeling that I would be seeing him again.

I took in a long drag of the cigarette in my hand. Fuck the doctor that said I couldn't smoke. I would if I want to. That was one thing about me, I didn't take orders very well. I was bull-headed and did not even want to listen to anyone. But no that I feel alone in the world, direction might do me some good from other people.

"Um, what are you doing?" A voice startled me from my trance.

"Holy shit! What am I doing? What the fuck are you doing out here trying to kill me?" I said breathlessly, clutching to my chest.

"Haha, I'm sorry, it's just I thought I was the only one who came to the park at 5 o'clock in the morning, wasn't expecting to see a beautiful girl out here." He chuckled.

He called me beautiful? Beautiful? What did that word even mean? It meant nothing to me. Compliments aren't even real anymore. Chris only put me down, and after so many years of having to be around that, it kinda got drilled into my mind. I was worthless. I was going to be a nobody. A lost cause. A slut. And the list goes on.

I began crying, sobbing really. I covered my mouth with my hand and tried to contain the odd squeak noise I made. I felt the hot tears trickle down my cheek.

"Um miss, why are you crying? All I did was compliment you on your beauty." He whispered.

"That's just the thing, you complimented me.. I don't take compliments very well. I can't." I said in a shaky tone.

"Why..." He dared to ask.

"You wouldn't want to know. No one cares, so I don't expect you to care either." I said shrugging.

Why would anyone care? The question rang through my head.

"That's just the thing, I may not know you. And you may not think no one cares. But, that's where you're wrong. I do care... I really do." He said, staring me in the eyes.

I wondered how crazy did I look right now? Talking to some stranger in the park at 5 in the morning. Was he just trying to pull me in? Rape me? Leave me for dead? I'd probably thank him at this point.

"You can't think like that. You have no idea what kind of potential you have, you are a human. And you're beautiful. You can not keep putting yourself down, you're only hurting yourself." He said, my inner monologue was shit. I should've known I say everything out loud.

"I like the feeling of feeling pain, it's the only thing I can feel." I whispered, ashamed.

"What's your name?" He asked, out of no where.

"What?" I asked back confused.

"What is your name?" He questioned again.

"Jade..." I spoke.

"Well I'm Alan." Smiled.

"That's great, now I know your name. Big deal." I said, slightly annoyed.

"Jade let me show you how beautiful you really are."

Notes

Enjoy!
steph! <3
^-^