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I Only Do This For You To See

To Live Is Just To Fall Asleep

I walked not so willingly into Dotty's house. It was peculiar that this is what I'd be calling home now. Something says I'll never have a home. A place that makes me feel welcome, a place where I'm wanted, needed, loved. Those ideas just seem all so superficial to me.

"How long has this been going on?" She questioned, before I could even set anything down.

"Uhh, let's see, he started abusing me when we first started dating, and that was what? 7 years ago, I thought he was my savior. And I thought he was my hero, and I let him get away with the things he did because I felt like I owed it to him. I felt like I deserved it." I said barely audible, not only because I was ashamed, but also because my ribs hurt like a bitch. He had really done some damage this time.

"Honey, you didn't deserve any of that. You deserved nothing that has happened to you, with him, your family, Austin." She sighed, tearing up.

"I don't knoa I just feel like I did. But, he caused me so much turmoil and pain. I couldn't tell you the last time I actually felt safe." I shook my head at the thought.

"You're safe now, I will take care of you until you're stable enough to try and pick back up and restart again." She smiled warmly.

"I hope I will be able to do that someday, but for now. All I want is sleep, I haven't slept in weeks it feels like." I yawned loudly.

"Well go upstairs and it's the first door on your left, that'll be your room for the next couple weeks darling." She explained, as I took my belongings upstairs.

I laid down on the bed and let the last seven years of my life truly sink in. These last seven years I had been so numb to everything and everyone. It's almost like I was invisible 95 percent of the time, and was only used when someone needed a fix. I didn't even feel anything anymore. Pain? Was numb. Happiness? Numb. Love, completely thrown out the window, and numb. I didn't even know a human could possess those emotions anymore. Everything just seemed like a big surreal blur.

I tried clearing my head of these depressing thoughts and at least try to sleep. When I felt myself getting drowsier and drowsier I finally nodded off into a much needed slumber.

But only to be filled with dreams of my haunting past.