“Time to listen to my confession.
I'm much less than I wanted to be, wanted to be.
You shine a light on my dark side, but you
Don't care what you see.”

Alan turns the music dock up to the point that the bus is shaking.

He stares straight into her eyes, smiling widely, practically daring her to dance with him.

“Overjoyed. Over you. Overnight.
But that’s what you do.”

She rolls her eyes playfully, smiling despite the unglodly late, well, early, hour. Alan points at her, cuing her turn to sing. She jumps up and begins yelling the lyrics, surprising her boyfriend.

“Why don't you lock me up with joy and kisses?
Lock me up with love?
Chain me to your heart's desire
I don't want you to stop.
Lock me in and hold this moment, never get enough
Ain't no way I'm ever breaking free.
Lock me up.”

The pair spins around the tiny front area, laughing crazily. They both whip their heads towards the bunk area when the music suddenly cuts off.

Austin stands there, stereo remote in hand.

“I know you guys are enjoying being cute and all, but the rest of us are trying to sleep.”

When they both do nothing except blush a little, he continues.

“Go fuck in your bunk or something.” And with that, he flippantly turns on his heel to go back to bed.

Dakota hides her reddened cheeks in her hands and Alan wraps his arms around her.

“He was just playing,” he pauses, smirking before going on, “but, that isn’t such a bad idea.”

And she must have agreed because not five minutes later the bus was rocking again. And it wasn’t because of the stereo.

...SEVERAL MONTHS LATER...

“Leave me alone, Alan.” He just continues following her into the back of the bus.

She takes a deep breath as she runs her fingers through her hair, not facing him.

“I need you to leave me alone. I don’t want to fight with you right now.” He rolls his eyes, moving to lean against the wooden frame of the bunks.

“All I said was that you should slow down on the drinking. I said one thing.” She slides her tongue over her teeth, trying to remain calm.

“You said more than that. But I’m going to ask you again: please leave me alone.”

She reaches to fold a blanket that had been left thrown into her bunk, needing to be doing something with her hands so Alan doesn’t find them wrapped around his neck.

He shakes his head in a condescending way. “What do you mean I said more? I didn’t do anything. You’re just overreacting like usual.”

That’s when her self control breaks.

She throws the blanket onto the floor, moving to get in his face.

“You told me I was acting like my mother!” She shrieks.

“You never even met my mother! She was a horrible human being who never cared for me! She never cared about anything except how she was going to get more alcohol. I am scared to death of becoming her and you know that, so you used it against me! That was so unfair!”

He takes a step forward so that they are chest to chest. This fight was the result of too much alcohol on both of their ends and temper fuses which had gone unlit for too long.

“You know what’s unfair? I bring my girlfriend on tour for months where she gets free food, free housing, free everything and she says thanks by bitching me out. And you aren’t the only one with fucked up parents, you know.”

His chest heaves and she can barely take the sight of him looking so smug with himself. Where there usually was a space in her heart filled with nothing but adoration was now filled to the brim with a surge of hate. The liquor had dug out the love and his reactions had only helped along the loathing.

“Don’t talk to me about bad parenting! Remember the last time we did that? I almost died! We both could’ve died! And I almost wish we would have so I wouldn’t have this damned baby!”

Her words press the unseen pause button on Alan.

“You..what?”

She falls to the floor, sobs wracking her body.

“I don’t want this! I don’t want this baby! I don’t want any of it. I’m barely an adult that can provide for myself, much less than me and a baby.”

He slides down to sit beside her, shock freezing out all of his anger.

“I am so sorry.” And he was. He never wanted a child. Never ever did he want a child. Children hated him, and he would have to say the feeling was mutual.

“I don’t want a baby. That’s why I was drinking. I haven’t looked at it yet and I hate it so much. I am so afraid I’m going to be like my mother that the thought of having a child scares me. It scares me so much, Alan."

She looks up at him with a look that could only be described as absolute heartbreak.

He wraps his arms around her, resting his chin on the top of her head.

“We’ll deal with it.”

And just like that, he becomes her rock again.

Notes

oh. shit. so this is completely not where i expected this chapter to go. but please don't stop reading because this seems cliche, it is different. they don' suddenly get married and have a cute family. i promise.