Alan:
I stared at the ceiling of my bunk. I don't need it. I'm fine. I had already had my drink for the afternoon, but all I wanted was a beer. I'm fine. I'm fine. I don't need it. Austin was helping me slowly wean off the absurd amount of alcohol my body had become accustomed to drinking each day. I was allowed half a glass of beer at certain points in the day. It kept me sober, but allowed my body the alcohol it craved. My hands started shaking. I don't need it. I don't need it. I licked my dry lips and swallowed. Fuck this was hard.

No one had heard from Silver in four days. I knew exactly what she was doing. She was sitting in her room with a blade to her arms, her legs, her stomach. I felt a hot tear slide down my cheek. She was the model of perfection, but she'd turned to a blade and ripped open her perfect skin over and over in order to feel. It's my fault. My chest tightened at the thought of her crying over her fresh cuts, all because I made her life hell. Over and over. Why couldn't I stop causing her pain? I was so glad I'd left my blade home, I began to get the itch for it.

I heard footsteps as someone came into the room and stopped near my bunk. I expected Austin, when a whisper asked, "Alan?"

My heart skipped.

Silver.

Silver:
My voice caught in my throat and only came out as a whisper when I called his name. He scrambled out of his bunk. He looked at me with wide eyes for barely a moment before he grabbed my wrists, pushing up the sleeves of my sweatshirt and frantically scanning my arms. He looked down to my legs - exposed by my shorts. Still holding my wrists, he looked at me with desperate, sad eyes. I simply shook my head. No, I didn't. I'm fine.

He smiled as tears rolled down his flushed cheeks. He looked at his hands, gripping my wrists, then released me, stepping back. "Sorry," he mumbled, his neck flushing to the color of his hair as he looked at the floor.

I smiled. He really hadn't changed. "School boy," his head snapped up at the old nickname, "I'm sorry."

His brow furrowed in confusion as more tears leaked from his eyes. "I-I don't understand."

I sighed. "I didn't know. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you." Come up with something original you moron. "Alan, I-I had no idea that you l-" I swallowed, "l-loved me. I just, I never thought, and then Warped, and then I, then you, then-" I was hyperventilating, and getting worse when I couldn't get out what I'd wanted to say.

Alan strode forward. He took my face in his hands and crashed his lips to mine. I could feel the tears sliding down his cheeks as my hands fisted in his shirt, pulling him closer. I didn't even know if Alan was what I wanted, but we'd been under too much stress to deny myself and Alan this chance to see if we worked. So I let him kiss me as I felt a tear leek from my own eye. It had been too much. I couldn't deal with it anymore, and I don't think he could either. We held onto each other like our lives depended on it as we kissed passionately.

We didn't fuck; we didn't have sex. Alan made love to me that night, and it was something different entirely. He kissed every scar I'd put on my skin and told me he still thought I was beautiful. We made love slowly, and afterwards there was a lot of crying...mostly from Alan.

I wiped tears from his cheeks as he scowled at his pillow. "Alan, what's wrong?" He shook his head and shifted so his weight was off his arms. They shook uncontrollably, and I saw red marks where he'd scratched at his skin, trying to cut without a blade. "Oh Alan," I held him tightly as his breathing hitched. I knew exactly where he was, I'd been there just hours before hand.

We fell asleep clinging to each other like when we'd kissed in the middle of the room. Neither of us really knew what would happen in the morning, and honestly, I didn't care. I needed this. I needed someone to love me, even if it was one of my best friends. Heaven only knew what we'd wake up to.

Notes

Ok kinda short, and I know it took me a while to update, for which I'm sorry. Feedback of anykind is strongly encouraged. And I'm sorry that these chapters are darker/triggering-ish, my writing comes from how I'm doing lol. :) Also, if anyone ever needs to talk, I'm here for anyone and everyone so that no one's alone, because I know the difference having one person can make <3 Thank you for reading, loves! - Anna