[Phoenix POV]


"Thank you Seattle! You guys are fucking AWESOME!!!!!" Austin yelled and Tino did his final beat on the drums and that ended the show.

I was backstage and saw them coming in. Everyone was still pumped up.

I saw Phil came in first. He gave me a high five and I said, "Great show guys!" then I smiled. He smiled then messed up my hair.

When Austin saw me, He hugged me tight and buried his face on my neck.

"C'mon Austin! You just wanted to piss me off and put all your sweat on me." I said while laughing but still wrapped both my hands around him.

He let me go and kissed my forehead. "You bet I did!" and he laughed. I laughed and smacked his arms. Then I saw Alan staring at me. I was about to greet him for a nice show but he went straight down the backstage. I thought that maybe, he was still affected of what happened to him and Samantha.

She didn't return after walking out and it was a month ago when she left. I didn't dare to ask Alan about it.

I went back to the bus as the guys were still hanging out with some fans and doing some interviews backstage. I looked at their day sheet and after this, the guys will have a 4-day off before we go to Canada.

I was finishing some stuff on my laptop when I heard shuffling noises at the front door then I saw them came in.

"Hey Phoenix! We're eating out. Wanna come?" Tino asked me while the guys were changing their clothes.

Then I heard my stomach grumbled. I unconsciously looked down. Aaron saw me and smiled,
"Then that's a YES!" he yelled then burst out laughing.

I shook my head and closed my laptop. I went to the back lounge to change my clothes.

---

We went to the closest diner at the venue. It's almost 1 in the morning so there's not much people in here.

We sat down at the farthest table. It was me, Austin, Phil, then Tino at my front, Alan, then Aaron. By that order.

Alan supposed to sit beside Austin but he decided to sat infront of me, well not directly. Austin and Alan ordered the food. When they came back, my eyes went big the the amount fo the food they ordered.

"Guys, are you planning to murder me?" I asked them laughing.

"We're guys. What do you expect Nix?" Aaron said to me also laughing.

We laughed and I sad, "Well, to hell with diet. I'm eating!"

The guys yelled 'Yeah' in unison. I saw Alan laughed. And for the first time after the incident, I saw his real smile. That smile that caught my heart almost 2 years ago.

While eating, Tino asked Alan, "Hey dude. Where's Sam?" I froze. I looked at Alan. They guys didn't know what happened. They thought she just went back early for a photoshoot.

"We broke up." he answered.

"WHAT?!" Austin, Phil, Tino, and Aaron.

"What the hell man! Why?" it was Austin who asked.

"It's a long story." then he continued eating.Silence flooded our table. No one dared to talk.

---

[Alan's POV]


The guys asked me about Sam and I don't know what to tell them. I almost forgot about her. After all these years, I didn't follow her and beg to come back to me. I'm tired. I don't know if really did love her. After my surgery, she changed. A lot.

When I looked up, I saw Austin leaning on Phoenix like he was whispering something to her. I saw Phoenix smiled then shrugged her shoulders.

I suddenly felt the urge to grab her away from him. Austin is my bestfriend but at that time, I wanted to punch him. I saw how he hugged Phoenix earlier after the show.

My eyebrow burrowed and little did I know, Phil was looking at me. I caught his eyes and he mouthed, 'Jealous?'

I glared at him and stood up. I went outside and back to the bus. 'What the hell am I feeling right now?'

I just recently broke up with my girlfriend but I felt like it was all nothing to me. I'm more caught of the closeness that Phoenix and Austin have. Like they've known each other for a very long time. I mean, I've known her 9 months ago, when we released the album but every time I looked at her, it feels like I've known her more than that.

---

I saw that they came back. Phil came up to me and asked, "Are you alright dude?" then handed me a glass of whiskey.

"Yeah, I will be."

He sipped from his glass and said. "I don't know if I'm supposed to believe that."

I looked at him.

"I know breaking up are pretty messy. I saw how you suffered when she left you the first time Alan. I was there. We were worried about you. But it doesn't mean that it's the end of the world for you. Maybe there is someone out there for you. You haven't just thought about it."
I know what he's thinking. And I understand him.

Then I saw him smiling. "We are just happy that the real Alan came back. She made you changed a lot. You deserve someone like her."

My eyebrows burrowed. 'Who is she? Samantha?'

"But remember this, whatever decision you make, just follow your heart." He then pointed my chest. "Just follow this. It will lead you to your true happiness. It knows what will make you truly happy."

Now I'm lost. I just don't know what Phil was talking about. And I had this dread feeling that he's not pertaining to Sam. Then who?

Weird! And it made me shiver.


[Phoenix POV]

I was listening to some pending demos that I have and Austin is walking back and forth. We were at the back lounge and the rest of the guys are sleeping.

"Will you please stop it Austin!"

But it seemed like he didn't hear me.

"Austin!"

Finally he stopped. He sat down on the couch infront of me.

"Thank you!" I shook my head and continued with what I'm doing.

"Phoenix, after this tour, stay at my house. You don;t have to come back to Sydney."

I removed my headphones and looked at him. "Are we going to start with this again Aus? I don't live in Cali anymore. I already started my life in Sydney. We both know that I only came back here for you guys."

He didn't answer.

"You still love him, huh?" he said sarcastically. Austin was so serious.

I held my breath. It's not like him.

"Do you think that there's a bit chance for you now that he already broke up with Sam? What if he finds out about your pretend almost 2 years ago? No matter what you do Phoenix, you'll always be invisible to him! And you will only be Sam's shadow!"

I gasped. His words hits me straight from my heart.

"Enough Austin." I felt like I was stabbed again. The truth really hurts. My eyes suddenly filled with the endless tears, again.

Maybe Austin realized what he'd said and kneeled down infront of me.
"I-Im sorry. I never meant-"

"You don't need to tell me those Austin." I almost whispered. "I know where I stand in his life. And I don't have a plan to be in his life. Yes, I fucking love him but I don't want to live behind Sam's identity!"

"Phoenix..." He tried to reach me. "I'm sorry."

"I understand." I wiped the tears on my face. "They say that true friends always tells the truth even it hurts you. And I must be thankful for having you as one."

He looked at me with sadness in his eyes. "When will you ever see me as a man who can love you back more than you love him? Why him when it could be me?"

I froze. 'He loves me? Did I hear it right? Or maybe one of his jokes again?'

"I don't know if you're insensitive or just plain stupid. I was once hurt Phoenix. I was cheated on. I didn't believe in love after then. But you came along and suddenly you captured my untamed heart. Can't help but fall inlove with my bestfriend's pretend girlfriend."

"Austin, please don't." I realized that he was damn serious.

"I can't." I saw him smiled but the sadness is still visible. "The feeling that someone you love can't love you back. We're just on the same shoes Nix. I love you but you love him."

He's right!. I love Austin. He was a true to friend to me. He is so special and I don't want to see him hurting.

"Austin, I--"

"Let me finish first. I already confessed, might as well tell you everything. I'm not asking anything in return Phoenix. It's as clear as a water that you really love Alan and I can't top that. I know the feeling. I just don't want to see you hurting that's why I want you to stay at my house after the tour."

"I'm sorry." That's all I could say.

"Don't!" He shook his head. "Don't say sorry. It's not your fault. It's my choice."

I suddenly wanted to cry. Damn this emotions! I don't want to see the pain in his eyes.

"Like what I've said, I will not ask anything in return from you. But I hope that someday Phoenix, you realized your worth. You realize that I could love you the way that you wanted Alan to love you."

I bit my lower lip painfully. And then I found myself sobbing. When I raised my head, I saw him walking out through the door.

Subconsciously, how I wish he would come back and take all those words that he said to me. I don't want to lose someone like him. Not now. But when I heard the sound of the bus door closed, I knew my wish didn't come true.


If I could only teach my heart.

Notes

Now Playing: Scene Four: Don't You Ever Forget About Me - Sleeping with Sirens