1 month later...

[Phoenix POV]

The album, Restoring Force, release was a success. The band's fans are still on top as usual. Of Mice and Men really does have a solid fanbase which made me smile. You can see the guys being warm when it comes to them. The meet and greet that we did after was heartwarming. Alan received a lot of welcome after his accident.

I am having a meeting now with OM&M's and BMTH tour managers and the "American Dream Tour" event producers about the gig concert that's gonna happen tomorrow. This would be Bring Me The Horizon's headlining North America tour along with Of Mice and Men. The schedules are already fixed and in place. We just announced the states where and when the bands are going to play.

I was left in the conference room when Phil, Tino, and Aaron came in.

"Hey guys! I thought you're going out?" I smiled at them.

"Yeah, we will. You want to join us?" it was Tino.

I shook my head. "Nah! I'm gonna pass guys." I raised all the paperworks and my laptop. "Got a lot of work to do before the tour." then I mouthed 'Sorry' and winked.

They laughed. "Ok then. By the way, we came here just to let you know that you're gonna stay at our bus, ok?" Phil told me. I was shocked. Well, I know I'm gonna be working with them while on the road but stay on the same bus?! 'Fuck! I'm really screwed!'

"Why? Don't you guys have a separate bus for the crew and staff?" I raised one of myeyebrows.

"Yeah, we do. But do you really want to hang with the tech guys? I mean, they're all boys and they're rowdy sometimes." Aaron asked me while his arms crossed at his chest.

I laughed. "And what do you call yourselves?"

They laughed. "I don't care. You're gonna stay with us. Done." Tino said then they left the room.

I was left dumbfounded. I suddenly have the urge to switch places with Jessica whose gonna fly to Sydney to replace me with Sleeping with Sirens. I missed them. Haven't got a chance to properly said goodbye to them.

I bring out my phone and texted Kellin.

To: Kellin Quinn
Hello Kels! How's it going? Jess is going to fly out there to help you. I missed you all. Goodluck.

Then I received a reply after a few minutes.

From: Kellin Quinn
Hey Phoebe! We're good. We missed you too and your terrible cooking. Lol. They guys said 'Hi!'. We'll see you when we get back. Gonna crash Nix, it's night time here.

I smiled at his message.

Probably just gonna bare with this. I mean, Tino, Phil, and Aaron are also great guys. They became my good friends and I pretty much got along fine with these three.

I closed my laptop and decided to go home. All my bags are packed since I really didn't unpack my stuff much knowing we'll be on the road. Bus call-time is 6 in the morning.and I need to be up much early to make sure no one and nothing gets left behind.

---

I didn't get much sleep. I admit I was a bit excited about the tour. It's the first tour that I will be in with OM&M. I just finished fixing my outfit when I heard the bus' honk.

I'm wearing my favorite Mickey Mouse tank top that I got from Sydney, a comfortable black jeggings, my knitted beanie, my nerdy glasses, and classic black TOMS.

I looked at my watch and it says, 5 o'clock am. I went outside and saw 2 big trailer buses parked in front of the gate. The guys are gonna meet here in Alan's house. I saw some of the tech guys loading some equipment and Josh, OM&M's tour manager, on the phone. He saw me and yelled something.

"Hey Nix! you better choose your bunk bed before the guys do. Otherwise you'll stuck with the worse."

I laughed. I know the drill. I got my bags and went in. The bus will be our home for the rest of the tour. I went straight to the bunk area and chose my always favorite place, middle left side, 2nd area just before the back lounge. The bunk area consists of 12 beds. I placed my bags and closed the curtain.

I went outside and saw Tino, Phil, and Aaron with their better halves.

"Hello guys. Getting ready?" I greeted them and they looked at me.

The girls grabbed me away from the boys who are now busy talking to their manager.

"Hi there Phoenix. It's nice to see you again." It was Anouk, Phil's wife. I met them when the band released the album and got a chance to had a nice conversation with them. The girls are pretty cool and nice about the idea of me, being on the road with their boys.

Jen, Tino's girlfriend, and Amanda, Aaron's fiance, hugged me. "Goodluck Nix. I know these guys sometimes gets too handful." Jen told me while laughing.

I laughed. "I know. But Josh is there. I know he can handle everything when it comes to that."

We all laughed.

Anouk hugged me again and whispered. "Now's the time to steal Alan from Samantha." then she winked at me.

My jaw dropped as she grin. They told me that they never liked Sam for what she did to Alan. Basically, from what I knew on their side of the story. Sam cheated on Alan for another band member. They said that she was nice and all but they will never forgive her for what she did. Causing Alan to be miserable.

I smiled at her. They don't have any idea about all the pretending and stuff but they're all nice to me and the idea of me and Alan ending up together.

"You guys, why do you think I have something with Alan."

"Hello?! I know you have a 'thing' for him." Amanda rolled her eyes at me. "I saw the way you nervously stared at him the whole time at the first day of the album release."

Anouk and Jen giggled and nodded at me.

My eyes went big. "I did not!"

We all laughed. These girls are such sweethearts and I consider them as my good friends.

We stopped when we were suddenly caught by a car that just arrived. Josh approached the car and the side window rolled over. We couldn't see who it was from where we're standing but I suddenly felt uneasy.

"Alan! It's Sam." Josh yelled.

We all looked at each other.

The front car door opened and from there, a paled-skinned, beautiful woman came out. She had a long auburn hair and fairly white skin. I heard from Anouk that she's half-Korean. I've never seen such a perfect woman. She is so damned beautiful. And her body? She could be a model. She was exactly the epitome of every man's dream.

I admit, I don't want to be compared to her. Maybe we have the same voice but that face was just perfect.

The four of us went to where the guys are. Austin was not with them as he went in the bus to fix something. Then we saw her searching for a face.

"Babe!" She said when she saw Alan. "I miss you so much."

"I thought you're not gonna see me before we leave?" I could see the happiness on his face.

"I want to surprise you." After she hugged Alan, she kissed him passionately. And they kissed in front of my eyes.

I looked away.

I felt like my heart was stabbed a million times. I just couldn't look at them.

She heard Alan introduce Sam to the guys and their girls.

"Babe, I know you remember my friends-slash-bandmates. And these pretty ladies are their better halves. I bet you remember them too."

"Oh yes, I remember. It's barely 2 or 3 years, right?"

All of them shook hands.

"Oh! Who is she?" I saw her smiling at me.

"She is Phoenix. Our boss." Alan laughed. "Just kidding. She's our A&R. Pretty much the go between the band and the world. She's gonna be with us the entire tour." Alan smiled at me. "Meet my girlfriend, Samantha."

I tried my very best to smiled back at her. "Hi!"

"Hello!" she said back to me.

"Guys, I have to do something in the bus. We'll go after an hour." I looked at the guys and they just nodded.

Before I could turn my back, Sam spoke. "What is your name again?" she asked.

Alan answered for me. "It's Phoenix. Short for Phoebe Nichols, pretty cool right?"

I saw how her facial expression changed. Like she just discovered something unbelievable.

'Did she recognize me?'

"Oh, hi there Austin." I heard she said after a while.

Austin was shocked when he saw her and he immediately looked at me. I just looked away.

"You're here! When did you arrive? Alan told me you were in London."

"Last night. I wanted to surprise Alan before you guys go on tour."

"Have you already met?" I saw Austin looked at both of us.

I tried to speak. "Yeah."

I looked at Austin and I suddenly felt the urge to laugh when I saw his reaction. I smiled sweetly at him just to say that I'm fine.

"Let's go inside babe." Alan told Sam. She nodded and told us, "Nice meeting you guys." Then they disappear.

"Aus, we'll go inside." Phil told us and they disappeared too. Leaving me and Austin at the front gate.

"I'm fine Austin. Go inside. I'll fix something in the bus and we'll leave after an hour." I told him and went in the bus.

I saw him followed me. I slouched at the front lounge. I felt tired as hell. I saw him sat right infront of me. He was silent. He just looked at me.

It's not typical of him. "Are you ok?" I asked him.

He just nodded.

"I'm not used to you staying quiet like that."

He just stared at me. "Should I be the one to ask you if you're ok?"

I chuckled. "Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?"

"It's that your way of pretending your fine, even though you're totally broken?"

Then my smile disappear from my lips.

'How did he know?'

I will not admit it. Not with Austin. He's seen enough of my pain.

I scoffed. "Why do I need to pretend?"

He glared at me. "Stop acting as if you're not affected. And don't you dare deny it. You can fool them but not me."

Suddenly I felt cold. How did he know how I felt?

"I-I don't know-"

He stood infront of me and yelled. "Would you stop it Phoenix? I already know you love Alan. And even if you deny it, I know it hurts you when you saw them together."

"Right! Exactly! So? What do you want me to do Austin?" I have no other choice but to admit it to him. "I have my pride. I'd rather choose to die than let Alan know that I fucking love him that it hurts so much!" I yelled back at him. I know no one would here since the bus door is locked. This is better than denying it. I'm so damn tired denying it to Austin, knowing him.

"Nix..."

"I don't understand why are you mad at me? Am I doing something wrong?" Emotions started to get in and I can't help it. "You don't have any fucking idea what I'm going through." My tears started to fell.

I felt Austin hugged me. "I'm so sorry. I'm not mad. I just can't help it. I don't want to see you in pain."

I tried to struggle but I don't have enough strength to push him.

"I'm here. I'm willing to help you. You can lean on me. You can trust me. If you feel that it's too much, I'll find a way to ease that pain." His voice was very low.

Then I found myself crying on his shoulder. That was the first time I cried in front of someone. I don't normally do it because I don't want others to see me weak.

"Ssshh... Please don't cry Phoenix."

Just as I thought that I can be strong enough to get through this, I was wrong. And I hate myself for being emotional again. I promised not to cry anymore. The tour haven't got started yet and here I am. I want to forget but I just can't.

Notes