[Phoenix POV]

I look at myself in the mirror. My hair is a mess and my eyes are puffy and red. I cried last night and just let out all the pain that I felt. Today is my last day as Samantha and Alan's surgery will be this afternoon. I almost done packing my things. My flight will be tonight. I will wait until Alan is in surgery before I go.

I haven't said goodbye to Nana, Len, and Nikki. They have been my family for this past few months.

What I wasn't expecting is Alan standing at my room's doorway.

"What are you doing here at this early?" I looked at the clock on my sidetable. It's just 6 in the morning.

He startled when I spoke. "I thought you were still sleeping."

"You didn't answer my question, Alan."

"I can't sleep Sam."

I'm sitting on my bed. Then I saw him walked towards me. I immediately stood up and guided him on the side of my bed to sit down.

"You, why are you awake? You promised me you're not going to work today, right?" He asked me.

"Nope! I'm not. I just woke up actually." I lied. The truth is she wasn't not able to sleep last night just thinking of him. I was awake the entire night and packed my things.

"Are you okay?" I asked him when he didn't answer.

"I'm scared."

"Scared of the surgery?"

He nodded.

"Babe, how many times have I told you, you can do it. I know you can. You're a strong person."

"I know. But I really can't help it. I feel like something bad is going to happen."

"Forget it. Everything is gonna be okay. I swear." But I can see in his eyes that he's not convinced.

"Let's do it this way. Motivate yourself. Just think of the things that you would be able to do again once you gain back your eyesight."

"I had a bad dream last night." Suddenly he said. "When I woke up after the surgery, I can see again but you were gone. I asked my Mom about you but she said that you are gone, for good."

I was speechless for a moment. I don't want to lie to him anymore. I've had enough of it.
I can see that he was about to cry. I calmed myself.

"Some dreams are not meant to happen in real life, Alan. Usually, we dreamt of things because we think that that's gonna happen."

"But what if-"

"I'll leave you here if you won't stop." I immediately cut him off.

"Sorry."

I grabbed his hands and put it in mine. "Set your mind free from all your worries. It won't happen okay?" I assured him. "I will be by your side until the surgery is done. I promise." Which is true. I changed my initial plan. I will wait until his operation is done, then I will leave.

"And when you wake up, I promise, Sam will be there. Waiting." But I'm not talking about myself. I was talking about Sam, the real Samantha.

Finally, I saw him smiling now. And I can't help but smile too. I'm gonna miss his smile, his grin, his face.

When I saw his face moving closer to me, I closed my eyes and wait for his lips.

He claimed my mouth and kissed me lightly and tenderly. I let my heart decide for me this time. And returned his kisses with same feeling, same intensity. Just as I thought that this would last forever, suddenly he stopped.

"I love you so much." He murmured as he touched his forehead to me.

I forced a smile through misty eyes. It's more than enough to hear those words from him.
What he did next surprised me even more. He stroke my hair, then touched the tip of my nose. Such simple gestures but they sent a thousand and one tingle down my spine.

Then he suddenly sang,

"There's so many things that I could say
But I'm sure it would come out all wrong
You got something that I can't explain,
Still try and try and let you know.

That first summer we spent's one we'll never forget,
Looking for any kind of reason to escape all the mess that
We thought was what made us
Ain't it funny now? We can see
We're who we're meant to be

You still have all of my
You still have all of my
You still have all my heart

There's too many times I have to say
I could have been better and stronger for you and me
You always make me feel okay
Those late summers we spent, stay up talking all night
I'd ask "you think we'd ever make it?"
You'd say "I'm sure if it's right"
Ain't it funny to think just how stupid I used to be
Hope you always believe..."

[All My Heart - Sleeping With Sirens]

My heart filled with so much happiness. There's no doubt, I really love Alan.

---

We're now on the way to the hospital. This is the moment that we've been waiting for. After a few hours, our lives will change forever. Everyone stayed silent. No one dared to talk. Austin is driving. He volunteered. Nana is by the passenger side. Me, Alan, and Lorie were at the backseat, in that particular order.

I can't even count how many times I let out a sigh. I wore a comfortable outfit cause I don't want to burden myself with such drama. I'll just wear a beanie and shades once I leave.

I suddenly felt nervous. I was fine when we were at the house. I felt Alan's hands locked onto mine. I looked at him and saw his gorgeous smile. I smiled back knowing that he won't see it.
I looked at the rearview mirror and I met Austin's eyes. I can see the sadness, his sadness. I looked away first. I don't want to cry again. Not now.

We just waited for a couple of minutes to prep Alan for surgery. He was lying now in stretcher and waiting for his call but still not letting go of my hands.

"Babe, let go of me." I whispered to him.

"Come with me inside Sam."

Then Austin burst out laughing. "Dude, don't tell me you're scared? Come on! You can do it!"

"I think I'm jealous." It was Lorie. "You always want Sam to go with you."

"Mom!"

I know I blushed. I can feel the sudden rush of blood on my cheeks.

"I'm just kidding son!" Lorie laughed. "You don't have to worry. We're just here, we'll wait for you." She kissed Alan on his forehead. "I love you so much son. I want you to know, I will do anything for you. Your happiness is more important to me."

"I love you Mom. And thank you. Thank you for bringing back Samantha to my life."

Then Austin and Lorie looked at me.

"It's time Mr. Ashby." Two male nurses came in and pushed Alan's bed on the way to the surgery room.

"Sam?"

I wasn't expecting what he did next. He pulled me closer and claimed my mouth.

"Promise me you'll stay."

"I promise."

Then he let go of my hand.

---

Three hours later...

Alan is still in surgery. We're anxiously waiting for the good news. Nana fell asleep while waiting. Austin is just leaning his back on the wall beside the 2-door room of the operating room.

"Okay I'll wait for you. I'll have someone get you there at the airport."

I heard Lorie talking. I noticed her smile after she ended the call.

"Samantha is on her way. She just boarded her flight. In less than four hours, she'll be here."

"Are you sure?" Austin asked. Then he looked at me.

"I spoke to her last week and she confirmed to me that she'll go back to Alan."

Silence flooded the 3 of them.

"How about this pretending thing?" It was Austin who broke the deafening silence. "Are you going to tell her the truth?"

"I have to Austin. She needs to know."

Then the door suddenly opened.

"The operation is successful." Alan's doctor told us with a wide smile on his lips.

All of us blew out a sigh.

"Mrs. Ashby, you can now prep his room so he can have a rest."

"What time is he going to wake up?" Lorie asked the doctor.

"Maybe after six to five hours."

At that time, I suppose I will be on the plane going to the other side of the world.

And I guess it's time.

"Lorie, I have to go." I stood up and wore my beanie. I plan to just get my things at the house before I head out to the airport.

"You will not wait until he wakes up?"

I shook my head. "No need. I bet Sam will be here when he wakes up."

"You don't need to rush Phoenix." It was Austin. I didn't realize that he was already standing beside me.

"No, I really have to go." Then I wore my sunglasses. I know it's dark but fuck it! My tears wanted to escape my eyes again. I don't want them to see me break down.

"I guess I can't stop you now, can I?" she hugged me tight. "Thank you Phoebe. Thank you for everything." she then looked at me and I can see she's about to cry. I smiled at her and nodded.

I glanced over to Austin and smiled at him. I'm gonna miss this jerk. Then, I think I saw sadness in his eyes.

"You can see him now to his room." Lorie said to me after we saw Alan being situated at his room. He's still unconscious and there's a bandage on his eyes. "You can see him now and say your goodbye."

I shook my head. I don't want to make this harder for me. "No need. Just knowing he's ok is enough for me."

I hate saying goodbye. For me it means you will never see that person again. I'm still hoping that I will see them again soon. But today, I need to say those words to Alan. This is really goodbye for the both of us. We'll never see each other again. We will no longer look at each other the same way again.

Goodbye Alan. I whispered to the wind.

Then I felt the tears going down my cheeks.

When I went outside the hospital, I saw Phil, Aaron, and Tino with, I assume their girlfriends, arrived. Austin and Lorie welcomed them as I hailed a cab.



[Austin POV]

"Are you out of your mind? I thought you're just gonna go back at Rise and do your old routine. Going international tour for 2 years?! That is bullshit Phoenix!"

When I learned about her plan, I got furious. Good thing I was able to catch her at the house getting her stuff.

"What's your problem?" she yelled at me.

"You! You're the problem!"

She scoffed. "Why me? And will you stop walking back and forth?! You're giving me a headache!"

"You don't need to do this Nix. You don't have to go outside the country. Warped tour is coming. Why not join one of the bands? If you really want to get out of Alan's life, you don't have to punish yourself."

"Aus..."

"Don't go Phoenix. Please?"

She blew out a long sigh. And looked straight into my eyes. "I need to do this. I.NEED.THIS."

I don't know what to say. I was caught by what she said. Maybe she's right. Maybe she needs this to move on. I don't have the right to be selfish.

"Austin please, just let me go. And besides, even if you beg me not to go, I will still go. There's nothing you can do to change my mind."

"Even if I tie you up to one of the house's pole?"

She glared at me. "Don't you dare! You'll regret it Carlile!"

I blew out a long sigh.

---

I volunteered to take her to the airport. At first, she declined. She said she doesn't trust me that well during this time. She said I might drove her to an unknown place so she won't have to go.

No one dared to speak. I wanted to tell a joke but I don't have the energy to do it.

I turned on my iPod playlist and heard one of our songs playing.


[When You Can't Sleep At Night - OM&M]

"Miles away I can still feel you
Lay your head down on my embrace
My embrace
Far away…
Pretty little lady with your swollen eyes
Would you show them to me?
I know I’m not that perfect
But you stay awhile
Baby, then you will see
Don’t give up, Baby"


I didn't choose the song. It just so happened that it was next on my playlist.

Phoenix looked at me and smiled. "That's one of your songs, right?"

I nodded. I'm afraid to talk. I don't want her to see me tearing up.

When we arrived, I insist to accompany her until she boarded.

We were waiting and I finally had the courage to ask her, "You already have a place to stay there?"

She looked at me, "In Sydney?" she nodded.

When her flight was called, she stood up and took her bags from me.

"I guess this is goodbye." I stood up and sigh. I handed her bags.

"I won't say goodbye Austin. Not to you." Then she moved closer to me and gave me a big hug. "You will still be my asshole friend." I laughed. "I will miss you Carlile." I heard she whispered.

"I will miss you, my witch!" I answered back.

She let me go and she laughed. She wore her sunglasses and her jacket.

"Goodbye?" I looked at her for the last time.

She shook her head in my surprise.

"Hasta la proxima vez."

'Fuck? What does it mean?' my eyebrows burrowed.

Before I even got the chance to ask her the meaning of it, she already went inside the boarding area.

Hasta la proxima vez? I repeated to myself. Was it I love you?

I even saw her looked back at me and waved. She was still smiling at me. But I know behind those smile were sadness, pain and bitterness.

Then I heard a ping on my phone. It was a text from her.


From: Phoebe Nichols
It means 'Until Next Time.' :)


I smiled.

For now, I will let her go. I'll let her be. But when the right time comes and we meet again, I'll make my move. I will fight for my feelings and do the right thing.

Notes

The next chapters would be very much exciting. :)