With Me Tonight

Austin's pov

The door slammed behind me so hard that it made the walls shake around it and the vibration to run up my arm and through my spine. But I was so mad... so worked up that I confused it to the trembling of my body. Hazel had snuck under my skin and shook me up worse than the door ever could.

I stormed down the stone steps on the porch and nearly ran to the rental car sitting in the driveway. The keys were in my pocket. I ripped the door open, not being able to think right as I jumped inside and started it up immediately. The roar of the engine barely filled the air before I was pulling out of the driveway and speeding off down the road.

I just need to go. I need to fucking get away from here... From her. She makes me go mad, she makes me want to fucking scream at the top of my lungs and hit the walls and fucking speed 80 miles an hour down the road like I am now. She makes me crazy!

And if I didn't love her... If I didn't fucking love her as much as I fucking do then she wouldn't make me this crazy. But I do. She's the only thing I can think of, she's the only thing thats ever on my mind. I don't know how I manage to breathe because my brain is always drowning in thoughts of her.

She always finds a way under my skin, it's like every word she says, every look she gives me just slithers under there and sits so I can never get rid of her. I don't remember what it's even like not loving her. I can't remember life before her and that drives me mad.

Especially now, when she's so god damn close, but so far away. She's right there, right there, but it's like I can't reach her. It's like she's standing on the other side of a river and I can't cross the harsh current to get to her.

And I don't know if that current is all the shit we've been through together, or if it's how sad she is, if it was from when we were at each others throats for weeks, or if it's just a mixture of all of that, but I'm so sick of it. I'm so sick of not being able to just fully be there and not being able to just have her.

I want to yell that at her, I want to yell at her how sorry I am or how much I fucking need her, but I can't. But I should.

I told her I would never leave her again and I never have. I've been there for her every single day or time she's needed me. Even when she hated me so badly, I still was there. And I've been here with every every single day and every single moment she's needed me because I made her a promise and I just can't fucking do that again. I can't leave her, I won't. I love her. I can't-

I slam on the breaks, hearing a prominent screeching and the flying of objects in the car as my body is pulled forward and then shot back when the car comes to a complete stop.

I left her.

Just now. I left her. I got in this car and drove off, leaving her in the house.

The harsh realization had me putting my arms on the wheel and banging my head down onto it. Shit.

I thought I needed air, I needed to cool down. But I left her, I can't leave her. She is my air.

I didn't know what to think or how to sort through all the shit in my head, but I knew I had to go back. I won't break my promise.

"Fuck," I breathe out under my breath as I pull into a driveway and reverse out of it to start speeding off back down in the direction I came. My heart was beating fast... faster.. now that I realized I had left her alone. I don't know what the hell I'm doing or what the hell is going on, but I just want to get back to her as soon as possible now.

I get down the road as fast as I can, a little more aware and in control of my speeding now, and make a sharp turn into Hazel's driveway when I get there. I barely get the keys out of the ignition before I'm out of the car and jogging back up to the door.

I went inside and straight to her dad's office, where we had just been. It was still completely tore apart and everything was all over the ground, even the empty alcohol bottle. I tried not to think about that, not wanting to get upset or angry or worried, instead I just went over to where Hazel was curled up before.

I expected to see her there, but she wasn't. Worry sparked inside of me and I spun and looked around the messy room to see if she was curled up somewhere else. When I saw she wasn't, I called her name and left to search for her.

I peaked in every room and walked around the kitchen and living room, still calling her name. She wasn't anywhere.

I ran my hands through my hair in distress before huffing out and turning to head to the stairs and jog up them. My legs are so long that I easily took two at a time.

I looked into all of the rooms up on this floor as I made my way down the hall, but all were empty. But when I got to in front of her room, I could hear noise. I stopped at the door, listening through the silence to hear faint cries and sniffles.

My worry slightly fell away, knowing she was safe and here, but my heart slowly broke.

I gently pushed the door open, the hinges creaking a bit, but the noise not startling her. She was laying in her bed, wrapped under the covers and facing the wall. Her face was buried into her favorite bear as she cried into it, her body shaking slightly from it.

I pressed my lips together, feeling a strain on my heart as I looked at her. This was her most normal reaction she's had to something so far, but it was equally, if not more, heartbreaking.

I slid out of my shoes and left them at the door as I walked inside her room and over to her bed. I knew she already knew I was in here, so she wasn't startled when I lifted up the covers and got into the bed gently behind her. I shifted over to where she was and carefully brushed some of the hair that had fallen into her face and were slightly damp with tears.

She still faced away from me, not moving, and once her eyes were uncovered from under her bangs, she squeezed them close, pushing a few tears out.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to her. "I'm sorry. I'm here."

Her body trembled in another muffled cry that my words caused, her arms held tightly to her chest.

"I'm here," I repeated softly as she still stayed turned away from me. I accepted that she probably wont just face me and curl up to me so I can hold her. It's not that easy for her, not anymore, and definitely not right now. But that's okay. As long as I'm here and she knows I'm here for her. She'll cry and it will suck that I can't hold her or try to make it better, but as long as I'm here, I know it has to make her feel somewhat okay. I know that its just what she needs... To not be alone.

Notes

ahhhhh here's a super short little fillerchapter to try and mend the wounds of me not updating in so damn long! I'm so sorry! I hope you all can understand! Life has just been... life!

I don't want you guys to forget about me because I do not forget about you or this story! I just haven't had anytime to actually sit down and update it! But I have another half of a chapter written to post and then I'm going go straight into another chapter because I know what it's gonna be about, so I should have more!

I'm suuuuuper sorry! I lvoe you guys! Let me know what you think and what you want! How've you been?!:)

(this is just a lil austin filler where we go into his mind)