Amelia's POV

“Mil, something happened… something bad” I could feel my anxiety rise dramatically. Having mum sound so sad, so desperate and then Jase sounding like a complete robot? What the hell? What could have happened to make them sound like this?

"What? What happened?"

"It's dad..." My heart dropped. Oh God, please no.

"What happened?"

"He was K.I.A..." he answered robotically. No. No, this can't be happening...

I feel light headed and then suddenly I'm on my knees on the floor, my phone fallen from my hand and I can't bring myself to move. K.I.A. Killed in action. Killed. Dad. Dad was killed in action. Dad was killed. I never get to see him again. He's gone forever.

I can feel my heart start to hurt as if someone was squeezing it, and my mind began to swim wish memories of Dad. Now I understand why Jase was such a robot, why Mum was sobbing. I wish I didn’t know. I don’t want to know this. Why? Why dad? Australia rarely loses soldiers. The army is so careful... We've only lost 40 soldiers in Afghanistan compared to Americas 2075. What the hell happened out there?

I don't know how long I knelt there for but in the back of my mind I registered that my phone was ringing. I couldn't bring myself to move and even if I could, I would definitely not have been able to talk to them. Words were completely lost to me, only basic functions like breathing were still a part of my brain.

Simba came in at some point and laid next to me with his head on my leg. I think he knew something was wrong because he didn't press me for attention but it was more like he was comforting me. But I can't be comforted. Not about this. I still don't understand why though. Our army takes so many precautions, they don't take huge risks. They're CAREFUL. This shouldn't have happened, Dad should have been okay. He was meant to go home in four months and be with mum before waiting for a new deployment and then he would come home safely from that like every other time. Why dad? Why did it have to be dad?

My phone kept ringing and ringing, every ten minutes or so but eventually I think my phone must have died because all the calls suddenly stopped. I was grateful for the silence because it allowed me to think. Mentally I was praying. I was begging God for it to be a mistake, that they screwed up somehow and dad was really fine and doesn't even know the worrying he's causing because he is perfectly healthy and happy doing his job. But I knew that it wasn't. No mistake was made and now dad is gone. He's gone and I never get to see him again. He won't come home with a pile of rocks from the countries he went to as a souvenir for me like he has done ever since I was a kid. He won't cook barbecues for us at family get together. There won't even be proper family get together. Not anymore, not without dad.

Dammit! Why the fuck did this have to happen! He never did anything wrong! He served his country, he provided for his family and he was always there for me when anything ever happened. When I was bullied at school he would come pick me up in uniform so the kids would back off, when I had a bad day he would take me out for ice cream. When I decided that I wanted to get out of our crappy little town he initially paid for me to go to uni in Melbourne and when I didn't like being so sad away he stopped leasing out our apartment in the city and gave it to me so I could be away but still be close enough to visit. He was an amazing dad! He didn't deserve this.

My knees were aching from the way I was kneeling on them for such a long time but the pain felt like nothing in comparison. I wish all that hurt was my aching knees. I wish that Dad was okay. I wish I could shut off these feelings that are tearing me apart from the inside. I want dad back...

***

I sat there for days, not caring that I missed work. Not caring that I hadn't eaten since the call. Not caring that I only moved from this position when Simba brought me his empty food bowl and even then all I had to do was reach into the cupboard I was leaning against and pull out the bag of dried food. I had just opened the bag and dumped it on the floor. When he was hungry he could just eat straight out of the bag.The house phone rang constantly but even that couldn't make me move. It wasn't worth it. Nothing was. I only fed Simba because I don't think I could handle it if I took someone else down with me...

I felt hollow. Completely empty and I wanted nothing more than to just fall asleep and not wake up. I didn't like feeling like this, like a zombie, like there was nothing left of me but it was better than feeling the constant pain and the loss. I'm not exactly sure when it happened but at some point the pain just faded away and was replaced with an empty feeling. Right now I was more than grateful for the relief the emptiness gave me. I don't know how long I could have endured that pain for.

I think what makes it so much worse is that I was always really close with my dad; much closer than I was to my mum. I don't know he just seemed to understand me more than mum did and now that he's gone I just feel lost.

There is so much I needed him to be here for. One day if or when I get married he is supposed to walk me down the aisle. When I have kids he's supposed to spoil them rotten. He's meant to give me his approval of Jaime. He's meant to get really protective over me and tell him that if he ever hurts me he'll hunt him down and kill him with his army training. He's meant to meet Jaime and tell me he's glad that I've finally found someone who makes me happy. But now he can't do that; all those things that he's meant to be here for and now he's gone.

How am I supposed to live without my dad in my life? He was meant to always be here for me. He was supposed to take care of me. He's my dad. He's just supposed to be here...

Notes

So I really hated writing this... My dad is in the army and even thinking that this could happen to him is terrifying. Plus poor Amelia!!! Gah!!! I hate this :'(

Also, I would like to point out the huge difference in deaths between countries. I was horrified when I found that out, all those people... their poor families... I almost burst into tears when I was reading about it. Yea, this topic really hits close to home so I'm gonna stop now.

P.S. @CassoePTV awesome work actually guessing :D i couldn't reply to your comment straight away because then it would have been obvious hahaha

xox